Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death
HOSPITAL, JERK, LIARS/SCAMMERS, PATIENTS | HEALTHY | MAY 16, 2009
(I work in a hospital.)
Me: “What can I get you to drink, sir?”
Patient: “Coffee.”
Me: “Well, it looks like you’re on a cardiac diet, which means you can’t have caffeine.”
Patient: “You asked me what I wanted, and I want coffee.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t give it to you.”
Patient: “This is ridiculous! I’ve been drinking coffee every morning for the last sixty years. I want my coffee!”
Me: “Sir. You are on a cardiac diet. That means that you can’t have caffeine, extra sodium, or fat. It could make your condition worse.”
Patient: *tries to pull a fast one* “My doctor told me I could have it.”
Me: “Well, your doctor needs to put it into our computer; otherwise, I could lose my job.”
Patient: “MY DOCTOR SAID I COULD HAVE IT!”
Me: “Sir, I know you’re lying. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be on this diet.”
Patient: “GIVE ME THE F***ING COFFEE!”
Me: *loses patience* “DO YOU WANT THE COFFEE OR DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?!”
Patient: *sheepishly* “Can I have apple juice?”
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