It’s An Emergency! But It Can Wait. JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 7, 2020

Makes A Difference When Cashiers Are Minus A Few Brain Cells
PHARMACY | WORKING | MAY 8, 2013
(I’m buying a common cold medicine that is OTC, but you have to be 18 to buy. At the time, I’m 19.)

Cashier: “I need to see your ID.”

(I hand it to her.)

Cashier: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t sell this to you.”

Me: “What? Why not? ”

Cashier: “Well, I have to be able to verify you’re over 18.”

Me: “Is there a problem with my ID?”

Cashier: “You were born in 1989.”

Me: “Yes, and it’s 2008, so I’m 19.”

Cashier: “But you could be lying because I don’t know how to figure out how old you are if you were born in 1989. It’s too hard to subtract!”

Making The Best Of Uncomfortable Situations
AWESOME, CURRENT EVENTS, EMPLOYEES, MASSACHUSETTS, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 1, 2021
My town has put together a free test site for the health crisis for residents. I heard that the morning was swamped. People were in line for hours. I have pre-registered and I go as soon as I get out of work. Fortunately, the lines have died down significantly, and I am the second car in my line.

Unfortunately, when I check in, they have just run out of tubes. I don’t have any plans for the rest of the evening, so I don’t mind waiting. We chat a bit about how the lines have been, it being a successful event, and whatnot. Not three minutes later, another worker drives our way with another box of tubes. The two check-in workers start cheering.

Worker #1 : “Woo-hoo!”

Worker #2 : “Go, Dave! You’re awesome, Dave!”

Me: “Not all heroes wear capes!”

Worker #1 : “You’re a hero, Dave!”

They set me up and send me off to the testing station.

Me: “Hello!”

Worker #3 : “Welcome! Have you done this before?”

Me: “Yeah… Once… A while ago.”

Worker #3 : “You nervous?”

Me: “Ehhh…”

Worker #3 : “Here’s what I like to tell people. We don’t go in any further than you would when you pick your nose… and we both know you pick your nose.”

I burst out laughing. Thanks, test site workers! You sure know how to ease tension!

Scarlet Fever Once In An Azure Moon
BIZARRE, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, FLORIDA, HOSPITAL, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 30, 2020
I’m a nurse on a medical surgical floor. I have a new patient with an odd rash all over.

Doctor: “I’m stumped. I’ve put in a consult with infectious disease and dermatology. Have you ever seen anything like this?”

Me: “Well, yeah, but the patient isn’t a toddler.”

Doctor: “What does being a toddler have to do with anything?”

Me: “Well, if this patient was a toddler, I’d swear he had scarlet fever.”

Doctor: “Crap! I didn’t even think of that for a forty-something-year-old.”

Swabs came back positive for strep and yes, a forty-something-year-old can apparently get scarlet fever.

Hard To Remember Life In The Before Times
ARIZONA, CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 27, 2020
It’s Wednesday and I have been sick for a couple of days. I try to be seen at urgent care, but due to the health crisis, they have nothing available until Friday afternoon. I take the Friday slot. Since some of my symptoms could also be symptoms of the current spreading illness, I also schedule a free screening at a county test site on Thursday. I get the results on Friday morning before my urgent care visit.

An hour and a half after my slot, the provider is able to see me. I describe my symptoms.

Me: “I have a cough, sore throat, fatigue, and a little shortness of breath. I did get a [illness] test and it was negative.”

Provider: “It was negative?”

Me: “Yes, thankfully.”

Provider: “Then why are you here?”

Me: *Taken a little aback* “Because I’m sick?”

The provider finished the exam and diagnosed me with an upper respiratory infection.

A Very Thorough Bath
ASSISTED LIVING, CURRENT EVENTS, EDITORS' CHOICE, FUNNY, HEALTH & BODY, PATIENTS, USA, WORDPLAY | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 24, 2020
I have a friend who works in an assisted living facility; her job includes cleaning patients. One day, my friend was giving a sponge bath to a male patient when she heard him say something from under his mask.

Patient: “I think my testicles are black.”

She peeked under the towel.

Friend: “No, they look fine.”

She then proceeded to clean him and he continued to ask her about his testicles, and each time, she would respond by lifting the towel and reassuring him that they were fine.

Finally, the patient took off his mask.

Patient: “I think my tests should be back.”

Let’s Hope This Isn’t A Repeat Problem
EMPLOYEES, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, PHARMACY, STUPID, UK | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 21, 2020
Our general practitioner sends any prescriptions straight to our local pharmacy for us to pick up. For repeat prescriptions, we pop the request into the GP and then the medications are ready for pickup three days later.

Today, I have a telephone appointment and my GP prescribes some medication to start taking straight away and sends the prescription over to the pharmacy. I dropped a repeat prescription request into the GP two days ago, but I know those meds should not be ready yet.

Me: “I’m here to pick up a prescription for [My Name].”

The pharmacist assistant checks the computer.

Pharmacist Assistant: “I’ve got a few different items on here for you. Did you put in a repeat?”

Me: “Yes, but I don’t mind if they’re not ready. I just need [medication].”

Pharmacist Assistant: “Did you see your GP today?”

Me: “Yes, I had an appointment about two hours ago; he said he’d send the prescription over.”

Pharmacist Assistant: “Okay, hold on.”

She goes to speak to the pharmacist.

Pharmacist: “[My Name]? Your repeat prescription has only just been sent to us. It takes three days.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I saw my GP today and he gave me [medication]; that’s what I need to pick up.”

Pharmacist: “We can’t issue your prescriptions today, I’m afraid. We haven’t processed them yet.”

Me: “I don’t want my repeat prescriptions today. I’ll come back for them. I just want [medication].”

Pharmacist: “Your repeat will be ready tomorrow. If you’d like to come back we can issue everything together.”

Me: “Look, I spoke to my GP today, he sent the prescription for [medication] today, and he wants me to start taking it today. Can I please just pick up [medication]?”

Pharmacist: “You don’t want to wait for the repeat to be ready?”

Me: “No. I want [medication]. I do not want to wait for the repeat. I will come back tomorrow for the repeat. I want [medication] today. Can I pick up [medication], just [medication], only [medication], right now? And I will pick up my repeat tomorrow!”

Pharmacist: “Uh… let me get that for you.”

A few minutes later, the assistant calls me over.

Pharmacist Assistant: “[My Name]? I’ve got a prescription for you here. Would you like to pick it up now or add it to your repeat for pickup tomorrow?”

Me: “Really?!”

That’s Not Innie Problem At All
CONNECTICUT, FUNNY, PETS & ANIMALS, USA, VET | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 19, 2020
This happens many years ago with my first cat. I’ve already had her as part of the family for several years, but when I move out on my own, she becomes my sole responsibility.

One day, I am rubbing her belly like usual and I feel a strange lump. I can’t figure out what it could be, so I call the vet in order to have her checked out, worried it might be a tumor. I take her in the next day and the vet looks her over.

Me: “Is she going to be okay?”

Vet: *Giggles* “Yes, she’s totally fine. That’s her belly button.”

And that’s how I found out my cat had an outie!

Scarlet Fever Once In An Azure Moon
BIZARRE, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, FLORIDA, HOSPITAL, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 30, 2020
I’m a nurse on a medical surgical floor. I have a new patient with an odd rash all over.

Doctor: “I’m stumped. I’ve put in a consult with infectious disease and dermatology. Have you ever seen anything like this?”

Me: “Well, yeah, but the patient isn’t a toddler.”

Doctor: “What does being a toddler have to do with anything?”

Me: “Well, if this patient was a toddler, I’d swear he had scarlet fever.”

Doctor: “Crap! I didn’t even think of that for a forty-something-year-old.”

Swabs came back positive for strep and yes, a forty-something-year-old can apparently get scarlet fever.

Hard To Remember Life In The Before Times
ARIZONA, CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 27, 2020
It’s Wednesday and I have been sick for a couple of days. I try to be seen at urgent care, but due to the health crisis, they have nothing available until Friday afternoon. I take the Friday slot. Since some of my symptoms could also be symptoms of the current spreading illness, I also schedule a free screening at a county test site on Thursday. I get the results on Friday morning before my urgent care visit.

An hour and a half after my slot, the provider is able to see me. I describe my symptoms.

Me: “I have a cough, sore throat, fatigue, and a little shortness of breath. I did get a [illness] test and it was negative.”

Provider: “It was negative?”

Me: “Yes, thankfully.”

Provider: “Then why are you here?”

Me: *Taken a little aback* “Because I’m sick?”

The provider finished the exam and diagnosed me with an upper respiratory infection.

A Very Thorough Bath
ASSISTED LIVING, CURRENT EVENTS, EDITORS' CHOICE, FUNNY, HEALTH & BODY, PATIENTS, USA, WORDPLAY | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 24, 2020
I have a friend who works in an assisted living facility; her job includes cleaning patients. One day, my friend was giving a sponge bath to a male patient when she heard him say something from under his mask.

Patient: “I think my testicles are black.”

She peeked under the towel.

Friend: “No, they look fine.”

She then proceeded to clean him and he continued to ask her about his testicles, and each time, she would respond by lifting the towel and reassuring him that they were fine.

Finally, the patient took off his mask.

Patient: “I think my tests should be back.”

Let’s Hope This Isn’t A Repeat Problem
EMPLOYEES, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, PHARMACY, STUPID, UK | HEALTHY | DECEMBER 21, 2020
Our general practitioner sends any prescriptions straight to our local pharmacy for us to pick up. For repeat prescriptions, we pop the request into the GP and then the medications are ready for pickup three days later.

Today, I have a telephone appointment and my GP prescribes some medication to start taking straight away and sends the prescription over to the pharmacy. I dropped a repeat prescription request into the GP two days ago, but I know those meds should not be ready yet.

Me: “I’m here to pick up a prescription for [My Name].”

The pharmacist assistant checks the computer.

Pharmacist Assistant: “I’ve got a few different items on here for you. Did you put in a repeat?”

Me: “Yes, but I don’t mind if they’re not ready. I just need [medication].”

Pharmacist Assistant: “Did you see your GP today?”

Me: “Yes, I had an appointment about two hours ago; he said he’d send the prescription over.”

Pharmacist Assistant: “Okay, hold on.”

She goes to speak to the pharmacist.

Pharmacist: “[My Name]? Your repeat prescription has only just been sent to us. It takes three days.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I saw my GP today and he gave me [medication]; that’s what I need to pick up.”

Pharmacist: “We can’t issue your prescriptions today, I’m afraid. We haven’t processed them yet.”

Me: “I don’t want my repeat prescriptions today. I’ll come back for them. I just want [medication].”

Pharmacist: “Your repeat will be ready tomorrow. If you’d like to come back we can issue everything together.”

Me: “Look, I spoke to my GP today, he sent the prescription for [medication] today, and he wants me to start taking it today. Can I please just pick up [medication]?”

Pharmacist: “You don’t want to wait for the repeat to be ready?”

Me: “No. I want [medication]. I do not want to wait for the repeat. I will come back tomorrow for the repeat. I want [medication] today. Can I pick up [medication], just [medication], only [medication], right now? And I will pick up my repeat tomorrow!”

Pharmacist: “Uh… let me get that for you.”

A few minutes later, the assistant calls me over.

Pharmacist Assistant: “[My Name]? I’ve got a prescription for you here. Would you like to pick it up now or add it to your repeat for pickup tomorrow?”

Me: “Really?!”

Let’s Hope This Negative Becomes A Positive
PHARMACY | WORKING | OCTOBER 3, 2013
(My sister and her husband are having trouble conceiving. It’s been four long and emotional years for all of us. She forgot to buy pregnancy tests last time she was out, so I offer to get some on my way over to her house. I hand over my items to the cashier.)

Cashier: *picking up pregnancy test with a gleeful smile* “Oooh! Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”

Me: “…what?”

Cashier: “Are you hoping you are or hoping you aren’t?”

Me: “That is a pretty personal question.”

Cashier: “Yeah, but I’m stuck here all day with nothing to do. So I’m thinking you cheated on your boyfriend and hope you aren’t carrying some random guy’s kid!” *huge grin* “Am I right?”

Me: “They’re not for me, but that’s really none of your business.”

Cashier: *offended and hostile* “Y’know, it’s people like YOU who make the world a terrible place! Try being friendly instead of such a b****!”

Me: “Just finish ringing me up, please.”

Cashier: “I HOPE YOUR B****** KID HAS A.D.D.!”

Doing A Real Job On Doing A Real Job
PHARMACY | WORKING | OCTOBER 3, 2013
(I have just gotten off of a split shift, during my second seven-day work week. My children have joined me for the last part of my second shift to help me out and we are heading home. It’s just after 8:30 pm, and I’ve been at it since 6 am. We go to the pharmacy next to my store to buy some ibuprofen, and I go up to the pharmacy desk to pay since the main cash has a huge lineup of people buying toilet paper and snack foods. After waiting about two minutes the pharmacy technician, who’s been looking at me and sighing deeply, finally comes to serve me.)

Employee: “Are you here to pick up a prescription?”

Me: “No, I’d just like to pay for these.”

Employee: *as she’s scanning my pills* “Okay, well this cash is only for prescription medication purchases. You should really have gone to the main cash.”

(I’ve often seen customers paying for everything from band aids to makeup at this cash without buying prescriptions, as long as they had some sort of medication with them from the pharmacy area where I picked up my pills.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I just assumed that you pay for medicine at the pharmacy counter. I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

Employee: “Yeah, well we’re really busy you know, and this takes me away from doing all my work. Now it’s going to take me even longer to finish up and get out of here tonight.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I work in retail myself, I know how frustrating it is when you’re busy and you have to stop to help a customer or coworker. It can be—”

Employee: “And you know, just because it doesn’t look like we’re doing anything, it doesn’t mean we’re not busy. We have a lot to do here and this is really annoying! You know, people are just leaving us with their prescriptions all the time.”

Me: “Well, that is your job but still I can understand—”

Employee: “When customers like you waste our time like this it’s really annoying. It’s going to take us even longer to finish up now.”

(The pharmacist finally hands me my change. My children are clinging to me nervously and the customers around me are all shuffling around awkwardly, trying not to look our way. I’ve had enough.)

Me: “Look, I’ve literally been working since 6am. I worked seven days in the last week, I have one day off this week, and I’ll be working from home, and then I work another seven days. I am exhausted, and I regularly have to stop what I’m doing to help my customers, coworkers and employees even when they really could have managed without me. I regularly have to work late or start early due to these interruptions, and my job is 90% physical work on the floor doing heavy lifting and going up and down ladders in a dusty stockroom. You are preaching to the choir here lady. And I’ll tell you, I have never spoken to a customer the way you just spoke to me, or made them feel guilty about coming in to shop and making me do my JOB! Thank you and good night.”

Cold And Uncaring
PHARMACY | WORKING | SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
(Our pharmacy has recently switched to a new manufacturer of Lorazepam, which requires refrigeration. I overhear a conversation between a patient’s caregiver, and the pharmacist.)

Caregiver: “So I was told this stuff has to be kept cold? Is it still good if it wasn’t?”

Pharmacist: “No, you’re going to have to get it replaced. If it’s been left in room temperature for more than a few hours, I cannot recommend you giving it to your patient.”

Caregiver: “Well nobody told me it had to be kept cold! I want a free replacement.”

Pharmacist: “We put ‘REFRIGERATE’ on every label; don’t you read your patient’s labels?”

Caregiver: “I don’t have time to read all the labels.”

Pharmacist: “Then how do you know you’re giving the drugs properly to the patient?”

Caregiver: “…”

Pharmacist: “That’ll be $30 for a new bottle.”

Drugs Can Make You See Things
PHARMACY | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 2, 2013
(I am at the pharmacy picking up my prescription. I am standing in line behind a very elderly lady.)

Pharmacist: “Hello, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

Elderly Lady: “I am picking up my prescription. It’s under Mrs. [last name].”

(I overhear the elderly lady, and realize that she has the same last name as I do. This is not a totally uncommon name, but it doesn’t happen too often.)

Pharmacist: “Okay! Here we go I think it’s… huh…”

(The pharmacist looks confused as she picks up some pills.)

Pharmacist: “Can you tell me your first name please? I don’t think I grabbed the right one.”

Elderly Lady: “Sure, it’s [first name].”

(By a crazy coincidence, this is my first name too! At this point the pharmacist widens her eyes in shock as she stares at the pill box in her hand. She starts to stammer.)

Pharmacist: “But… um… I don’t… uhh… how?”

Me: “Um, I think those might be mine. I have the same first name and last name. Those are my birth control pills.”

Pharmacist: “Oh thank GOD! I thought I was in the twilight zone!”

Elderly Lady: “Oh dear! No wonder! No I don’t want THOSE!”

Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 2
PHARMACY | RIGHT | AUGUST 23, 2013
(I’m about to ring a customer up. I’m supposed to ask if they have our rewards card, and if they say no, I offer them to sign up for it, as it’s free of charge and relatively quick to do.)

Me: “Good evening, ma’am. Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “No. What’s the benefit of it?”

Me: “The rewards card allows you to get the sale prices of whatever’s on sale for the week, and with certain sale items and over the counter medications. You build up rewards points, which you can use to save money later on.”

Customer: “Okay. Do I need anything for it?”

Me: “All we need is some basic info, just for identification purposes. Would you like to sign up? It’s free of charge.”

Customer: *says nothing, fumbles around her purse*

Me: “Ma’am? Would you like to sign up for the card?”

(The customer takes out her credit card and swipes it, paying for the purchase.)

Me: “Okay.”

(I hand her the receipt and her bags.)

Me: “Have a good night.”

Customer: “So, do I get the rewards now?”

Me: *screaming internally*

Misconceiving The Point
PHARMACY | WORKING | AUGUST 21, 2013
(I am a 20-year-old female, but I guess I look younger. This occurs the first time I am buying condoms. I feel a little awkward, since it is my only item, and I’ve never bought them before.)

Cashier: *holding up the box of condoms* “Will this be all?”

Me: “Yep.”

Cashier: “I don’t think I can sell these to you.”

Me: “W-why?”

Cashier: “I think you’re too young to be having sex.”

Me: “That’s absurd! I’m 20 years old!”

Cashier: “Yeah, okay. Prove it! Let me see your driver’s license.”

(I start to go through my purse, when an old lady in line behind me speaks up towards the cashier.)

Old Lady: “Hey, you pimply a**-hole! Just let the girl buy her stuff. She’s trying to buy contraception to have safe sex instead of risking an STD or a pregnancy. Even if she was younger than 20, and I believe she is telling the truth, you should still sell them to her to prevent another teenage pregnancy! On top of it, we are on a college campus! How many young teenagers do you see around here? Most of the people who shop here are 17 or older! Just give her the d*** condoms!”

(The cashier wordlessly scans my items and bags them, and takes my cash.)

Me: “Have a nice day, jack-a**! Oh, and I’m paying for her stuff, too.”

Make His Life A Living Bell
PHARMACY | ROMANTIC | AUGUST 13, 2013
(I am a cashier at a small town pharmacy. An older customer walks in making a jingling sound, and I see that he has bells tied to his shoelaces. It is August, and he appears anything but jolly, so I am perplexed by the bells.)

Me: “Sir, if you don’t mind my asking: why the bells?”

Customer: “My wife is going deaf, and she gets mad when I ‘sneak up on her.’ This was her solution.”

In Need Of Valium
PHARMACY | RELATED | AUGUST 7, 2013
(I am eight years old. My mom and I are shopping, and we pass the drug store.)

Mom: “I need to go there.”

Me: “Mommy, no, I’m tired! I wanna go home; let’s go home!”

Mom: “No. It’ll be quick.”

(Mom pulls me into the drug store.)

Me: “Why do we have to go here? It’s a bad place!”

Mom: “Oh, really? Why do you say that.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s called a drug store, and I heard that drugs are bad! On TV!”

Mom: “Uh huh.”

Me: *to other customers* “DRUGGIES! You’re bad people! Drugs are BAD—”

(My mom hustles me out of there and never takes me back!)

You Really Don’t Want That On An Open Wound
PHARMACY | RIGHT | JULY 17, 2013
(I’m currently doing inventory at the local pharmacy where I work. An older customer comes up to me with her friend, in a panic.)

Customer: “Can you help me?! I need some ‘Polysperm’!”

(I assume she means ‘Polysporin’, the topical ointment that treats infections.)

Me: “Did you mean ‘Polysporin’?”

Customer: “Oh, no! I DEFINITELY need some ‘Polysperm’!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I haven’t heard of that product. May I ask what you are using it for?”

Customer: “Oh, I scraped my elbow, and want to put that ‘Polysperm’ on it!”

Me: “Okay, let me show you where it’s stocked.”

(I point to the display of ‘Polysporin’.)

Customer: *to her friend* “Young kids these days! They don’t know anything!”