Food for the body and soul

Give ‘Til It Hurts
Hospital, Maryland, Nurses, Patients, USA | Healthy | July 6, 2022
I was just starting to work as a nurse at a new hospital, and I was still pretty new to everything. I was checking on one of the patients and was surprised to see that his room was much larger than the usual rooms, with only one person in it and a nice view out of a window, as well.

Me: “Oh, wow! Looks like you got the fancy room today. What do you have to do to get one of these?”

Patient: “Well, you know some men would give an arm and a leg for this place. Me, I only had to give a kidney.”

And that’s how I first learned that my hospital gave organ donors extra nice rooms as a thank you for their sacrifice.

“Yes, Ma’am” Me ONE MORE TIME
California, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Job Seekers, USA, Volunteer | Healthy Working | July 4, 2022
I volunteer at a local hospital in the Volunteer Administrative Office. I do a lot of filing and clerical work with prospective volunteers, creating files, organizing paperwork, and making sure everything is in order so the Administrative Manager can get them on board.

Part of becoming a volunteer is to complete two Tuberculosis Skin Tests (TSTs) or have proof of having them within the last year from your doctor.

We have a prospective volunteer who has completed almost everything except the TST test. I call him up to see if he’s still interested. The man answers.

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name], and I’m calling on behalf of the [Hospital] Volunteer Services.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “Are you still interested in volunteering?”

Man: “Yes, ma’am. I had my interview and orientation nearly a month ago, but I haven’t heard from the hospital since.”

Me: “Okay, well, it looks like the only thing missing is your TST test.”

Man: “My what?”

Me: “I’m sorry, your Tuberculosis Skin Test.”

Man: “What’s that?”

Me: “A test you have to have in order to volunteer.”

Man: “Where do I go to get one?”

Me: “You need to complete two. We gave you a sheet of paper in your interview packet—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—that has the hours that Employee Health—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—that has the hours that Employee Health is open to give you free skin tests.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “You need to go there and get both of your tests—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—before you can volunteer.”

I’m beginning to see the pattern here. He talks over the top of me, says the same thing, and doesn’t appear to really be listening or understanding what I’m trying to tell him.

Man: “So, I cannot volunteer without these tests?”

Me: “No, sir, we cannot move forward—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—until you are cleared.”

Man: “Oh, uh, I’ve already had those tests.”

I highly doubt that!

Me: “Oh, good. Then all you have to do is go to your doctor and—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—ask them to print out a sheet. It takes only a few seconds and doesn’t cost anything.”

Man: “He’s in Pakistan. I can’t get those papers.”

Me: “Then you’ll have to retake the tests.”

Man: “I have to retake the tests?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Man: “Why didn’t the lady call me to tell me this?”

Me: “She told you this in the interview and the orientation—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—sir. After that, it’s up to you to—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “—get the shots done and get us the paperwork.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

My eye is twitching by now, and I’m normally very patient, but his interruptions are getting on my last nerve.

Me: “So, get those tests to us, and we’ll get you started volunteering.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am. So, I cannot volunteer unless I get these shots?”

Me: “They’re not shots, sir—”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “They are skin tests.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “And no. You can’t volunteer until you complete them.”

Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

I hung up during his final “Yes, ma’am” and facepalmed into both hands with a sigh nearly deep enough to throw out my back.

He never completed his tests and thus never volunteered.

There Should Be Some Kind Of Test To Own Pets
Bad Behavior, Hypocrisy, Pets & Animals, Stupid, USA, Vet | Healthy | July 2, 2022
I am a veterinarian. I hear all sorts of different reasoning and preferences for why people elect to do or not do certain things to their pets. My job is to inform clients of the pros and cons of different options and make a medical recommendation. After that, I generally respect their decisions even if I disagree. However, this client really took to the cake for making strange decisions.

It was a new client with an adult female cat several years old who had previously received veterinary care but was just moving to a new clinic. I noticed in the records that the cat was intact (unspayed), which is unusual. I decided to investigate.

Me: “I noticed that [Cat]’s records say she is not spayed; is that correct?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Is there any particular reason or concern you have for not spaying [Cat]?”

Client: “Well, I was just concerned about surgery. I just don’t want to put her through unnecessary surgeries, you know?”

Me: “Certainly. Just to check in, are you aware of the increased risk of mammary cancer in unspayed female cats? And are we keeping her away from intact males?”

The client confirms these things and doesn’t seem to want to discuss it more.

Client: “I just didn’t want any surgery…” *pause* “…but, she wasn’t being a good kitty…” *chuckles* “…so we did have her front claws removed.”

Yes, folks. She didn’t want her cat spayed to reduce risk of cancer because of the surgery aspect, but she had the cat surgically declawed. I genuinely did not know what to say. The real kicker to that weirdness? On the way out, the client said to our receptionist that she “just likes [Cat]’s personality more when she’s in heat.”

This Image Is The Chuckle We Needed Today
Funny, Pets & Animals, Stupid, USA, Utah, Vet | Healthy | June 30, 2022
I took a call from a woman wanting to schedule a neuter for her Italian Greyhound. We had a long, rational discussion about anesthesia, pricing, pre- and post-op considerations, etc. I’d entered her and her dog’s information, scheduled the appointment, advised her regarding fasting, and was about to hang up when she just had one more question.

Woman: “Just out of curiosity, do you remove the testicles completely, or is it that new thing I’ve heard about where you just deflate them?”

I managed to answer the question and hang up before I burst out laughing, but I couldn’t get the picture out of my head of our doctor poking the dog’s scrotum with a needle and the dog flying around the room like a balloon

Code “Oh, My God!”
Canada, Health & Body, Hospital, Parents/Guardians, Patients | Healthy Related | June 28, 2022
About thirteen years ago, Dad was in the hospital recovering from surgery. He had cancer, and this was just prior to beginning chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I stopped by to visit him after work, just to check in on him and to see if he needed anything brought from home.

Dad: “You just missed all the excitement! They just called Code Blue on me.”

This means that he had stopped breathing and was unresponsive.

Me: “What? Why are you telling me this?! What happened?”

He had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and he’d managed to pull the call cord as he blacked out. He reported coming back to consciousness with a half-dozen people clustered around him. Apparently, his body had a shortage of a particular nutrient or another, so they had him on an IV to make up the shortfall.

As to why he told me this?

Dad: “I just wondered how you’d react.”

He’s fine… but his sense of humour is still terminal.

How Does This Doctor Sleep At Night?
Canada, Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Nova Scotia | Healthy | June 26, 2022
I’ve had sleep problems for my entire life, taking multiple hours and often tears in order to fall asleep every night.

Finally, when I am sixteen and starting to have trouble staying asleep, as well, a teacher of mine convinces my mother to take me to a doctor about it. I have social anxiety and am already an avid reader of this site, so I am nervous going in. I’ve only been to this doctor a few times before, but he is very nice so I am able to convince myself everything will be perfectly fine.

Then, we get to the office only to find out that my doctor isn’t in, and his colleague will be seeing me instead. Slight panic, but nothing too bad yet. I go into the exam room and explain that I’m there to get a reference to a sleep specialist. Easy enough, right? Well, she needs to go through all the exam steps first, but that’s easy. We start off normally, going through my symptoms and then my family history. When she gets to my father’s side, I explain that my mother is single and had me through a sperm bank, so I haven’t the faintest about his medical history. Suddenly, her body language closes off and I start to panic a bit about having said something wrong.

She starts asking more and more questions about my problems staying asleep, which mostly involves waking up long enough to roll over before falling back asleep. I keep reiterating that my real problem is taking no less than an hour to fall asleep every night, which she keeps brushing off. Anxiety levels rising.

Doctor: “Drink some lavender tea and read before bed.”

She says it like that is somehow helpful (and like I haven’t already tried that).

Eventually, she turns to me, places a hand on my knee, and says in the most condescending tone of voice that I’ve heard before or since:

Doctor: “Are sure the problem isn’t that you’re depressed because you have no father figure?”

I kind of blue-screened for a minute, because… what? I managed to stammer out something that I’m pretty sure was a denial, but by that point, I just wanted to get this appointment over with.

She continued talking over me, not listening to what I had to say, and generally being condescending for the rest of the conversation, which my brain has conveniently blurred from my memory. It’s bad enough that I had to fight down tears (I was a bit of a crier).

Unfortunately, she noticed and tried to “comfort” me by saying she knew how hard it was to confront mental issues. She also declared that I had depression, restless leg syndrome, and also probably sleep apnea, which is why I kept waking up (completely glossing over the not-falling-asleep thing, again). I was advised to get treatment “before I died in my sleep,” which is not a reassuring thing to say to anyone. She did write me a reference to an actual sleep doctor, though.

I managed to hold myself together long enough to make it back to my mother’s car, where I proceeded to cry and possibly have an anxiety attack about all that. Thankfully, my next appointment that day was with my therapist, so that all got worked out pretty quickly.

Oh, and when I went to the sleep doctor? I was pretty much immediately diagnosed with a delayed circadian rhythm, likely at least partially due to some medical malpractice that occurred in my infancy. The waking up was likely caused by my body thinking I was just trying to take a nap, apparently. No restless legs, and certainly no sleep apnea. The doctor advised me to take some melatonin and get a job on the night shift once I was old enough.

I now actually get to sleep relatively quickly, and the day after getting my first full night’s sleep was practically life-changing. Who knew it was possible to be energetic and not constantly tired? I guess it all worked out all right in the end, though that lady still makes me nervous about going to new doctors.

They Sure Nose How To Waste Time And Resources
Emergency Services, Health & Body, Impossible Demands, Patients | Healthy | June 25, 2022
I used to work for 911 on an ambulance. People called for all sorts of nonsense. I had a patient call for a nose bleed.

Patient: “Take me to the ER with lights and sirens! That’s what they do on TV!”

Me: “The only reason we do that is if it’s an emergency. Your nose bleed is not an emergency.”

Either You’re Civil Or You’re OUT
Bad Behavior, Instant Karma, Medical Office, USA | Healthy Right | June 24, 2022
Me: “Thank you for calling [Clinic]. My name is [My Name]. Can I get your name and date of birth?”

Man: “Oh, for f***’s sake… It’s [Man] and [Date].”

Me: “Can I get you to verify your address, please?”

Man: “Why the h*** do you need that for?”

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to watch your language, sir. I cannot access your chart without three forms of verification.”

Man: “I have a question. You can’t answer a simple f****** question without my address?”

Me: “It depends on what your question is.”

Man: “When was the last time you filled my [medication]?”

Me: “In order to tell you that, I have to access your chart, and in order to do that, I need a third form of verification, like your address or—”

Man: *Screaming* “IT’S [ADDRESS]!”

Me: “Okay, looks like we refilled that for you back in January.”

Man: “That’s what I thought. So, you tell me why the f*** I need to come in and see you before you fill it for me this time?”

Me: “I’m going to ask you again to watch your language. Looking at your chart, it seems like you haven’t been in to see us for over a year. [Doctor] wants you to come in and get checked out first.”

Man: “Then why fill it back in January?”

Me: “They asked you to come in for an appointment then, as well. You made the appointment, they filled your medication, and then you didn’t come in for the appointment.”

Man: “I made an appointment earlier today, but my pharmacy says you refused the refill!”

Me: “[Doctor] is refusing to refill the medication until they see you in person.”

Man: “This is bulls***! Why did you fill it back in January, then?”

Me: “Sir, I’ve already explained that to you.”

Man: “F*** you!”

Me: “I’m going to terminate this call. When you feel like being civil, please call back.”

While we were talking, I typed up a quick note to my coworkers and management letting them know that I was terminating a call in case he called back. One of my managers responded, telling me to document the conversation and that if he did call back, to transfer the patient directly to him.

The man did call back and the girl next to me picked it up. I could hear him cursing at her through the phone. She transferred him to the manager, and I found out later that the man continued to speak that way to the manager. His medication was denied (it was not something vital), his upcoming appointment was canceled, and he was released from his doctor’s care and is not allowed to see any other physician in the clinic.

After All He’s Done For You
Emergency Room, Funny, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Texas, USA | Healthy Romantic | June 21, 2022
One evening, while preparing dinner, I sliced my finger really badly. My husband drove me to the emergency room, where I got six stitches in my middle finger. Due to health crisis restrictions, my husband couldn’t be in the room with me and had to stay in the lobby.

After the doctor finished, I had an enormous bandage on my swollen, numbed finger to keep everything in place. I walked into the lobby, where my husband jumped to his feet.

Husband: *In a very soothing, hushed tone* “Hey, how is everything? How are you feeling?”

I showed him my bandaged middle finger.

Husband: *In the same soothing tone* “Oh, that’s really rude.

Clumsiness Occasionally Comes With Perks
Doctor/Physician, Funny, Home, Medical Office, Silly, The Netherlands | Healthy | June 20, 2022
I am a klutz. I bump into things, I cut myself on a daily basis (on anything, from paper to knives), and a lifetime supply of bandages is enough for a month. There is no medical reason for this. I am just inattentive and… a klutz. This has resulted in a very high pain tolerance, so whenever something happens again, I calmly walk to my husband so he can practise his first aid skills again.

This happens when I have a wart underneath my big toe. According to my husband, it must be bothering me, considering the size, so I make an appointment with my general doctor to remove it.

The day before I go to the doctor, I am wearing sandals and I am skipping up some stairs outside. Clumsy me gets stuck behind a stair; my slipper goes under and my feet go over. I feel something start to bleed and I put some tissues in between my toes. I calmly walk home.

I present my new wound to my husband and he gets the first aid kit with a groan. But when he cleans my wound… he finds out I managed to cut a piece of flesh from my toe!

We call the doctor, who gives us instructions to see if anything important got damaged, but it looks like I only cut some callus and the bleeding already stopped. It’s late in the day and the appointment is early in the morning, my husband cleaned my foot very well and I’m not feeling anything, so the doctor changes the appointment from wart inspection to wound inspection.

The next day comes and I indeed only cut callus… and the wart. It was a perfect slice and nothing (well, a tiny bit of skin) got damaged.

Doctor: “You know, if you were scared of the appointment, you could have just told me! You didn’t have to cut the wart off yourself!”

Hey, Look! Puppies! Oh. Wait… Crap.
Animal Shelter, Health & Body, Instant Karma, Pets & Animals, Stupid | Healthy Right | June 19, 2022
I used to work at the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals). We had a guy come through and choose a puppy. We started going through the adoption paperwork.

Me: “The pup will need to have her stitches out on [date].”

Man: “Why does she have stitches?”

Me: “She’s been desexed so she can’t have puppies.”

Man: *Annoyed* “I wanted to get a dog that could have puppies! That way all my friends can have my dog’s puppies.”

Me: “That’s not ideal. People can often struggle to find homes for pups.”

He canceled the adoption and said he’d get a dog elsewhere.

A year later, he came in with five puppies that his dog had had, and he couldn’t find homes for them.

It All Started With A Big Thud
Awesome, Coworkers, Health & Body, USA, Warehouse | Healthy Romantic | June 18, 2022
Back when years still begin with the number one, I am working in a warehouse. I’ve just clocked out and am about to head out the door when I hear a sound like something falling, followed by seeing one of the other workers staggering around, dazed, with her forehead bleeding.

Me: “What the [expletive] just happened?!”

A manager comes running over.

Manager: “The shelf fell down and she got hit by the pack of [ceramic product].”

Me: “Oh, no!”

Manager: “Can you take her to the hospital? I don’t want to wait for an ambulance to get out here.”

Me: “Okay.”

In retrospect, that wasn’t smart, but [Manager] and I are both panicking.

Manager: “I’ll help get her in your car.”

Two minutes later, I’m zipping toward the hospital. I arrive ASAP and stick around in the waiting room while my coworker is examined. Thankfully, it is only a concussion. After the hospital clears her, I take her to her home.

I come back the next morning to check on her and then again the next evening after my shift. Rinse and repeat for three days. And of course, since her car is still at the warehouse, I have to give her a lift in when she’s finally allowed to resume work.

On the drive in to work:

Coworker: “You didn’t have to do all that. Why bother? I’m just a nobody.”

Me: “Um, because it was the right thing to do?”

And that’s how I met my wife. We’re still happily married.

As Usual, The Internet Ruins Everything
Current Events, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, Medication, USA | Healthy | June 16, 2022
I have a chronic illness that causes me to have respiratory issues. To treat this, I take a certain medication and it generally works well. My doctor will typically just renew my prescription whenever it’s up but wants me to come in every other year for another exam even though I’ve been on the medication for over a decade at this point. It’s never been an issue until I went in for my latest exam and ended up seeing a new doctor since my usual one had a sudden emergency and wasn’t able to see me.

New Doctor: “Okay, [My Name], what brings you in today?”

Me: “I’m just in to get my prescription for [medication] renewed.”

New Doctor: “[Medication]? I’m not going to prescribe that to you. It will not treat [health crisis] no matter what the Internet tells you.”

Me: “It’s not for [health crisis]; it’s for [chronic issue].”

New Doctor: “I just get so sick of these people with Internet MD who think whatever random med of the week is going to solve the problem.”

Me: “Look, I don’t have [health crisis]. I tested before I came in.”

New Doctor: “I’m not stupid. I know your test is negative, but your grandma, or cousin, or nephew, or whoever you are getting it for is positive.”

Me: “Look, when was [health crisis] first observed?”

New Doctor: “2020 in the US.”

Me: “When did I start getting prescribed this?”

He flipped through my chart.

New Doctor: “2006.”

Me: “So, are you thinking that I somehow predicted a pandemic fourteen years early, theorized this medication would help, scammed a prescription for it by faking a chronic issue, stockpiled it for over a decade, and ran out of that stockpile?”

New Doctor: *Long pause* “I’m still not giving you your prescription today.”

And with that, he left the room. I ended up having to come back another day for my normal doctor to give me the new prescription. I brought up what had happened with the new doctor and was told that he had gotten in hot water for getting tricked into giving out prescriptions for one of the Internet’s fake [illness] treatments. But now, he was in hot water for overcorrecting the other way and never prescribing anything that anyone had theorized might treat [illness]. I don’t know if “hot water” ever translated to consequences, but I will see the next time I need to renew my prescription.

Casual Racism Will Make You Sick
Bigotry, Health & Body, Jerk, Medical Office, Patients | Healthy Right | June 14, 2022
Early in the health crisis, in 2020, I had a patient checking in. I was asking the newly minted [illness] questions. Have you been around anyone positive? Any flu-like symptoms? And so on.

Patient: “I haven’t been to any Chinese restaurants lately, if that’s what you’re asking.” *Laughs*

Me: “Nope, not asking where you had dinner, just if you’re sick.”

His wife tried to brush it off, but he kept telling me to lighten up, and I just kept staring with a glazed look and kept asking the questions until I got a satisfactory answer.

Some People Just Want To Watch The World Heal
Blood Donation, Inspirational, Maryland, USA | Healthy | June 12, 2022
I donate blood every few months; I know there’s a need for it, and my blood type is the universal donor.

Once, during a donation, a woman comes in and asks questions about everything. I figure it must be her first time. There’s nothing wrong with that; she just seems a little nervous. The phlebotomist hooks up her IV, and her bed is next to mine.

Woman: “So, who are you donating for?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Woman: “My husband is having an operation, so I’m giving blood in case he needs it.”

Me: “Oh, I see. No, I’m not donating for anyone in particular.”

Woman: “You’re not?”

Me: “Nope. Just… whoever needs it, I guess.”

The woman looks around the room, shocked. The other donors are now listening to the conversation.

Woman: “So, all of you are just donating, what, out of the goodness of your hearts?”

She started laughing and then quickly stopped. She didn’t intend for the comment to sound mean; it just genuinely had never occurred to her that blood banks are full of blood from people who donate just to help others.

No Soup For You! Part 6
Bizarre, Canada, Hospital | Healthy | June 10, 2022
I work as a door screener in my small town’s hospital. The hospital is small, too, and doesn’t even have vending machines, let alone a public cafeteria. From the entrance, you either take a right to enter the Emergency Department or take a left to reach the outpatient laboratory for blood tests.

One day, a man comes in needing to fill out some paperwork. He is dressed in business casual clothing and has a stylish messenger bag. I direct him to the doctor’s offices and see him as he exits a few minutes later.

After he turns the corner out of sight, he turns around and jogs back to the front door. He fishes around in his bag for something and then produces…

A plastic container full of soup.

Man: “Is there a microwave I can use to heat this up?”

After a moment’s stunned silence, I stammer out that we don’t have any easily accessible and he nods, puts his soup away, and heads off again.

I still wonder what sort of person would think that a hospital would heat up some random person’s soup for them, in a global health crisis, no less!

We’d Be Seriously Pee-ved
Colorado, Doctor/Physician, Hypocrisy, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | February 23, 2021
I am seeing my primary care physician.

Doctor: “You really need to start taking a multivitamin.”

The following year, I see them again.

Doctor: “Why on earth are you taking a multivitamin?! All you’re doing is making your pee expensive.”

Well, When You Put It Like That
Call Center, Current Events, Government, Stupid, USA | Healthy | February 21, 2021
I work in a call center for my state’s unemployment office. I have a caller who is unable to work due to an asymptomatic case of that nasty disease that has defined 2020. I’m walking him through the documentation I need to qualify him and get him his unemployment. One of the items we need is a doctor’s note saying the individual can’t work.

Caller: “So… you want me to go into a public doctor’s office to get a note that says I shouldn’t go into public?”

Ask Your Optician If Night Vision Is Right For You
Optometrist/Optician, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | February 20, 2021
I work in an optician’s office and we have a patient come in saying that they can’t see through the glasses they recently bought.

Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

Patient: “I have a problem with these glasses; my vision isn’t clear at night.”

Me: “Oh, and how about day time? Are you having problems with reading or distance?”

Patient: “My vision is fine during the day, but everything is dark at night and when I drive through a tunnel.”

Me: “Does your vision get blurry?”

Patient: “No, you’re not understanding. I can’t see far at night with these glasses! Everything is dark! It’s fine during the day, but when it’s dark, I can’t see everything clearly.”

My colleague heard this conversation and quickly jumped in. She had to explain that vision is limited for everyone at night because it’s dark, and no one has night vision. The prescription was fine and we had the health of his eyes checked out, which came out all clear.

It’s been five years but I still think about that man.

Some People Are Just Born For It
Australia, Doctor/Physician, Funny Names, Medical Office, Optometrist/Optician, Queensland | Healthy | February 19, 2021
When my nan was still alive, she had a doctor that she had been going to for many years. He was a nice bloke, friendly, and competent at his job.

His name? Doctor Seewright.

His occupation? Optometrist.

You can’t make this stuff up.