Can’t Face The Speed
OFFICE | WORKING | MAY 19, 2015
(At our office we have a lot of data to upload and download. To make this a bit faster, workers who don’t have to use the Internet intensively for work purposes have their speed limited, to leave more bandwidth for the ones who don’t. It’s not a big limit, as it’s still possible to watch streaming videos and download files at normal speeds. I’m the IT guy.)
New Coworker: “Hey, my Internet is slow! Could you take a look at my PC?”
Me: “That’s normal. Since all your work is done offline you don’t need so much speed, so it’s limited.”
New Coworker: “But it takes me more than 10 seconds to load the page! That can’t be normal!”
(I’m sure she’s exaggerating, but I agree to go look at her PC. She sits down and goes to show me by loading a webpage.)
New Coworker: “See? It shouldn’t take THIS long to load!”
Me: “Umm, yes, but it’s because you’re watching videos on YouTube. That takes some bandwidth, and slows down your connection which isn’t that fast to begin with.”
New Coworker: “Yeah, even the videos sometimes glitch. So, what will you do about it?”
Me: “Well, nothing. You don’t need faster net for working purposes.”
New Coworker: “But I can’t work without music!”
Me: “Bring your own on a thumb drive, and listen to that? That’s what I do.”
New Coworker: “Why should I do that? It’s YOUR responsibility to enable ME to do my job properly.”
Me: “It’s not connected with your job—”
(She storms off and returns a minute later with our boss.)
Boss: “[New Coworker] is telling me you won’t raise her speed limit and she can’t work because of it!”
Me: “Work? Okay, why don’t we take a look at her browsing history? If it’s for work I’ll raise it right away.”
(She panics, but boss gives me a green light.)
Me: “So let’s see: Facebook, Facebook, YouTube, 9gag, 9gag, 9gag, YouTube, Facebook, YouTube, eBay, YouTube, Facebook… ah, here’s website of the guy we order toner from, so that’s work… Facebook, YouTube, YouTube, eBay… Should I keep going?”
Boss: “You’ve been working hard, [New Coworker]? Maybe I should give you a raise.”
New Coworker: “But I can’t work without music!”
Boss: “Bring an mp3 player from now on.”
New Coworker: “I don’t want to do that!”
Boss: “You’ll have to because [My Name] will be blocking all of the sites you went to that weren’t related to work. And this is your final warning; if I catch you playing with your phone or something you’ll be jobless.”
(Guess who got fired the next week for playing games on her phone?)
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