Holistic Medicine and the Western Medical Tradition

Very Bad Reception, Part 18
MEDICAL OFFICE | WORKING | DECEMBER 14, 2016
(I’m not the best at keeping track of things on the calendar. I realize that I have not booked an appointment to get my daughter’s follow up vaccines, so I call one morning.)

Me: “Hi, my daughter needs to get her booster shots. I’m afraid I’ve put this off by two months.”

Receptionist: “No problem. You can bring her in this morning.”

Me: “Oh! Perfect! Thanks! We’ll be in soon.”

(She takes my daughter’s name and info. I hung up and began to gather what we’d need for our time out of the house. Just as I reach the front door with diaper bag, book, and baby, the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Receptionist: “Hi. This is [Receptionist] from [Doctor’s Office].”

Me: “Yes?”

Receptionist: “I’m afraid your daughter won’t be able to get her booster shots on a walk-in basis today as she is two months past schedule.”

Me: “Oh, yes, I know we’re late. What should I do then?”

Receptionist: “You’ll have to call for an appointment.”

Me: “Can I make the appointment now?”

Receptionist: “No. You’ll have to call to make an appointment.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I hang up, look up the number (this was before caller ID), and call the doctor’s office.)

Receptionist: *same voice as before* “Hello, [Doctor’s Office]. [Receptionist] speaking. How can I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m calling to make an appointment for my daughter to get her booster shots.”

Receptionist: “Oh, you don’t need to call for that. She can get them as a walk in.”

Me: “No, I’ve put it off too long. I was told we’ll need an appointment.”

Receptionist: “No, you can just walk in.”

Me: “I was told by you that we’d need an appointment.”

Receptionist: “No, you can just walk in.”

Me: “You called me not three minutes ago saying we’d need an appointment.”

Receptionist: “No, you can just walk in.”

Me: “Okay, instead, I’ll be picking up my daughter’s medical records. We’ll be changing doctors. How soon can I get those?”

Receptionist: “Changing doctors? Why?”

Me: “Just please get the records together. I’ll pick them up in an hour.”

(We did change doctors. Sad, because I liked that one. But dealing with the receptionist was more than I could take.)

Not Listening Is A Disease
HOSPITAL, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, LGBTQ, MINNESOTA, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 19, 2018
(I’m in the ER with a dislocated shoulder.)

Nurse: “Are you on any medication?”

Me: “Synthroid, and I have an IUD.”

Nurse: “Any major surgeries?”

Me: “Appendix when I was 16, I had my thyroid removed last year due to cancer, and a few months ago I had a tumor removed from my foot.”

Nurse: “Any history of thyroid issues?”

Me: “Thyroid cancer, yes, last year.”

Nurse: “Any history of cancer?”

Me: “Thyroid. Cancer. Last. Year.”

Nurse: “Any chance you’re pregnant?”

Me: “No.”

Nurse: “You’re married. Are you sexually active?”

Me: “Yes, my wife and I are active.”

Nurse: “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

Me: “No, I’m married to a woman.”

Nurse: “When was your last period?”

Me: “When I got my IUD put in last year. I haven’t had one since.”

Nurse: *disbelieving look* “So, you haven’t had a period in several months, but you’re not pregnant?”

My Wife: “Oh, my. We are sexually active. We are married. Lesbians!“

(The nurse left. A few minutes later, a male nurse apologetically came in and asked for my history again. He was much better and joked that lesbianisim was the best birth control

The Situation Is Very Fluid
AIRPORT, BAD BEHAVIOR, BELGIUM, SECURITY | RIGHT | MAY 17, 2021
This was a few years back but well after 9/11 and the extra measures put in place after the events. I was waiting in line for the security check and in front of me was a travel group, about thirty individuals, mostly elderly people. They were from a part of the country generally joked about as being slow. Now, it is wrong to treat people according to stereotypes, but sometimes… they just can’t help confirming it.

I belatedly realized I had a liquid lip gloss on me and started to doubt whether it would be considered a liquid or not. I decided to treat it as a liquid and put it separate from the rest of my luggage in a clear plastic bag as per regulations.

An older lady from the group asked me what I was doing and I explained my predicament.

Lady: “Oh, I have a bottle of water with me!”

Me: “You should put it in a separate bag, too. And they might confiscate it for being too much liquid.”

That was all duly indicated with large signs. She got a stubborn expression on her face.

Lady: “They’d better not confiscate my water! I need it in case I get thirsty! I also have my good potato knife with me, in case I have to skin an apple on the plane.”

I held my peace this time and let security do their job.

My remark about the liquid travelled through the group, but they all decided defiantly to hold onto their liquids. I kid you not, each and every member of the group had at least one item confiscated, being it liquids or sharp objects, and most of them wouldn’t give in without a fight. Apart from that, the majority had to be patted down because the metal detector gave an alarm.

I’m still unsure if my lip gloss was considered a liquid but I was the first to walk through without any confiscation and alarm.

A member of the security, frantically trying to keep an overview and prevent anyone giving him the slip, tried to stop me and guide me to the members of the group waiting to be patted down as his colleague told him I could go. I just smiled as he looked a bit dazed and surprised as well as a bit relieved.

You Could Put The Sign ON Their Face And It Still Wouldn’t Work
BEACH, CURRENT EVENTS, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, RHODE ISLAND, USA | RIGHT | MAY 17, 2021
I work as a lifeguard at the town beach. Due to current events, we have one of our paths set up for exit only and the other for entry. Both are very obviously marked with giant metal signs like you would see on the highway.

Me: “Hey, guys, would you mind using the other entrance next time you come in?”

Patron: “We didn’t see the sign.”

Me: “I assure you there is one there.”

Patron: “Well, there wasn’t anything saying where the entrance was.”

Keep in mind that the entrance is clearly visible from the exit, so they saw the sign and didn’t look for the entrance at all. After this incident, we put a sign in the middle of the path.

It hasn’t worked.

Getting Some Fresh Footage
MOVIE THEATER, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | MAY 17, 2021
I am working at the concession stand when a woman comes storming up to me from the restrooms, screaming.

Customer: “This place is disgraceful! You need to be shut down! I cannot believe this!”

Me: *Incredibly confused* “Ma’am, what is going on?”

Customer: “You are disgusting! Filming me in the restroom! I will have this place shut down! Perverts!”

Me: “Filming you in the restroom? What?”

Customer: “You have cameras in your vents! I am going to sue you!”

Me: “Cameras?”

Customer: “Yes!”

I walk around the counter and follow her to the restroom in question. This building is incredibly old, which means that sometimes some weird, but not necessarily gross, odors can occur. This bathroom is where a majority of them happen. We try to have a constant supply of air freshener in this bathroom because we have tried everything to get rid of the weird smell but nothing has worked. This restroom is also very small, so one of my managers just bought some car vent clip air fresheners which we placed in the air vent on the ceiling.

Of course, when we enter the restroom, the woman points to this air freshener.

Customer: “See?! A camera! You were filming me going to the restroom!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is an air freshener.”

I remove the clip from the vent and show it to her, pointing to the brand name.

Me: “See it even says [Very Common Air Freshener Brand].”

One of my managers has joined us in the restroom after hearing the commotion. The woman starts getting angrier.

Customer: “No! This is a camera disguised as an air freshener! See, there’s the lens right there!”

The lens she points to is the plastic bubble that holds the liquid. I just look at my manager for help, not having any idea what to do. She takes the air freshener from my hand.

Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you that this is an air freshener, but we will remove this from the restroom so you feel more comfortable.”

Luckily, this seemed to satisfy the woman and she headed back to her theater. My manager and I just looked at each other and shook our heads. We put the air freshener back after the crazy woman left and haven’t had this problem again.

12 Taxing Stories About Taxes For Tax Day!
ROUNDUPS | RIGHT | MAY 17, 2021
Dear readers,

Today is tax day in the USA! While the date to file your taxes has been extended this year (and last year) due to certain a worldwide health crisis, it’s still one of the most stressful and frustrating times of year for many people. Tax time can be such a mess that many people are willing to spend money just to get professional help processing the many forms, deductions, and legal gobbledygook.

We’ve pulled 12 stories from our archives about the geniuses who work in tax preparation and the customers they have to deal with. Take a break from banging your head against the wall and read away!

Sometimes It’s Worth Giving Your Two Cents
AWESOME, EMPLOYEES, FAST FOOD, INSPIRATIONAL, KIND STRANGERS, MONEY, USA | RIGHT | MAY 17, 2021
I am disabled, so in high school, most of my classes were virtual. Art class was not. It was a minimum one-hour bus ride, and the stop was over a mile from my house. Mom would drive me in the morning, but I had to walk home.

Walking home was h***. It was worth it — for the teacher and the friends I made — but it was h***. Truthfully, I shouldn’t have been walking so far in my condition, but I was lonely. Going to art class was the only chance I had to have friends and be included.

On this particular day, I was in more pain than usual. I decided to ride the bus one stop further so I could eat at a fast food joint before making the long trek home. A burger was $1 plus a ten-cent tax, which was exactly what I had.

Cashier: “I’m sorry. The city recently upped the tax to twelve cents.”

I wanted to cry.

Me: “Oh. I’ll just take a water, then, and I’ll be out of your hair soon.”

The cashier gave me a water cup.

Cashier: “You have $1.10, right? That’s fine. I’ll cover the two cents for you.”

This actually made me cry. I know it’s just two pennies, but it meant the world to me. I thanked her profusely and handed over the money. The food gave me the energy I needed to walk home. I will never forget her kindness.

Allergic To Bad Customers
GROCERY STORE, HEALTH & BODY, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, LAS VEGAS, NEVADA, USA | RIGHT | MAY 17, 2021
Twice every year since I was eight, I get what I call a sinus attack when the seasons change from summer to fall and from winter to spring. Basically, my sinuses go crazy — teary eyes, super runny nose, and sore throat — for five days. I’ll admit that it can look really bad, but I’m not contagious — I’ve been to the doctor a couple of times — and I can’t afford to miss ten days of work each year. This attack happens to land at the height of cold season.

I am scanning a customer’s groceries, having to occasionally blow my nose.

Customer: “You’d better not get me sick.”

Me: “I won’t. I’m not contagious; it’s just my allergies.”

Customer: “If you do, I’m going to sue you.”

Me: “Okay.”

I am thinking, “Yeah, right. You’ll forget about me.”

I forget about her. A week later, the customer comes up to me. I don’t recognize her immediately; she wasn’t the only one who was worried about me making them sick.

Customer: “I got sick.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “I missed three days of work.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to pay me? You have to pay me for the days I missed work because you got me sick.”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to sue you! You made me miss work because you got me sick!”

Me: *Faking calm* “You do what you have to do.”

Customer: “You have to pay me.”

Me: “No.”

She walked away in a huff and I proceeded to freak out and ask my coworkers about what would happen to me. Of course, my coworkers pointed out that there would be no way she could prove I made her sick and that she could have gotten sick from touching the shopping carts, etc.

Obviously, I never heard from her again, but seriously, what did she think she was going to be able to get from a retail worker? And I wasn’t contagious!

If Only You Could Mumble What You’re Really Thinking
JERK, RETAIL, USA, VIRGINIA | RIGHT | MAY 17, 2021
My coworker is doing curbsides and passes by a woman in our vinyl section.

Coworker: “Hi.”

Customer: “Hi.”

My coworker continues with her duties for a bit.

Customer: “Well?! Aren’t you going to offer some help?!”

Coworker: *Taken aback* “Do you need something?”

Customer: “Forget it. I don’t want your help! This customer service is terrible!” *Storms off*

Coworker: “O… kay?”

Later, I have to deal with this customer, as she comes to my line and finally tells us what she wants.

Me: “Hi, how are you doing?”

Customer: “I want to know if you have a similar item in another store.” *Gives me a vinyl*

Me: “This same item?”

Customer: “No, a similar one with green lines on it. You’re out of stock.”

Me: “Got it. I can look it up, but it’s going to have a different barcode than this item. Let me go to the vinyl section and see if I can get the code.”

She follows me to the vinyl, but on the way, another customer stops me.

Other Customer: “Excuse me, I need help with something—”

Customer: “UGH! FORGET IT! THE CUSTOMER SERVICE HERE IS TERRIBLE!” *Storms off again*

Me: “So you… don’t want my help, then?”

Befuddled, I try to help this other customer who didn’t blow up at me. In the process of helping her with her curbside, the first customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Well?! Aren’t you going to help me?”

Me: “You want my help now?”

Customer: “YES! I was first; you help me now!”

Me: “All right, but we’re just really busy today. I can only help one person at a time—”

Customer: “And my time is just as valuable as anyone else’s! You don’t know if I’m in a hurry! And I hear you mumbling behind that mask; that’s not helping you!”

I tend to mumble sometimes, and I hum when I think. This usually isn’t an issue, but it’s hard not to have a knee-jerk reaction when you’re trying to help someone and they’re being as rude as possible.

I try to find the barcode — easier said than done. Like she said, the item’s out of stock and I can only try to find an empty peg and hope that the correct barcode is there for me to scan. Her daughter tries to speak to me.

Customer: “Don’t bother, dear. She’s just going to ignore you!”

Me: “I am literally trying to help you right now.”

Customer: “That’s it! Where’s your manager?!”

I call my manager, who can thankfully spot an entitled jerk from a mile away. The customer proceeds to complain about my coworker and me, claiming that we ignored her and that I was “mouthing off” to her.

Customer: “I don’t pay you money for people like this!”

I finally had enough and left her to my manager to deal with. Thankfully, I wasn’t in trouble, just told not to mumble so much.

The Seated Dead
HEALTH & BODY, LIARS/SCAMMERS, RETAIL, USA, WASHINGTON | HEALTHY | AUGUST 12, 2018
(I work as the customer service manager for a furniture store. While I am at lunch they make a sale of a chair from the floor. Floor sales are final. I get back from lunch and the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I was in earlier and bought a chair off your floor for my husband. I got home and my son told me he had the same one, so I want my money back.”

Me: *not knowing if it was special order or from the floor* “Let me check your order.”

(I pull up the invoice and see that it’s a floor item, and that she also signed the paperwork acknowledging that the sale was final.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but you purchased this from the floor. All floor sales are final.”

Customer: “But my son has the same one. I bought this for my husband so he can be comfortable, because he’s going through chemo and it’s hard for him. I don’t want the chair anymore! You have to give me my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you and your husband are going through that, but you signed the paperwork acknowledging that this was a final sale.”

Customer: “You have to give me my money back! I want to speak to your manager!”

(I wave the manager over and she tells the woman the same thing. The customer huffs but gets off the phone. The next day

Me: *answers the phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help?”

Customer: *from yesterday* “I bought a chair and don’t want it anymore. Give me a refund.”

Me: “Ma’am, as we explained yesterday, all floor sales are final. You agreed to this and signed the paperwork.”

Customer: *bursts into tears* “But I bought that chair to make things easier for my husband and he just died!”

(I can’t help but think, “Right, because the first thing I’d do after my husband passed would be to get a refund on a chair.”)

Me: “Let me get the manager.”

(I pass the phone to my manager who talks to the woman for about five minutes and decides it’s easier to just give her the refund. A couple months later, I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help?”

Customer: *with the chair* “Listen, [Manager], I’m looking at my statement and the money hasn’t been refunded yet. I want my money back!”

Me: “This isn’t [Manager]; this is [My Name].”

(Before I can say anything else, she cuts me off.)

Customer: “Well, I want my money back. I’m having to drive my husband to and from chemo all the time, and I’m financially hurting. Get me my money!”

(I pass the phone to my manager, who talks for a few minutes and hangs up.)

Manager: *to me* “I thought her husband died?”

Me: “It’s a miracle!”

Their Etiquette Has A Few Developmental Issues
FLORIDA, JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, NON-DIALOGUE, PATIENTS, STRANGERS, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 11, 2018
When I was around twelve I began experiencing repeated and painful skin infections in practically every scrape or scratch I got. This led to very frequent visits to my pediatrician for, at first, prescription strength antibiotic ointments, and then multiple tests to find out the cause of the infections. My doctors were amazing. But their other patients… not so much.

One experience that sticks out is the day I went in to get a blood draw. We were fairly early, so my mom and I waited out in the empty lobby. I tended to sit with one leg folded under me and the other knee pulled up to my chest so I could “crouch” on the chair and balance my Harry Potter book on my foot so I could read. It looked odd to most people, but I’ve always found it comfortable.

Not long after we settled in, another mother — a very rude lady — and her son came in. Though we didn’t know them by name, the pair were not unfamiliar to us, as we saw them around town often and the son had been doing occupational therapy with a partner at my mom’s company. The rude lady’s son had some fairly significant physical and mental handicaps and was vocal but nonverbal, and was, through no fault of his own, already making loud sounds and yells as his mother physically dragged him into the lobby.

Instead of sitting in any of the other empty twenty odd seats, the rude lady pulled her son over and sat down directly across from us, with about two feet of aisle space separating our knees. The rude lady immediately struck up conversation with my mom, while I continued reading.

They seemed to be getting along fine, and I tuned them out until I caught this lovely gem, seemingly out of nowhere: the rude lady suddenly leaned forward, patted my mom on the knee, and said in the most condescending and mock-sympathetic voice, “Is she mentally r*****ed?”

This, of course, caught my attention. My mom was staring at her in shock when I looked up and said, “Wow, that’s rude, lady. Just because your kid has some problems doesn’t mean everyone else’s does.”

In hindsight, this was quite cruel of me to say, and I regret saying it every time I think back to this experience. In private, my mom scolded me for pulling the rude lady’s son into it, and she was very right to do so.

The strangest thing out of it all, though, was that once the rude lady got over sputtering a few choice slurs at us, she roughly grabbed her son’s arm and marched out of the pediatrician’s office. Only afterwards did we realize she had never gone up to the front desk to check in or schedule an appointment. It seemed that her entire reason for coming in was to engage with another mother-child duo in the hope that she would find someone else going through the same experiences as her.

With A Mother Like That, Pain Tolerance Is Through The Roof
GEORGIA, HOSPITAL, JERK, NON-DIALOGUE, NURSES, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 10, 2018
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

I am seven months pregnant, and my friend picks me up for a girl’s night. We watch movies, eat junk food, etc., until she falls asleep about one am. At two, I’m still up, unable to get comfortable. I’ve been having Braxton Hicks contractions for the last couple of days, but tonight they’re just relentless.

I consider waking my friend up to take me home; however, she has epilepsy, often triggered by exhaustion and lack of sleep. She’s a bit of a worry-wort, and I don’t want to have her be tired, panic, and end up having a seizure, especially while we’re on the road.

About six am, I get a hold of my mother, and she agrees to come get me. By this point, the contractions hurt, and I can’t really sit or stand. But I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill, so I just grit my teeth and breathe until they’re over. Once there, my mom tells me that she doesn’t really know how to help me, but that she’s going to take me to the hospital, just in case there’s a problem.

When we get to the hospital, I have to stop every couple of steps to breathe and crouch over. My mother comments, “You don’t have a very high pain tolerance, do you? You’ve never really been able to handle pain.”

I ignore her comment because she’s been saying this since I was a kid. Once we finally make it to labor and delivery, the nurse — who has a really cool tattoo sleeve — tests for leaking amniotic fluid, and checks my cervix. She makes a less than promising face, then tells me that she’s going to grab another nurse for another opinion.

She comes back with an older lady that doesn’t even look at me. They go to the counter and I hear the nurse with the sleeve showing her the amniotic test. “It’s faint, but I definitely see a line.” The older nurse glances at it and quickly dismisses her, “No, no. It’s definitely negative.” The sleeved nurse says, “No, I think it’s positive for fluid. Can you at least check her cervix? I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think it’s close.” The older nurse rolls her eyes, “It isn’t close to her due date, but fine.”

The older nurse then turns to me and goes to check my cervix. Her eyes widen, and she turns back to the nurse with the sleeve. Unfortunately, I have another contraction and only manage to catch a couple key words of their conversation. Then, the older nurse leaves. The sleeved nurse gently talks me through the contraction, and then tells me what’s going on:

At 29 weeks, I am in labor, already eight centimeters dilated, though my water hasn’t broken. The baby could come at any time now, but they are going to try to give me some medications to slow it down. She says that she is going to call the doctor to get approval on some pain medication for me.

Six hours later, I give birth to a healthy baby girl, who is rushed off to the NICU. I silently labored for almost 12 hours, and almost had my baby at my friend’s house. After everything calms down, I am bewildered at my mother’s “low pain tolerance” comment, and I wonder what would’ve happened if I had only seen the older nurse and not had the sleeved nurse to stand up for me. The sleeved nurse was the most amazing healthcare professional I’d ever had, because for the first time, she took what I said seriously. My daughter is doing well, and will hopefully be able to come home soon. My mother still believes that I’m over-dramatic and wimpy when it comes to pain, but at least I can say I went through most of my labor without medication or complaint.

Not Being Sedate About It
AUSTRALIA, JERK, VET | HEALTHY | AUGUST 10, 2018
(I’m a vet in a country town in Australia. Here, certain prescription drugs for farm animals can be dispensed for use without us seeing the animals, as long as a vet has been onto the property in the previous 12 months. This is rarely an issue, as we go to most farms on a regular basis to do routine work; however, I have trained the receptionists to check a client’s file every time they order drugs, just to confirm when we were last out there. For some background info, a common practice for shearing sheep is to sedate full grown rams, just enough to make them a bit easier to handle, as rams can often weigh as much or more than your average shearer, and can hurt you if they decide to put up a fight. These days, almost all shearers refuse to shear rams without sedation. The sedative used is, of course, a prescription drug, although to my knowledge it is no longer used in people. I haven’t been at this practice very long, so I don’t really know anyone. My boss, on the other hand, has been a vet for a while and knows just about everyone in the community. I’m sure you can see where this is going

Receptionist: “[Client] is out the front, wanting [Sedative] for 60 rams. The shearers are coming today, but we haven’t been to the property in over four years. He won’t listen to me at all. Can you please talk to him?”

Me: *heading out to front desk* “Hello, [Client], I believe you’re wanting [Sedative]? [Receptionist] has already told you we can’t give it to you. We haven’t been to your farm for a while now.”

Client: “That’s bulls***. [Boss] gives it to me all the time!”

Me: “Well, I’m not [Boss], so I’m not giving it to you without a farm visit.”

Client: “Come on. Everyone knows I’ve got sheep. What the h*** else would I use [Sedative] for?”

Me: “I don’t know, but people get creative. I don’t know who you are, and I’ve never been to your farm, so I have no idea if you actually have sheep or not.”

Client: “So, you’re going to charge me to come out to my property so that you can see I’m not lying to you. That’s bulls***.”

Me: “That’s exactly right, [Client]. It’s the law. If I get caught dispensing drugs inappropriately, I can get into serious trouble and possibly lose my licence, permanently. I am not prepared to risk years of hard work and a job I love just so you can save $150. Just because [Boss] does it, that does not mean I have to do it. So, either I come out to your farm, or you wait until [Boss] is back in the clinic, and you can take it up with him.”

Client: “Oh…” *suddenly goes very quiet* “I didn’t know you guys could get in trouble.”

Me: “That’s okay. I suspect [Boss] doesn’t, either, which is probably why he just gives it out. Now, I can be at your farm in about an hour; will that be okay?”

Client: “Yes, thank you.”

(Everything went smoothly after that, and [Client] even gave me a box of chocolates to apologise for being difficult. My boss very quickly changed how he worked once I showed him the legislation, and backed me up if other clients ever came in to argue. The original client was also good enough to spread the word around town, and within six months we stopped having issues.)

Derpy With The Herpy
COLLEGE & UNIVERSITY, HEALTH & BODY, NEW YORK, RUDE & RISQUE, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 9, 2018
(I’m visiting a zoology lab that researches amphibians, which is a facility I’ve never been in before. While I’m sitting in an office chatting with a PhD student and waiting for a meeting, I notice a post-it that says “Clinic” and has a phone number.)

Me: “Hey, that’s not the extension for student health.”

PhD Student: “Oh, no, that’s a [City] free clinic. They do STI testing.”

Me: “Uh… Okay.”

PhD Student: “Yeah, it gets more use than you’d think around here.”

(My understanding of what the amphibian lab gets up to slowly starts to dissolve, when the PhD student speaks up again.)

PhD Student: “Yeah… People just Google ‘herpetology’ without knowing what it means, apparently.”

Prescribing You The Ability To Listen
JERK, MINNESOTA, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 9, 2018
(It’s Memorial Day, and my pharmacy is one of the few within a twenty-mile radius that is open. My coworker is on break and I am managing the front of the pharmacy.)

Me: “Hi, sir. How I can help you today?”

Customer: “I’m here to pick up two prescriptions for [Customer].”

Me: “All right, sir, it looks like I have one prescription ready for you, but the other prescription — your [Prescription] — we’re still waiting to hear back from your doctor for more refills.”

Customer: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY’RE NOT DONE?!”

Me: “There is one prescription done and ready for you to pick up, sir. The other prescription you requested — [Prescription] — isn’t, because we haven’t heard back from your doctor yet.”

Customer: “I HATE THIS PLACE! YOU GUYS NEVER HAVE ANYTHING DONE! I BROUGHT TWO PRESCRIPTIONS IN ON FRIDAY, AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THEY’RE STILL NOT DONE?!”

Me: “Sir, I have one prescription ready for you right now.” *pause* “The other one is still waiting on your doctor for approval, and since it’s Memorial Day, we may not hear back from your doctor until tomorrow.”

Customer: “You guys are horrible! You never have anything done for me! I hate it here!” *walks off*

(After he walked away, I looked back at the screen to see when he brought in the prescriptions. And turns out, he brought them in yesterday, not Friday. But either way, we still had one he could have taken home with him.)

Shame You Can’t Prescribe Any Common Sense
CALIFORNIA, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, SAN FRANCISCO, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 8, 2018
Doctor: “How did the new medications work for you?”

Patient: “I’m still waiting for them! The pharmacy still hasn’t called to let me know they are ready to pick up!”

Doctor: “Did the insurance deny the medications?”

Patient: “No, I didn’t hear any response from the insurance yet, either!”

Doctor: “Really? Which pharmacy did you take the prescription to? I can give them a call to check on this.”

Patient: “Oh, I never took it to the pharmacy. I still have the prescription here in my wallet!”

Not At Your Cervix
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, JERK, PATIENTS, USA, UTAH | HEALTHY | AUGUST 8, 2018
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(My 26-year-old sister has had problems with endometriosis for five years. She is on medications that she hates, and has thousands of dollars worth of medical bills as a result. She doesn’t want children, and has decided to have her uterus removed, with the support of her therapist, OBGYN, and our family. Because she has never had children, they will have to do the surgery like a C-section, which will have a six-week recovery time, and she cannot take that much time off of work. Her OBGYN recommends her to another doctor who uses robotic-assisted equipment, so she will have a shorter recovery period. She goes to meet with the other OBGYN. The nurse is taking her history, and you can see the judgement on her face. A few minutes later, the OBGYN comes in.)

OB: “I’m not going to try to talk you out of it… Okay, I am. You are very young to have this procedure, and many women who are younger than 30 end up regretting the surgery once it is complete. And you aren’t married; your future husband might want children.”

(He keeps repeating that he isn’t trying to talk her out of it before contradicting himself as he goes on to suggest several other medications — most of which she’s already tried — that caused her to gain weight, suffer severe anxiety and depression, and give her suicidal thoughts. She is extremely sensitive to side effects. Finally, the doctor suggests another medication she hasn’t tried, but has side effects she has suffered before.)

Sister: “No, but I have researched it, and I don’t like the side effects.”

OB: *pointing at nurse* “She’s been on it for eight years, and she’s just fine.”

Mom: “She would rather be an aunt. She has never had any desire to have children, and she is tired of being in pain.”

(It seemed like once he knew my sister had my mother’s approval, he realized he was fighting a losing game. He sighed and gave up, and told us how they would do the procedure, and that they would get in touch with her insurance. Later, my sister told me that she believed the doctor would have flat-out refused to do the surgery if my mother hadn’t been there to back her up, and two weeks after the appointment, she called to check up on what her insurance could do, only to be told they hadn’t even contacted them yet.)

Severely In Need Of A Cruise
CALIFORNIA, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, SAN FRANCISCO, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 7, 2018
Patient: “I’ve been waiting for a half hour. I am in severe pain and need treatment urgently!”

Doctor: “I’m sorry about that. I want to get you treated as quickly as possible. Let’s walk over right now to the Physical Therapy department. Chiropractic treatments have worked well for you in the past, and we can set you up for some chiropractic treatments right now.”

Patient: “Oh, no, I can’t do that. I am leaving on a vacation cruise for a month. I’ll call to schedule when I get back.”

Talking Back To Your Parents
CALIFORNIA, HEALTH & BODY, HOME, NON-DIALOGUE, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 6, 2018
At some point when I was a kid, my father got the bright idea of using me for weight-bearing massage “treatments” by having me walk about on his back barefoot while he was lying on the floor. Mom usually gave me a hand to keep me stable. I have no clue if it ever worked to actually help with anything, but he kept periodically having me do it. When I was little I still thought it was fun.

His back seemed to gradually get worse as I grew older: lower spine problems. He mostly stopped having me do the walking massages as I aged into my teens.

Then one day when I was 17, when I hadn’t done it in several years, he seemed to be having some particularly bad back pains, and decided to have me stand on his back again. For some reason he was just absolutely convinced it would magically cure him, and somehow managed to rope Mom into agreeing with this. The problem is that at this point I weighed about 115 pounds — only about 15 pounds less than him — and could tell this was a terrible idea.

I refused. He insisted. I refused again and protested, pointing it out as being foolish and dangerous at my weight relative to his — he is a man of very slight and narrow build. He called me ridiculous. He and Mom both kept insisting, urging, and nagging me, and telling me I was being ridiculous. “Nothing will happen!” “Come on, it’s just a few minutes!” “Just stand on his back for a bit!” “Come on! Just help out your dad!” “It has to be you; there’s no one else, and you still weigh a lot less than Mom!”

After much protesting from me and nonstop insistence and urging — from Mom in particular, who’s always been very good at managing to bully me into doing just about anything against my will — I gave in, despite my better judgment. I very shakily stepped up on Dad’s bare back. His skin was sliding around sickeningly on his back under my feet. I nearly fell off right away, despite Mom doing her best to hold me up there, barely managing to stabilize me with her own entire weight. Meanwhile, he was very impatiently urging me to quit hesitating and being a coward, and get on with it already.

When I finally managed to stand on him properly, putting my entire weight on his back, he grunted alarmingly. Very alarmingly. And then he went abruptly very quiet. After maybe a couple of steps on him, Mom helped me get back off. Then, there were some very pointed, meaningful and alarmed looks between the two of them, but they didn’t actually say anything. I took this to mean I could finally escape the living room. Frankly, I just didn’t much care what was going on as long as I was no longer forced to participate.

There was a quiet commotion behind my back and for the rest of the day, I kind of made a point not to ask any questions for fear of being made to take part in some other poorly-thought-out treatment.

Though they’d never included me in important family concerns or given me any details about dad’s health problems, the general state of things became obvious to me in the next couple of days. What they’d made me do was indeed — Surprise! Surprise! — an incredibly terrible idea. Clearly I was too heavy, and it damaged his back even further. It was pretty severe, as far as I could tell, based the fact that he’d been forced to stay home from work for the next full week while spending pretty much all his time lying flat on the floor, except for occasional doctor’s appointments that Mom somehow had to find a way to cart him to.

Despite knowing it was stupid, I still felt guilty about what happened.

They didn’t say anything to me beyond a vague statement that Dad’s back had gotten worse — as if it was actually even possible to pretend that this had no relation with what they’d made me do. But there was never any hint of admitting that they’d done something foolish or that I’d been right. Unsurprisingly, in the following years, it became clear that Dad’s back was significantly damaged forever after this incident.

Lesson to be learned here: once in a while a teenager really does turn out to be smarter and have more basic common sense than both parents put together.

Title Goes He—Pork Chop!
CALIFORNIA, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, SAN FRANCISCO, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 6, 2018
Doctor: “Did you bring your MRI?”

Patient: “I drove home to get my MRI, and, yes, I got it; but when I was there I was looking in the refrigerator and I saw pork chops, and I started thinking about pork chops for dinner and how great those are going to be! Well, the pork chops forced the MRI out of my mind, and I forgot all about the MRI and left it on the kitchen table!”