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(Regrettably, our local university is the main reason that county STD rates are the second-highest in the state (the highest-ranking county is home to a naval base). Outbreaks are common and rather a grim joke with local healthcare providers. The county has purchased a new emergency radio system and one of their officers has arrived to train our staff on how to use the equipment.)

Instructor: “The great thing about this system is that it is linked to over two hundred towers, state-wide. This means that if you need to, you can communicate not only throughout the county, but with other jurisdictions as well. For example; let’s say you have to set up some kind of emergency clinic at the University for… I don’t know, what’s an epidemic that the students might experience there?”

Me: *without thinking* “Probably chlamydia.”

(My boss shushed me, but our director of nursing almost fell off her chair from laughing so hard.)


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Old 11-18-2019   #871
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Medical Bills Paid By Friends’ Bills

Alberta, Calgary, Canada, Inspirational, Kind Strangers, Pharmacy | Hopeless | May 30, 2018


(I stop in the pharmacy to get some medications for my husband, who recently lost his job because of a medical condition. We were already on income support because I am physically disabled and this has been a hard hit to our income. We just found out the income support system is about to revoke our benefits unless we can prove that he does not willfully leave his job by the end of the month. With a toddler and both of us needing the medical coverage, this is terrifying. Our normal doctor is on maternity leave until January of next year and her covers won’t help us because they don’t want to deal with the system. The same story goes with every doctor we see. They all insist they need to have been seeing us for at least three months before they’ll even consider it. Neither of us have any family or support, as we were both runaways from abuse. By this point, I am counting change, trying to figure out if I have enough to get the medication we both desperately need.)

Stranger: *taps me on the shoulder* “Hey, let me get that for you.” *tries to shove a ten dollar bill in my hand*

Me: *close to tears* “Oh, no! I really can’t. Thanks, anyway.” *tries to give it back*

Stranger: “Nah, keep it. Or, hey, tell you what…” *hands me a twenty and takes the ten back* “There. Fair trade.”

(By now I was seriously crying and didn’t notice the older man’s mother coming up beside me. Gently she took me by the elbow and they both lead me away from the pharmacy counter. They started asking me questions and I admitted that we were struggling and how scared I was. They started brainstorming between the two of them and gave me numbers to doctors they trusted. They took my email and gave me their phone numbers just in case. As a last thing, they took the twenty-dollar bill, and the man shoved a bunch of money into my bag, saying he wouldn’t take no for an answer and just to pass it on when I had the chance to help someone else. I realized that yes, I needed that help right then. I stopped fighting, figuring it was at most forty bucks but would help pay my kid’s school fees. When I got home and took the money out, I was shocked to see that instead of just a small amount, he’d put five hundred dollars into my bag. That money did help keep us afloat for the next week as we paid bills. We finally found a doctor willing to help us and our income has since stabilized. I told the stranger, who is now a supporter and friend, that we’d pay him back. He refused and told me to help others, instead. I plan to.)
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Old 11-18-2019   #872
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Those Poor, Poor, Dolphins

Bizarre, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 28, 2018


(It’s my second day working for a pharmacy at a local grocery store. We have a display near the register that has animal-themed thermometers like dolphins, seals, whales, etc. A woman walks up and picks up a dolphin thermometer, looking at it for a good minute or so.)

Me: “Hi, did you need help with anything?”

Woman: “Yeah, are these for rectal use?”
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Old 11-18-2019   #873
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Butt-Hurt About The Butt-Cream

Bad Behavior, Ohio, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 26, 2018


(I work in a pharmacy in a large box store. On Sundays, when only one pharmacist is on duty, the pharmacy shuts down for them to take a lunch break. This story is related to me by one of the pharmacists. The gate is down, but can sort of be seen through, and the pharmacist can be glimpsed through the holes.)

Lady: *at the top of her voice* “HEY! HEY, YOU! ARE YOU OPEN?!”

Pharmacist: “Uh, no, ma’am, we reopen in ten minutes. Please come back then.”

Lady: “IT’LL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE! I NEED SOME BUTT CREAM!”

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, we’re closed! Please come back in ten minutes.”

Lady: “BUTT! CREAM! JUST GIVE ME SOME G**D*** BUTT CREAM!”

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, we’re closed! We’ll reopen in ten minutes!”

Lady: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I JUST NEED SOME BUTT CREAM!”

(She finally stormed off… two minutes before we reopened for business.)
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Old 11-18-2019   #874
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What A Baka!

Bosses & Owners, Canada, Jerk, Language & Words, Montreal, Pharmacy | Working | May 21, 2018


(My supervisor is known for being quite a nit-pick and strictly following rules that don’t actually exist. Also, I’ve taken a few years of Japanese classes. One day, I get a Japanese customer at my register while my supervisor is filling a display right behind me. The customer and I chat in Japanese while I scan his items, and he asks to pay with his credit card. By company policy, we have to check an ID for every foreign credit card. The customer complies and hands me his Japanese driver license, because he forgot his passport at the hotel. I confirm that the credit card is his, and I am about to hand him his license back.)

Supervisor: “Wait! What are you doing?” *snatches the license from my hand* “You can’t accept this!”

Me: “Why is that? I know that it isn’t a passport, but this is a government-issued ID, and his picture is on it, so I don’t see why I can’t accept it.”

Supervisor: “Well, this ID is not in our alphabet! You can only accept IDs written in our alphabet.”

Me: “First, since when is this a rule? Second, you’ve heard me speak with him for the past two minutes; you know that I speak the language. I can read this, and confirm that the credit card is his.”

Supervisor: “It has to be in our alphabet! You have to be able to read it to accept it.”

Me: “But… [Supervisor], I can read it!”

Supervisor: “Hmph, I’ll let it slide for today, but don’t do that again!”

(I asked the store manager the next day. That rule doesn’t exist.)
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Old 11-18-2019   #875
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Smoking Puts You Out Of Sync

Lazy/Unhelpful, New Jersey, Pharmacy, USA | Right | May 21, 2018


(At the pharmacy where I work, we sell cigarettes, among other things. This exchange happens more often than I’d like to admit.)

Customer: “Can I get [Brand] cigarettes?”

(The customer does not specify which strength or flavor of the cigarettes, as we have many.)

Me: “Which kind?”

Customer: “[Brand].”

Me: “Which type of [Brand]?”

Customer: “Oh! [Strength].”

Me: “Okay, would you like the box, soft pack, or 100s?”

Customer: “[Strength].”

Me: “Box it is.”

Customer: “I want 100s!”

Me: *screaming internally*
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Old 11-18-2019   #876
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Spells Something Else Entirely

California, Funny Names, Language & Words, Pharmacy, Sacramento, USA | Right | May 19, 2018


(I’m the customer in this story. I’ve just seen my doctor for the first time, and she’s sent down a prescription for me to the pharmacy downstairs. I make it up to the window, and there are a ton of people down there, so it’s a little noisy.)

Clerk: “It looks like your prescription isn’t ready yet, but I’m going to write down your name so we can call you when it’s ready. Can you give me your name?”

Me: *gives name*

Clerk: “And who’s your doctor?”

Me: “Dr. Fu.”

Clerk: “Sorry, it’s a little loud, I didn’t quite hear that. Can you spell your doctor’s name for me?”

Me: “Sure. It’s F-U.” *pause* “Oh, my God, that’s not what I meant!”

Clerk: *laughs*
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Old 11-18-2019   #877
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Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Bungholio

Extra Stupid, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 12, 2018


Customer: “These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”

Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them; you insert them rectally.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”

Customer: “What’s my rectum?”

Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butthole.”

Customer: “Well, up yours, too!” *stalks off*

(This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient, “Up yours,” and get away with it!)
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Old 11-18-2019   #878
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When Double Trouble Is Not Enough

Funny Kids, Pharmacy, Siblings, USA | Related | May 11, 2018


(I’m waiting in line for the cashier when a woman walks up behind me with two boys. They’re junior-high-aged and alike as two peas in a pod.)

Woman: “[Boy #1 ], you keep our place in line while I take [Boy #2 ] over to look at the braces.”

(She walks off with the other lad.)

Me: “So, is it fun being a twin?”

Boy #1 : *grinning* “We aren’t twins.”

Me: “…”

Boy #1 : *grinning even more hugely* “We’re triplets!“
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Old 11-18-2019   #879
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Spoon-Feeding You Some Advice

Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pharmacy, USA | Right | May 9, 2018


(Sadly, I’m the stupid customer in this one. I have bronchitis and have just made it home from the pharmacy with my cough syrup. When I open the bag, I notice the cup that you use to take the medicine isn’t in there, so I call the pharmacy.)

Pharmacist: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy]. This is [Pharmacist]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi. This is [My Name]. I just picked up my prescription for [cough syrup], and when I got home I saw that it didn’t have the cup thing you use to take it with.”

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, [My Name]. Do you want to come back and pick one up?”

Me: “Well, I have to take the bus, and I don’t want to get everyone else sick, too.”

Pharmacist: “Okay, well, do you bake?”

Me: *slightly confused* “Yes?”

Pharmacist: “Then you can use the teaspoon measuring spoon from your baking set.”

Me: “But… but… I need medicine teaspoons, not baking teaspoons.”

(She then proceeded to calmly explain to me that teaspoons were teaspoons, no matter what they were used for.)
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Old 11-18-2019   #880
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Prescribing Some Honesty

Criminal & Illegal, Ohio, Pharmacy, USA | Right | May 4, 2018


(I work in the pharmacy of a large drug store chain. A few weeks prior to this incident, a man came in and was acting twitchy. He eventually shoved some greeting cards down his pants and put a beer in his pocket before leaving. Shoplifting is hard to prove, but we got it on camera. On a day I am working, he comes back in with some prescriptions. I start putting them in; I have no idea about the previous incident.)

Lead Tech: “Stop! Don’t fill his stuff. [Manager] said since we got him stealing on camera, we can ask him to leave.”

(He goes to alert the pharmacist of the situation.)

Pharmacist: “[Shoplifter]! I am sorry, but I can’t fill this prescription for you.”

Shoplifter: “Why not? I need my medicine.”

Pharmacist: “Sir, last time you were in, we caught you stealing on camera, and we are choosing not to serve you. Please take your prescriptions elsewhere.” *hands him back his papers*

Shoplifter: *takes them* “It was only a beer!”

(He did end up taking his prescriptions and leaving, and the pharmacist filled me in on the previous incident. We were all so shocked that he admitted to stealing, and then also tried to act like it was okay!)
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