Holistic Medicine and the Western Medical Tradition

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Mother Scorned
GROCERY STORE | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 3, 2012
(We’re not too busy at the grocery store this night, but we still have a decent amount of customers. I have just finished a transaction for Customer #1 , a lady no more then 5 feet tall who is carrying a small infant, when I notice that she has left her baby’s bottle on the counter.)

Me: “Oh, Miss! Your baby bottle!”

(My coworker, a young man, picks up the bottle and politely walks the few feet to give it to the woman.)

Customer #1 : “Thank you both so much!” *takes the bottle*

(Out of nowhere, Customer #2 , a man about 6 feet tall, starts screaming.)

Customer #2 : “Why the f*** are you catering to her! You’re a man! She is just a fat lazy b****!”

(My coworker, a few other customers, and I stand in shock. Customer #1 , however, calmly puts her grocery bag on the floor, places her infant in my coworker’s arms, and walks right up to Customer #2 . With amazing speed, her hand shoots out and grabs his collar bone, and he drops to the floor in obvious pain.)

Customer #1 : “You wanna go?! Come on! This fat, lazy b**** will kick your a** all over this d*** store!”

Customer #2 : *meekly raises his arms in surrender*

Customer #1 : “Smart decision!” *picks up her grocery bag, takes back her baby, and merrily goes on her way*

Finders Stealers
GROCERY STORE | RIGHT | MAY 10, 2012
(I am bagging groceries at the checkout for a family during Christmas week. This is the busiest week of the year, with many rich out-of-staters coming up to go skiing.)

Little Girl: “Mommy, look what I found! What should I do with it?”

(I look over and see that the little girl has found money on the ground.)

Mother: “Shhhh! Just put it in your pocket, quick!”

(Knowing our store’s policy, I speak up.)

Me: “Actually, if you don’t mind, can I hand it into the service desk? That way, if the person who lost it returns, they can get it back.”

(The little girl hands it to me willingly and I go hand it in. A couple minutes later, the parents come up to the service desk.)

Father: “My little girl found some money on the ground, and some employee made her hand it in. However, I think she should just have it.”

Manager: “Store policy says that if no one comes to claim it after 30 days, then the person who found it—your little girl, in the case—can have it.”

Father: “But it was all tightly rolled up! The person who dropped it was obviously using it to snort coke or something!” *leaves with his family*

(Ten minutes later, the same family managed to con their way into getting the money by speaking with a different employee at the service desk. The real, original owner—one of our regulars—came in two hours later inquiring about $40 he dropped, which at that point was unfortunately long gone.)

Other Customers Might Need Hazard Pay
GROCERY STORE | RIGHT | DECEMBER 18, 2014
(I’m looking for a cheap pair of runners for bike riding in a well known, high street supermarket. I’m wearing a hoodie that looks similar to the fleece jackets worn by staff. A man, large and burly, comes up to me.)

Man: “Hey, you! How much are these jeans?”

(I realise he thinks I work here.)

Me: “Sorry, friend, I don’t work here. Wouldn’t know.”

(I expect that to be the end of it.)

Man: “That’s not what I f***** asked, pal.”

(I left quite quickly.)

It’s Not Easy Being Green
FAST FOOD, RESTAURANT | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 1, 2013
(I’m taking orders and cashing cars at a well known fast food chain drive-thru. I’m having a really bad day. It’s the holidays, and in general all of the customers are being really rude and indecisive, while I’m still trying to be polite and smile. An old man has just placed his order and is approaching my window. I’m a female with green eyes.)

Me: *giving the best smile I can manage* “Hi, sir! How are you today?”

Old man: “Oh, my goodness! You’re just as beautiful as your voice sounds!”

Me: *blushes* “Th-Thank you, sir.”

(I finish cashing him and I hand out his change.)

Old man: “And your eyes are so green! They’re beautiful! Have a lovely afternoon Sweetheart!”

Me: “You too, sir! Thank you!”

(The nice old man drives off. He made my day! It’s people like him that give me faith in humanity.)

A Bitter Drink With A Sweet After Taste
COFFEE SHOP | RIGHT | OCTOBER 23, 2013
(Outside the coffee shop where I work, there’s a beggar who sits there just about every day. I always bring him a cup of coffee when it’s quiet. As I am not allowed to bring my own wallet behind the counter, I pay for it at the end of the day before I close the till. On this particular day, a customer I have just finished serving and has been watching me intently, follows me outside.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what the h*** are you doing?”

Me: “I’m bringing this gentleman coffee.”

Customer: “What, for free?”

Me: “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I will pay for it tonight.”

Customer: “What, so you’ll pay for my coffee too?”

Me: “No, sir. Clearly you can afford to buy your own.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I work hard, I buy the most expensive thing on your menu every day, I pay my taxes, yet I don’t get free coffee! Does your boss know you’re doing this?”

Me: “Yes, sir. He approves.”

Customer: “F*** you. No he doesn’t. He doesn’t want bums walking around with [Brand] cups! I’m going to report you. Who’s your boss?”

(I point to the Catholic church across the street.)

Me: “That guy. If you want to file a complaint, you’ll have to wait. He’s usually only in on Sundays.”

(Amazingly, that was the end of that.)

In Search Of Common Law And Common Sense
ARIZONA, LAW FIRM, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | APRIL 23, 2010
Me: “This is [Law Firm]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Are you located on the fifth floor?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, I am on the fifth floor and there are no offices here.”

Me: “There are three law firms on the fifth floor, ma’am. We are the one all the way to the right of the elevator.”

Customer: “No, there are no offices on this floor. It’s totally open. And, it’s hot.”

Me: “Hot?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s hot. I think you gave me the wrong address.”

(I verify the address, and the customer has the correct address.)

Customer: “Well, it’s just an open floor. I got out of my car up here and there’s no office.”

Me: “Are you… are you on the fifth floor of the parking garage?”

(My office window looks out at the roof (fifth) level of the parking garage. Sure enough, there is a woman on her cell phone pacing around the roof level of the parking garage.)

Customer: “You told me to go to the fifth floor.”

Me: “Of the office building, ma’am, not of the parking garage

Military Intelligence, Part 5
MILITARY, MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, MONEY, PARKING LOT, USA | RIGHT | APRIL 24, 2010
(A customer drives up to my window and hands me ticket.)

Me: “Hello, sir. The charge is $8, please.”

(The customer hands over money and then looks at screen which displays charge amount.)

Customer: “You know, your screen is confusing. Before, it said 18, and now it says 8.”

Me: “Yes, the screen displays the time before the ticket is read.”

Customer: “Hmm, then you better fix your clocks. I don’t think I have ever heard of 18 o’clock.”

Me: “The clock is on military time.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Friend in Customer’s Car: “Didn’t you serve in Iraq?”

Unable To Table This Discussion
LIARS/SCAMMERS, NON-DIALOGUE | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 12, 2016
I work in a chain-operated sit down restaurant in a small, midwestern city. We are very busy on weekends. We are also attached to a hotel with a bar and banquet facility inside. There are a lot of weddings that take place there, usually on Saturday nights, so Sunday mornings can be especially busy for breakfast.

One Sunday morning we are getting a lot of large groups, most of who did not make reservations. We have a lot of smaller tables in the front of the restaurant and then large tables in the back. We have just seated a group at the last available large table. There are a few smaller tables open, but they are not even close to adjacent. A woman comes in and asks for a table for 12. I tell her that I can’t seat a 12 right now as we don’t have any open tables. She asks if we can push some smaller tables together. I point out that the smaller tables that are open are scattered, with occupied tables between them, and if she would like she can sit in the lobby and we’ll let her know when something opens up.

She starts fuming and demands to speak to the owner. I tell her that he isn’t in at the moment and ask if she would like to leave her number so he can contact her later. She says “No, God-d*** it! Just seat my family! We’re f****** hungry!” I explain to her (again!) that there is no place to seat her and she can wait until something becomes available or she can go elsewhere.

Then she starts in that she knows the owner and they’re good friends and if he were here he would find her a table, he would find a way to make his regular customers happy.

I’ve worked there for six years and had never seen this woman before, so I doubt she’s a regular and I doubt she knows the owner. So, I ask her “Oh, you know Bill?” She says “Yes! I told you, we’re old friends. I went to school with his wife!” I took great pleasure in bursting this hag’s bubble. I said “Ma’am, the owner’s name is Brian, not Bill, and Brian doesn’t have a wife, he has a husband.”

Honestly, even if she DID know the owner, what did she expect? Was he supposed to magically pull a 12-top out of his butt?

This Scam Is Not Ready To Roll
COFFEE SHOP | RIGHT | MARCH 27, 2014
(We are known for our breakfast rolls, which can have five different toppings. This morning two students walk in.)

Student #1 : “Hi. I’ll have a breakfast roll please.”

Me: “Sure thing! What would you like on it?”

Student #1 : “I’ll have sausage, bacon, beans, tomatoes and a hash brown.”

(I set about making his sandwich while my coworker serves his friend. They pay and I hand [Student #1 ] his sandwich. He opens the box, looks at his sandwich, nods, and goes upstairs. One hour later, he comes back down.)

Student #1 : “There are no mushrooms on this.”

Me: “You didn’t ask for any.”

Student#1 : “B****! I want my food for free!”

(This continues for a few minutes before I explain to the customer that I charged him for a five-item breakfast roll, so he didn’t pay for mushrooms. Regardless, at any point during the hour he’d been there he could have come down and asked for mushrooms, and he’d checked the sandwich before he went upstairs!)

Student #2 : *laughs* “I told you it wouldn’t work!”

You Just Weeded Yourself Out
NORTH CAROLINA, RETAIL, USA | RIGHT | JULY 28, 2012
(I work at a very popular supplement store, and we sell products that are called “detoxes”. There are certain ones that people buy under the impression that they can cheat a urinalysis. If the customer mentions anything about drugs or a urine test, we must refuse the sale.)

Customer: “Hey, I need one of those detoxes.”

(I unlock the display and bring it to the counter.)

Me: “Okay, anything else?”

Customer: “Do these really work? I’m trying to find a job and I smoke a lot of weed.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I cannot sell you this product because you told me that. It is against federal law. I will have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “Really? That sucks. Hey, are you guys hiring?”

The Next Generation Versus The Last One
BANK | RIGHT | MAY 6, 2013
(I am visiting my friend. She has a lot of errands to run with her boyfriend. We go to the bank first. While they’re setting things up, I’m watching their daughter.)

Me: “Hey princess, what do you want to do while waiting?”

Friend’s Daughter: “Up!”

(I pick her up and twirl her around a few times while she giggles.)

Me: “Aww, you really like that! I’m gonna miss it when you’re too big for this.”

(A teller looks over and smiles at us.)

Teller: “She looks like a really happy kid.”

(I realize pretty quickly he thinks she is my daughter, but he’s being nice, so I don’t bother to correct him.)

Me: “Thanks!”

(As we talk, another customer is giving a disapproving glare both at my friend’s daughter, and at my hair, which is blonde at the ends.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed! Having a kid at your age, and setting such a bad example!”

(I’m stunned. I’m in my third year of college, and I realize I look younger than I am, but my friend’s daughter isn’t even two years old. My friends have finished with their deposit and head over.)

Me: “Hey princess, see mommy!”

Friend’s Daughter: “Mama!”

Friend: “Thanks for watching her!”

Me: “No problem!”

Customer: *embarrassed*

Catatonic About The Cat Tonic
GROCERY STORE | WORKING | NOVEMBER 11, 2014
(I’m in the pharmacy section of a large supermarket. I’m visiting my parents for the weekend, and I’m having some trouble with their cat. This story takes place in the evening, when all other pharmacies in the area are closed.)

Me: “Excuse me, do you know if any of these are better for cat allergies, or if they’re all pretty much the same?”

Pharmacist: “They aren’t for cats.”

Me: “Oh. None of them?”

Pharmacist: “No. You can’t buy those, sorry.”

Me: “I don’t understand; they’re just anti-histamines. Why can’t I take them?”

Pharmacist: “I can’t sell you them. It could be dangerous.”

Me: “What?”

Pharmacist: “You’ll have to go to a vet.”

Me: “What?! I won’t be able to sleep without them, and everywhere else is closed.”

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, but as I said, you’ll have to take your cat to a vet. You can’t just give it these. The dose would be too strong. If it’s an emergency, you can call [local animal clinic].”

Me: *blinks for a moment* “They’re for me. For me to take. I am the one with the allergy. I am allergic to cats.”

Pharmacist: “…”

Me: “…”

Pharmacist: “…oh. Right.”

Ruh Roh, Retroactive Rewards Rage
AT THE CHECKOUT, CONVENIENCE STORE, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MONEY | RIGHT | OCTOBER 21, 2009
Me: “…and your total will be [total]. Would you like to join our rewards program? It’s a new program we’re offering where many of the items you purchase every day will give you rewards toward future purchases.”

Customer: “You have a rewards program that could save me money?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It’s a new program that we just started.”

Customer: “Why the h*** didn’t anyone tell me about this before? I’ve been coming here for months, and no one has told me about this! How rude!”

Me: “It’s a new program. We just started it today. In fact, you’re one of the first people that has been offered this reward.”

Customer: “But I’ve been coming here for months! Do you know how much money I could have saved?!”

Me: “It’s a new program–”

Customer: “I can’t believe you wouldn’t have offered something like this to a regular customer when I started coming here! F*** you! I’m going to [Competitor]!”

I’m Not Gay, But My Boyfriends Are
GROCERY STORE | ROMANTIC | SEPTEMBER 8, 2011
(Two college-aged guys of similar age to myself come up to the register with a box of condoms. Note: I’m male myself.)

Customer 1: “We’re not gay, you know.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer #1 : “Well, we’re not.”

Me: “Okay, I know.”

(I finish the transaction, and they’re about to leave.)

Me: “Have a nice evening.”

Customer #2 : “So…uh…are you doing anything when you get off? We’d like to hang out.” *winks at me*

Almost Spilled Out Of Control
CONVENIENCE STORE | WORKING | OCTOBER 4, 2013
(I am in a convenience store, and a young girl walks in with two of her friends. The young girl goes over to the counter and orders a frozen drink. After she has filled her cup, I see her walking back to the middle of the store to her friends, and a large bit of ice that was standing on her drink falls over. She looks up somewhat amused, and we both smile at each other, because it is rather funny. She then walks over to the register again.)

Young Girl: “Excuse me, do you have any napkins?”

Employee: “No, sorry.”

Young Girl: “Oh, well, I’m sorry but I’ve just spilt some of my drink on your floor.”

Employee: “DON’T DO THAT NEXT TIME!”

Young Girl: *slightly irritated at the employee’s rudeness* “Well, look, it’s not like I did it on purpose, okay? It was an accident. I came over here and asked for something to clean it up with so I could clean it myself, but you don’t have anything, and that’s not my fault.”

Employee: *embarrassed* “I’m… sorry…”

Need To Wake Up Then Make Up
HOTEL | RIGHT | MAY 5, 2014
(I’m a 20-year-old female working the graveyard shift at the hotel. Two rather intoxicated men come in around 1 am. They are about 50 and 60 years old and they are around the little gift shop that we have near the front desk.)

Older Gentleman: “Man, I don’t know what I want, but I’m hungry.”

Me: “Not a problem.”

(I show him the frozen meals and such that we have.)

Older Gentleman: “Thanks. Can I get a wake up call at 6:30 in the morning?”

Me: “Sure…”

Younger Gentleman: “That’s bulls***. We have to be out of here by six in the morning.”

Older Gentleman: “You can leave at six. I ain’t getting up till 6:30.”

(The younger gentleman walks into the store, grabs a box of tampons, and hands it to the older gentleman.)

Younger Gentleman: “Here. Take two of these now and if you are still acting like a little b**** in the morning call me.”

Older Gentleman: *laughs and throws the tampons back at him*

Younger Gentleman: *to me* “Set this drunkard’s wake up call for 5:45, 6:00, and 6:15.”

Older Gentleman: *to me* “Yeah, whatever the little b**** boss says is fine. He’s my ride to the site.”

(They are both laughing as they walk away to their rooms after purchasing some food and drinks. The whole time I was trying not to laugh as I was dealing with them. Later, just before I go home, they both come down to talk to me.)

Older Gentleman: “I’m sorry about last night. I’m hung over but wanted to apologize for possibly offending you.”

Me: “That’s okay. I thought it was funny. Made my night to see you two acting like that.”

(I hadn’t laughed that hard at work in a long time so I took pity on them both and gave them some painkillers for their hangovers before they had to go to work.)

Don’t Worry, We’ll Have The Giraffes Pull Double Shifts
IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, TIME, USA, ZOO | RIGHT | JULY 29, 2008
Visitor: “Hello, can you tell me how to get to the zoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the zoo closed at six pm today.”

Visitor: “But your website says that you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No it doesn’t.”

Visitor: “Do you have a computer with you right now to look it up? I even printed out the page that says you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No, I don’t right now, but I’ve looked at it many times before and it doesn’t say that anywhere. Can I see the paper you printed out?”

Visitor: “I don’t have it with me, but it said that you’re open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.”

Me: “Think about this. No zoo on earth would be open 24 hours a day. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense! Are you sure you had the right website?”

Visitor: “Of course I’m sure! Why would your website lie?”

Me: “It doesn’t say that! Look at the door and our brochure right over there. They, along with our website, clearly say that we close at six pm. Now, we’re closed so you need to leave and come back when we’re open to see the animals.”

Visitor: “But your website says I should be able to see them now! This is ridiculous!” *storms off*

(I checked the website later that night and of course, there’s nothing there that even suggests we might be open any later than six pm.)

Will Go Crazy At This Rate
HOTEL | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 2, 2016
(I walk into my hotel to check in when I see the receptionist hold up her hand to acknowledge me with a smile as she is taking a phone call. She has a very fixed smile on her face.)

Receptionist: “No, sir. I am sorry, our room rates start at £60 a night with bed and breakfast. I’m afraid we wouldn’t be able to give you a rate of £50. Yes, sir, I am checking your name now. The last time you stayed with us was June last year when the rate was lower.”

(I can hear the guy on the other end now getting angrier and the receptionist is smiling serenely the whole damn time.)

Receptionist: “Unfortunately, sir, my superior has left the office for the day… No, sir, I cannot call her… No, sir, you cannot have her number to call her… Unfortunately, sir, I am unable to adjust the rate… I can appreciate your predicament, sir, but I am unable to lower the rate as it is a set rate.”

(At this point, I can actually hear the guy swearing down the phone at the receptionist and she’s just smiling.)

Receptionist: “Thank you, sir. I will of course pass on those comments. I am sure they will help my supervisor with my staff appraisal. Have a good day, sir. ‘Bye.” *she takes a deep breath, smiles at me, and says* “Every Saturday… Can I help you, sir?”

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Recovered For A Picture Perfect Finish
PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO | RIGHT | APRIL 8, 2015
(A mother comes in with her children for a photo session. I’m directing the kids about with a ‘Hey, could you move over here?’ or ‘Could you stand there?’ None of the children seem unhappy, and we’re having a blast. The mother suggests the exact pose I’m about to set up for. I can’t help but speak.)

Me: *bursting out laughing* “Wow! That’s amazing! Get out of my head; it’s a really scary place, you know!”

(I think nothing of the comment, as it’s happened before.)

Mother: *tone darkens* “Oh.”

(She turns around, frowning, and begins fiddling with her phone. I set up the pose for her daughter and take a few variations of it to try and make sure I get it perfect. The daughter, a completely delightful ham, distracts me from noticing the absolute anger on the mother’s face.)

Mother: “I can’t believe you! You’ve completely spoiled the mood! My children don’t even want to do this and they hate being here.”

Me: *dumbfounded* “I’m sorry… What? Was it what I said about being in my head? It’s not meant as an insult to you…”

Mother: “I don’t care! You’re so terrible! Just give us the picture of the kids together. We don’t want anything else from you. You’re just a horrible person!”

(The kids seem stunned, and the daughter practically droops. They were just getting ready to get solo shots, something they were all excited for. If I have any weak point, it’s disappointing kids. I try to save the moment one last time.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry. If there’s anything I could do to make you feel better so we can get the last few pictures your kids seemed to want—”

Mother: “I can’t believe you! How dare you refer them as ‘my kids!’ They have NAMES you know! I can’t believe you’d say such a terrible thing to them. I want my picture, and I want to leave right now. I’m going to speak with your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am… I am the manager.”

Mother: “Wait, YOU’RE the manager? Oh, I’m going to customer services, then.” *turns to her children* “Can you believe it? This idiot is the manager? I can’t believe someone would be so awful and stupid to hire this sorry excuse for a manager. I can’t believe they let people like you work…”

(This goes on for a solid minute. I’m too stunned to speak. I get to the point I can’t take this mothers continued diatribe of insults and degradation in front of her children.)

Me: “Ma’am, I have to ask you to leave. No person deserves this level of abusive behaviour from any customer or person. I said one thing that normally wouldn’t be considered offensive, apologized for it, attempted to fix the problem and despite this, you chose to mistreat me. You’re already seeking to go above my head to report me for something pretty minor, so I haven’t got much to lose by asking you to leave and stopping you from using me for a verbal punching bag.”

(Her husband has just arrived on the scene as I finish my speech, so she turns to him.)

Mother: “Can you BELIEVE that? She’s telling me to leave! She doesn’t have that right! She’s just a terrible person!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve told you to leave, and I mean it. I will call security and have you removed.”

(I move to pick up the phone. Her husband shrugs his shoulders and reminds her that they need these pictures for someone other than her. Her body crumples and her tone changes entirely.)

Mother: “Please, this is for my son’s [relative] who’s [in a very far away place]. My son is going to [far away] university and we won’t be seeing him for a long time. It’s very important to them.”

Me: *hangs up the phone and sighs* “Fine, I’m going to put something together for them. But I want you to leave once I’m done.”

(I move around to gather a CD and put their session on it. Every time the mother looks at me, her composure crumples a little more.)

Mother: *meekly* “I could pay…”

Me: *I hand over the CD* ”Ma’am, I have never, ever in my time here have had to ask someone to leave like that. That was a terrible experience to have and your payment to me is to never, ever treat another human being like that again.”

Too Much Violence On TV, Even More When It’s Off
CABLE COMPANY, CALL CENTER, CRIMINAL & ILLEGAL, WILD & UNRULY | RIGHT | OCTOBER 19, 2009
Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “You shut me off!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having problems. Let me pull up your account.”

Customer: “I ain’t got no d*** account with you. You rip people off so I figure I’ll rip you off, and then you go and shut me off again!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, what address is this for?”

(Customer gives his address and I see he is documented for repeated cable theft.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this account needs to be paid for if you want to have cable service.”

Customer: “No, it don’t. I’ll just go on back there and hook up my wires and it’ll come in fine.”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is possible, but it’s against the law to tap into lines without a paid account.”

Customer: “Well, you better make it harder because I’m just gonna go hook it up again, and you better stop unhooking my lines.”

Me: “I do apologize, but I’m afraid we’ll continue to take down any unauthorized hook ups, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah? Well, I’ll be waiting with a shotgun next time!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too, sir.”

Customer: “No, it ain’t! I got the right to bear arms and if you come out here, I’m gonna BEAR ARMS ON YOU!”

Teachers Don’t Cry
HIGH SCHOOL | LEARNING | APRIL 17, 2013
(I work in a school district known for a high truancy rate, a high dropout rate, gang violence, and drugs. Many of the students are not motivated, but I try my best to engage students.)

Me: “Okay, guys, so for this essay—”

Class: *keeps talking*

Me: “Hey, we need to go over the requirements for—”

Class: *keeps talking*

Student #1 : *gets up and walks out the door* “Going to the bathroom!”

Me: “Wait! You need a pass!”

Class: *keeps talking*

Me: “This essay is part of the school’s curriculum, and if you don’t do it, you’ll fail this class!”

Class: *keeps talking*

Student #2 : “Do you ever feel like you’re the teacher in Freedom Writers?”

Me: “No. The students actually did their work in that movie.”