Have A Heart, Use Your Brain

Needs Poster-Board To Smash Your Head Through
PHARMACY | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 19, 2016
(A customer is making a purchase, which has been going normally until the end.)

Me: “All right, that’ll be [amount].”

Customer: “What? That poster-board was supposed to be $4.99.”

(I go with her to check the price marked on the shelf.)

Me: “This is where it was supposed to go; someone put it in the wrong place.”

(I indicate the $8.99 shelf tag; assuming that she wants a $4.99 pack, I grab one and return to the front, to which she does not object. I void out the more expensive pack and ring up the other. After I finish ringing it up…)

Customer: “That’s not the poster-board I want.”

Me: “It’s the pack that’s $4.99.”

Customer: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it. Just void that and I’ll pick out the poster-board.”

Me: “All right, your other items will be six—”

(I’m cut off by the customer walking away to pick out her poster-board without finishing the sale for her other items, with three customers waiting in line behind her, and no other cashiers on duty. Fortunately, the other register hasn’t been closed out yet, so I can still ring them up somewhere. She finally returns with the poster-board she wants, but I need manager approval because of all the voided items.)

Me: *over the PA, right in front of her* “Manager approval at the front, please.”

Customer: “Why isn’t the sale going through?!”

Me: “I need approval because of all the voids.”

Customer: “You could have said something!”

(Finally, my manager can pass the sale through, with the customer complaining about my service the whole time; my manager promises to have a talk with me over it. Once the store is empty…)

Manager: “So… from how she was acting, I’m guessing she was already in a b***h-fit when she came in?”

Talking Out Of Their Asthma
PHARMACY | WORKING | FEBRUARY 6, 2016
(It is just after daylight savings and the clock in our work room has not been changed yet. My coworker decides to take matters into her own hands and stacks up boxes to be able to reach it. She then makes a face about how dusty it is.)

Coworker: “Oh my! I’m gonna have an asthma attack. I don’t have asthma but I’m gonna catch it from this!”

(This coming from someone who works in a pharmacy and knows how this stuff works!)

Not A Very Product-ive Answer
PHARMACY | WORKING | JANUARY 29, 2016
(Our store has recently been purchased by another independent chain and has undergone a massive remodel. All of our stock has been moved to different locations and some things we used to have are not available anymore. As the staff is learning the new layout, we inevitably have this conversation with customers three times a day…)

Customer: “I’m trying to find [Product].”

Staff: “Well if you need any help finding it, let us know and we’ll be just as lost as you are!”

Understands The Condom Minimum
PHARMACY | RIGHT | APRIL 21, 2016
(Working in a busy pharmacy, a teenage boy and his girlfriend came up to the counter.)

Boy: “I’m looking for the condoms.” *smiling at his girlfriend, she’s looking embarrassed*

Me: “Aisle 10, right hand side.”

Boy: “Yeah, but you see, I need some extra-large condoms. The regular ones are way too small for me.” *smirking at his girlfriend*

Me: “Seriously?”

(I stand back, heave my leg up on the counter and point to it.)

Me: “See this ankle? I recently broke it, and had a cast on. I used regular-sized condoms on it to waterproof it when I had showers. If your penis is larger than this—” *pointing to my leg still up on the counter* “—then I seriously suggest you keep it away from her—” *pointing to girlfriend* “—as it’s going to do some serious damage!”

(Both boy and girlfriend walked away without saying another word.)

Trash-Talking Hits The Bottom Of The Barrel
CONVENIENCE STORE, PHARMACY | RIGHT | APRIL 8, 2016
(I work in a city where the people have to buy city trash-bags that are expensive. We had to get rid of our trash barrel from outside the store because people started throwing away their home trash in it.)

Customer: *walking in with bag full of trash* “Do you have a barrel so I can throw away my trash?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we had to get rid of it.”

Customer: “Well, why?”

Me: “Because people started to bring their home trash to our store and leave it around our barrel because they didn’t want to buy city bags.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. Where am I supposed to throw away my trash?”

Me: “At home with your city bags?”

You’ve Got Me In A Box Here…
PHARMACY | RIGHT | APRIL 7, 2016
Customer: “Hi. I need some tablets. You know the one I got last time? I didn’t come here but it comes in a box.”

Me: “…”

I Can Hear You Dumb And Clear
PHARMACY | RIGHT | MARCH 29, 2016
(I have just started working at my local pharmacy. It’s my first time answering the phone and I’m really nervous.)

Me: “Pharmacy, this is [My Name]. Can I help you?”

Caller: “HELLO?? HELLLOOOO?”

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Caller: “HELLOOOOOOOOO.”

Me: “Hello… ma’am?”

Caller: “CAAAAAN YOUUU HEEEAR MEEEE?”

Me: *holding phone away from my ear at this point* “Loud and clear, ma’am.”

Caller: “Oh, good. I just wanted to make sure my phone was working.” *click*

Me: *stares at phone*

Drive-Thru Is Not Your Calling
PHARMACY | WORKING | MARCH 27, 2016
(At our store we have a voice over that is triggered when someone pulls up to the drive-thru. To stop it from repeating, you have to pick up the phone and press the drive-thru button. This button is next to the regular phone button.)

Me: *after hearing someone pull up at drive-thru* “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help— You know what? Never mind. I’m on my way.”

You’ll Have The Devil To Pay, Part 2
AT THE CHECKOUT, PENNSYLVANIA, PHARMACY, RELIGION, USA | WORKING | MAY 24, 2016
(I am at a local pharmacy.)

Cashier: *ringing me up* “Okay, ma’am, your total today comes to—” *pauses a moment and looks like a deer in the headlights* “—$6.66.”

(I calmly get my money to pay and the cashier finishes bagging my items, still looking like a deer in the headlights. Finally, my receipt is being printed out.)

Cashier: “Do you, uh, want your receipt?”

Me: “Yes, please!”

Cashier: *takes the receipt and crumples it into a ball and TOSSES it onto the counter* “Here you go.”

Me: *shocked* “Uh, thanks…” *takes the receipt and straightens it out*

Cashier: “Don’t let the Devil get you!”

That’s One For The Books
PHARMACY | WORKING | MAY 23, 2016
Me: “Can I get a book of stamps, please?”

(The clerk opens the drawer under the counter where they keep the stamps. She takes out a book of stamps…and another…and another…and another until every book of stamps in the drawer is on the counter.)

Clerk: “These are all we have. Is this enough for a whole book?”

Maybe You Didn’t Say What You Thought You Said
PHARMACY | RIGHT | MAY 17, 2016
(We have a lot of multicultural customers come into our store and as I love languages I like to ask about their accents and learn a phrase or two if I can. A young woman and her elderly mother have been talking in another language before coming to my register.)

Me: “Hi there, did you find everything okay? And do you mind me asking what language that was?”

Daughter: “It’s a dialect of Italian.”

Me: “How would I say ‘have a nice day’?”

Mother: “Fi una bella giornata.”

(As I hand them their purchases.)

Me: “Well, then, fi una bella giornata!”

Daughter: “Very good!”

(The mother then says something in Italian before slapping me in the rear.)

Mother: “Maybe I find you boyfriend!”

Could Have Survived That Better
PHARMACY | WORKING | APRIL 30, 2016
(I work with a small mom and pop pharmacy for several years. Due to budget cuts it is necessary to layoff an employee. After discussing our options the owner decides to fire a technician who, though friendly, is relatively lazy. This is when Survivor first debuted.)

Boss: “So, [Coworker], you’ve been voted off the island.”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “…”

Doesn’t Have The Drive To Study Geography
PHARMACY | RIGHT | APRIL 21, 2016
(As I ring up a customer’s purchases, she gets chatty.)

Customer: “My neighbor is from Puerto Rico.”

Me: “That’s neat!”

Customer: “Yeah. Have you ever been to Puerto Rico?”

Me: “No, I haven’t. It would be nice to visit, though.”

Customer: “I think I’m going to try to go with them to visit sometime.”

Me: “That sounds fun.”

Customer: “How long do you think it takes to drive to Puerto Rico?”

Me: *thinking she’s kidding* “Oh, about as long as it takes to invent a floating car.”

Customer: “Oh. So, like, a long time?”

Me: “Yeah…”

“Birth” Defect
PHARMACY | RIGHT | JUNE 22, 2016
Customer: “Where do you keep your ‘birth checkers’?”

Me: “If by ‘birth checkers’ you actually mean our pregnancy tests… aisle eight, right-hand side, top shelf.”

Customer: “Okay. Do you know if an ultrasound can tell if the baby is white or black?”

Me: “…”

Too Much Meth, Not Enough Math
PHARMACY | RIGHT | JUNE 10, 2016
Me: “Okay, just so you know, sir, a three-month supply of this medication is going to cost you about $400.”

Customer: “What?! No. You’re wrong. When I picked it up last it was a third of that!”

(I look up his payment and pick up history in the system.)

Me: “It looks like this new prescription is the same medication as the last but you’re allowed to pick up three months at a time instead of just one. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yes! But it’s never this expensive!”

Me: “Well, you’re picking up more at one time which is why it is a higher cost.”

Customer: “No! You’re wrong. It’s not supposed to be this expensive!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t set the prices. Your insurance company tells us what to charge you based on your plan.”

(This commences a 10 minute rant about how this medication is too expensive and he KNOWS he shouldn’t owe this much because he has been in the industry for 20 years and has a PhD.)

Customer: “When I picked it up last month it was only $133! It shouldn’t be $400!”

Me: “So… you previously picked up a one month supply for $133? And you’re upset because this three-month supply is three times the cost of the one-month supply?”

Customer: “YES!”

(Sadly this man did not see the math and proceeded to stay for the next 45 minutes and tell me exactly what was wrong with the entire industry and why it was my fault. Unfortunately, I have more stories about this guy from this 45 minute encounter alone.)

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 8
PHARMACY | RIGHT | JUNE 8, 2016
Customer: “Excuse me; can I use this coupon here?”

(The coupon looks like a standard buy-one-get-one coupon, and I see that she has some of the items depicted.)

Me: “Yes, you should be able to!”

(I ring up the items, but end up having trouble with the coupon.)

Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry; I didn’t look at the coupon closely. You need to buy two [Brand] items to get these items free.”

Customer: “But I did buy them!”

Me: “Were they on the counter? I don’t think I rang any up…”

Customer: “No, I bought them at [Store next door].”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “I have the receipt; I can show you that I’m not lying…”

Me: “No, no, that’s not… To use the coupon, you usually have to buy them in the same purchase… at the same store.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I don’t think the coupon says that.”

Me: “I don’t think they felt it needed to…”

Puntassium
PHARMACY | WORKING | JUNE 1, 2016
Customer: “Do you sell potassium over the counter?”

Me: “Nope. Sorry. It’s by prescription only.”

Customer: “You sell all of these vitamins, but no potassium; Unbelievable!”

Me: “Yeah. I know. It’s bananas!”

Obama-Careless, Part 3
PHARMACY | RIGHT | MAY 30, 2016
(I work in a pharmacy where I hear about how awful the new healthcare laws are at least four times a day. I personally have Marketplace coverage and keep my mouth shut all the time, but this one is too stupid to overlook

Customer: “I need refills on my medication.”

Me: “Okay, let me look it up… I’m sorry, sir, you have no refills left. I can fax the doctor to ask for more.”

Customer: *stares at me like I just committed murder* “See! This is that d*** Obamacare! I need my medication!”

Me: *in the calmest voice possible* “Sir, do you understand how pharmacy works? You used all your refills already. If you would like I can try to call the White House and see if President Obama can authorize a new prescription.”

(I pick up the phone and call information and ask to be connected to the White House.)

Customer: “Don’t be rude to me! You’re obviously an Obama lover.”

Me: “No, I just wanted you to see how uneducated and ridiculous you sound. By the way Obama is not in the office right now so you’ll have to wait on those refills. Have a great day!”

(I walked away.)

A Cent-less Complaint
PHARMACY | RIGHT | JULY 17, 2016
Me: “Ma’am, your copay for your prescription is five cents.”

Customer: “You selfish little c***! My copay should be zero! Does it look like I have that kind of money on me!?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a nickel. I think you can find one in the cup holder of your car. I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you your prescription without it being paid for.”

Customer: “Well f*** you and this f****** store! I’m calling your management!”

(Two hours later.)

Boss: “We had a complaint about you today. Care to explain?”

Me: “She couldn’t pay for her five cent prescription.”

Boss: *rolling eyes* “Go home.”

Throw In Some Stress Pills While You’re At It
PHARMACY | WORKING | JULY 17, 2016
(I go to a podiatrist because I have a fungal infection, and he wrote me a prescription for some pills and says that he will send it to the pharmacy. I go to the pharmacy for the medicine.)

Me: “Hello, I’m here to pick up this prescription?”

Clerk: “Okay.”

Me: “Here it is.”

(I hand what the doctor gave me over. It has the pharmacy name and address, and the doctor’s name and address. She frowns and squints at it, looks at the computer, and frowns again.)

Clerk: “This is your doctor?”

Me: “Yes, Dr. [Name].”

Clerk: “Okay…”

(She gives me a narrow-eyed suspicious look and leaves. I figure that she went to give it to the pharmacist to fill. I wait a minute, and then ask again.)

Me: “Hello, I’m trying to pick up my prescription?”

Same Clerk: “Name?”

Me: “Name.”

(She goes and gets it, but doesn’t hand it over.)

Same Clerk: “ID?”

Me: *gives it*

Same Clerk: “Address?”

Me: *gives it*

Same Clerk: *scowls suspiciously, frowning at computer*

(At this point, I’m getting annoyed. It’s been over 15 minutes.)

Me: “It’s me! That’s my prescription!”

Same Clerk: “Well… okaaay.”

(She hands it over, along with my ID, still unsure. Not all of us are drug abusers, lady.)