Pregnancy Brain Is Contagious
HOSPITAL, ILLINOIS, NURSES, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 10, 2019
(I’m a surrogate pregnant with twins. I go to have a regular 20-week checkup with ultrasound. After the ultrasound, I’m surprised to be called in immediately for the doctor exam. They tell me my cervix has started opening and has shrunk; they explain I have to go to the women’s and children’s hospital for a high-risk assessment. I denied the ambulance since it is only a couple blocks away and I am not extremely worried about driving two measly blocks. After I arrive, I am brought to a room and told to get in the gown. Twenty minutes later, the nurse comes in.)
Nurse: “I see here you’re pregnant with twins. Congratulations, Mom!”
Me: “Thanks, but they’re not mine. I’m just the oven.”
Nurse: *obviously ignoring me* “Any surgeries we should know about?”
Me: “Yep, tubal ligation two years ago.”
Nurse: “I’m sorry? You had a what?”
Me: “A tubal ligation — my fallopian tubes were cut so I wouldn’t get pregnant unless it was for someone else.”
Nurse: *laughing* “Obviously, it didn’t take!”
Me: “No, it worked. As I know it says in my chart, I am a surrogate. These babies are not mine, nor will they go home with me.”
Nurse: “You’re a what?!”
Me: “Surrogate.”
Nurse: “But you’re pregnant!”
Me: “Yes, and not with my own DNA. When did you graduate nursing school?”
Nurse: “How are you a pregnant surrogate?”
(Thankfully, the high-risk doctor came in at that time, heard her, and, in words I would use for a toddler, explained how surrogacy works. Sad thing is, she was young enough to know about surrogacy, a fact that made me question her intelligence when she said “Friends” was her favorite show and loved when Phoebe was pregnant.)
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