Make Things Easier On Yourselves, Folks!
Australia, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, New South Wales, Patients, Stupid | Healthy | February 25, 2022
I work in a pathology collection centre where we collect blood and other delightful bodily fluids and emissions. Sometimes the doctor requests that a patient fast in preparation for their blood test for a variety of reasons, and company procedure has certain requirements for the patient to be “correctly” fasting. For example, the patient must fast for more than X hours but not more than X hours, and they can only have water and nothing else. As always, I don’t make the rules; I only enforce them.
This elderly patient presents late in the afternoon with his referral from his general practitioner, and he wants to have the blood test collected. I inquire about whether he had fasted and he hasn’t, so I explain to him that he has to fast, for how long, the consequences of not doing it “correctly”, etc. He isn’t happy but seems to accept that it has to be that way as that’s what the doctor wants.
He seems to have a little trouble understanding me, so I explain it to him a few times, write it down in bullet-point format, and give him the little handouts we have with slightly more detailed patient instructions, as well. He leaves, and I’m satisfied that he understands as I’ve explained it about five times. All in all, I’ve worked with him for about fifteen to twenty minutes.
The patient comes in the next morning around mid-morning and I ask him what time he last had anything to eat or drink other than water. The answer he gives me means that he has exceeded the maximum fasting time.
Me: “You’ve gone too long now and your results could be affected. Are you sure you want to go ahead? I wrote this all down for you. Didn’t you look at what I wrote?”
Patient
#1 : “No, I didn’t bother. Just do it.”
Me: *Facepalm*
In addition to this exchange, we often have this conversation with our fasting patients.
Me: “What time last night did you have something to eat or drink other than water?”
Patient
#2 : “Oh, yes, last night.”
Me: “What time?”
Patient
#2 : “Dinner time.”
Me: “What time was dinner?”
Patient
#2 : “Oh, around six.”
Me: “Do you think you could give me the time to the closest half hour?”
The patient rolls their eyes, exasperated.
Patient
#2 : “No, I didn’t look at the clock! Just make it six o’clock!”
Me: “You haven’t had anything since then?”
Patient
#2 : “Oh, I had dessert at about ten o’clock.”
Or:
Patient
#2 : “I just had a cup of tea/coffee this morning.”
Another fun one:
Patient
#3 : “I’m usually difficult to get blood from.”
Me: “Oh, okay. Have you had much water today?”
Patient
#3 : “No, I don’t drink water.”
I have to admit though, my favourite response to the last one was, “No, I don’t drink water because fish f*** in it!”
Stick a fork in me, folks, because I am so done.