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[florida80]

It’s Barely Cute When A Child Does It…

Bizarre, Convenience Store, Extra Stupid, Harassment, USA, Wyoming | Romantic | December 19, 2017


(I’m standing in line when I notice the bottle of tea I’m holding has leaked all over my shoes and the floor. I let out a little cry of shock and head back to the cooler to replace it. When I get back up front, the guy who was standing behind me in line is checking out.)

Guy: *turns around* “Haha, I beat you!”

(I just stare at him incredulously.)

Guy: “So, how you doin’?”

(My eyebrows couldn’t possibly go higher.)

Guy: “Just not going to say anything, huh?”

Me: “‘Haha, I beat you.’? Are you five years old?”

Guy: *goes a little red* “No! Just, I know you were up here… but then I… I got to the counter first.”

Me: “Yup. Congratulations.”

Guy: “And, uh… You’re pretty. So, I’m hoping I could get your number.”

Me: “Wow, seriously? No. If you want a woman’s number, try acting like a man instead of a child.”

(He left in a hurry.)

[florida80]

Making A Blanket Statement About The Rest Of Your Lives

Bedroom, Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City, Silly, USA | Romantic | December 18, 2017


(My boyfriend is a born and raised Hawaiian. Being part of the military, his posts have put him in deserts. As you can imagine, therefore, it doesn’t take much to get him cold. He hasn’t been in Oklahoma for very long, either, so winter nights are always fun. I, on the other hand, get hot way too easily. To keep the bill low, he has elected to keep the AC and heater off and rely on blankets and fans. One night, I wake up shivering, which rarely happens. That’s when I notice all the blankets are bundled at his feet. I’m still groggy, so I pull at the blankets to no avail.)

Me: “Babe. Babe, share.”

Boyfriend: *mumbles something*

Me: “I can’t understand you, and I’m cold. Share the blankets.”

Boyfriend: “They’re for my toes.”

Me: *rolls eyes* “So, we’ll tuck them in again.”

Boyfriend: *turns and looks me in the eye, then speaks in a very stern voice* “This is just the way it has to be now.”

(He then turned back around and went back to snoring. I finally managed to wrangle the blankets from him, doing my best to not laugh too loudly. He doesn’t remember ever saying that, and I don’t intend to let him live it down any time soon.)

[florida80]

Farming Out The Same Old Story

Car, home, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA, Washington | Romantic | December 17, 2017


(My wife has had her car for nine years and is very sentimentally attached to it, but it has to go, as its transmission has just failed, and it is far too small to haul around the coming baby. I manage to find a buyer for just a couple hundred bucks who’ll use it until it’s kaput and then junk it. I sign the papers, take the money, and shake hands with the guy, and then call my wife at work as he drives off.)

Me: “Hi, honey. It’s sold and gone.”

Wife: “Where are they taking it?”

Me: “I assume to his home?”

Wife: “Is he taking it to a farm?”

Me: *catching on* “Yes. To a nice farm where there will be lots of space for it to drive around with other cars and play all day.”

Wife: “And it can chase scooters and cyclists?”

Me: “You bet. It might even catch a few.”

Wife: “Okay, I feel better, then. See you tonight.”

[florida80]

Their Relationship Literally Survived Some Bumps In The Road

Car, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, USA, Virginia | Romantic | December 16, 2017


(My husband has called me back from work because he is excruciating pain. By the time I get home, I can’t find him. I finally track him down in the bathroom, hugging the toilet while expunging his insides. I’m really, really scared at this point because he does not act like this, ever! I finally get him into the car and drive to the emergency room. His pain is increasing and he’s still vomiting. I get to the hospital and am watching for signs that point to the emergency room. Remember, I have never driven anyone to the hospital before, and I am freaking out!)

Husband: “Watch out for the speed bump.”

Me: “I see it; it’s fine.”

(It was not fine. I hit all five speed bumps too fast, and unevenly, making us rock back and forth, causing my husband to cry out in pain, but I got him into the emergency room. It turned out he had a kidney stone. While laying in bed, he turned to me and told me I was never to drive him to the emergency room again.)

[florida80]

Ignorance To Make You Say “Oh, Baby”

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, home, Kentucky, USA | Romantic | December 15, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are laying in bed one day after spending the day together and I am having fairly bad cramps, as my period has just started. I reach over and put his hand on my stomach where I’m cramping to somewhat comfort me.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, that’s where a baby would be!”

Me: “Yeah, well, that’s where it hurts…”

Boyfriend: *with look of confusion on his face* “Oh! Hmm… I guess that makes sense.”

[florida80]

Daddy Isn’t Welcome Here

Awesome Workers, Comeuppance, Food Stand, Harassment, USA, Utah | Romantic | December 14, 2017


(I’m taking orders at the front end of the food stand, while the owner works the grill next to me, and my coworker — a burly middle-aged man — does prep at the back of the tent. I’m a female in my mid-20s, I have a lot of health issues, and my coworkers are a little protective of me.)

Customer: “I’d like one chocolate and one vanilla custard.”

Me: “Great, that’ll be $5. There’s about a three-minute wait. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: *winks lecherously* “Call me ‘Daddy.’ It’s pretty loud out here; you might have to scream it.”

Me: “Next customer, please!”

(I keep serving, but I’m thoroughly creeped out. After a few minutes, the guy’s order comes up, and the owner notices me turning pale when he hands the food to me. After a quick explanation, he tells me to go take a break at the back. He then calls up my coworker and they talk briefly.)

Coworker: *bellowing* “Hey, Daddy!”

(The customer walks up, looking nervous.)

Coworker: “Here’s your $5. We are refusing you service.”

Customer: “What? No! I want my food! Make her serve me my food!”

Coworker: “Sir, my daughter is not going to serve you food. My son, on the grill, is not going to make you food. Take your money and get out, a**hole.”

Customer: “F***!” *storms off*

(He left his $5 behind. I got his food AND the money.)

[florida80]

Daddy Isn’t Welcome Here

Awesome Workers, Comeuppance, Food Stand, Harassment, USA, Utah | Romantic | December 14, 2017


(I’m taking orders at the front end of the food stand, while the owner works the grill next to me, and my coworker — a burly middle-aged man — does prep at the back of the tent. I’m a female in my mid-20s, I have a lot of health issues, and my coworkers are a little protective of me.)

Customer: “I’d like one chocolate and one vanilla custard.”

Me: “Great, that’ll be $5. There’s about a three-minute wait. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: *winks lecherously* “Call me ‘Daddy.’ It’s pretty loud out here; you might have to scream it.”

Me: “Next customer, please!”

(I keep serving, but I’m thoroughly creeped out. After a few minutes, the guy’s order comes up, and the owner notices me turning pale when he hands the food to me. After a quick explanation, he tells me to go take a break at the back. He then calls up my coworker and they talk briefly.)

Coworker: *bellowing* “Hey, Daddy!”

(The customer walks up, looking nervous.)

Coworker: “Here’s your $5. We are refusing you service.”

Customer: “What? No! I want my food! Make her serve me my food!”

Coworker: “Sir, my daughter is not going to serve you food. My son, on the grill, is not going to make you food. Take your money and get out, a**hole.”

Customer: “F***!” *storms off*

(He left his $5 behind. I got his food AND the money.)

[florida80]

Photo-Perfect Finish

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Oklahoma, Photography, Silly, USA | Romantic | December 13, 2017


(My boyfriend has recently won a fairly prestigious contest for a short story he wrote. As a result, the organization running the contest needs a picture of him for publicity purposes. In spite of being a very lovely person, my boyfriend has what can only be described as “resting b**** face” and doesn’t smile much, to the point that he often has to reassure people who have just met him that he doesn’t dislike them, but that’s just the set of his face. He also absolutely hates pictures of himself.)

Me: “Umm… Okay, just stand by the those trees, I guess.”

Boyfriend: “Okay.”

Me: *snapping a few photos that honestly aren’t terribly good* “Erm… Here, let me try this.”

(I hold my camera way above my head, as my boyfriend is more than a foot taller than I am. This is an improvement, but the photos are still “meh” at best.)

Me: “You know, you could try to smile.”

Boyfriend: “No.” *tries to look even more serious*

Me: “Yeah, yeah, because you’ve got to look like a harda**, even when you’re accepting an award!”

(He starts to laugh, and I manage to snap a photo of it.)

Me: “HA! I did it! I got a picture of you smiling!”

Boyfriend: “D*** it.”

(That was the picture he sent off, and one of the better ones I’ve managed to take of him!)

[florida80]

We Do Not Cover Crazy Girlfriends

Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Office, Ohio, Phone, USA, Wild & Unruly | Romantic | December 12, 2017


(I answer the phone in our office as part of my daily duties. Every once in a while, we get a call in this vein:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office], a part of [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to know who you think you are, b****!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GET WITH MY MAN?!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You might have a wrong number. This is an [Office] agency. We sell and administer insurance products from [Company].”

Caller: “Oh, don’t give me that s***. You’re trying to mess with my man. This number comes up on his call list every day for a week. Sometimes more than once! Who are you, and what are you doing with my man?”

Me: “Well, does he have one of our products? Perhaps we’re working with him regarding his coverage.”

Caller: “No! I know you’re just trying to steal my man! And if you call him again, I will find you!”

Me: “We are located on [Street]. Look for the [Company] sign that says [Office]. We sell coverage for homes and vehicles, as well as life and financial products.”

Caller: *hangs up*

[florida80]

Allergic To Dairy And Dip-S***s

Bad Behavior, Dating, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Jerk, London, Restaurant, UK | Romantic | December 11, 2017


(I am allergic to dairy; I will go into shock if I have even a small amount. A surprisingly large amount of stuff has dairy in it and I hate making people wait while I check whether something will kill me, so I often go for the easiest thing on the menu. I meet this guy online and we go to a coffee shop to meet, safely, in person. I ask for soy in my drink and he asks if it is for flavour reason; I state it being a dietary requirement, but we don’t talk much about it further than that. We decide to continue with the relationship, and a week or so later we go on our first date. He chooses an Italian place for dinner, which is a very risky place for me go to. I find it a little odd, considering the coffee shop, but I just go for a vegan dish to be safe. A few weeks later, he invites me out to a steak place. I have never been to this place and I can’t find a website to check their menu prior to going. It’s a little bit worrying, but I know most dairy in a steakhouse is in the optional sauces. When I arrive, my date keeps glancing at me, which I don’t really understand. We are seated and given menus, and he is now staring at me intently.)

Me: “What?”

Date: *somewhat smugly* “You won’t find anything vegan on the menu.”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Date: *smug look falters* “Huh?”

Me: “I said, ‘What’s your point?’ I’m not vegan.”

Date: “But… The soy? And at the Italian place?”

Me: “I’m allergic to dairy. Severely allergic, actually, so vegan is a safe choice for me. You took me to a steakhouse thinking I was a vegan?” *pause* “And you thought I would accept it if I was a vegan?”

Date: “W-Well, I thought it would be funny to watch you struggle.”

Me: “You wanted to watch the little vegan get upset over not being able to eat off the menu. Wow.”

Date: “But this is great that you’re just allergic! That means you’re fine to be with!”

Me: “What?”

Date: “Yeah, cause vegans are crazy! You don’t f*** crazy!”

(I stare at him.)

Me: “You’re totally right; you don’t f*** crazy. I don’t f*** crazy, or stupid, or a**holes. See ya.”

(I get that some vegans are in your face about it, but that guy was just a jerk.)



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[florida80]

Allergic To Dairy And Dip-S***s

Bad Behavior, Dating, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Jerk, London, Restaurant, UK | Romantic | December 11, 2017


(I am allergic to dairy; I will go into shock if I have even a small amount. A surprisingly large amount of stuff has dairy in it and I hate making people wait while I check whether something will kill me, so I often go for the easiest thing on the menu. I meet this guy online and we go to a coffee shop to meet, safely, in person. I ask for soy in my drink and he asks if it is for flavour reason; I state it being a dietary requirement, but we don’t talk much about it further than that. We decide to continue with the relationship, and a week or so later we go on our first date. He chooses an Italian place for dinner, which is a very risky place for me go to. I find it a little odd, considering the coffee shop, but I just go for a vegan dish to be safe. A few weeks later, he invites me out to a steak place. I have never been to this place and I can’t find a website to check their menu prior to going. It’s a little bit worrying, but I know most dairy in a steakhouse is in the optional sauces. When I arrive, my date keeps glancing at me, which I don’t really understand. We are seated and given menus, and he is now staring at me intently.)

Me: “What?”

Date: *somewhat smugly* “You won’t find anything vegan on the menu.”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Date: *smug look falters* “Huh?”

Me: “I said, ‘What’s your point?’ I’m not vegan.”

Date: “But… The soy? And at the Italian place?”

Me: “I’m allergic to dairy. Severely allergic, actually, so vegan is a safe choice for me. You took me to a steakhouse thinking I was a vegan?” *pause* “And you thought I would accept it if I was a vegan?”

Date: “W-Well, I thought it would be funny to watch you struggle.”

Me: “You wanted to watch the little vegan get upset over not being able to eat off the menu. Wow.”

Date: “But this is great that you’re just allergic! That means you’re fine to be with!”

Me: “What?”

Date: “Yeah, cause vegans are crazy! You don’t f*** crazy!”

(I stare at him.)

Me: “You’re totally right; you don’t f*** crazy. I don’t f*** crazy, or stupid, or a**holes. See ya.”

(I get that some vegans are in your face about it, but that guy was just a jerk.)

[florida80]

That’s The Problem With Going In As Number Two

Florida, home, Revolting, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | December 10, 2017


(We only have one bathroom.)

Partner: “I’m about to take a shower. You want to use the bathroom first?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I accidentally end up spending 15 minutes in there. As I exit, I turn on the fan.)

Me: “So… About your shower.”

Partner: “Yeah. I think I’ll wait on that.”

[florida80]

Bouncing Through Alternative Names

Florida, home, Language & Words, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | December 9, 2017


(My partner dislikes bras. We’re going off-roading.)

Partner: *sighs dramatically* “I have to wear the anti-boob-bouncing device.”

(I laughed.)

[florida80]

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Geeks Rule, home, Silly, USA | Romantic | December 8, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are curled up on the couch drinking and watching a movie. He burps a lot when he’s drunk.)

Me: “I love you!”

(All of a sudden, my boyfriend starts burping a ton.)

Me: “What was that?”

Boyfriend: “I just said, ‘I love you,’ in Morse code.”

[florida80]

Best Not Get That Gift-Wrapped

Family & Kids, home, Spouses & Partners, Tennessee, USA | Romantic | December 7, 2017


(I’m currently seven months pregnant. My due date is estimated to be the same month as my birthday. I’m on Facebook and see some fun things my friend did for her birthday.)

Me: *to my husband* “Do you want anything special for your birthday? I know it’s a ways off, but with the baby coming I figure we need to plan things way in advance now.”

Husband: “Cake. Homemade; we can’t afford anything else.”

Me: “Okay.” *after a pause* “What do I want for my birthday? Well, I was thinking of having a party! A book-swap or something. I can’t drink. Anything. But I could serve caffeine-free teas, and everyone could bring their favorite books, and we could all switch them up and…” *I go on rambling like this for a few minutes* “What do you think? Should I do that? Or something else?”

Husband: “You get a baby. That’s what you get for your birthday.”

(It turns out, I was too tired with the new baby to want to plan anything, so I just had a few friends over to play board games, and I fell asleep in the middle of them, anyway.)

[florida80]

Manage For Years To Come

Family & Kids, Geneva, home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Spouses & Partners, Switzerland | Romantic | December 6, 2017


My husband works in a different town and only comes home on the weekends. He’s been doing that for over ten years now, and I am completely in charge of our seven-year-old son when he’s not around.

Last month he decided he needed a bit of time off, so he took a month of vacation; he’d accrued three months’ worth of days off to use. At the end of the month at home, he said to me, “You know, I’m glad I had this time off. Now I know you can manage our son all by yourself.”

Really? It only took him seven years to figure that out?

[florida80]

For The Love Of Pod!

Australia, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Melbourne, Silly | Romantic | December 5, 2017


Me: “You folded and put away my laundry? Who are you and what have you done with my real girlfriend!?”

Girlfriend: *starts to cough because she has the flu on top of hay-fever*

Me: “No wonder you’re sick! You’re not my real girlfriend at all! YOU’RE A DECOMPOSING POD PERSON!”

Girlfriend: “So… Want to have sex with a decomposing pod person?”

[florida80]

Plan Ruined By A Single Response

Bank, Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Harassment, Ohio, USA | Romantic | December 4, 2017


(I am a teller at a bank. An elderly man comes up to my window.)

Elderly Man: “Hello, there.”

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Elderly Man: “Are you married?”

(Older customers tend to be chatty, so I’m used to this line of questions.)

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Elderly Man: “Are you single?”

Me: *getting slightly weirded out by the way he’s looking at me* “Yes.”

Elderly Man: “Do you have a boyfriend?”

(At this point, I’m just ready for him to go, and I’ve finished his transaction.)

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Elderly Man: “Oh, too bad. I was going to kidnap you.” *calmly walks away*

(Apparently having a boyfriend means I can’t be kidnapped!)

[florida80]

This Is Not A Normal Relationship

Bigotry, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Canada, College & University, Love/Romance, Ontario, Toronto | Romantic | December 3, 2017


(My classmate has a new boyfriend whom she already adores. For the purposes of this story, I feel that it’s important to mention that she is a white girl, and this is her first interracial relationship.)

Classmate: “He is such an amazing guy! I can actually see a future with him! I swear, I am going to marry this guy and be the mother of his children!”

Me: “Wow, that’s really neat, and I’m happy for you!”

Classmate: “Yep! You’re looking at the future Mrs. [Ethnic Last Name], here! Oh, but our kids are going to have normal names.”

Me: *mildly shocked* “Wait, what do you mean by ‘normal’ names?”

Classmate: “You know, just normal, traditional names, like John, Sarah, David, Amanda, etc. We’re not giving them [Ethnicity] names.”

(I just couldn’t continue this conversation with her. But I have developed a tremendous amount of respect for her boyfriend, who is still with her to this day, and has shown an equally tremendous amount of patience for her.)

[florida80]

Diving Into The Deep End Of Double Standards

Bigotry, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Canada, Coworkers, Fights/Breakups, Jerk, Pool | Romantic | December 2, 2017


(I’ve recently graduated and have returned to my old pool job to pay off some student debt. A lot of my coworkers are younger, and they sometimes like to gossip about office romance. I stay out of it, but this one time I have to step in. Note, both [Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] and I are female, while [Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] is male. At the time this takes place, no one is in the pool, so we are doing some cleaning jobs.)

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “I can’t believe [Coworker #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) ] already has a new girlfriend. He and [Coworker #4 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=4) ] only broke up last week. It seems to soon.”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Did you know that he was seeing [Coworker #5 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=5) ] on the side up until he met this new girl?”

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “What?”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Yeah, he does that a lot. It wouldn’t surprise me if he has someone new in week or two.”

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “How does he get all these girls? He treats them like crap.”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Hey, it’s not his fault. The girls make it too easy for him.”

(At this, both [Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] and I stop and look at him.)

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “What did you say?”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Well, it’s beyond his control. The girls are making it too easy for him to get dates and he can’t help himself. It’s not his fault really.”

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Do you even realize what you’re saying?”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “What? I’m just stating the facts—”

Me: *interrupting* “I’m sorry; are you really saying it’s the girls’ fault that he’s an a**hole?”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “What?”

Me: “You’re saying that it’s the girls’ fault that [Coworker #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) ] treats them like crap.”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Oh, no, I was just saying that they are making it too easy for him.”

Me: “So, he’s exempt from blame and allowed to treat girls like trash because they give him a chance?”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Me: “What did you mean, then? Especially when you said, ‘He can’t control himself; he can’t be at fault, really.’? Or even when you said, ‘The girls make it too easy for him.’?”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “I just meant… I… uh…”

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Dude, she’s got you there.”

([Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] got a good lesson on double standards that day.)

[florida80]

“Every Day” With You Is Another Day Wasted

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Camp, Canada, Exes/Old Flames, Fights/Breakups, Friends, Jerk, Outdoors | Romantic | December 1, 2017


(I get invited to go camping with a good female friend of mine, her boyfriend, and a few other friends. I agree, thinking it’ll be fun, but things eventually change. My female friend breaks up with her boyfriend, who she planned the trip with, and starts dating another guy in our friend group. Soon, others drop out of the camping trip so it’s just my female friend, her current boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, and me. I can see that this could potentially be awkward, but the campsite is already reserved and my female friend begs me to go. Once she assures me that everything between her and her ex-boyfriend is fine, I decide to still go. Early on in the trip, it becomes evident that everything is not okay with her ex-boyfriend. To make matters worse, the female friend and her current boyfriend decide that the best way to soften the blow for him is to try and set him up with me, since I am single. Finally, after two nights of this awkwardness, I decide to talk to the ex-boyfriend. Since we are friends, I want to let him know that I didn’t want this setting up. I also want to see if he is all right.)

Me: “Hey, [Ex-Boyfriend], I feel really bad that [Female Friend] keeps on trying to push you onto me. Just to let you know, I did not ask her to do that. This is completely random and I just want to make sure you are okay.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Oh, it’s hard. It’s just so soon after we broke up. How can she move on so soon?”

Me: “I’m sorry, bud. It is messed up that’s for sure. Look: I’ve told them to stop. I think they know they crossed a line and won’t do it anymore.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Thanks, [My Name]. I mean, you’re great and all, but I couldn’t spend every day with you.”

Me: “What?”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Well, to be in a relationship, you have to spend every day with someone. There’s no way I could do that with you.”

(He then went on to explain that I was probably single because others felt this way. He said this as if it was completely normal, while I started to cry and count the days until the trip was over. Fast forward the years, and I am no longer friends with any of these people. The “friend” who said those words to me never understood why I never spoke to him again. I get that he wasn’t having the best time on the trip, but he didn’t need to kick me while he was down.)



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[florida80]

“Every Day” With You Is Another Day Wasted

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Camp, Canada, Exes/Old Flames, Fights/Breakups, Friends, Jerk, Outdoors | Romantic | December 1, 2017


(I get invited to go camping with a good female friend of mine, her boyfriend, and a few other friends. I agree, thinking it’ll be fun, but things eventually change. My female friend breaks up with her boyfriend, who she planned the trip with, and starts dating another guy in our friend group. Soon, others drop out of the camping trip so it’s just my female friend, her current boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, and me. I can see that this could potentially be awkward, but the campsite is already reserved and my female friend begs me to go. Once she assures me that everything between her and her ex-boyfriend is fine, I decide to still go. Early on in the trip, it becomes evident that everything is not okay with her ex-boyfriend. To make matters worse, the female friend and her current boyfriend decide that the best way to soften the blow for him is to try and set him up with me, since I am single. Finally, after two nights of this awkwardness, I decide to talk to the ex-boyfriend. Since we are friends, I want to let him know that I didn’t want this setting up. I also want to see if he is all right.)

Me: “Hey, [Ex-Boyfriend], I feel really bad that [Female Friend] keeps on trying to push you onto me. Just to let you know, I did not ask her to do that. This is completely random and I just want to make sure you are okay.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Oh, it’s hard. It’s just so soon after we broke up. How can she move on so soon?”

Me: “I’m sorry, bud. It is messed up that’s for sure. Look: I’ve told them to stop. I think they know they crossed a line and won’t do it anymore.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Thanks, [My Name]. I mean, you’re great and all, but I couldn’t spend every day with you.”

Me: “What?”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Well, to be in a relationship, you have to spend every day with someone. There’s no way I could do that with you.”

(He then went on to explain that I was probably single because others felt this way. He said this as if it was completely normal, while I started to cry and count the days until the trip was over. Fast forward the years, and I am no longer friends with any of these people. The “friend” who said those words to me never understood why I never spoke to him again. I get that he wasn’t having the best time on the trip, but he didn’t need to kick me while he was down.)



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[florida80]

Laughable Legality

Florida, home, Movies & TV, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | November 30, 2017


(My partner is watching TV and starts laughing. They keep laughing for a good few minutes.)

Me: “Something funny?”

(They keep laughing, and then they fall off the couch. I wait for another minute. I’m vaguely worried they’re hysterical at this point.)

Me: “You okay?”

Partner: *finally catching their breath, quoting a commercial* “’Our legal team believes that, with the safety equipment available to car manufacturers, no one should ever get injured or killed in a car accident.’” *laughs* “’So, call us and we’ll sue ’em!’” *laughs*

Me: “Okay, then… I guess they’ve never heard of cliffs!”

[florida80]

Getting Checked Out At Check Out

At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Harassment, Jerk, North Carolina, Retail, USA, Winston-Salem | Romantic | November 29, 2017


(A random guy walks up to my register and winks before I’ve even said anything.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. Is this all today?”

Customer: “Are you for sale?” *winks*

Me: “No.” *starts ringing up items*

Customer: “Too bad. I’d buy you in a heartbeat.”

Me: “Your total is $23.37.”

Customer: “Can you make change? I know money is a hard thing for girls.” *laughs*

Me: *bites tongue, hands him his change* “Thank you. Have a good day.”

Customer: “So, when can I take you on a date?”

Me: “Not interested.”

Customer: *winks* “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

Me: “Not interested, and engaged.” *calling to person behind him* “Can I help the next guest?”

Customer: “No! You aren’t, you lying b****! You’re not wearing any ring!”

Me: *pulls out ring on necklace* “Yes, I am. They don’t let us wear rings because they rip the gloves. Next guest, please!”

Customer: “Oh. Well, look me up if you two break up, sugar.” *winks and walks off*

Next Customer: *as she comes up to my register* “What an a**hole.”

[florida80]

It Wouldn’t Cost You Your Soul To Be More Romantic

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, England, Extra Stupid, Love/Romance, Outdoors, Sheffield, UK | Romantic | November 28, 2017


(My girlfriend and I are on a romantic walk, and we stop to sit near a pleasant stream and make deep and meaningful conversation. She is saying how she feels about me and she wants to know how I feel in return.)

Girlfriend: “I believe in soulmates. I don’t think there is anyone else who could make me feel like you do. We get on so well together, and I really can’t imagine being with anyone else. I’m so glad we met. Do you think we are soulmates? What would have happened if we’d never met?”

(I am the most unromantic, but honest, idiot.)

Me: “Well, I think I probably would have got with someone else if I hadn’t met you. There’s so many girls in the world; I’m sure I would have found someone else to get on really well with. I don’t think there is such a thing as a soulmate. I just believe we meet people, and if we fancy them, we get on, and eventually we adapt our personalities to get on with each other and on it goes.”

(Eighteen years of marriage later, I suspect she may have been more right about this than I was!)

[florida80]

Your Fiancé Is An Armful

Engaged, home, Silly, UK | Romantic | November 27, 2017


(I’m trying to prepare a simple meal that involves putting frozen food on baking trays, which I line with aluminium foil. My fiancé comes into the kitchen to “help.” He comes up behind me and threads his arms through mine which results in my elbows being forced against my side, making it very hard to use my arms for anything. I am now straining to put a piece of foil over the baking tray as my arms are held back.)

Fiancé: *while laughing at my attempts* “To understand the T-Rex, you must become the T-Rex.”

Me: *laughing while eventually succeeding in my task despite the handicap*

[florida80]

Mining This For All It’s Worth

Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Games, home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Spain | Romantic | November 26, 2017


(I’m teaching my girlfriend to play an old video game where you destroy blocks that slowly move towards you by putting “mines” on the ground and detonating them later. The game is fairly simple in that you can only move around a very limited space, place the mine with a button, and detonate it with the same button. The rules are also easy: you must destroy all blocks but the black ones. I explain all of this to her, but since she’s a really bad listener, I also make her watch the tutorial first.)

Me: “Do you have any questions on how it works?”

Girlfriend: “Nope, all clear.”

Me: “Cool, go for it.”

(I start the game and hand her the controller, but then she instantly makes the character run towards a block, starts mashing all the buttons, and dies, crushed.)

Me: “That’s okay; it was your first try. Just calm down a—”

(The game starts again and she does exactly the same.)

Me: “Honey, you don’t need to keep pressing every button. You’ve got time for everything; there’s no hurry.”

(The game starts once more and exactly the same scenario happens. For ten straight minutes she keeps running to her death while I try to explain to her how to play, but she doesn’t even acknowledge my voice or my presence. I try to touch her arm and gently shove her, but no reaction; it’s like she’s in some sort of trance. Finally, I forcefully yank the controller out of her hands and pause the game.)

Me: “What’s going on? What are you doing?”

Girlfriend: *looking at me like she just came back from another reality* “Huh? What?”

Me: “What were you doing?”

Girlfriend: “It didn’t work.”

Me: “There’s no way it’ll work if you just mash the buttons like that.”

Girlfriend: “No, but I did it because it wasn’t working.”

Me: “What wasn’t working?”

Girlfriend: “The mines were not moving.”

Me: “Why would they?”

Girlfriend: “It makes sense.”

Me: “When I explained the game to you, did I mention that you can move mines?”

Girlfriend: “No.”

Me: “When you watched the tutorial, at any point did it show you that you can move mines?”

Girlfriend: “No.”

Me: “And you died like 30 times trying to do it, even though it clearly wasn’t working.”

Girlfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “Then?”

Girlfriend: “It makes sense.”

Me: “So, you just made up a game mechanic in your mind against all options, noticed that it didn’t work at all, yet kept trying to make it work again, and again, and again.”

Girlfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “Why?”

Girlfriend: “It made sense.”

[florida80]

My Wife, My Love, My Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free Card

Anniversary, Arcadia, California, home, In-Laws, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | November 25, 2017


(It’s our 25th wedding anniversary.)

Me: “You seem not so happy. Why? What’s on your mind, baby?”

Husband: “I just remembered this day 25 years ago. Your father told me to marry you or he would see to it that I went to jail for 25 years.”

Me: “Don’t mind him; he loves you and his grandchildren.”

Husband: “But I could have been out of jail today!”

[florida80]

Childish Chocoholics

Australia, Food & Drink, home, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | November 24, 2017


(Halloween isn’t an official holiday in Australia, although some children will trick or treat. We always buy chocolate just in case. The day after Halloween:)

Husband: *stuffing his face with chocolate* “It’s such a shame that all those kids came and took all our chocolate.”

Me: *stuffing my face with chocolate* “Yeah… Terrible.”

(No children came.)

[florida80]

Childish Chocoholics

Australia, Food & Drink, home, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | November 24, 2017


(Halloween isn’t an official holiday in Australia, although some children will trick or treat. We always buy chocolate just in case. The day after Halloween:)

Husband: *stuffing his face with chocolate* “It’s such a shame that all those kids came and took all our chocolate.”

Me: *stuffing my face with chocolate* “Yeah… Terrible.”

(No children came.)

[florida80]

Ex-Box, Part 4

Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, England, Games, home, UK | Romantic | November 23, 2017


(It’s my birthday. I am surprised to open a present from my girlfriend: a brand new Xbox. I am even more surprised to see the box open, and every game open, too. I turn on the console and find game files for each game. I question my girlfriend.)

Girlfriend: “Yeah, I gave it to my brother.”

Me: “You gave my present to your brother? Why?”

Girlfriend: “Well, he wanted to try it.”

Me: “Try it? He has completed some of the games, and the console is filthy!”

Girlfriend: “What? I don’t see what the big deal is here.”

(The family was a constant issue the whole time we were together; it eventually caused us to break up, then ruin her eventual marriage. She blindly defends them even today.)

[florida80]

Ex-Box, Part 3

home | MN, USA | Romantic | March 4, 2014


(After going out to dinner for Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend and I are cuddling and kind of half watching TV. It’s been a super romantic day: he brought me a dozen red roses, gave me a incredibly sweet card, and took me out to dinner. He looks deep into my eyes.)

Boyfriend: “Sweetheart, I’ve been thinking…”

Me: *attempting to ignore all thoughts about rings and proposals* “What?”

Boyfriend: “I should bring one of my video game consoles over here sometime so I can play video games while I’m hanging out with you!”

[florida80]

Ex-Box, Part 3

home | MN, USA | Romantic | March 4, 2014


(After going out to dinner for Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend and I are cuddling and kind of half watching TV. It’s been a super romantic day: he brought me a dozen red roses, gave me a incredibly sweet card, and took me out to dinner. He looks deep into my eyes.)

Boyfriend: “Sweetheart, I’ve been thinking…”

Me: *attempting to ignore all thoughts about rings and proposals* “What?”

Boyfriend: “I should bring one of my video game consoles over here sometime so I can play video games while I’m hanging out with you!”

[florida80]

Ex-Box, Part 2

Text/Chat/Email | England, UK | Romantic | January 25, 2014


(I am texting my long distance boyfriend about his Christmas present. I had it sent by courier as it’s expensive.)

Me: “So, has it arrived yet?”

Boyfriend: “No. I’m so excited. Look at my excited face! :DDDDDDDD”

Me: “That’s a lot of D’s…”

Boyfriend: “There’s no time for D’s baby! It’s here!”

Me: “Good I hope you love it!”

Boyfriend: “OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! AN XBOX ONE?! There’s something I need to talk to you about… I think we should see other people :/”

(I ignored his text as I knew he’s only playing, and went to shower. When I got back I had multiple missed calls and texts from him, all saying he was joking and begging me to forgive him! One even said he’d give up his new Xbox if I’d reply to him!)

[florida80]

Ex-Box

Game Store | Lake Charles, LA, USA | Right | January 19, 2011


Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. Do Xbox 360s come with cup holders?”

Me: “Uh…”

Person in the background: “IT’S ON FIRE!”

[florida80]

Hat’s Off For The Attempt

Aunts & Uncles, Department Store, Ohio, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | November 22, 2017


Years ago, my husband’s uncle was shopping for lingerie for his wife. Unfortunately, he really did not know anything about bra sizes, let alone what size his wife wore.

When the saleswoman asked about size, [Uncle] doffed his hat, looked around, and said, “Seven and a half.”

[florida80]

Never Have Truer Words Ever Been Spoken

Awesome, Food & Drink, home, Midwest, USA | Romantic | November 21, 2017


(I’ve run out of ideas for dinner, so I dump some leftover spaghetti sauce onto a casserole dish full of cooked macaroni, cover it all with cheese, and stick it in the oven. After thirty minutes it is a bubbling, molten mass of cheese. It almost looks alive.)

Me: *dubiously* “I think I used too much cheese.”

Him: “There is no such thing as too much cheese

[florida80]

A Jedi Shall Not Know Love…

At The Checkout, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Geeks Rule, Jerk, Ohio, Retail, USA | Romantic | November 20, 2017


(I am a huge Star Wars fan, and after years and years I am finally buying the complete series, Episodes I – VI, on Blu-ray. I am 25 and have been single longer than I care to admit. This happens as I am checking out. The cashier is female; I am male.)

Cashier: *looks at my purchase “You must be single, right?”

Me: *not really paying attention* “What? Oh, umm… Yeah.”

Cashier: “I figured; you wouldn’t have time to watch all these if you had a girlfriend.”

Me: “Ha ha, yeah. I guess so.” *dies a little inside*

(I couldn’t bring myself to watch them for about a week after I bought them because it just reminded me that I could be out on a date instead.)

[florida80]

Thrifty With Love

Flirting, Harassment, Missouri, Siblings, St Louis, Strangers, Thrift Store, USA | Romantic | November 19, 2017


(My older sister and I have finished shopping at a thrift store and are waiting in line to check out. There are lots of families in the store, and soon there is an announcement over the store’s PA system.)

Store PA: “For safety reasons, children cannot be left unattended in the store. Please make sure your children are with you at all times.”

(While we wait, I’ve decided to look at the jewelry displays on the other side of the register counters. I am gone for maybe a minute, but out of the corner of my eye I notice my sister is already talking to someone, which isn’t that unusual, given how outgoing she is. She’s in her mid-20s and is talking with a man who looks to be in his 40s. When I return, I do not expect to hear the following.)

Random Man: “It’s important to keep up with the trends to look presentable. I have thousand-dollar suits, but this was too good a deal to pass up. I mean, eight dollars?” *holds up old-looking, yellow-ish and tan blazer* “One time, it was raining and I didn’t want to ruin my fancy shoes, so I wore grungy shoes—”

Sister: “And you brought the other pair to change into?”

Random Man: “No. But wearing those shoes turned out to be a mistake.”

(I’ve been silent, trying to figure out why she’s talking to him about work clothes. She suddenly turns to me.)

Sister: *in a louder, more excited voice* “I’m thinking about going back and buying that Super Truck video game.”

Me: *groaning* “Please, no. That game looked so stupid.”

Sister: *continues pointedly talking to only me* “Nah, it looked fun!”

(I get the feeling she’s trying to avoid talking to the man again, and we continue to chatter about video games until we reach the register. We pay quickly and dash out the door before he can follow us.)

Me: *Incredulous* “Was that man in a thrift store trying to hit on you by saying he has thousand-dollar suits?!”

Sister: “Yeah! I don’t know how I get all these random guys hitting on me! He was definitely way older than me and not that attractive. He just started talking about how he was going to get [the blazer] tailored.”

Me: *joking* “I should have known better. They clearly said not to leave your children unattended in the store, for safety reasons.”

Sister: *also joking* “Yeah, this is all your fault.”

[florida80]

Not Single(Mother) Minded

Coworkers, Dating, Flirting, Restaurant, USA | Romantic | November 18, 2017


(A female coworker starts a conversation with me, a male, about relationships. It’s very friendly and casual. We’re about the same age. I’m single, never married. She’s been going through a divorce and has a four-year-old. But none of that is on my mind as we talk.)

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Does the thought of dating a woman that already has kids weird you out?”

Me: “Yeah. I couldn’t do that. I don’t know. That’s a lot of complications and baggage and stuff right out the gate, and I’m young enough that it’s not really necessary to handle that if I don’t need to, you know?”

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Oh, for sure. I can understand that.”

(She heads off to check on her tables, and another coworker comes up to me and practically smacks me upside the head.)

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “[MY NAME]! You f****** jerk!”

Me: “What? What did I do?”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “She was asking that because she means her!“

Me: “Oh. Well, the answer doesn’t change!”

(For the record, she’s a very beautiful and friendly woman, but my position will hold. There would have to be something very magical between me and a single mother for me to be willing to put myself into the lives of her kids who will, at some level, see me as a guy keeping their mom and dad from getting back together. No, thanks.)

[florida80]

Behaving Fairly Fairy

Awesome, Comeuppance, Harassment, Holidays, Non-Dialogue, North Carolina, Party, USA | Romantic | November 17, 2017


Some friends and I are at a party over Halloween weekend. One of them is dressed as the Good Fairy and carries a wand which is handmade of pretty thick wood, painted, with a star and glitter. She’s also a bit of a goody two-shoes, and every time someone swears she’ll tap them on the head with her wand and say, “The Good Fairy doesn’t like that!”

As the night goes on, people get progressively drunker, and a guy none of us knows has been bugging her for a while. We’re trying to get away from him when he grabs her breasts from behind. She swings around and smacks him in the face with the wand so hard she breaks it in half. “THE GOOD FAIRY DOESN’T LIKE THAT!”

He got kicked out.

[florida80]

When A Ferret Becomes A Weasel

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Geeks Rule, home, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Silly, Sweden, Uppsala | Romantic | November 16, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are watching the fourth instalment of the Harry Potter series. It’s my boyfriend’s first time watching it. In this movie, a teacher transforms a student into a ferret, a fun and memorable scene, concluded with another teacher running up and asking, “Is… Is that a student?” A short while later, there’s a scene depicting a big school dance, where the teacher who transformed the student sits in a corner with something on his lap.)

Boyfriend: “Wait. Pause. What’s that in his lap?”

Me: “That’s… Oh, haha, it’s a ferret!”

Boyfriend: “Is… Is that a student?”

Me: *rolling with laughter*

Boyfriend: “…on his groin?!”

[florida80]

Zombie Weddings: It’s The Next Big Thing

Australia, home, Jerk, Queensland, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | November 15, 2017


(My hubby and I are watching a family on on [Video Website]. They’re vlogging at their sister’s wedding. The vlogger is dancing with his sister during the father-daughter dance.)

Husband: “Why is he doing that?”

Me: “He walked her down the aisle.”

Husband: “Oh. One of those types of fathers?”

Me: “What?”

Husband: “The type of father that doesn’t come to their daughter’s wedding.”

Me: “I think the father is dead.”

Husband: “Oh, okay! That’s a good excuse.”

[florida80]

We Don’t Sell Dating Simulators

Harassment, New Jersey, Strangers, USA, Video Game Store | Romantic | November 14, 2017


(I work at a video game store. As a female employee, I’m unfortunately used to being hit on by customers while working. I approach a pair of customers on the floor: a young guy around my age and a much older man. When I ask if they need help, the older man is very friendly and strikes up a lengthy conversation with me about games he used to play. It is a pretty pleasant interaction until this moment:)

Customer: “Wow, you really know your stuff! Any chance you’re free this weekend? My son could use a date!”

(I awkwardly tried to laugh it off, while the poor son didn’t even look

[florida80]

Fuzzy On The Definition

home, Language & Words, Ohio, Spouses & Partners, Toledo, USA | Romantic | November 13, 2017


(My husband and I are relaxing on a couch, individually looking at our phones. I’m absentmindedly running my hand over my scalp; I’ve recently gotten my hair trimmed almost buzz-cut short.)

Me: “I like it when my head is fuzzy.”

Husband: “Well, I don’t.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Husband: “I mean, I don’t really have a reason for it.” *sees my hurt look* “I mean, it’s not good when you’re having that weird, dizzy feeling, so I’m not sure why you’re so…”

Me: “Wait. Did you think… I meant my hair!”

Husband: “Oh! Be clearer next time!”

[florida80]

This Pregnancy Thing Is Beginning To Stick

California, Health & Body, home, San Francisco, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | November 12, 2017


(I have just taken a pregnancy test and discovered that I am not expecting. My husband and I are now heading out to the car to go about our day. In the elevator, my shoes make noise.)

Husband: “Did you step in something sticky?”

Me: “No, there’s just something on the floor.”

(I am amused by the sticky noises and start dancing in place, making lots of them. Then I start laughing.)

Me: “Are you sure I’m not pregnant?”

Husband: “I’m sure you’re not mature enough to be pregnant!”

[florida80]

Boo And Boo-Two, Too

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Funny Names, home, Pennsylvania, Pets & Animals, Silly, USA | Romantic | November 11, 2017


(I’ve fallen into the bad habit of calling both my boyfriend and my cat ‘Boo,’ which leads to confusion such as this.)

Me: *to the cat* “Hey, boo!”

Boyfriend: “Are you talking to me, or to the cat?”

Cat: “Meow!”

Boyfriend: “Well, that answers that question

[florida80]

Boo And Boo-Two, Too

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Funny Names, home, Pennsylvania, Pets & Animals, Silly, USA | Romantic | November 11, 2017


(I’ve fallen into the bad habit of calling both my boyfriend and my cat ‘Boo,’ which leads to confusion such as this.)

Me: *to the cat* “Hey, boo!”

Boyfriend: “Are you talking to me, or to the cat?”

Cat: “Meow!”

Boyfriend: “Well, that answers that question

[florida80]

It’s Not Going Swimmingly

Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body, home, Spouses & Partners, Texas, USA | Romantic | November 10, 2017


(My husband and I have just started to try to conceive, instead of just leaving it to luck or chance. After an intimate night, he asks me to position myself so that gravity isn’t working against us. I ask that he at least hand me my phone so that I have some entertainment until I get up.)

Me: “Please, it’s just right there by you. I would have to get up to get it myself.”

Husband: “No. No distractions. I need you to completely focus on telling those swimmers to get you pregnant.”

Me: *sigh* “That’s not how it works.”

[florida80]

Boo And Boo-Two, Too

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Funny Names, home, Pennsylvania, Pets & Animals, Silly, USA | Romantic | November 11, 2017


(I’ve fallen into the bad habit of calling both my boyfriend and my cat ‘Boo,’ which leads to confusion such as this.)

Me: *to the cat* “Hey, boo!”

Boyfriend: “Are you talking to me, or to the cat?”

Cat: “Meow!”

Boyfriend: “Well, that answers that question.”

[florida80]

It’s Not Going Swimmingly

Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body, home, Spouses & Partners, Texas, USA | Romantic | November 10, 2017


(My husband and I have just started to try to conceive, instead of just leaving it to luck or chance. After an intimate night, he asks me to position myself so that gravity isn’t working against us. I ask that he at least hand me my phone so that I have some entertainment until I get up.)

Me: “Please, it’s just right there by you. I would have to get up to get it myself.”

Husband: “No. No distractions. I need you to completely focus on telling those swimmers to get you pregnant.”

Me: *sigh* “That’s not how it works

[florida80]

Seems To Think Fifty No’s Means A Yes

Bad Behavior, College & University, Connecticut, Criminal & Illegal, Harassment, USA, Wild & Unruly | Romantic | November 9, 2017


(My sister’s a very sweet girl who naturally smiles as she talks, and so she tends to make friends easily, but it also causes the following to occur during her second year of college. My sister enters a classroom and sits down at one of the nearest empty seats to the door.)

Guy: “Hi, I’m [Guy].”

Sister: “Nice to meet you. I’m [Sister]. It’s really nice to meet you.”

(The class then starts and she doesn’t interact with the guy for the rest of the class. When class is over, and my sister starts to get up to leave, the guy grabs her arm.)

Guy: “Hey, are you free now? Let’s go for lunch.”

Sister: *tries to tug her arm away* “Sorry. I have another class to go to, and I’m not really interested. Sorry.”

Guy: *angrily gets in her face, still holding her arm* “Come on! You came and sat down with me, so clearly, you’re interested in me! You can’t lead a guy on like that, you slut!”

Sister: *practically rips her arm out of his grip* “I only sat next to you because it was the closest seat to the door that was free! And I literally only said hi to you and introduced myself, so I didn’t exactly lead you on. Don’t touch me ever again.” *proceeds to run out of the classroom*

(Unfortunately, he continued to have an interest in my sister. He went so far as to follow her to her next class and attempt to enter the classroom after her, and then sat outside her classroom after she convinced her professor to kick him out. When she saw him outside the room, she grabbed the nearest guy’s arm and asked him to pretend they were dating. The only bright sides from this were that he was eventually kicked out of the university for doing this with other female students, and that my sister and the guy she pretended to date became good friends after that incident.)

[florida80]

Messy In More Ways Than One

Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Health & Body, home, Silly, The Netherlands | Romantic | November 8, 2017


(I have a sore throat and just started my period. My boyfriend is off to the store to get me some supplies. I ask him to bring some honey for my sore throat, but he doesn’t write that on his list so I half-assume he will forget, as he tends to be quite forgetful. I hear him come home so I go downstairs to the kitchen, and see he has brought the honey.)

Me: “Oh, fantastic, you remembered!”

(Due to hormones, my gratitude is unbelievable and I start to tear up. My boyfriend then proceeds to conjure a HUGE chocolate bar from the grocery bag, holds it to my crotch and yells:)

Boyfriend: “SATAN HAS BEEN FED!”

(The humor and overwhelming gratitude, amplified by my period, get the best of me, and I start sobbing hysterically and smothering my boyfriend in the tightest hug.)

Me: *sobbing like crazy* “TH…TH…TH… THANK YOU!”

Boyfriend: *is genuinely TERRIFIED and stutters* “Wha… what did I do? Wrong flavor?”

Me: *still sobbing* “I LOVE YOU!”

(He carefully tried to pry himself free of my smothering embrace, seriously concerned about what was wrong with me. I finally calmed down and blamed it on the hormones. Now, every time the topic of periods comes up, he mentions this story again and how scared and confused he was. “Don’t ever do that again!” he begs me.)

[florida80]

Let’s Vaguely Saunter Into The Sunset

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Lazy/Unhelpful, Silly, South Africa | Romantic | November 7, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are cuddled up watching TV and playfully talking about eloping. I am notoriously lazy.)

Me: “Let’s run away together!”

Boyfriend: “You realise the word ‘run’ is in there, right?”

Me: “Never mind. Let’s brisk-walk away together!”

Boyfriend: “That’s still moving, my love.”

Me: “Fine, then carry me to the car so we can drive off into the sunset… with you driving. I’ll be by your side forever! Passenger side.”

Boyfriend: *laughing and kissing my forehead* ” You’re such a romantic!”

Me: “I try.”

[florida80]

My Boyfriend The Arsonist

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Canada, Extra Stupid, Phone, Safety | Romantic | November 6, 2017


(I’m on the phone with my boyfriend.)

Me: “Hey.”

Boyfriend: “Hey. How are you?”

Me: “I’m good. How’re you?”

Boyfriend: “I’m— OH, S***! HANG ON A SECOND!”

Me: “What? Okay?”

Boyfriend: *after a moment* “Okay, I’m back.”

Me: “Okay? What happened?”

Boyfriend: “I started a fire.”

Me: “What? Are you okay?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I put it out. It’s fine.”

Me: “What happened?”

Boyfriend: “I turned on the wrong burner and that burner had a bunch of napkins on it.”

Me: “You turned on the burner without clearing it first?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, but it’s okay. I put it out.”

Me: “Are the napkins still on the stove?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

Me: “Move them, right now! In fact, clear the stove top of everything you’re not heating up, right now!”

Boyfriend: “But it’s [Roommate]’s things and—”

Me: “I DON’T F****** CARE! CLEAR IT ALL OFF THE STOVE TOP, RIGHT NOW!”

Boyfriend: “Okay! I’m on it!” *after a moment* “Okay. It’s done.”

Me: “Good. It’s better to touch [Roommate]’s things without permission than to set [Roommate]’s things on fire.”

Boyfriend: “Good point.”

[florida80]

Pure Precious Jealousy

Adorable Children, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Dating, Grocery Store, Richmond, Silly, USA, Virginia | Romantic | November 5, 2017


(I met my husband when we both worked for a grocery store. We’ve only been dating a few months at this point, and I like to pick on him about things. A new cashier has just started, and he is around our age, but he seems young and nerdy. I think he’s cute in his awkwardness, like a child, and I mention it to my then-boyfriend.)

Boyfriend: “How can you say that to me?”

Me: “What do you mean? Do you want me to lie?”

Boyfriend: “Well, no, but you don’t have to tell me, either!”

(Just then, a mother with her young son dressed in a Superman costume walks by. A coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “Did you see him? Wasn’t he just precious?”

Me: *eyes light up* “I know! He was so adorable!”

(My boyfriend glowers at me and turns a dark shade of red before I burst out laughing.)

Me: “We’re talking about the little boy in a costume! Did you not see him?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, no, I didn’t. I thought you were talking about the other guy, still.”

(He finally saw how funny that was and chuckled about it. I still like to pick on him about the day he was jealous of a five-year-old.)

[florida80]

Deadly Pillow Talk

Anniversary, Australia, Cousins, home, New South Wales, Silly, Spouses & Partners, Sydney | Romantic | November 4, 2017


(It’s our wedding anniversary and my husband’s cousin is congratulating us.)

Cousin: *to me* “I don’t know how you’ve put up with him so long. What’s the trick?”

Me: “He keeps struggling out from under the pillow.”

Husband: *nods*

[florida80]

Have Reached Your Mac Potential

Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, home, Spouses & Partners, USA, Washington | Romantic | November 3, 2017


(My wife likes to make mac and cheese from scratch, but I usually make it from a box.)

Wife: “Do we have any cheese?”

Me: “I think so.”

Wife: “If we do, I’ll make mac and cheese.”

Me: “Wait, why do you need cheese for mac and cheese?”

(I caught my error, but my wife teased me for a few minutes.)

[florida80]

I’m Totally Coconuts About You

Dating, Geeks Rule, home, India, Kerala, Silly | Romantic | November 2, 2017


(During the early days of my courtship with my husband, we have many long conversations. We often ask each other things about ourselves. During one such talk, I tell him I like flowers, and he asks what kind. I am a nerd, and hence start on my long talk on the different kinds of flowers and their different meanings, as I like all kinds of flowers.)

Me: “Do you know that daisies stand for purity, chrysanthemums stand for fidelity…” *and so on*

Husband: “I will get you a coconut flower.”

Me: “Okay.”

Husband: “Do you know what that stands for?”

(I am stumped.)

Me: “Hmm… I don’t know.”

Husband: “It means I am willing to climb a coconut tree for you.”

[florida80]

Not Your Happy Place

British Columbia, Canada, home, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Powell River, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | November 1, 2017


Me: “You know that ‘Happy’ song that you really hate?”

Husband: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “I heard it playing somewhere when I was out running errands today. You know that part where it goes something like, ‘if you feel like a room without a roof?’”

Husband: “Yeah, I guess.”

Me: “Well, I was thinking. A room without a roof, eh. Wouldn’t that be a cubicle?”

[florida80]

Not Your Happy Place

British Columbia, Canada, home, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Powell River, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | November 1, 2017


Me: “You know that ‘Happy’ song that you really hate?”

Husband: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “I heard it playing somewhere when I was out running errands today. You know that part where it goes something like, ‘if you feel like a room without a roof?’”

Husband: “Yeah, I guess.”

Me: “Well, I was thinking. A room without a roof, eh. Wouldn’t that be a cubicle?”

[florida80]

Make Your Blood Run Cold

Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Health & Body, home, Pets & Animals, Texas, USA, Waco | Romantic | October 31, 2017


(My boyfriend has a German Shepherd who, while playing at the dog park, cut his paw on something. We are looking at the injury on our bed, trying to keep the dog calm.)

Me: “Here, let me take the blanket off the bed so he doesn’t stain it.”

Boyfriend: “Thanks, babe.”

Me: “No problem. I have dealt with plenty of blood in my life, and I know how hard it is to get stains out of fabric.”

Boyfriend: *looks up at me in horror*

Me: “I menstruate.”

Boyfriend: “Oh…”

[florida80]

Got That Whey Wrong

Flirting, home, Language & Words, Roommates, Rude & Risque, USA | Romantic | October 30, 2017


(I am living with my mom, who is renting space from another woman who lives with her son. There has been some fooling around between her son and me periodically, but we’re not a couple. I’ve just run my first marathon and am resting on the couch watching movies, and he’s been texting his friends to hang out. Both of our moms are gone for the night and I’ve just gotten off the phone with my mom, talking about my marathon. This entire conversation takes place while my roommate looks at his phone.)

Roommate: *still texting* “So, how’s your mom?”

Me: “She’s fine. We just talked about my marathon and how sore I currently am. She says I need some protein and they’ll be less painful.”

Roommate: “Yeah, you need some protein. It’ll help you recover faster.”

(He’s currently standing next to the couch and his crotch is right about the same level as my face.)

Roommate: “I’ve got some protein I can give you.”

Me: *confused look* “What?”

Roommate: “Yeah, it won’t take long, and I can make it right here.”

Me: “Uh… I don’t really feel like doing that right now. I’m just really tired and sore.”

Roommate: “Seriously, it won’t take long, and it’s not that much of an inconvenience for me.”

(He finally looks away from his phone and sees my utterly confused face and notices his stance and location.)

Roommate: “Oh, my God. WHEY PROTEIN. I HAVE WHEY PROTEIN POWDER. DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU A WHEY PROTEIN SHAKE WITH MILK?”

Me: *dies laughing as he makes me a shake*

[florida80]

A Clumsy Attempt At Dating

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Health & Body, Hotel, Salt Lake City, Silly, USA, Utah | Romantic | October 29, 2017


(My boyfriend and I have only been dating about a month, and I’ve warned him that I am horribly clumsy and he’ll probably spend a lot of time in emergency rooms with me if we end up staying together. Somehow, in the month we’ve been dating, I’ve suddenly become coordinated enough to hide this from him, so he doesn’t believe I’m as klutzy as I claim. We are on a business trip with some colleagues in Salt Lake City when the following happens. We are standing outside a hotel waiting for a cab. It’s early December and the ballroom of the hotel is decorated beautifully for Christmas.)

Me: “Oh, wow! Look at how big that room is, and it’s so pretty!”

Boyfriend: “It really is.”

(He is standing a bit farther down the window, looking in towards the back of the room. I swing my head intensely towards the window to get a better look at the decorations, which results in me SLAMMING my forehead hard enough to bounce off the glass.)

Me: “OWWWW!”

Boyfriend: “WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!” *starts laughing*

Me: “Those are some very clean windows…”

Boyfriend: “This is what you were talking about it, wasn’t it?”

Me: “I warned you.”

Boyfriend: “This is going to be fun.”

(That was almost three years ago, and we were just recently married. I guess he decided he could handle all my injuries!)

[florida80]

Couldn’t Let That Fluttershy Just Flutter By

Games, home, Pennsylvania, Punny, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | October 28, 2017


(I’m sitting in the bedroom, listening to my husband play a video game in the next room. It’s a space flight game, and uses a “frame ship drive” to jump between star systems. Because of the voice they used for the computer, it always sounds like “friendship drive” to us. I love puns and wordplay.)

Me: “Hey, hon?”

Husband: *from next room* “Yeah?”

Me: “Your game needs its own show: My Little Spaceship: Frame Ship is Science.”

Husband: *laughs*

[florida80]

A TV-Perfect Wedding

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Chicago, Geeks Rule, home, Movies & TV, Silly, USA | Romantic | October 27, 2017


(There’s a TV series I’m a big fan of that features two brothers. The brothers are very different and don’t get along, and fans of this show tend to side with either one or the other. I’ve finally gotten my boyfriend to watch the show with me. I haven’t said much about my own preferences because I don’t want him to be biased, but [Brother A] is my absolute favorite character, and I’m a little worried my boyfriend will prefer [Brother B], who I think is kind of a jerk. We watch the episode that introduces [Brother B] and the conflict between the two, and I’m waiting for my boyfriend’s verdict, a little nervously.)

Boyfriend: “That was a great episode! I think [Brother B] is being kind of unfair, though. I mean, yeah, [Brother A] was being kind of irresponsible, but how was he supposed to know the portal could destroy the world when [Brother B] wrote the warnings in invisible ink? All [Brother B] said was that the secret journal had to be kept safe. That’s not much to go on, and [Brother A] was just trying to protect their family.”

(I’d been watching him with my mouth hanging open, and this was about the point when I finally just kissed him, cutting him off. This may be the man I marry

[florida80]

Really Hates Green

Bizarre, Ireland, Outdoors, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | October 26, 2017


(My husband and I have had some really stressful months this year and we are really at the end of our mental and emotional resources. We recently had a big fight, which mostly had to do with us both being stressed, and now we are having a relaxing day to get away from it. We are stopped at a red light, and we start to discuss a chest of drawers we want to get. When discussed before, the idea of getting a lime green one came up, but now my husband is mentioning a beige one.)

Me: “Yeah, but I really liked the idea of the green one. What do you think of the green?”

Husband: “No. NO!” *wagging his finger at me* “I said, ‘NO!’ I SAID, ‘NO!’”

(At this point I was literally thinking, “Okay, he’s completely gone crazy.” Then I realized that a windscreen washer was standing outside my window and my husband was yelling at him.)

[florida80]

Finally Made Her Crack

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Health & Body, home, Silly, UK | Romantic | October 25, 2017


(My boyfriend has always had a problem with me cracking my knuckles. He’s tried everything to get me to stop. On one occasion, I am about to crack my knuckles when my boyfriend grabs my hand.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “Stopping you! Every time you try to crack, I’m going to rub them until you stop!”

(He starts rubbing my knuckles, and for a few seconds he looks satisfied, until he raises my finger and it causes one of the knuckles to crack. He lets go instantly and curls up on the other end of the sofa, looking thoroughly disgusted with himself.)

Me: “Cheers, babe!”

[florida80]

Stupid Minds Think Alike

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Food & Drink, home, Silly, USA, Wisconsin | Romantic | October 24, 2017


(It is our day off and my boyfriend and I each make something simple to eat for lunch. I mix salsa and sour cream together just to eat with some chips, but I unfortunately pour way too much salsa into the bowl.)

Me: *thinking to myself* “Hmm, [Boyfriend] might like to eat his pizza rolls with my salsa. Oh, don’t ask him that; what a stupid idea.”

(I leave the room for a couple of moments, and then come back and finish eating, but unfortunately end up tossing the rest of the dip.)

Boyfriend: *while I’m throwing out the salsa* “You know, while you weren’t in the room I tried my pizza rolls with your salsa, and it was really good, but I didn’t want you to see me eating it because I thought it was such a stupid idea!”

[florida80]

A Piercing Attack From Chauvinism

Hotel, Jerk, Medford, Oregon, USA | Romantic | October 23, 2017


(I work at a world-renowned brand of high class hotels, and most people are pretty surprised when they see me in a suit with piercings in my face — I have a nose ring and spider bites on my mouth. Most people are pretty supportive and interested, or at least polite, but then this encounter happens:)

Me: “Good afternoon! How can I help you today?”

Elderly Gentleman: “What’s that in your face? Stitches? A birth mark?”

Me: “No, sir! They’re piercings.”

Elderly Gentleman: “Oh, God, don’t even go there. I hate that. I won’t even date someone with facial piercings.”

Me: *smiling through gritted teeth* “Well, that works for me, because I wear them as a deterrent for men who assume that I dress for their pleasure.”

[florida80]

Your Skeletons Don’t Need To Be In The Closet

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Norway, Silly | Romantic | October 22, 2017


(My boyfriend is notorious for not noticing things in our living space. I have to put things right in front of him for him to notice, and even then it’s 50/50 chance he’ll react. I just put up a small picture of a character from a comic. A few minutes later he walks past it.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, I see you’ve put up a picture of [Character].”

Me: “Yes, I did. I’m surprised you noticed it this quickly.”

Boyfriend: “Why, has it been there long?”

Me: “No, I put it up like five minutes ago. But usually you never notice these things.”

Boyfriend: “Like what?”

Me: “The hedgehog figure I put in the window sill in our previous apartment? It took you weeks to notice it, and it wasn’t even that small or hidden away.”

Boyfriend: “That was just because I never looked at the window sill! Like, right now you could hide a dead body by the living room window and I wouldn’t notice because I never look that way!”

Me: “…Okay.”

[florida80]

Sympathy Is Number One

Australia, Health & Body, home, Revolting, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | October 21, 2017


(Flu season is really bad this year, and despite vaccination, I catch a nasty case. I’m really bad at being sick, and my husband and I argue about how much I’m allowed to do while ill. He has banned me from doing almost anything on my own, and I’ve been getting a little stir-crazy despite the fever, chills, and aches. He comes into the room as I’m climbing back into bed.)

Husband: “Are you okay? I heard you rattling around in here.”

Me: “I just got up to use the loo and re-wet my wash cloth.”

Husband: “I could’ve done that for you!”

Me: *pauses* “Repeat that?”

Husband: “I could’ve done that for you! You should really stay in bed.”

Me: “I’m not sure you can pee for me, Babe.”

Husband: *joking* “I could pee in sympathy. Like that time I rubbed your back when you had food poisoning, and ended up puking right after you finished?”

Me: “Thanks for reminding me of that. I totally needed it right now.”

Husband: “Anything to make you feel better!”

[florida80]

All Relationships Start Out Cheesy

Arizona, Engaged, Food & Drink, home, Parents/Guardians, Silly, USA | Romantic | October 20, 2017


(My fiancé has recently proposed to me. We rent our home next door to my father in an effort to save money. This can be convenient at times, if my father or I run out of something, if one of us can go to the store for the other, etc. My fiancé and I are sitting at home for the evening when I get a call from a family friend, who is currently visiting my father.)

Friend: “Hey, [My Name], do you guys have any cheese?”

Me: “Yeah, but it belongs to [Fiancé].”

Friend: “Oh. Do you think I could have some? Wait… Your dad wants to talk to you.”

(My father comes onto the line and asks the same question, saying that our friend is out of the usual snacks we keep on hand for her when she visits, since she is allergic to gluten.)

Me: “Hey, [Fiancé], can [Friend] have a couple slices of cheese?”

Fiancé: *rather reluctant since it’s an expensive brand* “Ehhh, I dunno.”

Me: *to my father* “[Fiancé] wants to be compensated. What does he get?”

Father: “He gets to marry my daughter. How about that?”

Me: “Okay!” *to fiancé* “My dad says you can marry me if you give [Friend] cheese. What do you think? You wanna buy me for two slices of cheese?”

(Our friend got her cheese!)

[florida80]

Not Really Feline This Relationship

home, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | October 19, 2017


Partner: *from the next room* “You know I love you!”

Me: *touched at this sweet, out-of-the-blue comment* “Thanks, Sweetie. I love you, too.”

Partner: *pauses* “I was talking to the cat.”

[florida80]

And You’re Mean To Boot

home, Oregon, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA, Wilsonville | Romantic | October 18, 2017


(My husband and I are getting ready for the day when following conversation happens.)

Me: “I told someone on the internet that they are wrong. Someone attacked my personality and I had to start a debate, you know? And a person kept trying to conjure some arguments, but all they got was a set of logical fallacies. I was forced to point them out. The person kept trying. I kept pointing out why my statement is correct and their argument has no ground. I think the other person was more invested in proving me wrong. And I had fun. I am so mean.”

Husband: “You are not mean. You just want to wipe your feet on them.”

Me: “Not my feet. My muddy boots.”

Husband: “Okay. Your shoes?”

Me: “My. Muddy. Boots.”

Husband: “I take it back. You are mean.”

[florida80]

Scouting For The Saddest Joke

Bigotry, home, LGBTQ, Scouts, Spouses & Partners, USA, Washington | Romantic | October 17, 2017


(My wife used to be a Boy Scout and was kicked out at 18 for being gay, before she came to terms with being a woman. So, I am surprised when she comes home with a box of popcorn the Boy Scouts were selling.)

Me: “This is the worst and least original joke, but is Boy Scout popcorn made from real Boy Scouts?”

Wife: “Yeah, it’s made from the gay and trans kids they kick out.”

Me: *pauses* “My joke wasn’t funny, but you didn’t have to make it sad.”

[florida80]

Smothering With A Different Kind Of Love

Health & Body, home, Silly, Spouses & Partners, Texas, USA | Romantic | October 16, 2017


(My wife and I are getting ready for bed. She’s been suffering from her allergies, stuffed up really bad. This night, it’s considerably worse than others. I do not condone violence; all of the following is said in jest.)

Wife: “Honey, I’m sorry if I snore too much tonight. If I get too bad, please—”

Me: *interrupting her* “Smother you with a pillow so I can sleep. Got it.”

Wife: “No! Just s—”

Me: *interrupting her again* “Right, smother you with a pillow. No worries.”

Wife: “No! Just roll me over!”

Me: *kissing her on the forehead* “Roger. Pillow, face, smother. Love you. Goodnight.”

(I’m still not sure why she married me.)

[florida80]

Chips Trump Love

Engaged, Food & Drink, home, Massachusetts, Silly, Somerset, USA | Romantic | October 15, 2017


(My fiancé and I are eating Mexican takeout at home. He holds out his hand, and I take it.)

Fiancé: “No, I wanted chips, not your hand.”

[florida80]

She Eats People Like You For Breakfast

Comeuppance, Fast Food, Harassment, Revolting, Rude & Risque, USA | Romantic | October 14, 2017


(My friend is working the drive-thru. After the customer gives his order and pulls to the window, this lovely exchange happens:)

Customer: “You know, a guy like me likes to see girls like you on her back, preferably naked.”

Friend: “You know, a girl like me likes to see guys like you in an oven, preferably with it preheated to 350 already.”

Customer: “I was just trying to be flattering.”

Friend: “You were just trying to be raunchy for shock value, and it didn’t work.”

Customer: “What if I had feelings for you?”

Friend: “Wouldn’t change mine toward you, which is hungry.”

Customer: “As in good hungry?”

Friend: “As in Hannibal hungry.”

Customer: *drives off*

[florida80]

A Disagreement To Bring The House Down

Car, Non-Dialogue, Seattle, Spouses & Partners, Washington | Romantic | October 13, 2017


Early in my marriage, it became quickly apparent that my new wife had much higher, and therefore pricier, standards when it came to residences than I did. We were both from areas with much cheaper housing than Seattle, but at that time I was the only one who seemed to allow that to re-shape my expectations of where I could live. Sometimes I’d bring up a neighborhood I’d like to live in, and she’d recoil in horror; by her standards, such places were run-down and trashy, whereas by my standards they were quite reasonable and quaint.

One day we were driving on a particular stretch of highway that had notoriously bad traffic, and I noticed that my gas gauge was precariously low. I was coming up on the last exit before I would get onto the bridge heading into Seattle, and I wasn’t confident I could make it to the city on what I had, given the traffic. So, I took the exit and started looking for a gas station in the small township outside of Seattle. My wife was admiring the nice yards and homes and said calmly, “See? This is the kind of neighborhood I could live in.”

I replied, “Honey, this is Bill Gates’s neighborhood.” I gave her a “give me a break” look.

She got the message and saw her issue. Our standards still don’t match, but the gap is considerably smaller than it was.

[florida80]

He Can Go Sleep In The Garage

home, Jerk, Liars/Scammers, New South Wales, Spouses & Partners, Sydney | Romantic | October 12, 2017


(Our two-car garage is a mess. My husband insists I have to help tidy it.)

Husband: “We’ll take sides; you do that side and I’ll do this side. Most of the things on your side are yours.”

(I get to work tidying my side. He’s constantly watching so I don’t throw out anything that might remotely be his. If he’s not doing that, he’s fiddling around with his tools, not actually doing any tidying. I get my side looking good, and even set up a table so I can do some crafting out there. It’s taken me half the day, and his side has barely been touched.)

Me: “Okay, I’m finished, just in time to cook dinner.”

(It takes about half an hour to cook the dinner, and when it’s ready, I call my husband in.)

Me: “Are you going to continue cleaning after you eat?”

Husband: “I’m completely finished; my side of the garage is clean.”

(I couldn’t believe that he’d taken just half an hour to do it, after doing almost nothing out there for almost four hours. I walked out to find that the mess and rubbish from his side had now been moved to my side. The next day, he showed his brother his tidy side of the garage and what my side looks like. His brother has often called me lazy in the past, and this is no exception. My husband now wonders why I have to take photos of everything I do.)

[florida80]

Wazoo Cramps

California, Health & Body, home, Language & Words, San Francisco, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | October 11, 2017


(My wife has a love-hate relationship with ibuprofen: it makes her drowsy, but it’s also the only thing that soothes her menstrual cramps.)

Wife: “Ooh… cramps just kicked in. Ibuprofen up the wazoo.”

Me: “That seems less than ideal. I don’t think your body will absorb it properly if you put it up your wazoo.”

Wife: “Oh, my God. You’re ridiculous.”

[florida80]

A Very Touching Disaster

Bedroom, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Extra Stupid, home, USA | Romantic | October 10, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. He has an old down pillow that he sleeps with. He grabs the pillow from behind his head and slaps it down over his legs.)

Me: “So, that’s why I keep finding feathers.”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s not.”

(He throws the pillow back up and then smacks it down on his legs again, except this time the pillow actually rips in half and spills feathers all over the bed. He lays there and stares at the mess, as I laugh so hard I almost cry. I run to the bathroom as he is stuffing the pillow and most of the feathers into the trash. When I return, he is walking out the front door.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “I just shook out the blanket off the porch, and now I have to find whatever it is I just flung across the yard that was in the blanket.”

Me: *still laughing* “I bet it was the TV remote. You better not have lost the batteries. We don’t have any more.”

(Sure enough, the remote is in the yard, and he manages to find the batteries in the grass. I start to laugh again as he hands them to me before he walks back inside.)

Me: “You’re not allowed to touch things.”

(I put the batteries back in the remote and set it back onto the bed before heading to the kitchen. I pass by the cat who is sitting on the edge of the couch as my boyfriend is walking towards us.)

Me: “[Cat], run! Don’t let him touch you!”

Boyfriend: “Ha. Ha.”

(A few seconds later, I hear a “thwack” sound followed by, “God d*** it.” I look back into the bedroom and my boyfriend is standing there with his hand over his face.)

Boyfriend: “Just… I just threw my phone on the bed.”

(I look over and see that his phone has managed to smack into the remote, causing the batteries to fly out of it and across the bed. I burst out laughing.)

Boyfriend: “I’m going to sleep!”

(I love the big goof.)

[florida80]

A Truly Capital Relationship

home, Spouses & Partners, USA, Washington | Romantic | October 9, 2017


(I have recently taken a job as a merchandiser. I have had a rough day, so after work I seek validation from my wife. She’s an anarchist, so I know her validation will be flavored with that.)

Me: “You love and respect me, even though I’m a capitalist monkey, right?”

Wife: “Of course. I used to work for [Unpleasant Company], after all!”

Me: “Yeah, but your role was important. I’m useless.”

Wife: “I spent my time making my department more efficient for capitalism. Your job is more anti-capitalist, because you’re being paid by the company to do almost nothing!”

(Somehow it didn’t help that much with my problem of feeling useless.)

[florida80]

Do Not Make Contact With Your Girlfriend

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nashville, Restaurant, Strangers, Tennessee, USA | Romantic | October 8, 2017


(I am waiting for my boyfriend at a restaurant and this happens:)

Stranger With Glasses: *walks up to me* “Hey, beautiful.”

(The stranger kisses me before I can react. I freak out and punch him in the face, throwing him to the floor and knocking off his glasses.)

Me: “YOU CRAZY SICKO! Wait a minute… [Boyfriend]?”

(And that’s how I found out my boyfriend wears contacts.)

[florida80]

Do Not Make Contact With Your Girlfriend

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nashville, Restaurant, Strangers, Tennessee, USA | Romantic | October 8, 2017


(I am waiting for my boyfriend at a restaurant and this happens:)

Stranger With Glasses: *walks up to me* “Hey, beautiful.”

(The stranger kisses me before I can react. I freak out and punch him in the face, throwing him to the floor and knocking off his glasses.)

Me: “YOU CRAZY SICKO! Wait a minute… [Boyfriend]?”

(And that’s how I found out my boyfriend wears contacts.)

[florida80]

That Was Rebound To Happen

Engaged, home, Language & Words, USA | Romantic | October 7, 2017


(My fiancé and I have this silly thing where one of us will say something like, “There’s a cupcake,” and the other will say, “You’re a cupcake.” One day this backfires on him. My fiancé throws trash at the bin. It bounces off the rim and lands in a nearby box.)

Me: “Ohhhh, rebound!”

Fiancé: “You’re a rebound!”

(Moment of silence, followed by a moment of me pretending to be hurt.)

Fiancé: “I didn’t think that one through.”

[florida80]

Leaving This Argument Behind

Australia, Fights/Breakups, home, New South Wales, Spouses & Partners, Sydney | Romantic | October 6, 2017


(We don’t argue very often but when we do, my husband usually makes a comment that I should just pack up and leave. It’s never him doing the leaving; it’s always me — especially when the argument is not going his way. He’s following a pattern that I’ve seen his parents follow with each other. Saying anything about it just starts a whole new argument. We’ve had one of these arguments, he’s gone to work the next day, and I’ve stripped everything of mine out of the bedroom. I leave my drawers and wardrobe open for effect. Our teenagers have noticed and asked what I am doing as I carry everything to our back room.)

Me: “Oh, I’m just sorting through my clothes and stuff. I need to get rid of things and de-clutter.”

(I am sitting out, folding and sorting, when I hear my husband get home and go into the bedroom. A few moments later I hear him in the kitchen with my son.)

Husband: *very quietly* “Do you know where Mum is?”

Son: “Yeah, she is in the family room.”

(I don’t even acknowledge him as he looks in the door, just keep folding my clothes while watching TV. I think my passive-aggressive lesson worked; he’s never made a comment like that in the five years since.)

[florida80]

Make Love, Not Warcraft, Fifth Expansion

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Games, home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Non-Dialogue, Olympia, USA, Washington | Romantic | October 5, 2017


I am 18, and have a boyfriend who is addicted to World of Warcraft. Sometimes his addiction gets the better of him.

We are standing in the kitchen talking about something, and in the middle of my sentence, he leaves the kitchen and walks into our bedroom, where the computer is, where he proceeds to sit for about ten minutes.

He then comes out, and asks if I had been saying something before he left the kitchen.

It turns out he had gotten an idea about WoW, and had to go play it right that second. He hadn’t even heard a word I said

[florida80]

My Husband The T-Rex

Australia, Bizarre, home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | October 4, 2017


Me: *making toast in the kitchen* “What are you looking for?”

Husband: “Paper towel.”

Me: *hands it to him; it is right next to his hand* “Wow, that really was a man-look.”

Husband: “I can’t help it. Men have eyesight based on movement. It’s true. Look it up. It’s a hunter thing.”

Me: *laughs* “Are you saying that all men are predators?”

Husband: “Rawr!”

[florida80]

My Partner Is Not So Smart (Phone)

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, British Columbia, Canada, Extra Stupid, home, Technology, Victoria | Romantic | October 3, 2017


(I have just gotten a new cellphone, and am entering numbers into it.)

Girlfriend: “You should put your number in there, in case you lose it!”

Me: “Good idea!” *I start to add a new number, then stop.* “Wait… how would that help me?”

Girlfriend: “Well, if you left your phone here, I could call you!”

Me: “But if I put the number into my phone… and you have my phone… how will you call me?”

Girlfriend: “By calling your number!”

Me: “But if you’re calling my phone, and you HAVE MY PHONE…”

(We went back and forth a couple more times before she realized that putting my cell number in my cell wouldn’t be as useful as she first thought.)

[florida80]

Putting Those Texts Into Context

Germany, home, Marriage & Partners, Rude & Risque |
Romantic | October 2, 2017

(My partner’s brother got married about two months ago.)

Partner: “His texts all have an undertone of happy to them! He’s clearly still in the newlywed phase!”

Me: *because I’m a terrible person* “Would you say they have an… afterglow?”

Partner: “Ew! No! My brother is a priest! He has a Master’s degree in the New Testament!”

Me: “That doesn’t make him a priest, you know. He needed that for the private school he works at.”

Partner: “Lalalala, not listening! My brother is a priest and no one can convince me otherwise!”

[florida80]

A Man’s Duty Is Not About Booty

Gas Station, Harassment, Rude & Risque, Strangers, Texas, USA | Romantic | October 1, 2017


(I’m 17 and my friend has suckered me into working at my first job selling alarm systems door-to-door. They drop us off at random locations that we’re expected to canvas all day. I’m taking my lunch break, sitting outside a gas station on top of a small hill. A shirtless man passes by on the bottom of the hill, obviously going into the other entrance. He emerges with an energy drink and walks until he gets to the corner, then walks back. I don’t think anything of it and keep eating. Suddenly, he’s in front of me.)

Guy: “Hey!”

Me: “Hi.”

Guy: “I’ve seen you walking around, and I wouldn’t be doing my duty as a man if I didn’t tell you that you have the most beautiful a** I’ve ever seen.”

Me: *embarrassed and freaked out* “Thank you.”

Guy: “Just thought I’d let you know.” *starts walking away, then turns back to me* “My name is [Name].”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Guy: “You got a boyfriend?”

Me: “No.”

Guy: “What’s your number?”

Me: *trying to dissuade him with the obvious age difference* “How old are you?”

Guy: *puffs out chest* “How old do you think I am?”

Me: *lying* “About 25-26?” *still old enough the age difference should matter*

Guy: “Well, how old are you?”

Me: “I’m 17.”

Guy: *obviously shaken* “I’m actually 37… so, that’s a little old for you, right?”

Me: “Yeah, kind of.”

Guy: “Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you. Just remember, you have a beautiful a**. I was just doing my duty as a man.”

(He never talked to me face to face after that, but for the next two weeks I was stationed there, and whenever he saw me walking, he’d call out, “BEAUTY WITH A BOOTY!”)

[florida80]

Cross That Bridge When You Come To It

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Kentucky, Louisville, Outdoors/Outside, USA | Romantic | September 30, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are going on a walk across a bridge over the river. We’ve only been together a couple of months, so it isn’t super serious yet.)

Me: *as we walk up the ramp* “I heard of a guy who proposed to his girlfriend here.”

Boyfriend: “I’ll bet that happens a lot.”

Me: “I could make a joke here, but I won’t.”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’m not going to do it NOW!”

[florida80]

A Marriage That Hookers You In

Car, Finland, Flirting, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | September 29, 2017


(My husband and I work near each other and carpool to work. He is dropping me off at my office.)

Me: “I really don’t feel like doing [work task] today.”

Husband: *in a suggestive tone* “Well, I can think of an alternative to doing [work task].”

Me: “Yeah, but I don’t get paid for that.”

[florida80]

Keeping Things Clean In This Relationship

Germany, Health & Body, home, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | September 28, 2017


(My partner has severe OCD. Thanks to a particularly disgusting scene in a certain movie about a hotel for dogs, they get sick if human hair wraps around their hands, feet, or face. It’s worse if they find hair in their food. Normally, I have to clean the shower drain before they can use it. On this day, I’m feeling really sick. I lie down and pass out for a while. When I come to, I hear the shower running.)

Me: *thinking* “That’s weird. I guess it was clean enough?”

(I walk over to the bathroom and start laughing. My partner has their head over the edge of the tub, and is trying to scrub as best they can.)

Partner: “Oh! Hi! I didn’t want to wake you, but I had to shower.”

Me: “Aww, thanks for letting me sleep.”

Partner: “Of course! You need your rest when you’re sick.”

Me: “I love you.”

[florida80]

Found Yourself A True Renaissance Man

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Costume Shop, Fair, Love/Romance, Money, Pennsylvania, USA | Romantic | September 27, 2017


(This is the second year I’ve gone to the local Renaissance fair with my boyfriend, and the first year I’ve had any kind of money to spend, so I’m quite eager to head to one of the major costume shops along the main street. The capes from this shop are STUNNING, and I have been wanting one for years, so I’ve made sure I’ve got what I think is enough money to buy one. I drag my boyfriend over to the stall to look over which ones he thinks look best on me.)

Me: “Excuse me, how much are these emerald cloaks over here?”

Shop Lady: “Oh, the unpainted ones are [price way higher than I expected], but if you want one of the painted ones, it’s [higher price].”

Me: *heart sinking a good bit* “Oh, okay. Thanks!” *I sigh and whisper to my boyfriend* “Oh, well. I can always get it next year.”

Boyfriend: *smiling as he squeezes my hand* “You sure? I can lend you the money or something.”

Me: *awkwardly blushing, wondering if it sounded like I was guilt-tripping him to pay* “Nah, it’s fine; I don’t need it, and I don’t know when I could pay you back. Thank you so much for offering, though. It means a lot to me.”

(I go back to admiring the painted capes, making sure I knew which cape I’d want the next year when I could get one for myself. My boyfriend excuses himself for a moment and one of the shopkeepers chats with me for a bit. Next thing I know, my boyfriend is back with one of the bags the store puts purchases in. I stare at him for a moment before it clicks.)

Me: “Did you…?”

Boyfriend: *with a smile that I swear lit up the whole park as he hands me the bag* “Don’t worry about paying me back. Consider it a two-week-early birthday present.”

(I’m ready to cry, I am so touched! My whole face warms up as I blush, and I can’t stop grinning. He takes my hand and gives it a gentle kiss, looking at me adorably.)

Shop Lady: *winks* “Just so you know, those capes are waterproof if you ever wanna wear yours after a shower. Say, after he’s gotten home and you’ve got nothing else to greet him in…”

(Now it was his turn to blush as I giggled uncontrollably.)

[florida80]

You Just Know The Vegans Are Not Going To Be Chill(i) About This

Dunnellon, Engaged, Florida, Food & Drink, home, Jerk, USA | Romantic | September 26, 2017


(My fiancée and I discover a brand of frozen food that is amazing. We notice upon purchase that it is gluten free, but it takes us a while longer to realize it is vegan. Neither of us have any reason to need vegan food, being huge carnivores anyway, and my fiancée is crotchety, antisocial, and has a history of butting heads with the self-righteous types.)

Me: *stealing bites of her chili mac and cheese* “I still can’t believe something this hearty is completely meatless.”

Fiancée: *stealing it back* “I know; I never would have known if we hadn’t spotted the label on the spicy chili! I don’t know why they’d make the entire company vegan, though.”

Me: “It’s a relatively untapped market; vegans don’t have a ton of options for convenience like this, maybe three or four big brands, and almost nothing this cheap.”

(My fiancée gets a funny look on her face and puts the spoon down.)

Fiancée: *gleefully* “I just realized. We’re taking food from the vegans!”

(She’s terrible. It’s still funny.)

[florida80]

Must Be Working The Midnight Shift

Bookstore, British Columbia, Canada, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | September 26, 2017


(I tend to dress rather casually at work and, on this day, I’ve worn a bright orange T-shirt with my usual jeans. When I get home after work:)

Me: “You know, I might have to rethink some of my wardrobe choices.”

Husband: “Oh? Why’s that?”

Me: “One of my customers called me ‘Pumpkin’ today

[florida80]

Go Nude Or Go Home

Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Fights/Breakups, Grand Rapids, home, Jerk, Michigan, USA | Romantic | September 25, 2017


(It’s about four am when I receive a call from my boyfriend, who works third shift. I’m a fairly heavy sleeper, and it takes a while for me to wake up. I also sleep nude, as I’ve always found it more comfortable than wearing even light pajamas.)

Boyfriend: “I’m too tired to drive home from work today. Mind if I crash at your place?”

Me: *still half-asleep* “Yeah. Just knock when you get here and I’ll let you in.”

(I fall asleep as soon as the call ends, only waking up when I hear pounding on the door to my studio apartment.)

Me: *opens the door, barely keeping my eyes open* “Mornin’.”

(My boyfriend stands there for a few minutes, and when I blink away the sleep from my eyes I realize he’s looking at me in disgust.)

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “You’re naked.”

Me: *looks down at myself* “Yeah? I was sleeping.”

Boyfriend: “Well, get dressed! What if someone sees you?”

Me: “Then they see a naked fat chick letting her boyfriend in at four am. What’s the problem?”

(My apartment is on the second floor, in the back corner of the complex. Someone would have to be extremely determined, and capable of climbing trees, to look in on me.)

Boyfriend: “Go get dressed this instant.”

Me: *laughs* “I pay the rent; I’ll sleep nude if I want.”

Boyfriend: *getting increasingly flustered* “I’m not coming in until you get some clothes on, and that’s final.”

Me: “Then you’ll sleep in your car. Or outside. I don’t care; I’ve got work in the morning and I’m exhausted.”

Boyfriend: *crosses his arms and stares me down, like some overgrown toddler about to throw a tantrum, for a good minute*

Me: “Good night.” *shuts the door on his face and goes back to bed*

(I woke up to several angry messages from him, almost all of them summed up as, “You’re the worst person in the world and we’re through.” I didn’t bother responding, but I wonder why he was so adamant I cover myself, while he made me hold the door open for five minutes instead of just coming in.)

[florida80]

He’ll Do Things With His Thingy

Engaged, Flirting, home, Rude & Risque, Scotland, UK | Romantic | September 24, 2017


(My fiancée is currently working late shifts, so he is in bed when I leave for work in the morning. I usually give him a kiss goodbye, but I have a minute spare, so I climb into bed to give him a cuddle over the covers.)

Fiancée: “Are you naked?”

Me: “No, I’m just about to leave for work; why would I be naked?”

Fiancée: “I don’t know; I can always hope.”

Me: “What would you do?”

Fiancée: “I don’t know. Things.”

[florida80]

Underwear Beware

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Rude & Risque, UK, Wales | Romantic | September 23, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are in bed at night, binge watching a TV series. We live with his father, so walking around the house in a state of undress is a no-go for me. I suddenly remember I bought grapes, which are my boyfriend’s favourite fruit.)

Me: “I bought grapes, by the way. They’re in the fridge.”

Boyfriend: “Really?!” *looks at me, hinting for me to go get them*

Me: “Now? Ugh, fine. I’ll have to find some PJs. I’m in my underwear here!”

Boyfriend: *flips the duvet cover off himself dramatically and points to his own boxer shorts* “What’s THIS?!”

(At this point he looks down and realises the button on his fly has come loose, and everything is on display. We both crack up laughing.)

Boyfriend: *in a tone of bewilderment* “What is this? I just found it!”

[florida80]

We’re Not Toying With You Anymore

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Jerk, Maine, Pet Store, Portland, USA | Romantic | September 22, 2017


(My boyfriend is the bad customer in this story. We’re picking up a few things for our dog at a pet store when he comes across an aisle of squeaky dog toys and gleefully begins “testing” each one, squeezing it once or twice before moving on to the next one.)

Me: “Do you have any idea how annoying you’re being?”

Boyfriend: “Hey, I just want to know what they all sound like so we can pick out the best one.” *continues squeezing the toys*

Me: “She doesn’t need any new toys, and anyway, they all sound the same. Don’t be rude to the people who work here.”

Boyfriend: “Whatever, they can probably just tune it out. They won’t mind.”

(I’m about to say something else, when an employee approaches with a forced-looking smile. Having worked retail myself, I know a “customer service” smile when I see one.)

Employee: “Do you guys need help finding anything?”

Me: “No, thanks; we’re just about done. Is he driving you all crazy?”

Employee: *still smiling* “I really can’t answer that honestly.”

(I turned back to my boyfriend with a smirk. He blushed, immediately let go of the toy he had been squeaking, and walked quickly towards the registers.)

[florida80]

Ice Cream Can Never Fail

Car, Dating, Spouses & Partners, USA, Wisconsin | Romantic | September 21, 2017


(My partner picks me up from university, with their sister in tow. We take their sister to the local pizza place to pick up her takeaway order, and while she’s inside my partner turns to me.)

Partner: *slightly evasive* “Hey, I need to run some things up if that’s okay.”

Me: “Yeah, sure.” *beat* “Wait, what? I heard, ‘I need to run some things…’ and my brain just filled in, ‘…by you,’ I guess, so I answered okay, but what?”

Partner: *flustered* “Pick some things up. Run and pick some things up. Yeah. After we drop off [Sister]? I just wanted to make sure you’re feeling up to it, since I know you had a long day.”

Me: “Oh! Yeah, that’s fine.”

(Their sister returns, and we drop her off. I mention to her that, as I assume, we’re going to go do some quick grocery shopping. While we’re in the driveway, I turn to my partner and ask:)

Me: “So, what things did you need to pick up?”

Partner: *exclaiming loudly* “[My Favorite Ice Cream Place]!”

Me: “Um, what?”

Partner: *hiding face in hands* “I was going to surprise you by taking you to [Ice Cream Place], because you were so sad last time we tried to go and they were closed. But I’m really bad at lying.”

Me: “Oh no! That’s so sweet of you, though. Thank you!”

Partner: “I was going to be so cool, just driving along, and eventually you were going to ask me where we were going, and I was going to say [Ice Cream Place]! But then you asked immediately and I didn’t have an answer prepared. I failed at being romantic!”

(I didn’t actually feel like I could stomach ice cream right then, anyway, so we did go to the grocery store after all, and picked up some dessert for another night. Next time, I’ll try not to be so nosy!)

[florida80]

Ice Cream Can Never Fail

Car, Dating, Spouses & Partners, USA, Wisconsin | Romantic | September 21, 2017


(My partner picks me up from university, with their sister in tow. We take their sister to the local pizza place to pick up her takeaway order, and while she’s inside my partner turns to me.)

Partner: *slightly evasive* “Hey, I need to run some things up if that’s okay.”

Me: “Yeah, sure.” *beat* “Wait, what? I heard, ‘I need to run some things…’ and my brain just filled in, ‘…by you,’ I guess, so I answered okay, but what?”

Partner: *flustered* “Pick some things up. Run and pick some things up. Yeah. After we drop off [Sister]? I just wanted to make sure you’re feeling up to it, since I know you had a long day.”

Me: “Oh! Yeah, that’s fine.”

(Their sister returns, and we drop her off. I mention to her that, as I assume, we’re going to go do some quick grocery shopping. While we’re in the driveway, I turn to my partner and ask:)

Me: “So, what things did you need to pick up?”

Partner: *exclaiming loudly* “[My Favorite Ice Cream Place]!”

Me: “Um, what?”

Partner: *hiding face in hands* “I was going to surprise you by taking you to [Ice Cream Place], because you were so sad last time we tried to go and they were closed. But I’m really bad at lying.”

Me: “Oh no! That’s so sweet of you, though. Thank you!”

Partner: “I was going to be so cool, just driving along, and eventually you were going to ask me where we were going, and I was going to say [Ice Cream Place]! But then you asked immediately and I didn’t have an answer prepared. I failed at being romantic!”

(I didn’t actually feel like I could stomach ice cream right then, anyway, so we did go to the grocery store after all, and picked up some dessert for another night. Next time, I’ll try not to be so nosy!)

[florida80]

They Don’t Play For Your Team In This Bar

Atlanta, Bar, Georgia, LGBTQ, Strangers, USA | Romantic | September 20, 2017


(I’m at a gay sports bar. I notice one guy that I think is cute, so I go over to talk.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Stranger: “Doing all right.”

Me: “Cool. Enjoying yourself?”

Stranger: “Yeah, but there are a lot of dudes here. Is there a good spot nearby to meet chicks?”

Me: *realization sets in* “You’re not from around here, are you?”

Stranger: “No. Why?”

[florida80]

They Don’t Play For Your Team In This Bar

Atlanta, Bar, Georgia, LGBTQ, Strangers, USA | Romantic | September 20, 2017


(I’m at a gay sports bar. I notice one guy that I think is cute, so I go over to talk.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Stranger: “Doing all right.”

Me: “Cool. Enjoying yourself?”

Stranger: “Yeah, but there are a lot of dudes here. Is there a good spot nearby to meet chicks?”

Me: *realization sets in* “You’re not from around here, are you?”

Stranger: “No. Why?”

[florida80]

Give A Dog A Bone

Michigan, Pets & Animals, Pharmacy, Retail, Rude & Risque, USA | | Healthy | July 11, 2019


(One day at work, I hear my pharmacist and another technician talking about an unusual prescription that’s come in. Curious, I switch to a computer nearby and find them discussing a dog who’s been prescribed the generic for Viagra. Apparently, a recent study has indicated that it may be helpful for relieving coughing in dogs, for some reason, and we spend some time discussing how it might work in that regard. Later, as I’m working on the computer and she’s filling prescriptions behind me, she glances up and leans toward me, chuckling.)

Pharmacist: “You know, it’s hard enough for a person to talk to their doctor about this type of medication. I’d think it’d have to be even harder for a dog!”

Me: *playing along* “Well, yeah. Besides not being able to talk, it’s gotta be way more embarrassing for them, with everything all hanging out and no way to disguise it.”

(After a few moments.)

Me: “I can totally see the commercials, though. This gorgeous Golden Retriever stud going ‘Once, I was the laughing stock of the breeding kennel. But now, I’m back to being top dog, thanks to Viagra!’”

Pharmacist: *cracking up* “See, none of the other health care professions get to enjoy jokes like this.”

(I love my coworkers.)

[florida80]

This happens all the time.

*customer walks up *

Me: Hello!

Customer: Hi, I need to pick up, my doctor called something in earlier.

Me: OK, what’s your name?

Customer: Dr. Blank called it in.

Me: What’s your-

Customer: I think it was for lispil *they usually mean lisinopril, pronounced like it looks*

Me: What’s-

Customer: It was about 2 hours ago, can’t you find it?

Me: *firm voice* What is your NAME?

Customer: Oh! Jane.

Me: And your last name? *medications are sorted by last name*

Customer: *last name*

Me: *finds medication and rings them out*

Honestly, it’s like pulling teeth.

[florida80]

I worked at a pharmacy that was surrounded but seniors homes, so this made up the majority of our clientele, the pharmacy was in a mall which included a grocery store, when the grocery store was closed for Reno’s we brought in some basic staples like milk and bread and continued carrying them after the grocery store re-opened. our suplly was limited we carried only small CARTONS of milk, no jugs.

customer:(with a jug of milk) I want to return this, its passed the expiry date, and I lost the receipt.

me: Ma’am you didn’t purchase this from us, so I cannot process a return

customer: excuse me?! I KNOW where I purchased my milk from, I got from here and you need to return it for me!

me: we do not carry jugs of milk ma’am, only cartons, so you cannot possibly have purchased it from us, perhaps you got it from the grocery store down the hall?

(note I look a lot younger then I am, it is very likely the customer presumed I was in school and only worked part time)
Customer: I bought it from from here, you just must not have been here when the jugs came in.

me: Ma’am we are only open 9 hours a day Monday to Sat and 4 hours on Sundays and I work 8 of those hours Mon-Sat and all of them on Sundays. I place and accept all the orders, I am telling you, we have never had jugged milk in stock, you did not purchase this from us.

Customer:….. oh..sorry *hangs her head and leaves*:

[florida80]

Obama Drama, Part 7

Bizarre, Jerk, Louisiana, Pharmacy, USA | | Right | May 21, 2019


(It is during the Obama presidency. The pharmacy phone rings.)

Caller: “I want to check and see if my prescription is ready.”

Me: “Sure. Could I get your information?”

(I look up the patient and see that his insurance wants additional paperwork from the doctor before they will pay for the medication. This is a VERY common problem, especially for expensive or name-brand medication.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like your prescription isn’t ready because we are still waiting for the doctor to file some additional paperwork with the insurance company.”

Caller: “What do you mean? I was told that my prescription would be ready by five! Why isn’t it ready?”

Me: “Sir, this medication is name-brand and very expensive. Your insurance company doesn’t want to pay for it unless your doctor provides additional paperwork stating that it is medically necessary.”

Caller: “Well, of course it’s medically necessary! My doctor wrote it for me, so I need it! This is ridiculous. I need my medicine!”

Me: “I apologize for that, sir. If you’d like to pay the cash price of [several hundred dollars], I can have your prescription ready in about ten minutes. But unfortunately, if you want your insurance to cover it, you may want to try calling your doctor and making sure he’s filled out the paperwork we faxed to him.”

Caller: “This has nothing to do with my insurance company! You know what this is? This is that ‘Obama-Care’ and his death panels! He’s just trying to kill off all of us old people! I don’t know how he even got in office; he’s a Kenyan!”

(The caller continues spouting out conspiracy theories for another five minutes.)

Caller: “Well, I think I’ve wasted enough of your time. Goodnight.” *click*

Me: “…”

[florida80]

Obama Drama, Part 6

Bizarre, Employees, Massachusetts, Politics, Retail, USA | Working | January 31, 2019


(I work in a major retail chain. One night, we get an unusual truck delivery. Our manager is waiting by the dock with us as we get ready to unload it.)

Manager: *sigh* “All right, everyone. This is going to seem crazy, but I’ve confirmed with the home office that the delivery inside is definitely intended to be ours just the way it is, so just go with it.”

Coworker: “Wait. What the heck is inside?”

Manager: “You’ll see.”

(Shortly after, the truck driver opens the door to reveal an absolutely absurd amount of tangerines. My coworkers and I alternate between staring at the tangerines in amazement and each other in shock and confusion.)

Coworker: “There’s no way this is right. I get that we’re a busy supercenter and all, but there’s no way even we can sell all these oranges before a whole bunch goes bad.”

Manager: “Yep, that’s how I feel, but apparently someone higher up than me disagrees.”

Me: *as I’m sliding my pallet jack under the first pallet* “What reason could there possibly be to make this seem like a good idea?”

Driver: “You want to know what these oranges are for? This is all about that Obamacare!”

(Suddenly, everyone stops what they’re doing to process what the driver has said.)

Manager: “What… What does that have to do with oranges? No, actually, what does that have to do with anything right now?”

Driver: “That’s Obamacare for you; it doesn’t make any sense!”

(We quickly gave up trying to figure out what the driver was talking about. For the next week, all our nightly meetings included a manager urging us all to get a bag of tangerines on the way home. Once the story of the delivery had spread, we would all say goodbye to each other with, “Don’t forget your Obamacare oranges!”)

[florida80]

Obama Drama, Part 5

At The Checkout, Jerk, Retail, Tennessee, USA | Right | July 8, 2018


(At the store where I work, it is policy to card for ALL tobacco and alcohol purchases. It doesn’t matter if the person has grey hair and more wrinkles than a Shar Pei; we still have to card them. Failure to card can lose me my job and cost me and the store a hefty fine. The customer I am serving here appears to be in at least his 60s.)

Customer: “I’ll take a can of [chewing tobacco], please.”

Me: “Certainly.” *unlocks the tobacco cabinet and gets out the can* “May I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “You’re kidding me!”

Customer’s Buddy: “The state of things now! Is this an Obama rule? This is ridiculous how things are nowadays! Is his one of Obama’s rules?”

Me: “No, it is a store rule.”

Customer & His Buddy: *laughs* “A store rule?!”

(The customer handed me his ID, I typed in the birthdate and told him his total, and he paid and left, both of them still laughing. This is not the first time a customer has railed about “Obama taking away their rights” when asked for ID.)

Related:

[florida80]

Obama Drama, Part 4

Bizarre, Jerk, Missouri, Retail, Silly, USA | Right | January 15, 2018


(I work at an office supply store in the printing department. It is a Saturday evening, and a coworker and I are currently putting out ads for the next week. We have just closed our doors, and everything is going fine until we get a call. I don’t pay much attention until my coworker calls me over to take it, as it is for my department. Keep in mind that we are currently closed.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if I could get a price quote on some prints?”

Me: “Sure thing! What are you looking to get?”

(The customer proceeds to describe what he wants, which goes on for a few minutes. The conversation goes well, nothing out of the ordinary, until we reach the end of the conversation.)

Customer: “Sounds good! What time do you all close?”

Me: “We closed about 15 minutes ago, sir, but we open back up at 10:00 tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Aw, man, really? I am actually just right outside. Could you make an exception?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not, but like I said, we open back up tomorrow.”

Customer: “But I’m from out of town and I really need this done.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are closed.”

Customer: “But I’m from Texas; does that change anything?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, sir. We are still closed, regardless.”

(We go back and forth like this for several minutes. He is getting irate the longer it goes on, and so am I. I try to keep the friendliest voice I can muster. It seems like he has finally decided to give up, until the customer says something I never expected.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said before, we are closed.”

Customer: *in a threatening tone* “Do I need to call Obama to confirm that you’re closed?”

Me: *legitimately speechless*

Customer: *click*

(After I hung up the phone, I told my coworker and manager. They both got a pretty good kick out of it! It was the strangest phone call I have ever received. We also never did get that phone call from Obama.)

[florida80]

Obama Drama, Part 3

Post Office | USA | Right | May 25, 2016


(It’s the day before taxes are due and a few last minute customers are mailing out their returns. Customer #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) is addressing his envelope while Customer #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) is filling out a money order for a payment.)

Customer #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “I really got hit this year!”

Customer #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : *murmurs sympathetically*

Customer #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “But I guess I’m just stuck paying like this until we get a Republican governor again.”

Customer #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : *glances at him* “Yeah…?”

(There’s a slight pause as Customer #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) thinks.)

Customer #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “We’ve got a Republican governor right now, don’t we?”

Customer #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Yup!”

(The Republican governor had already been in office three years; he was preceded by another Republican.)

[florida80]

Obama Drama, Part 2

Retail | Durham, NC, USA | Right | September 5, 2014


(I work in a high-end stationery boutique, whose clientele is generally upper middle class and upper class white women in their 40s to 60s – the sort of people whose spending habits didn’t really change when the economy nose dived. This customer appeared to be no different, and the address on the check she paid with confirmed as much.)

Customer: “Where’s your clearance section?”

Me: “We actually don’t have clearance sales, outside of our semi-annual sales after Christmas and Father’s Day.”

Customer: “So everything in here is full-priced?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: *sighs loudly* “Fine, I’ll pay full-price. But I really need to be saving every penny, with that black man as president.”

[florida80]

Obama Drama

home | Lexington, KY, USA | Related | June 15, 2014


(It is around the time the 2008 Presidential campaign is beginning to pick up steam, and since my family’s African American, everyone is buzzing about Barack Obama, although some of the older relatives are rather skeptical.)

Cousin: “Can you believe this? It looks like he may have a shot.”

Uncle: “Huh. He won’t win.”

Me: “What makes you think that?”

Uncle: “With the way this country works, he’ll never make it past the primaries. Mark my words.”

Me: “Actually, the primaries are over. He did make it.”

Uncle: “Oh… uh… he still won’t make it.”

(I really wish I could’ve been there to see his reaction when Obama won the national election… for both terms.)

[florida80]

Trying To Kill The Pain, Not The Bank Balance

Friends, Health & Body, Jerk, Money, Pharmacy, UK | | Friendly | May 16, 2019


(A friend and I have just gotten piercings. I have some already, so I suggest we get ibuprofen to handle the immediate swelling and pain. We go to our local pharmacy.)

Friend: “Which one do we need?”

Me: “One that has ibuprofen in it.”

Friend: “Ah.” *picks up the most expensive branded box*

Me: “Ugh, I’d rather go with the generic kind.” *picks up my own box*

Friend: “But look at it. It’ll probably kill you!”

Me: “They are literally the same. Yours is branded, though, so they charge extortionate prices.”

Friend: “No, this one is better.”

(I take his box and show him the ingredients on the back. By a stroke of luck, they are EXACTLY the same.)

Friend: *after spending a long time comparing* “Mine is still better!”

(I shrugged and we paid for our own painkillers. He paid £3.49, while I paid 39p.)

[florida80]

Those Who Fling Themselves Will Sting Themselves

Bad Behavior, Great Stuff, Parents/Guardians, Pharmacy, UK, Wild & Unruly | | Right | May 15, 2019


(I am at the pharmacy with my one-year-old in her pushchair, waiting for my prescription to be filled. It’s five minutes before closing and the staff have been very helpful so far. A mother with a young girl storms in, slams down a prescription, and shouts at the employee, “And don’t take f****** forever!” Her daughter begins running around the store, picking up items and dropping them, screeching, and being annoying. Then, she spots the pushchair.)

Girl: *to me* “I want to pick up the baby!”

Me: “No, sorry, she’s not well at the moment. You don’t want to catch her cold.”

Girl: “I want the baby, now!”

Me: “No, no picking up or playing with baby today.”

(The girl goes to grab my daughter and I move the pushchair out of reach.)

Me: *to mother* “Could you come get your daughter, please? She’s going to hurt herself.”

(The mother looks at me, smirks, and looks away. The little girl then proceeds to fling herself at my daughter, but as I once again move the pram, she ends up face-planting into a basket of body wash. Cue screaming, crying, and a full-blown tantrum.)

Mother: *comes straight into my face, without picking up or checking on her daughter* “How f****** dare you?! You did that on purpose! I could f****** sue! I’ll smash your head in. You’re gonna be penniless when I’m done with you, b****!”

Me: *in my quiet, furious Mum Voice* “You might actually want to check on your daughter, though by the amount of noise she’s making I don’t think she’s dying. I’d like to see you try and sue. I asked you twice to control your daughter; if you’d actually been watching her this wouldn’t have happened. Now, get out of my face before I move you myself. Besides, I’m sure the CCTV of you threatening me would look lovely on Facebook.”

(The mother silently grabs her daughter and sits down, staring at me like I’m made out of spiders. She grabs her prescription and forces her daughter out the door as the girl shouts for a lollipop.)

Cashier: “Mrs. [My Name], here’s your prescription and the Yankee candle you ordered.”

Me: “I didn’t order anything, sorry.”

Cashier: “I guess this one’s on me, then. Thank you; that woman has been a nightmare for years, and no one’s stood up to her before.”

Me: *laughs* “If it hadn’t been for my daughter, I probably wouldn’t have, either. You know what they say about mother bears and their cubs!”

[florida80]

A Decent Dose Of Insurance Fraud

Extra Stupid, Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, USA | Right | April 30, 2019


Customer: “Why can’t I use my insurance for my pet’s medicine?”

Me: “That’s insurance fraud since it’s for your pet, not you.”

Customer: “But it’s a people prescription, so it should be paid for by my insurance!”

[florida80]

Getting High (Prices) On Medication

California, Employees, Extra Stupid, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | April 22, 2019


(I’m at the pharmacy to pick up one of my regular prescriptions. This one is about $5. After the pharmacy tech verifies my identity, the following occurs:)

Tech: “Okay, just this medication? That will be $45.”

Me: “Wait, what? It’s usually $5. Why is it so expensive?”

Tech: “Hmm, looks like we didn’t run it through your insurance.”

Me: “…”

Tech: “…”

Me: “Could you run it through my insurance?”

Tech: *surprised* “You want me to do that?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I do.”

(I did get my medication for the right price and headed home. This was over a year ago, and I’m still baffled why asking for it to be run through my insurance was such an odd request.)

[florida80]

Lost The Street Drug Catalog

Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Gastonia, North Carolina, Pharmacy, USA | Right | April 10, 2019


(I am a pharmacist. While I’m on lunch, a customer comes up to the counter while my technician is helping another customer in the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Do you have a pharmacist working? It’s an emergency! I need to speak to her now!”

(My technician calls me back to the pharmacy. The customer sees me arrive and tries to stop me outside the pharmacy, but I make her wait until I get in the pharmacy.)

Customer: “I just bought these pills off the street, and they are supposed to be Xanax. But I looked on my phone with Google, and it said they weren’t Xanax. I need you to tell me what this is now. It’s an emergency that I know what this is.”

Me: *looking blankly* “I will not identify any medication that is purchased illegally.”

Customer: “I need to know what this is. It’s an emergency! Why won’t you tell me what it is?”

Me: “Because it was illegally purchased, and I’m not helping people purchase drugs on the street.”

(She looked at me for a few seconds and then walked off.)

[florida80]

Mathamedical

Employees, Florida, Jerk, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | April 9, 2019


(I take 150 mg of a seizure medication per day. It does not come in 150 mg tablets, though, so my doctor has written two prescriptions for it, one for 50 mg and one for 100 mg. I’ve been taking this dosage for over two years. I’ve used the same pharmacy the entire time. This happens one day when I go to pick up my prescription.)

Me: “Hello, I’m here to pick up my prescription.” *gives information*

New Tech: “Oh, that’s weird; I actually have two here for you. Do you take the 50- or 100-mg dose?”

Me: “I take both. My prescription is for 150 mg, and that’s the only way it can be filled.”

New Tech: “That’s not right! You can only take one or the other, not both.”

Me: “I assure you it’s correct. If you look at my records, you’ll see that the same prescription has been filled for over two years. I know most people either take one or the other, but it’s a seizure medication, so the dose can actually go up to 400 mg based on symptoms and therapeutic levels.”

(The tech continues to argue with me that I can only get one or the other because most people take either 50 mg or 100 mg, not 150 mg. I ask her to get the pharmacist. The tech goes over and tells him what’s going on. He looks up, see who it is, waves, and tells her that yes, it’s correct. She starts arguing with him that it cannot be correct. He just takes my prescription from her, walks over, and checks me out himself.)

Pharmacist: “Sorry about that. Here your prescription. I’ve added a note to your account just in case this is a problem at any point in the future.”

(The next time I came in, another new tech questioned me on which prescription I took of two again. I told her both. She told me to hold on, as there was a note on my account. She started laughing. The note read, “Don’t argue with her; the prescription is correct. Yes, it’s really both. If you’ve got a problem with it, come see me to sign off on it.”)

[florida80]

Can’t Face Up To The Prices

Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Georgia, Pharmacy, Retail, USA | Right | April 7, 2019


(I work at a pharmacy in a low-income neighborhood. Our prices are fairly high compared to what our local clientele can actually afford, and most of our customers either only shop for the items on sale or take the bus up the road a few miles to a grocery store. We’ve tried to get corporate to lower our prices, but they refuse to see reason. On this day, a young man enters the store and asks for assistance locating a high-end facial soap. I help him find it and we bring it to my register to cash him out.)

Me: “All right, your total comes to $15.”

Customer: *hands me cash, six dollars less than he needs to pay*

Me: “Oh… Oops! You handed me $9. Did you mean to give me a ten instead of one of the one-dollar bills?”

Customer: “That’s all I have.” *looks at me expectantly*

Me: “Um… okay. I can hold the item here if you want to go get more money. Or we can go look for something that isn’t so expensive.”

Customer: “I don’t have any more money. That’s all I have.”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s go look at the other products. I’m sure we can find something in your price range.”

Customer: *getting agitated* “No! I want that one. I need it for my acne!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you only have $9. The product is $15. You either need to bring me more money or find something else.”

Customer: “But I want that one.”

Me: “Then you’ll need to go home and get more money. I can hold it back here so you don’t have to find it again.”

Customer: “I already said I ain’t got more money!”

Me: “Well, then, I’m sorry, but you can’t buy this item.”

Customer: “BUT I WANT IT! I NEED IT FOR MY ACNE!”

(We go back and forth for several minutes, and the customer is getting more and more angry. Eventually, I’ve had enough.)

Me: “There’s nothing more I can do for you if you can’t afford this item and don’t want anything else.”

(The young man tries to snatch the item off the counter, but I grab it first.)

Me: “Sir, you cannot have something you have not paid for. That’s stealing. Either purchase something or please leave.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!” *storms out*

(I inform my manager of the incident, including that the young man tried to grab the soap and bolt.)

Manager: *looks at product* “This isn’t even for acne! It’s for treating extremely dry skin, like psoriasis and eczema! There’s so much grease in this soap it would have made his acne worse.”

Me: “I guess it’s a good thing I was quicker than him. He probably would have used it, then tried to return it saying it wasn’t working. This isn’t the first time a customer has tried to swipe an unpaid order off the counter and run out.”

Manager: “I think we’ll start keeping unpaid purchases in the bag-well.” *the recessed area in front of the cashier that holds the plastic bags, which is out of reach of the customer*

(The young man never came back, and with our new policy of keeping unpaid transactions out of the customers’ reach, we’ve had a lot fewer attempts to grab “purchases” and run out. I hope corporate listens to us and lowers prices soon.)

[florida80]

A Spoonful Of Vodka Helps The Medicine Go Down

Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pharmacy, UK | Right | March 29, 2019


(A customer comes to the counter with three boxes of different medicines. I inspect them.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’ll only be able to sell two of these to you. This one should have the same effect and this one… I would recommend putting this one back.”

Customer: “Just sell me all of them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Customer: *huffs* “Just put them through separately. The register should let you do it.”

Me: “No. I’m not legally allowed to sell you all three. It could be life-threatening if you take all of them at once.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I have a friend who mixes them all the time and chugs a load of vodka. Knocks her out for several hours. Great stuff!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I… I shouldn’t have told you that?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “You’re refusing my service?”

Me: “I’m afraid so.”

Customer: *leaves looking utterly distraught*

[florida80]

The Patients Are Not Patient

British Columbia, Canada, Jerk, Pharmacy | Right | March 20, 2019


(I drop off a prescription at the pharmacy counter.)

Pharmacist: “We’re pretty busy. Do you want to wait or come back in about an hour?”

Me: “I have some other errands to run. I’ll come back around 1:30.”

Pharmacist: “That should be fine.”

(I come back about 1:40. The woman ahead of me in line at the pick-up counter is obviously angry and snarking at the shy, young pharmacist. Eventually, she steams off.)

Me: “Hi. Do you have a prescription ready for [My Name]?”

Pharmacist: “I’m so sorry. We’ve been really busy. It will probably be another fifteen minutes or so. Would you like us to deliver it to your home?”

Me: “Oh, no. That’s fine. I’ll just run over to [supermarket] and come back.”

(About twenty minutes later:)

Pharmacist: “We’re just getting your order together. Do you mind having a seat for a couple of minutes?”

Me: “No problem.”

(A few minutes later, she calls me up to get my prescription.)

Pharmacist: “Thank you so much for being so patient. I’ve already had two people yell at me today.”

Me: “No problem. It’s not like it was your fault.”

Pharmacist: “They don’t seem to care about that. Thank you so much again.”

Me: “Hope your day gets better.”

[florida80]

Copay And Say Over Again

Bizarre, Illinois, Insurance, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | March 14, 2019


(My insurance company has decided to stop covering one of my prescriptions for unknown reasons. I get a notice from them on a Friday afternoon, as well as an email from the pharmacy, that the prescription in question is due for a refill. Since it’s Friday at three pm, I figure I’ll just pay the cash price for it this month and call my insurance company next week. I click the link in the email to refill and go back to work. An hour later, I get a text update saying the prescription has been put on hold. I call my pharmacy.)

Me: “Hi. My name is [My Name], and I’m calling regarding my prescription I just sent for a refill.”

Rep #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Sure, I’ll look at that… Oh, it looks like your insurance won’t cover it for whatever reason.”

Me: “I know. I’ll just pay the cash price this month. How much will it be?”

Rep #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : *timidly* “[Amount].”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. When can I pick it up?”

Rep #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “You’re going to pay it?”

Me: “Well, sure. What other option do I have?”

Rep #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Oh… okay! I’ll finish it up for you. It should be ready in thirty minutes.”

Me: “Great. Thanks!”

(After I get out of work, I stop by the pharmacy. There’s a different rep behind the counter.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name], and I believe there’s one prescription ready for me.”

Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Okay, I see that here. Hmm… looks like there’s a copay.”

Me: “I know.”

Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “There shouldn’t be.”

Me: “They already told me. [Amount], right?”

Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Let me look into this.”

Me: “It’s okay. My insurance company screwed up. I’ll call them on Monday.”

Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “You shouldn’t have to pay for this. There’s never a copay on [prescription].”

Me: *slightly irritated that he just announced what I’m taking to the entire pharmacy* “It’s fine. Really. Can I just pay?”

Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “I can give you a discount.”

Me: “The copay’s not that bad. It’s been a long day and I’d really like to pay and go home.”

Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “If you’re sure… Okay, I’ll put it in. I’ll even throw on that discount. If you want to have a seat, I’ll holler when it’s ready.”

Me: “Uh… the lady I talked to earlier said it’d be ready by now.”

Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “No, we were waiting until you stopped in. It’ll only be about twenty minutes.”

(I’m extremely annoyed now, but I’m trying my best not to show it.)

Me: “Look, I’ll just come back tomorrow. No problem.”

Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “It’s only twenty minutes. Maybe less!”

(I wave and walk out. I drive back over the next day, where there is yet another rep behind the counter.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name], and there should be one ready for me.”

Rep #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “Yes, it’s filled and ready to go. One minute while I grab it!”

(He grabs it and starts ringing me out.)

Rep #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “Oh, um… I need to get the pharmacist. Something isn’t correct.”

Me: “If it’s the copay, I know about it! It’s not an issue!”

([Rep #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) ] disappears into the back. I throw up my hands in frustration. He comes back out a few minutes later.)

Rep #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “There’s a copay on this. There shouldn’t be. We can look into this for you.”

Me: “LISTEN TO ME. You are the third person that I’ve explained this to. I know about the copay. It’s fine. My insurance company screwed up. All I want to do is pay and go home!”

Rep #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “I apologize for the issue. I don’t know what happened with your insurance… Hold on. Did you say you are going to pay?!”

Me: *through gritted teeth* “YES.”

Rep #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “Oh. OH! Yes, I’d be happy to process that for you! No problem!”

(I can only imagine how many temper tantrums people have thrown over copays to prompt that reaction from THREE pharmacy techs!)

[florida80]

Your Excuse Is Not A Feint

Jerk, Pharmacy, UK | Right | March 12, 2019


(I’m in line in the pharmacy waiting for my prescription. There are elderly gentlemen in front of me and behind me. The pharmacist is at the counter with a new trainee. All of a sudden, an old lady at the front of the store faints.)

Pharmacist: *to trainee* “I’m going to help, but don’t give this medication out until I get back, because I haven’t signed it yet.”

(The pharmacist goes to the front to assist the old lady and another worker whilst paging for the manager.)

Elderly Man: *in front to trainee* “That’s mine. Give that to me.”

Trainee: “I’m really sorry, sir, but the pharmacist is just helping another customer and I can’t give it out until he’s signed it.”

Elderly Man: “Can’t you sign it?”

Trainee: “Unfortunately, I can’t because I’m training and it’s only my first day, but I can ring your other goods up while you wait.” *indicates to his basket*

Elderly Man: “But I’ve been waiting for ages and this is ridiculous!”

(Strictly speaking, this is not true; he went into the store in front of me and we’ve only been here less than five minutes.)

Elderly Man: “Where’s your manager?”

Trainee: “The manager is up at the front with the other customer. The pharmacist shouldn’t be long back now that she’s arrived.”

Elderly Man: “This is ridiculous. I’m a customer, too!”

(The trainee looks close to tears and I can’t take his behaviour anymore. We can all see the sick customer at the front, as it’s a small store.)

Me: “She’s just given you a perfectly reasonable excuse why she can’t give you the medication, and you can see why the pharmacist and other staff are busy. You need to stop being rude to her.”

(The man just harrumphs at me. The pharmacist returns and deals with the grumpy elderly man, and he shuffles off.)

Elderly Man #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : *behind me, taps me on the shoulder* “Good girl.”

Me: *to trainee* “You didn’t deserve that, and he was being rude and aggressive.”

Trainee: *as she finishes serving me* “Thank you.”

Me: “No problem. I used to work in retail and know what some customers are like.”

[florida80]

It Will Be A Laborious Celebration

Health & Body, Hilliard, Ohio, Pharmacy, Retail, USA | Right | March 8, 2019


(I’m pregnant and recently started showing, which has lead to many well-intentioned comments from customers.)

Customer: “When are you due?”

Me: “October.”

Customer: “Well, when the baby is born, you’ll have to celebrate!”

Me: “Oh, I have a feeling I’ll be ‘celebrating’ all night long!”

[florida80]

Ankle Biting Your Head Off

Bad Behavior, Colorado, Crazy Requests, Loveland, Pharmacy, Retail, USA | Right | March 6, 2019


(My coworker and I are standing behind the counter, talking about what is left to do as I am about to leave, when a woman and man come in together. The man is carrying a bunched-up cord and looking around at the wall and the fixtures, while the woman heads to us.)

Coworker: *quietly* “He’s looking for somewhere to plug in.”

Me: “Looks like it.” *to the woman, louder* “Hello! How can—“

Man: “You got anywhere I can plug in?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We don’t have any plugins in areas accessible to customers.”

Man: “I need to plug in my ankle monitor.”

Me: *kind of blown away* “I’m sorry. We simply don’t have anywhere for you to plug in.”

Man: “Fine! Then the police are gonna come and swarm you guys if I don’t!”

Me: *wondering how that’s our problem* “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we can do.”

Man: “Whatever. I’ll wait outside for the police, then!” *stomps out*

Woman: *glowering after him, unimpressed* “Sorry about him. I was here to pick up some pictures.”

Me: “Not a problem. I can help you with that.”

(She was incredibly nice even though her photos ended up being at another location of our store. Made me wonder how she ended up having to be around the other guy.)

[florida80]

Customers That Make You Want To Pop Pills

Bad Behavior, Pharmacy, UK | Right | March 4, 2019


(I am working the counter of a pharmacy. I have been serving a customer while another is behind her looking at painkillers. After my customer has left:.)

Me: “Is there anything you need help with?”

Customer: “Yes, actually. Could you help me get this box open?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. If you open it you will have to buy it.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to buy it until I know what’s inside.”

Me: “I’m afraid there’s no other way around it. Once the box is open I am not allowed to sell it to anyone else.”

Customer: “I just want to know what colour the pills are.”

Me: “There’s an example on the box.”

Customer: “Yes, but they always try to trick you.”

(She manages to get the box open and takes a strip out.)

Customer: “See! They’re blue.”

Me: “That’s the packaging.”

(She then, to my surprise, pops one pill out and inspects it.)

Customer: “Well, would you look at that? It’s pink. That’s exactly what I want!”

(She puts the box and pill on the shelf and picks up an unopened box.)

Me: “Actually, if you could give me the box you opened, I’ll just sell you that one.”

Customer: “You can’t do that! It’s been opened. You have no idea what happened to it!”

Me: “…”

(I kicked her out and banned her. She comes back all the time saying this is her nearest pharmacy and demands to be let in. We have a picture of her under the counter, so everyone knows to remove her as soon as she appears.)

[florida80]

Medicine Prices Can Wind You

Health & Body, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Pharmacy, Revolting, Silly, USA | Healthy | March 1, 2019


I had been having horrible stomach cramps, to the point where I could barely stand. I’ve already had my appendix removed, so my doctor ran a few other tests and determined the pain was from a bowel obstruction. He sent me home with instructions to drink more water and take a laxative and some OTC pain killers.

While waiting in the checkout line with my purchase, several waves of cramps came over me and I started seeing stars. The cashier saw me start to stumble and called for help. More stars appeared before the pain became so intense I passed out.

When I regained consciousness, there was a crowd surrounding me with a mixture of emotions on their faces. Some were concerned, others embarrassed, and others looked like they were trying not to laugh, but none of them are looking at me. I started to sit up and the associate closest to me — the pharmacist who helped me pick my laxative — told me to stay still and wait for the ambulance to arrive.

I asked what happened and the pharmacist blushed deeper. I looked down to make sure I hadn’t lost control of my bladder. I hadn’t, but then I realized my stomach didn’t hurt as much anymore. I made that comment aloud, and some of the crowd laughed. A man from the crowd leaned in and told me that when I hit the floor, I’d released the biggest, loudest, longest fart he’d ever heard out of any human being.

The people gathered around were obviously there to see how I handled the news of my flatulent faux pas. I was terribly embarrassed, but I was also so relieved that I wasn’t in pain anymore, I just laughed until I cried. The ambulance arrived shortly thereafter and gave me the okay to go home. I apologized to everyone in the vicinity and told them I hoped the rest of their day went better than mine.

[florida80]

Unfiltered Story #139469 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=139469)

Berlin, Connecticut, Pharmacy, USA | Unfiltered | February 12, 2019


(At the pharmacy I work at, we sell cards for buying cell phone minutes. Most of these cards have set amounts that you are able to purchase, usually multiples of $10. The register can only put those set amounts on to the card. A customer I recognize as someone who has given me trouble in the past walked into the store with someone else, grabbed a phone minute card and placed it on the counter)

Me:And how much would you like to put on this card?

Customer: 35 dollars, please.

(I look at the card, it clearly say $10 $20 $30 $40 in giant numbers)

Me: Im sorry, I can’t put $35 on this card. It only allows me to put in the amounts on the front.

Customer:…But I need $35 for my plan!

Me. I’m sorry, but I literally can’t put anything but whats on the card.

Customer: Hold on a second….

(The customer suddenly pulls out a cell phone and procceds to begin hitting numbers for a good 5 minutes. I can hear an automated voice coming from the other end. He then holds the phone up to me)

Cellphone: If your plan is for a monthly charge for $35, please press-

(He pulls the phone back)

Customer: SEE?!

Me:…

(I then explained and demonstrated that I literally could only put in what the register allows me. He seemed like he was gonna say something else on the matter, but luckily the person he was with saw the futility in the situation, convinced him to leave.)

[florida80]

H2-Woes

Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Pharmacy, UK | Right | February 10, 2019


(I am working in the back of a pharmacy. A coworker who is on the front comes in to ask a question.)

Coworker: “What ointments don’t have dihydrogen monoxide?”

Me: “Don’t have what?”

Coworker: “Dihydrogen monoxide. A customer says she deathly allergic to it.”

(Humoured by the statement and assuming it’s a joke, I follow [Coworker] out.)

Me: “Sorry, what was your query?”

Customer: *sighs* “What creams don’t have dihydrogen monoxide? I’m so allergic to it that even the slightest touch could kill me.”

Me: “Umm, is this a joke?”

Customer: “Absolutely not! How dare you?!”

Me: “It’s just that dihydrogen monoxide is water, like the bottle of Vittel in your hand.”

Customer: “No, I am allergic to dihydrogen monoxide, and I need a cream that doesn’t have it.”

Me: “Do you know what water is also expressed as? H2–”

Customer: “–H2O. Yes, I know that.”

Me: “And that means water is made of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen?”

Customer: “I don’t see how this has anything to do with—“

Me: “Two hydrogen, di — Dihydrogen. And one oxygen, mono — monoxide. Water and dihydrogen monoxide are literally the same thing.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “For all I know, you could have an allergy to water, but since that is rare and you didn’t know that they were the same, I’m assuming you don’t?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I am allergic to dihydrogen monoxide, and if you can provide me with cream that doesn’t have it, I will find somewhere that does!” *storms out*

Me: “Good luck with that!”

[florida80]

Branded With Kindness

Awesome Workers, Dallas, Georgia, Kind Strangers, Non-Dialogue, Pharmacy, USA | Hopeless | February 8, 2019


I was dropping off some prescriptions at my local 24-hour pharmacy around ten at night. There were only two employees working at the time: a pharmacist and a pharmacy tech. They were obviously extremely busy. When I was asked when I’d like to pick up my prescriptions, I simply said I’d like them as soon as possible. The tech looked genuinely terrified to inform me that there was at least an hour wait time. Of course, I expected as much, so that was no problem at all. I could tell from her demeanor that other people had not been as understanding. I told her that I was planning on going out to eat, so she could take her time and that I hoped that customers would learn to be more understanding.

When I returned to retrieve my medicine, one of them was ringing up at four times the amount I expected. As I have a heart condition that prevents me from working, I knew there was no way I could afford that. I purchased the other medication and decided that I would just call the hospital and ask if they could send a cheaper alternative prescription to the pharmacy. Upon speaking to the pharmacist, I was told that it would be another thirty minutes before he would even be able to check for an alternative. I decided to sit in the waiting area, as I had nothing else to do at the time and I wasn’t in any particular rush.

At that point, it was clear that the young lady’s shift had ended and she had left for the night. The pharmacist was now working by himself. I waited patiently as I watched this man run around and assemble orders, answer phones, type furiously on the computer, check inventory, and deal with customers in both the drive-thru and at the counter. That poor man didn’t have a breath to himself. Eventually, he looked up and noticed I was still there. He called me to the counter and rang up my medicine at a huge discount — much less than I was expecting to pay in the first place. I thanked him profusely and wished him a better night than the one he appeared to be having. It was only when I reached the car that I realized that he hadn’t had time to find a generic alternative and he had given me the name brand medication. He brought it down from 105 dollars to 17. As someone struggling financially, that meant the world to me.

I made sure to call the manager in the morning and tell them how wonderful their employees were. I will definitely be going back there. It might cost a little more than other pharmacies and it might take a little longer, but the customer service cannot be matched.

Moral of the story: a little patience and kindness go a long way.

[florida80]

Sometimes You Wish Customers Were Contactless

At The Checkout, England, Pharmacy, UK | Right | February 8, 2019


(I am handing out a prescription to a patient.)

Me: “That’ll be £8.40, please.”

(I see that she’s getting her card out, so I press “card payment” at the till. I am not paying that much attention and the payment goes through fine.)

Customer: “When do I put my PIN in?”

(I’m confused as the payment has already gone through.)

Me: “The payment has already gone through contactless, and here is the receipt.”

Customer: *getting visibility upset* “I do not have that! How can it go through when I haven’t put my PIN in? Let me have a look at that receipt now. There’s no way I could have paid for that; I haven’t put my PIN in.”

(I check the receipt and notice it’s been paid using a specific credit card, which is different from the card she has in hand. I show her the card and receipt number.)

Me: “You put your purse too close to the contactless machine.”

Customer: “But I didn’t put my PIN in; I did not authorise this transaction!”

Me: “This is a new thing in the banks are doing to make transactions a little bit quicker. It only covers payments under £30.”

Customer: “But I did not authorise this transaction! I did not want to pay with that card! I don’t want this ‘contact list’ nonsense!”

Me: “If you don’t want contactless, you have to speak to your bank.”

Customer: “I certainly will be. I do not want this ‘contact list’ nonsense. Anyone could steal my money.”

(As she is getting upset about something I can’t help her with, I try to end the conversation.)

Me: “Here’s your prescription that has been paid for. Good luck with the bank!”

(She said thank you for the prescription, but continued to rant about how she should have to use a PIN number, how contactless is stupid, and how the bank is making it easy to steal money.)

[florida80]

Not Even Partially Apologetic

Comeuppance, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Pharmacy, USA | Right | February 4, 2019


(I work in a retail pharmacy in a suburban city. A lot of snobbish, entitled people come through our line every day, thinking they are God’s gifts to the world and that we should feel honored to bend over backward and kiss their a**es. It’s a Sunday afternoon, during a slow hour in the late summer. It’s just me and my pharmacist working today. I’m helping someone in our drive-thru, so the pharmacist helps this guy who comes up to the counter. I overhear this exchange as I’m ringing up the person I’m helping.)

Pharmacist: “Hi, there! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m picking up a prescription.”

Pharmacist: *looks up the guy’s name in the system and goes to retrieve his script* “Just so you know, sir, we didn’t have the full quantity of this medication in stock, so we had to give you a partial supply. We should have the rest in tomorrow morning, though.”

Customer: *raising his voice* “You know, this is bulls***. I got a phone call saying that my prescription was ready in full, but every time I come here, you guys only have a part of the d*** thing!”

Pharmacist: “I do apologize, sir. Are you sure the phone call said it was done in full?”

Customer: “What, do you think I’m stupid?! Of course it did! Here, listen!”

(He pulled out his phone and replayed the voicemail on speaker so we could hear. It very clearly stated that the prescription was ready for a PARTIAL FILL. Obviously flushed and embarrassed, the guy tried to brush it off like it was still our fault, paid for his partial, and left. My pharmacist paraded that little victory around for the rest of the year.)

[florida80]

Narcotics By Night

Crazy Requests, Indiana, Jerk, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | February 4, 2019


(The pharmacy where I work is the only 24-hour one in town. We keep all our narcotics in a time-delayed safe that we don’t open at night. The only exception is a few we keep out for hospital patients. One night after 11:00 pm, a lady comes through the drive-thru to drop off a script for one of these medications.)

Me: “We have this in stock and we can have it ready for you around 7:00 am.”

Lady: “I can’t get it now? I’ve been out all day! Can’t you just give me a couple to get me by?”

(I’m thinking, “If you’ve been out all day, why wait until this late at night to get more?”)

Me: “This is in a time-delayed safe, so we can’t fill these at night.”

Lady: “Well, what’s the point in being a full-service, 24-hour pharmacy if you can’t fill prescriptions at night?”

Me: “We can fill most prescriptions at night, but this is in our time-delayed safe which can’t be opened after eight.”

Lady: “I don’t care about anyone else’s prescriptions. This is for me!”

[florida80]

Power Play

Australia, Crazy Requests, Money, Pharmacy | Right | January 28, 2019


(There is a storm and we have lost power. We are still open but are doing everything manually and are only accepting cash. We tell customers this when they enter the store and have a big sign at the checkouts stating this. It’s dull but we have light from outside and battery operated lights at the desks.)

Customer: “Okay I’ll take these.”

(The customer shoves a bunch of items into my hands.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Just so you know, we have lost power. We are taking cash only until the power comes back.”

Customer: “But I wish to pay by card!” *hands me debit card*

Me: “I am sorry, but as I said, we have no power. The EFT machine is run by power and we have no emergency generator.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! You just cut the power because you knew I was coming, didn’t you? I demand you put the power back on now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have no control over the power. I cannot process this unless you are paying cash. I am happy to hold your items if you would like to go get cash now, or come back later?”

Customer: “You’re no help.” *storms out of store*

Next Customer: *who happens to be a regular* “I would have said yes, I did cut the power just to piss you off.”

Me: “I was tempted. But I like my job.”

(The regular customer returned with a box of chocolates to help us through the power outage!)

[florida80]

Sick Over A Dollar

Medication, Money, Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, Philadelphia, USA | Right | January 27, 2019


(At our pharmacy, a particular woman has called in three times this week, asking about her prescription prices and wanting to switch stores, calling us terrible, saying we hate her because we overprice her meds, etc. I had the luck to deal with each phone call. Near closing time, I recognize her voice as I’m checking her out.)

Customer: “Why is my prescription $10? Last time it was $9.”

Me: “It looks like the type of discount card you have says you can only use it six times for this particular medication before it runs out.” *I point out where it’s written on the computer screen, even though I already told her this earlier when she called*

Customer: “Well… well, your $4 list says this should only be $4 for a month’s supply!”

Me: “If you look here, our state has a minimum price on this medication that we can’t go under. Without insurance, we have to charge $10.”

Customer: “You’re a bunch of liars. That’s false advertising. That doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I thought we had already talked about this over the phone. That’s something our store can’t change; it’s a state requirement.”

Customer: “You mean I could go to Jersey and get it cheaper?”

Me: “New Jersey’s not on the list, so it’s possible. I know you’ve switched a few of your prescriptions to other stores—“

Customer: “You guys are all snakes. This is ridiculous. It shouldn’t be $10.”

Me: “If you like, I can put the prescription back and you can try to get it filled somewhere else.”

Customer: “NO! I will DIE without my medication TONIGHT.” *this was not a drug that would harm you, even if you stopped taking it for over a week* “I need this NOW. Just give me it.”

Me: *quietly hands her the bag after she’s done throwing her change down on the counter at me*

Customer: “I hope you’re happy. I hope you know you’re scamming me and getting away with it. I could’ve needed that extra dollar. Karma will get you and you’re going to go to Hell.”

(The kicker is she called the next day and complained about me being a b**** and saying I was trying to withhold her medication. The lead pharmacist was on that night, and knew she was the irrational one.)

[florida80]

Allergic To Politeness

Extra Stupid, Jerk, Patients, Pharmacy, UK | Healthy Right | January 24, 2019


Customer: “I need something for allergies.”

(I show him the selection and he chooses.)

Me: “Are you on any other medication?”

Customer: “None of your business. Give me my tablets.”

Me: “I’m not allowed to sell them to you if there is a chance they could interact with something you are already taking.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you!” *storms off*

Colleague: “You would think he would be wiser after the last time.”

Me: “What happened?”

Colleague: “Our last pharmacist gave in and sold them. He took them while shopping and crashed his car the second he left the car park. He was taking codeine and had a bad reaction.”

Me: “Wow.”

[florida80]

Unfiltered Story #137030 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=137030)

Pharmacy, UK, Wales | Unfiltered | January 19, 2019


Customer: Do you have any of those Nicotine sprays?
Me: Sure!
(I grab one off the shelf and scan it through the till, tell him and the price and wait. He starts going through an obviously empty wallet and card holder).
Customer: Sorry about this.
Me: It’s okay.
Customer: i was just thrown out of the mobility shop because I was wasting his time.
Me: Oh, right.
Customer: I don’t have a bank card. My brothers won’t give it to me until I sort myself out because I ended up in (town) infirmary again.
Me: Oh what happened?
Customer: Well, I was on the bus to (small town) and I didn’t fall in the pond in (small town) but I fell in the river in (large town, 20 miles south of small town) and ended up in the back of the police car for two hours and in (large town) infirmary.
Me: Oh, dear….
Customer: Well, I won’t waste your time anymore.
Me: That’s okay and maybe your brothers will let you have some money for the nicotine spray. We’re open until six.
(Customer nods and tries to grab the spray but I take it from him smiling).
Me: Don’t worry, I’ll put that back for you.
(I smile, watch him go, and then collapse on the floor in the fit of laughter).

[florida80]

Unfiltered Story #137011

Pharmacy, UK, Wales | Unfiltered | January 18, 2019


(Customer walks in, says something I can’t here and my boss – who was by the door – gives me an odd look as he walks up to the counter).
Me: Hello sir, what can I get you?
Customer: I need something for schizophrenia.
Me: Oh, okay….
(I really don’t know what to say at that point and he starts looking at the hand sanitizers on the stand by the till).
Customer: Is this really only £2.00?
Me: I’ll check.
(I run it through the till, it is indeed £2.00. He pays for it, puts it in his back and leans forward to read my name badge).
Customer: Thank you (name) it was nice to meet you.
Me: Nice to meet you too Sir. Have a nice day.
(He leaves and my boss walks over to me, where I am collapsed on the floor laughing.)
Boss: When he walked in he said “Welcome to British Airways!”
Me: Oh, well he asked me for something for schizophrenia.
Boss: Oh God.
Me: That’s two in a week. Where are they all coming from?

[florida80]

It All Boils Down To This

Health & Body, Parents, Pharmacy, Singapore | Right | January 12, 2019


(A young mother pushes her baby over in a pram and tells me that her baby took some “warm” water and splashed his face with it the day before. I look at the baby and he seems bubbly and happy. There is barely any sign of redness of his skin and there are no blisters, either.)

Me: “There’s isn’t any redness at all. He seems fine.”

Mother: “There’s a mark here.” *points under his eye*

Me: “Well, it’s not that obvious. You shouldn’t need to do anything about it. It’ll go away on its own.”

Mother: “The water got in his eyes.”

(I look at the baby’s eyes. There is also no redness.)

Me: “He looks fine. He’s not crying, either.”

Mother: “He cried for ten minutes yesterday. Will it leave a scar?”

Me: “No… his skin did not even get damaged. You really don’t have to do anything.”

(The mother looked a bit relieved yet doubtful at the same time but she thanked me anyway. Later she came back and asked if sun protection was needed to prevent scarring. Just to satisfy my curiosity, I asked if she really meant “warm” water or if she meant “hot” water. She told me that it was freshly boiled water with a triumphant expression. Well, either this baby has skin made of steel… or she left the boiled water out longer than she thought and it had cooled down already!)

[florida80]

Wrong Direction, Right Attitude

Australia, Employees, Hobart, Language & Words, Pharmacy, Silly, Tasmania | Working | January 10, 2019


(We’re short-staffed and it’s been a busy, chaotic morning with customers practically lined up out the door as they wait for their prescriptions. Eventually, we get through the queue and stop to catch our breath in a brief moment while there are no more customers in the shop. We’re all a bit tired when yet another customer enters and looks around, appearing confused. My coworker approaches her and blurts out this gem:)

Coworker: “Can I point you in the wrong direction?”

(Fortunately, the customer had a great sense of humour and was soon successfully served.)

[florida80]

Kindness Knows No Language Barrier

Awesome Workers, Berlin, Germany, Jerk, Non-Dialogue, Pharmacy | Hopeless Right | January 10, 2019


I’m a customer in a pharmacy in Berlin, behind an older man. I don’t speak German as I’m just a tourist, but he is very obviously driving the cashier crazy, pointing to everything five times and asking the price, wasting her time by debating the price, raising his voice, and flailing his arms about. Even though I can’t understand a word he is saying, his rudeness is clear! The cashier is doing a great job of staying calm, but he is visibly upsetting her.

When he finally leaves — some five minutes later, only having purchased one thing — I approach the register, smile, and roll my eyes. As she serves me, she chats away about the customer — made obvious from the things she points to while talking — and it’s clear from the relief on her face that she just needs to unload on someone who understands. I smile and nod and laugh when she laughs, and say, “Ja,” a couple of times, and she seems much calmer and happy by the end of the transaction.

Dear cashier, even though I didn’t understand a word you said, our conversation was wonderful and friendly; we both speak the universal language of “hating bad customers”!

[florida80]

Time To Throw Them Some Shade

Bosses & Owners, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, USA | Working | January 3, 2019


(I have stopped at a chain pharmacy near my home. I need to pick up makeup for my mother. On my last trip, the manager told me he would order the shade I wanted. Today I overhear a new manager explaining to the cashier that the old manager was transferred to try to fix serious problems at another store. The new manager is covering until the old one comes back. The makeup is still not in stock. I select my other items and approach the cashier.)

Cashier: “Did you find everything today?”

Me: “No. [Old Manager] said he was going to try and get some [Brand] makeup in shade 1C. You still don’t have it.”

Cashier: “We have [Brand] makeup.” *wanders over to shelf*

Me: “Yes, but I need shade 1C. You don’t have it.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Me: “[Old Manager] was going to try and get [Brand] 1C makeup for me. You still don’t have it.”

Manager: “Oh, I saw that order. I canceled it.”

Me: “Why?”

Manager: “Because we have [Brand] makeup in a lot of shades. We don’t need that one, as well.”

Me: “But he was ordering it especially for me. You even have a space on the shelf for it.”

Manager: *grabs a much darker shade* “We have 4C.”

Me: “Yes, and I’m sure that’s helpful for someone who needs 4C. I need 1C.”

Manager: “So, you don’t want this?”

Me: “No. Can you replace the order for the 1C?”

Manager: “No, I’m not going to stock that. We have plenty of other shades.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get it at [Competitor], as well as everything else I need.” *turns to leave*

Cashier: “So, you don’t want this?” *points to items I left on the counter*

Me: “No, not anymore.”

Manager: “It’s racial, isn’t it?”

(I stared at him for a second. He’s the same race I am, but [Old Manager] is a minority in my area. I decided it wasn’t worth the effort, so I just walked out without answering. I’m really hoping [Old Manager] comes back soon.)

[florida80]

The Refunder Blunder Was Hers

At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Pharmacy, Retail, USA |
Right | January 2, 2019

(I’m working in a pharmacy, and we are absolutely slammed and understaffed. There is a register up front for people to check out with items if they aren’t picking up a prescription, and it’s a common courtesy to do so, rather than bother a busy technician. A customer approaches the counter with a full cart of items. I tell her I will be with her momentarily and finish counting the prescription. She huffs and sighs audibly while I finish. I approach the counter and smile.)

Me: “Are you picking up a prescription today?”

Customer: *rolling her eyes* “No, I’m not. I just finished shopping and waited a very long time for a lazy employee to finally check me out.”

(It took me all of about thirty seconds to get to her.)

Me: “I’m sorry about your wait, ma’am.”

Customer: “Good. Now check me out.”

(She unloads her entire cart, and it takes about ten minutes to ring everything out. During this time, a sizable line forms behind her. I only have one coworker in the pharmacy, and she is running back and forth helping customers in the drive-thru and drop-off areas, so production has completely stopped.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card? I can take a phone number, as well.”

Customer: “No, I don’t feel like digging it out. Just finish the transaction.”

Me: “Are you sure? You won’t get the sale prices without it.”

Customer: “DON’T QUESTION ME! JUST FINISH THE TRANSACTION!”

(She mutters something about incompetent employees while I finish her transaction, which comes to over $300. She pays in cash.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice night!”

(She takes a minute to look over her receipt, and comes to the conclusion that she’s been cheated.)

Customer: “Why didn’t I get the sale prices?”

Me: “You refused to let me scan your reward card, remember? I told you that you wouldn’t get the sale prices without it.”

Customer: “But I have one! You should have just given me a discount!”

Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately, we have to actually scan it or type in a phone number in order to give you the sale prices.”

Customer: “Well, then, redo it.”

Me: *astonished* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Redo the transaction. RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, I would have to refund the entire transaction and re-ring each and every item in order to do that.”

Customer: “Fine. You should have done it correctly to begin with.”

Me: *defeated* “Will you at least step to the back of the line? There are people here who are sick and need their medications.”

Customer: “NO! HOW DARE YOU? I DEMAND THAT YOU TAKE CARE OF ME, NOW!”

(I begin the long process of refunding her, item by item, and re-ringing the transaction. We’ve now been at this register for so long that many customers have given up and left.)

Me: “The total comes to $290. You saved $10 today.”

Customer: “See, now, that wasn’t so difficult, was it? Next time, do it right.”

(She leaves, smirking at the other customers in line as she goes.)

Customer #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “What in the blue f*** was her problem?”

[florida80]

You Got Blood On Your Hands

Connecticut, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Non-Dialogue, Pharmacy, Retail, Revolting, USA | Right | December 21, 2018


I am a cashier at a pharmacy, and we get a lot of unsavory characters. An older man walks in and comes to my counter to complain about a battery he bought for his blood sugar tester. Since it’s a new battery, I can only conclude that the plastic is still on. Lo and behold, I open it up and the plastic is still on.

He thanks me profusely and I wish him a good day, thinking that he is satisfied and will be on his way. He puts a test strip in the machine and takes his blood sugar at the counter. I ask him to please wait until he gets home. He says, no, no it’s fine; this will only take a minute. I again plead with him not to do it because it is very unsanitary to have blood on or around my counter. He argues with me the whole time, and when he finishes I make sure he puts his test strip in the garbage himself; I hold the can up for him since it’s behind the counter.

He starts to get angry at me, saying that it’s no big deal and I’m being dramatic. In my head I say, yes, I am being dramatic that a total stranger is pricking himself on the finger, squeezing blood on a test strip, and had to be coerced to even dispose of it properly. After he leaves, still upset, I make sure I grab the disinfectant wipes and clean every part of that counter.

[florida80]

Do Hot Flashes Impair Brain Function?

Bad Behavior, California, Pharmacy, USA | Right | December 15, 2018


(I’m a cashier at a pharmacy. One day I come into work and the line is halfway around the store. Two of my coworkers have called out, and when I clock in, one of the two cashiers there goes on a lunch break. It’s just me and the manager trying to get everyone rung up as quickly as possible. The phone rings, so I answer while still helping my customer.)

Me: “Hello. This is [Pharmacy]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Yes, I’m looking for [Medicine]. It’s for hot flashes.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what kind of medicine is it?”

Caller #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : *getting irritated* “It’s called, ‘[MEDICINE].’ It’s for hot flashes!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I mean, is it some kind of painkiller?”

Caller #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “It’s called, ‘[MEDICINE]’! It’s for hot flashes!”

Me: *still trying to ring up customers and getting annoyed* “Ma’am, we don’t have a section for menopause. I need to know if it’s a painkiller, or a vitamin, or is it in the cold section — something like that.”

Caller #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Okay, listen to me. You know what menopause is, right? You know that women have hot flashes, right? It’s called, ‘[MEDICINE]’! Just look for it—”

(I admit I am annoyed. I’m not about to look all over the floor looking for some medicine I’ve never heard of. I hang up on her and finish ringing up my customer. I think that is the end of that… until a couple of hours later, when another customer calls.)

Caller #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “I’m looking for [Medicine]; it’s for hot flashes.”

(I ask her the same question.)

Caller #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “It should be in the same area as the birth control or the feminine products.”

(I tell her I’ll send someone to look for it.)

Caller #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Thank you. Actually, my sister called earlier, and she spoke to someone who hung up on her.”

Me: “Would you like to speak to a manager, ma’am?”

(She says yes, so I call my manager to speak to her. Meanwhile, my coworker finds her medicine and brings it to the front. She speaks to the woman to confirm it’s the right one. They speak and she hangs up. My manager asks why she hung up and didn’t transfer the call.)

Coworker: “She said she didn’t really need to speak to him anymore. She just wanted to say sorry for her sister’s behavior.”

[florida80]

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 30

Canada, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pharmacy | Right | December 10, 2018


(There is a pharmacy in the same building as my doctor’s office, but it opens at 8:30 rather than 8:00 as the office does. It has a metal gate across the entrance when closed, just like most stores in a mall do. I come in just after 8:00 and am waiting for my turn when a woman comes out from her appointment with a prescription sheet and starts hovering right in front of the pharmacy gate.)

Woman: *to the employee inside who is obviously trying to set up to open* “Excuse me… Excuse me!”

Employee: “Yes?”

Woman: “Are you open yet?”

Employee: *slight pause* “No. That’s why the gate is closed and the lights are off.”

Woman: “Oh.” *wanders away*

(Everyone else in the waiting room was trying not to laugh. Really, how much more obvious do you need it to be?)

[florida80]

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 29

Convenience Store, Extra Stupid, Ignoring & Inattentive, Maryland, USA | Right | June 29, 2018


(I work at a branch of a well-known east coast convenience store. Today is the first day of a major renovation, including a complete remodel. Every day for the past two weeks, we’ve been reminding customers that we will be closed for over a month during this time. This morning, all the staff show up to count and package all the remaining merchandise to be shipped to other locations. The construction crews are already well into demolition.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], you and [Coworker] go outside and stand by the doors and make sure no customers try to come in.”

Me: “Really? Do you think anybody’s going to think we’re open with the parking lot blocked off, the sign being taken down, and construction workers currently sawing their way through the deli?”

Manager: “Don’t be a smarta**; just go.”

([Coworker] and I go outside, glad to just take a cigarette break and not have to do any real work. We’re laughing about how stupid this is, until not one minute later, a man walks up.)

Would-Be Customer: “Hey, are you guys closed?”

Me: *stunned silence*

Would-Be Customer: “Do you think you could sell me a cup of coffee?”

Me: *as construction workers are literally carrying out our empty registers and destroyed counter* “Uh… Sorry, we began our renovation today. I can’t sell you anything; we’re closed.”

Would-Be Customer: “That sucks! When do you think I can come back later?”

Me: *as construction workers, not three feet away, start to use jackhammers to break up the tile on the floor* “Uh… December?”

[florida80]

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 28

Canada, Extra Stupid, Fast Food, Ignoring & Inattentive, Ontario, Peterborough | Right | January 16, 2018


(It’s near the end of the night and we’ve been closed for about half an hour at this point. All of our lights are off, including the one on our drive-thru menu board. I head outside to take out the last load of garbage. There’s a car at our drive-thru speaker:)

Driver: *spotting me* “Hey, nobody is answering me! I’ve been here for five minutes now.”

Me: “Sorry, we actually closed a half hour ago.”

Driver: *seemingly ignoring me, yelling at the speaker* “I CAN’T READ YOUR MENU! TURN ON A LIGHT FOR ME!”

Me: “Sir, like I said, we actually aren’t open right now. We closed about half an hour ago. We’ll be open at 11:00 am tomorrow, though, if you’d like to come by then.”

Driver: *pulls out a flashlight and reads the board* “I WANT A #5 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=5) COMBO! HELLO? HEELLOOOO?!”

Me: “Sir, sorry for repeating myself, but we’re closed. Nobody is going to take your order, because we aren’t open. We’ve been closed for a while now, but you’re more than welcome to come back tomorrow when we’re open again.”

Driver: *suddenly notices me again* “Why aren’t you in there making my food? You’ve been out here doing nothing this entire time!”

Me: “I can’t take your order, sir. Even if I did, all of our tills are offline and our equipment is shut down and being cleaned. There is no way I could possibly give you any food tonight.”

Driver: “Oh, well, why didn’t you just say so?”

(He sped off after that.)

[florida80]

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 26

Bookstore, California, Crazy Requests, Jerk, USA | Right | November 8, 2017


(We close at 7:00 pm on Sundays, which is fine in winter, because it’s dark out and most of the time, people don’t really come in. When it gets lighter out, however, we get an after-dinner rush and have to coax a lot of people out of the store. My coworker is pulling out the cash drawers when a customer walks in during closing.)

Coworker: “Oh! I’m sorry, ma’am. We just closed.”

Customer: “Oh! What time?”

Coworker: “Just now, at seven o’clock.”

Customer: “Isn’t it two minutes before seven?”

(She is referring to the large clock behind our register, which is always slow.)

Coworker: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry; it is exactly seven o’clock. But maybe we can ring up a book for you. Do you know exactly what you want?”

Customer: “No, but can I just browse for a couple of minutes or so?”

Coworker: *pained smile* “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Me: *jumping in* “Don’t worry. We open every day at 10:00 am. You can come in then!”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I suppose you’re closed.”

(She proceeds to sigh and stand in front of the cash registers, quietly and somberly, for at least ten seconds before finally, slowly, shambling out. Whether or not she thought silently pouting would actually get us to change our minds about staying open for her is beyond me!)

[florida80]

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 25

Retail | USA | Right | February 21, 2017


(A customer walks into the store I work at right as we are closing.)

Me: “Attention shoppers, the time is [time] and our store is now closed.”

(The customer continues to shop and I close one of our two registers. Ten minutes later the she is still there.)

Me: “Attention shoppers, the time is [time] and our store is closed.”

(Five minutes later the customer approaches the counter, and I’m relieved because it is time for me close the last register. However the customer walks past the counter and continues to shop.)

Customer: “I just need to find something to go with this!”

Me: *to Coworker* “Close register one. It’s supposed to be closed by 15 after and we can’t wait any longer.”

Me: “Attention shoppers, the time is [time] and our store is closed.”

(The customer shops for another 10 minutes before she finally comes to the register with her items.)

Customer: “I’m ready to check out now, please.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry but all of our registers are closed. I can’t ring you up but I’d be happy to put them on hold so you can come get them tomorrow.”

Customer: *immediately angry* “What? You mean I can’t buy these?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but not tonight. The registers won’t even let me scan them. I’d be happy to put them on hold for you so you can get them another time.”

(Reluctantly the customer agrees. I walk her out of the store since the doors are all locked. As she is leaving she turns to me.)

Customer: *rudely* “Well, I didn’t even know you guys were closed!”

[florida80]

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 24

Non-Dialogue, Time | USA | Right | February 9, 2017


I work in parts/service at a boat dealer. It’s six pm, late in the year so it’s already dark outside. The salesmen are long gone for the day, and I’ve shut off the sign, locked the gates, shut off the showroom lights, and have locked all the doors except one up front, which I’ll lock behind me when I leave.

I punch out and grab my pop out of the mini-fridge back in the service bay, and am about to make my way around the counter and out the front when I hear a noise.

The front door bell dings and I hear someone stumbling around in the pitch black dark. Gradually, the silhouette of a figure appears, tripping on the rug, bumping into boats and displays as he feels his way around.

Eventually he makes his way back to the desk, looks around at the dark computer monitors in bewilderment, and goes: “Oh! Are you guys closed?”

[florida80]

Prejudice Is In Her Blood

Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, USA, Utah | | Healthy | July 29, 2019


(I just found out that my fiancé of five years has been cheating on me for three of those years. To be safe, I make an appointment to have a full STI panel done. The only appointment I can get is with the physician’s assistant and not my usual doctor.)

PA: “Okay, dear, I’m just going to give you the swab and let you take the sample.”

Me: “You aren’t going to do it? I don’t know what to do.”

(She explains how to take a culture and leaves the room to give me privacy. When I finish, she collects the swab and begins to leave again.)

PA: “Okay, we should get results in about a week and we’ll call you.”

Me: “Aren’t you going to take my blood, as well, for HIV and syphilis testing?”

PA: *laughs* “Oh, you only have to worry about that if you’re gay.”

Me: “You know what, I’ll just go and make an appointment with the actual doctor.”

(That was the second issue I had with her, and the last time I ever saw her working there.)

[florida80]

Prejudice Is In Her Blood

Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, USA, Utah | | Healthy | July 29, 2019


(I just found out that my fiancé of five years has been cheating on me for three of those years. To be safe, I make an appointment to have a full STI panel done. The only appointment I can get is with the physician’s assistant and not my usual doctor.)

PA: “Okay, dear, I’m just going to give you the swab and let you take the sample.”

Me: “You aren’t going to do it? I don’t know what to do.”

(She explains how to take a culture and leaves the room to give me privacy. When I finish, she collects the swab and begins to leave again.)

PA: “Okay, we should get results in about a week and we’ll call you.”

Me: “Aren’t you going to take my blood, as well, for HIV and syphilis testing?”

PA: *laughs* “Oh, you only have to worry about that if you’re gay.”

Me: “You know what, I’ll just go and make an appointment with the actual doctor.”

(That was the second issue I had with her, and the last time I ever saw her working there.)

[florida80]

Seize The Day, And The Planet!

Bizarre, Hospital, New York, Patients, USA, Weather | | Healthy | July 26, 2019


(I am in a hospital being treated for epilepsy. We have a button to push if we think we’ve had a seizure.)

Nurse: *to me* “You pushed the button, sir?”

Me: “Yeah, it felt like I had a tonic-clonic seizure, only I was awake and fully conscious when I was shaking so that shouldn’t be possible.”

Nurse: “You felt that shaking, too?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Nurse: “You didn’t have a seizure. I think there was an earthquake.”

(Note that earthquakes are very uncommon both where I live and where the hospital is, and this is the first time I have ever experienced one.)

Me: “Oh, okay. I wonder how many other people in this ward thought what I did?”

[florida80]

Seize The Day, And The Planet!

Bizarre, Hospital, New York, Patients, USA, Weather | | Healthy | July 26, 2019


(I am in a hospital being treated for epilepsy. We have a button to push if we think we’ve had a seizure.)

Nurse: *to me* “You pushed the button, sir?”

Me: “Yeah, it felt like I had a tonic-clonic seizure, only I was awake and fully conscious when I was shaking so that shouldn’t be possible.”

Nurse: “You felt that shaking, too?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Nurse: “You didn’t have a seizure. I think there was an earthquake.”

(Note that earthquakes are very uncommon both where I live and where the hospital is, and this is the first time I have ever experienced one.)

Me: “Oh, okay. I wonder how many other people in this ward thought what I did?”

[florida80]

Not A Local Mistake

England, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, London, Nurses, UK | | Healthy | July 24, 2019


(I am a nurse practitioner, assisting my coworker inserting a vascular catheter for dialysis use. The patient is very restless.)

Coworker: “Please stay as still as you can; we don’t want to puncture the wrong blood vessel.”

Patient: “Okay, okay, sorry. It’s just that it really hurts.”

(My coworker continues with the catheterisation, but the patient still keeps wriggling.)

Coworker: “On a scale of one to ten, what is the pain level? I have given you lots of local anaesthetic already.”

Patient: “Nine to ten!”

Coworker: “Okay, let’s give you a little bit more local.”

(My coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “Okay, let’s give him some more [anaesthetic].”

(I then point to the tray containing all the items required for the procedure, specifically the syringe containing the local anaesthetic — the FULL syringe that hasn’t been used.)

Coworker: *eyes bulge* “Oh, s***!”

(She turns back to the patient.)

Coworker: “Okay, we’re giving you some more local now. How is that?”

Patient: “Oh, much better!”

(The rest of the procedure went by without a hitch. To clear it up, my coworker has been working in the dialysis ward for almost twenty years and this was her first minor mistake at the end of a very long cover shift, but she d*** well hasn’t made that mistake again!)

[florida80]

There Is No Wisdom In Their Filing

Dentist, Ohio, USA | | Healthy | July 22, 2019


(I am at the dentist for a routine teeth cleaning. I am a new patient as I have recently moved; this is my first appointment at this dentist. Note that I originally scheduled an appointment in the middle of the month, but when I called with a question a few days after making that appointment, the receptionist was able to get me in earlier due to a cancellation. The hygienist takes me back to the room and is asking me some questions about my dental history.)

Hygienist: “And how are your wisdom teeth? Are they still hurting you?”

Me: *confused* “Um… I don’t have wisdom teeth; I was born without any.”

Hygienist: “Your record says that your previous dentist in Saint Louis made a note that you were having some pain from them.”

Me: *now very confused* “I’ve never lived in Saint Louis; I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hygienist: “Wait… You’re [My First Name] Smith, right?”

Me: “No, I’m [My First Name] Jones!”

(When the hygienist called me from the waiting room, she had only used my first name, not my last. Turns out the person who had previously been scheduled and then cancelled the appointment I subsequently took had the same first name! I was even more surprised about the mix-up because my first name is not very common.)

[florida80]

Making A Double Boob Of Yourself

Canada, Halifax, Medical Clinic, Nova Scotia, Patients | | Healthy | July 21, 2019


(I am in the co-op program at my high school, and I have a placement at a local university medical clinic. Since I am a high school student, there are a lot of things at the clinic that I am not qualified to do, so I am often tasked with calling patients to inform them of specialist appointments that they have been referred to.)

Me: “Hello, is this [Patient]?”

Patient: “Yes, it is.”

Me: *reading the referral sheet* “I’m calling from Dr. [Doctor]’s office to let you know about an upcoming mammogram appointment on [date] at [Location].”

(Pause.)

Patient: “Well, I just had a double mastectomy, so I don’t think I’ll be needing that appointment.”

Me: “Oh.”

(I was mortified and apologized profusely; thankfully, the patient laughed it off. I informed my supervisor and she, while shocked, commended me on how I handled the situation

[florida80]

Look Into My Eyes For The Answers You Seek

Kansas, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | July 20, 2019


(I go to a walk-in clinic because I have a bad poison ivy rash on my face. My eyelids are swollen almost shut and my eyelashes are stuck together with gunk. I am sitting in the room waiting for the nurse practitioner when she opens the door.)

Nurse Practitioner: “Hi! How are y… Oh!”

[florida80]

Look Into My Eyes For The Answers You Seek

Kansas, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | July 20, 2019


(I go to a walk-in clinic because I have a bad poison ivy rash on my face. My eyelids are swollen almost shut and my eyelashes are stuck together with gunk. I am sitting in the room waiting for the nurse practitioner when she opens the door.)

Nurse Practitioner: “Hi! How are y… Oh!”

[florida80]

She Will Shake Away The World

Alabama, Bizarre, Great Stuff, Patients, Psychiatrist, Sons & Daughters, USA | | Healthy | July 19, 2019


(My seven-year-old daughter was recently tested for ADHD, which means she and I have to go back to the psychiatrist’s office two weeks later to review the results. While I am talking with the psychiatrist, my daughter is sitting on the floor playing with an Etch-a-Sketch. The psychiatrist is explaining to me that although my daughter does now have an ADHD diagnosis, she wasn’t able to specify a subtype. Specifically, the tests are less accurate with exceptionally bright children because if a task is designed to take ten minutes but the child solves the problem in two, the test is only able to measure two minutes’ worth of attention span instead of the ten it was supposed to.)

Psychiatrist: “So, it’s clear that your daughter’s brain is working on a different level than her teacher expects–”

Daughter: *interrupting* “Mom, look! Can you guess what I drew?”

(She’d gotten almost the entire Etch-a-Sketch screen to be black.)

Me: “Um… a black bear at night?”

Daughter: “MOM. No, it’s the void! And now I’m going to magically make the void disappear…” *shakes Etch-a-Sketch* “There, now I’ve deleted that dimension.”

Psychiatrist: “So, as I was saying… different level

[florida80]

A Message From The Dead

Bizarre, Germany, Hospital, Nurses, Patients, Rest In Peace | | Healthy | July 18, 2019


My sister was a nurse in the geriatric ward of a hospital. Once, when she was doing the night shift, a patient died in his sleep due to old age. The normal procedure would be to get the bed out of the room on the corridor and someone from pathology would come up and collect it. The problem here was that the patient’s death was noticed around five or six in the morning and pathology had a shift change, so it would take longer as usual for someone to come up.

My sister and the other nurse present were worried that some of the early bird patients would wander the corridor and notice the body, so they decided to move the bed to the nurse’s room. The other nurse went on to respond to a patient’s call and my sister started preparing the morning medications for the patients.

Now, I assume everybody is familiar with rigor mortis? The body getting stiff after death? Well, that’s not a process that happens immediately. It takes some time, sometimes up to two days, until the whole body is stiff.

So, my sister was moving around in the small nurse’s office and preparing the medications, doing what you need to do for that. Occasionally, she would bump into the bed a little bit. Finally, the dead had enough of his disturbed peace and his hand slid out under the blanket, giving my sister a slap right on her backside.

The whole ward was awake after that.

[florida80]

If Only They Could Hear Themselves

Canada, Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Vancouver | | Healthy | July 17, 2019


I have bone conduction hearing issues that I’ve suffered my whole life. It’s hard to explain, but I hear with my bones, which, coupled with my regular ear-hole hearing, means that I am off the charts of any traditional loudness hearing tests. This means that I have a hearing specialist and I have to go every year or so to keep my earplugs current. Inner-ear shape changes with even the slightest weight change. Every time I visit her I’m seen by one of her assistants for the initial consultation and every time she — usually a woman — yells through her questions.

My chart says what I have, but they are so used to yelling to their patients as most of the people they see have the opposite problem to me.

I ask them politely to speak more quietly many, many times each visit, but the volume increases every question they ask.

A few times I try and surreptitiously slip my ever-present earplugs out of my pocket to put them in, but my specialist has asked me not wear them before the physical tests — my hearing is extremely extreme for about 15 minutes after taking them out — but I just can’t be in the room with yellers without them.

To this day, I’ve been searching for a polite way to ask people to talk quieter, but I haven’t found it yet.

[florida80]

Don’t Baby Talk Me

Doctor/Physician, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, New York, USA | | Healthy | July 16, 2019


(I gave birth to twins several months ago and have since gone back to work. I am struggling a lot with anxiety, inability to focus, and lack of sleep, just having a really hard time in general. I’m not sure who to go to for help as I don’t seem to quite meet the criteria for postpartum depression or anxiety, so I make an appointment with my primary care doctor to see if she can help me figure out who to talk to.)

Me: “I’m just having a really hard time at work and at home, feeling like I’m falling behind at everything. I can’t focus on what I’m doing, and I’m anxious all the time. I just didn’t know who to talk to so I thought I might start with you. I’m really struggling right now.”

Doctor: “I’ll run some blood tests but… I mean, you did just have two babies.” *laughs* “So, I’m not really sure what you expected life to be like right now… Maybe consider finding a new job?”

(I never did get any help from her whatsoever. I am happy to say that my twins are a year old now and that difficult period has since passed.)

[florida80]

Doctor Is Getting Ahead Of Himself

Canada, Doctor/Physician, Great Stuff, Hospital, Ontario | | Healthy | July 15, 2019


(My seven-year-old son broke his arm. The anesthetist is explaining to us what to expect with the sedative they are going to use before setting the bone.)

Doctor: “Ketamine is a dissociative safe for kids. It puts them in a trance-like state where they can’t feel anything. The pain signals don’t reach the brain. It kind of cuts the head off from the rest of the body.”

My Already Distressed Son: “YOU’RE GOING TO WHAAAAT?!”

Doctor: “Oops.”

[florida80]

Making The Blood Boil

England, Hospital, Jerk, London, Patients, UK | | Healthy | July 13, 2019


(I am at the blood bank. There are two clinics running simultaneously: one for regular blood tests and another for pregnancy-related blood, linked with the midwife clinic next door. Regular clinic patients have to abide by the ticket system. The midwife patients do not.)

Phlebotomist: “Ms. [My Name], just come through here, please.”

(I stand up to go through to the chair behind the curtain, only to be pushed out of the way by a middle-aged woman.)

Woman: “I’ve been waiting over an hour for a simple blood test and that girl has only been waiting five minutes. You will take my blood now.”

Phlebotomist: “Ma’am. You need to get out of that chair. I can’t take your blood here. You need to wait until you’re called by someone on the other side.”

Woman: “I’m not moving! I’m number 27! I’m next to be called!”

Phlebotomist: “Fair enough. When’s your due date? Have you fasted for two hours for your prenatal diabetes test?”

Woman: “What are you on about? I’m not here for a diabetes check! I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Well, I am. So get out of that chair!”

Woman: “Well, I never!”

Me: “Lady, this is the midwives’ clinic. You’re in the wrong place!”

Woman: “I’ve been waiting over an hour!”

Phlebotomist: “Well, you’re going to have to wait longer than that. Security is here to take you away. Come back another day, when you’ve calmed down.”

(She was escorted out and I got my blood done. Her number was called as I left the waiting room.)

[florida80]

Give A Dog A Bone

Michigan, Pets & Animals, Pharmacy, Retail, Rude & Risque, USA | | Healthy | July 11, 2019


(One day at work, I hear my pharmacist and another technician talking about an unusual prescription that’s come in. Curious, I switch to a computer nearby and find them discussing a dog who’s been prescribed the generic for Viagra. Apparently, a recent study has indicated that it may be helpful for relieving coughing in dogs, for some reason, and we spend some time discussing how it might work in that regard. Later, as I’m working on the computer and she’s filling prescriptions behind me, she glances up and leans toward me, chuckling.)

Pharmacist: “You know, it’s hard enough for a person to talk to their doctor about this type of medication. I’d think it’d have to be even harder for a dog!”

Me: *playing along* “Well, yeah. Besides not being able to talk, it’s gotta be way more embarrassing for them, with everything all hanging out and no way to disguise it.”

(After a few moments.)

Me: “I can totally see the commercials, though. This gorgeous Golden Retriever stud going ‘Once, I was the laughing stock of the breeding kennel. But now, I’m back to being top dog, thanks to Viagra!’”

Pharmacist: *cracking up* “See, none of the other health care professions get to enjoy jokes like this.”

(I love my coworkers.)

[florida80]

Give A Dog A Bone

Michigan, Pets & Animals, Pharmacy, Retail, Rude & Risque, USA | | Healthy | July 11, 2019


(One day at work, I hear my pharmacist and another technician talking about an unusual prescription that’s come in. Curious, I switch to a computer nearby and find them discussing a dog who’s been prescribed the generic for Viagra. Apparently, a recent study has indicated that it may be helpful for relieving coughing in dogs, for some reason, and we spend some time discussing how it might work in that regard. Later, as I’m working on the computer and she’s filling prescriptions behind me, she glances up and leans toward me, chuckling.)

Pharmacist: “You know, it’s hard enough for a person to talk to their doctor about this type of medication. I’d think it’d have to be even harder for a dog!”

Me: *playing along* “Well, yeah. Besides not being able to talk, it’s gotta be way more embarrassing for them, with everything all hanging out and no way to disguise it.”

(After a few moments.)

Me: “I can totally see the commercials, though. This gorgeous Golden Retriever stud going ‘Once, I was the laughing stock of the breeding kennel. But now, I’m back to being top dog, thanks to Viagra!’”

Pharmacist: *cracking up* “See, none of the other health care professions get to enjoy jokes like this.”

(I love my coworkers.)

[florida80]

Booze On A Budget

Alcohol, Atlanta, Georgia, Great Stuff, Office, Parents/Guardians, Patients, USA | | Healthy | July 9, 2019


(I recently accompanied my mother to a doctor’s appointment.)

Doctor: “Okay, now, since I’m giving you [medication], no alcohol while you’re taking it.”

Mother: “Question. By ‘no alcohol,’ do you mean ‘no alcohol at all,’ or is it okay to just have one or two drinks with dinner?”

Doctor: “Well, one drink will feel like four.”

Mother: *without missing a beat* “So, I’m just saving money?”

Me: “MAHM! STAHP!”

[florida80]

Medical Science Has No Cure For That Condition

Medical Office, Patients, Sports, UK | | Healthy | July 7, 2019


I recently joined a social group which runs an indoor football session each week. With it being a regular thing, the guys all know each other, while I am new to the group.

Towards the end of the hour, everyone is getting tired and sweaty, and this tends to make people stop paying attention. One guy attempts to showboat, so when I go in and tackle him, he doesn’t see me and ends up standing awkwardly on my foot and going down. Less Messi, more Suarez…

He starts wailing about how he has badly hurt his foot, and everyone stops and swarms him, asking him if he is okay. Meanwhile, I’m having flashbacks to seven years ago where I received a high ankle sprain from a similar incident.

I end up escorting him to the walk-in clinic across the road from the sports centre, along with his girlfriend. When we get there, I explain the situation to the receptionist, who puts his details into the system. Throughout all of this, he continues to wail about how he is in so much pain from his foot, to the point where he can’t concentrate enough to give information. It should be noted that the social group caters to people with conditions like ADHD for the other guy, and the autistic spectrum for all three of us. It should also be noted that of the three, I actually have technical medical knowledge, so can act as translator for “doctor speak” for the others.

After ninety minutes of waiting, as well as a physical examination and five x-rays, the doctor confirms two things: that there is nothing physically wrong with his foot — he just overextended and put unnecessary pressure on the outside of his foot when he stepped on me — and that this guy is a ”gigantic” hypochondriac, to mine and the girlfriend’s utter amusement.

The doctor takes it in stride, saying that unfortunately, they don’t have medication to fix the latter, but a bit of ice and elevation will help with the former. Cue the chuckles all round the following week!

[florida80]

Switcheroo Boo Boo

Colorado, Denver, Extra Stupid, Jerk, Patients, USA, Vet | | Healthy | July 5, 2019


(A client walks in with her dog. Since I recognize the client, I print out a confirmation sheet, just asking to check the accuracy of all of her information, such as the spelling of her name, address, phone number, and email address.)

Client: *with a BIG smile on her face* “I pulled a switcheroo on you guys!” *gestures to her dog* “This is Linus, not Ella; Linus is having ear troubles. Also, I will only be boarding Buttons with you, not Ella or Linus, so we don’t need to have Ella in for her exam and vaccines.”

Me: *strained smile* “All righty, then. You said that Linus is having trouble with his ears, so let’s get you into a room.”

(Seriously, if you have two children and you set up an appointment for an annual well-check with the pediatrician for one child, would you not only switch the child that you are bringing in, but change the reason for the visit, and not bother telling the doctor’s office what you are doing? If not, why do you think it is okay to do that to a vet?)

[florida80]

This Specialist Is Out For Blood

College & University, Croatia, Hospital, Patients, Pranks, Students | | Healthy | July 4, 2019


A couple of weeks ago, I was working in the cardiology department and the topic of conversation between me, another medical student, and a specialist somehow drifted towards practical exams. The specialist suddenly asked us if we knew how to fail a student. Neither of us knew what she had in mind, so we shook our heads.

Then, she explained.

First, find a patient with LVAD — a mechanical implantable pump that assists the heart with pumping blood in heart failure; due to how the pump works, the patient has no palpatable pulse. And then, you give the student a regular blood-pressure monitor and instruct them to take their pulse and blood pressure.

Those poor students.

[florida80]

There’s No Easy Way To Pad Out This Conversation

Hospital, Jerk, Nurses, Texas, USA | | Healthy | July 2, 2019


(I’m small and only 16, so I am required to go to the children’s hospital. My parents leave me alone overnight. I’ve been admitted for a possible reemergence of a serious issue, so I’m obviously not allowed to run down to the corner store or anything like that.)

Me: “Excuse me, do you have pads?”

Female Nurse: *freezes*

Me: “You know, for… monthly things?”

Female Nurse: “I… I’m sorry, sweetie, what?”

Me: “I’m bleeding, so I need pads.”

Female Nurse: “I’ll check.”

(She practically runs out of the room. I watch her talk to three others, all with mortified expressions on their faces. Finally, she comes back.)

Female Nurse: “Here you go, sweetie. But this is a children’s hospital, so you need to tell your mother that we don’t have those kinds of things here, okay? Have her bring you some in the morning.”

Me: “But I’ve had this since I was ten…”

Female Nurse: *sputters* “Well, ten isn’t really a child, now is it?” *runs off*

[florida80]

A Boy Diagnosing A Boy

Australia, Children, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, New South Wales, Westmead | | Healthy | July 1, 2019


(My three-year-old son has just spent a week in hospital following surgery on his elbow. The team of doctors has done their rounds and the consultant has left his young resident — who looks about twenty — to give us our final instructions for discharge.)

Me: “So, is he going to need rehab or physiotherapy? Or is he right to resume all his regular activity?”

Resident: “Yeah, he’s fine to do everything a normal, healthy three-year-old boy does. No worries.”

Me: *very happy, as getting this child to be still and rest in hospital all week has been no easy feat* “Great! So, running, jumping, climbing trees, sandpit, and playground is all okay?”

Resident: “Oh, no! He can’t do any of that!”

Me: “So, what, exactly, is it that you think a normal, healthy three-year-old boy does?”

[florida80]

Kids Will Make Liars Of You Every Time

California, Children, Doctor/Physician, Los Angeles, Medical Office, Patients, USA | | Healthy | June 30, 2019


(My daughter, around three or four years old, is acting increasingly lethargic, so I take her to urgent care. As always, there is a long wait and she steadily gets more and more bored and restless until the doctor finally comes in. The doctor looks at her and then at me.)

Doctor: “Okay, what brings you here tonight?”

Me: “My daughter has become really lethargic.”

(My daughter can’t sit still anymore and gets up.)

Doctor: “Hi, honey. Can you jump around a little for me?”

(My daughter goes wild, pogo-ing around the room.)

Me: “She wasn’t like this at home! I am so sorry I’ve wasted your time.”

Doctor: “Eh, that’s okay. To be honest, I’m a pediatric specialist. I’m just working here to make a little extra money. Most of my patients die. It’s really nice for me to see a healthy kid.”

(We shook hands and he walked out. This was almost 20 years ago, and I’ve never forgotten how quickly my embarrassment was replaced with sadness.)

[florida80]

Vitamin “Duh”

Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Oregon, USA | | Healthy | June 28, 2019


(I receive a message from my primary physician.)

Doctor #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Your vitamin D is low, but all your other lab results are fine.”

(Later, I go to a doctor who specializes in some of my chronic illnesses. She looks at the lab results herself.)

Doctor #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Your vitamin D is very low, and you’re borderline anemic.”

Me: “What?! My other doctor didn’t tell me that!”

Doctor #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Well, you’re technically in the normal range for children, but just barely. You’re almost 18 and you’re way below the threshold for adults. Plus, with your chronic illness, you need even more iron than the average person. This isn’t nearly enough. Let’s get you started on an iron supplement.”

(Just because the numbers are within range — by a single point! — it doesn’t mean they’re anywhere close to ideal, doctors.)

[florida80]

Vitamin “Ewww”

Bizarre, Health & Body, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Retail, Revolting, USA | | Healthy | June 27, 2019


(I am working in the beauty and health section when a woman comes up asking for vitamin E oil. I take her over there before I begin my safety speech.)

Me: “Just so you know, despite this being in the vitamin section and a liquid, you do not ingest it. This is for topical use only.”

Customer: “I know, dear. I need it for my hand. Look.”

(She proceeds to show me her hand where, not only can I see bone exposed, but her thumb is literally hanging almost detached from the hand.)

Me: “I’m not sure if this will work on that. Have you seen a dermatologist yet?”

Customer: “No, not yet, but I need something to help heal my skin up, and I heard this should help. Thank you.”

(I’m not sure how she was not more alarmed by the state of her hand but I made sure to wash my hands after, just in case it was some sort of virus.)

[florida80]

This Will Make You Sto-Mad

Assisted Living, Lazy/Unhelpful, Nurses, Patients, Revolting, The Netherlands | | Healthy | June 26, 2019


(I work as a trainee in a care home. I’ve been there just three days. This is my second traineeship, which will teach me specific nursing skills, like inserting a bladder catheter, stoma care, wound care, etc. It’s afternoon and I’m working with two coworkers who aren’t happy with me being there. Normally, they’d sit in the staffroom telling trainees what to do, but since this is my third day, I haven’t got a clue as to what to do exactly, which means that they need to show me. An alarm call comes in from the apartment of a married couple. We go there to see what’s wrong. When we get through the front door, the smell of faeces hits us. Going through to the living room the smell gets worse. We find the husband, who has Alzheimer’s, nearly in tears. He points us to the bathroom where we find his wife, sitting on a stool, covered from her shoulders to her knees in faeces. She has managed to partly undress and it’s immediately clear that her stoma bag has exploded.)

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Yeah, not dealing with this!”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Me, neither!”

(And they both just leave. I can’t believe what I’ve just witnessed. When the woman sees them leave and sees me, she starts bawling her eyes out. I know she hasn’t had her stoma for long and she’s only seen me once, this morning, when I asked her if I could watch her stoma care and help her. She knows I haven’t handled anything like this before.)

Me: “All right, let’s get you undressed.”

(I peek around the door and ask her husband to grab five towels, two bin-bags, and underwear for his wife. To my amazement, he comes back with exactly what I asked for a short while later.)

Patient: “You never did this before; you can’t handle this. It’s a mess!”

Me: “Yes, it is, but we’ll do this together. You’ll see; it’ll be fine.”

(I dress up in gloves and a plastic apron and begin to undress her, throwing the clothes on the ground near the shower, but far enough from her that she won’t stand on the faeces. I give her the showerhead and start peeling off the stoma plate. This, together with the stoma bag, goes into one of the bin-bags. By now, she starts feeling a bit better. The smell still isn’t nice, but since a lot of faeces is being washed down the drain, it’s getting better. Her husband asks if everything is all right. I tell him yes and ask him to make a cup of tea.)

Patient: *crying* “Why did they leave? Why did they leave you here?”

Me: “I don’t know, but I’ll get you sorted. Your husband is making tea, so when you’re dressed your cuppa is waiting.”

Patient: “Thank you for doing this.”

Me: “Yeah, well, I want this to be my job, so it’s no big deal.”

(When she’s clean and feeling better, I transfer her to the toilet so she can get dressed. Normally, I’d do this on the stool, but since it’s not entirely clean in that area I have to transfer her. Meanwhile, I rinse out her clothes and put them in the other bin-bag, to go into the washing. When she’s dressed in her underwear, I help her with her stoma materials. I walk her to the bedroom to get dressed further and clean the shower as best as I can without the proper materials. She’s still wobbly from her experience, so I go and check on the husband. He’s boiled the water, but then forgot what he was supposed to be doing. I make tea for both of them and, when I’ve written in their patient book what has happened, I go and check on them again.)

Patient: “Thank you, dear, for everything you’ve done. Now, go get the signature you need for that stoma care. You’ve done great, considering they’ve left you while they knew you hadn’t handled anything like this before.”

Me: “Thank you. I’ll try to talk to them about this. It’s horrible that they left you like that. They shouldn’t have.”

Patient: “I know, but I’m glad you were there.”

(I take her clothes to the laundry room and the coworker there washes them immediately. I find one of the cleaners, tell them what happened, and ask them if they have time to clean the bathroom. They agree. I then walk to the staffroom where I know both coworkers and the manager will be for their tea break.)

Me: *slamming my workbook on the table before both coworkers* “Sign here and there.”

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : *looks at where I’m pointing* “I can’t sign this; I haven’t seen you doing stoma care.”

Me: “Of course, you haven’t. You both walked out on the patient while she was covered in faeces from her shoulders to her knees. If I remember correctly your words were, ‘I’m not gonna deal with this,’ and you left her there, in tears, covered in faeces.”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “I—”

Me: “You did the exact same thing. You walked out on her, too.”

Manager: “What? You left a patient who needed help? [My Name], can I see the book?”

(I give her the book and she signs without hesitating.)

Manager: “You go home early today; you’ve done enough. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” *points to the two coworkers* “You two, in my office. Now!”

(The next day, I’m a little scared to go back, as I know leaving a patient who needs care is a really bad thing to do. When I get to the staffroom, both coworkers who should’ve been working aren’t there.)

Manager: *when everyone else is present* “I just want to tell you guys that [Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] and [Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] have been placed on unpaid leave for six weeks due to negligence. They’ve left [Patient] with our trainee when she badly needed help. This is inexcusable. You all can understand that, right? Now, [My Name], can you come to my office later to fill out a few witness statements about what happened yesterday?”

(I agreed and we all went to work. I was inundated with questions from other coworkers about what had happened and they were all appalled by my responses. After I’d filled out the witness statements, a couple of weeks went by where we heard nothing more of either coworker. After four weeks, we found out one had been let go as she’d had a warning about negligence before, and the other found another care home to work with.)

[florida80]

This Will Make You Sto-Mad

Assisted Living, Lazy/Unhelpful, Nurses, Patients, Revolting, The Netherlands | | Healthy | June 26, 2019


(I work as a trainee in a care home. I’ve been there just three days. This is my second traineeship, which will teach me specific nursing skills, like inserting a bladder catheter, stoma care, wound care, etc. It’s afternoon and I’m working with two coworkers who aren’t happy with me being there. Normally, they’d sit in the staffroom telling trainees what to do, but since this is my third day, I haven’t got a clue as to what to do exactly, which means that they need to show me. An alarm call comes in from the apartment of a married couple. We go there to see what’s wrong. When we get through the front door, the smell of faeces hits us. Going through to the living room the smell gets worse. We find the husband, who has Alzheimer’s, nearly in tears. He points us to the bathroom where we find his wife, sitting on a stool, covered from her shoulders to her knees in faeces. She has managed to partly undress and it’s immediately clear that her stoma bag has exploded.)

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Yeah, not dealing with this!”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Me, neither!”

(And they both just leave. I can’t believe what I’ve just witnessed. When the woman sees them leave and sees me, she starts bawling her eyes out. I know she hasn’t had her stoma for long and she’s only seen me once, this morning, when I asked her if I could watch her stoma care and help her. She knows I haven’t handled anything like this before.)

Me: “All right, let’s get you undressed.”

(I peek around the door and ask her husband to grab five towels, two bin-bags, and underwear for his wife. To my amazement, he comes back with exactly what I asked for a short while later.)

Patient: “You never did this before; you can’t handle this. It’s a mess!”

Me: “Yes, it is, but we’ll do this together. You’ll see; it’ll be fine.”

(I dress up in gloves and a plastic apron and begin to undress her, throwing the clothes on the ground near the shower, but far enough from her that she won’t stand on the faeces. I give her the showerhead and start peeling off the stoma plate. This, together with the stoma bag, goes into one of the bin-bags. By now, she starts feeling a bit better. The smell still isn’t nice, but since a lot of faeces is being washed down the drain, it’s getting better. Her husband asks if everything is all right. I tell him yes and ask him to make a cup of tea.)

Patient: *crying* “Why did they leave? Why did they leave you here?”

Me: “I don’t know, but I’ll get you sorted. Your husband is making tea, so when you’re dressed your cuppa is waiting.”

Patient: “Thank you for doing this.”

Me: “Yeah, well, I want this to be my job, so it’s no big deal.”

(When she’s clean and feeling better, I transfer her to the toilet so she can get dressed. Normally, I’d do this on the stool, but since it’s not entirely clean in that area I have to transfer her. Meanwhile, I rinse out her clothes and put them in the other bin-bag, to go into the washing. When she’s dressed in her underwear, I help her with her stoma materials. I walk her to the bedroom to get dressed further and clean the shower as best as I can without the proper materials. She’s still wobbly from her experience, so I go and check on the husband. He’s boiled the water, but then forgot what he was supposed to be doing. I make tea for both of them and, when I’ve written in their patient book what has happened, I go and check on them again.)

Patient: “Thank you, dear, for everything you’ve done. Now, go get the signature you need for that stoma care. You’ve done great, considering they’ve left you while they knew you hadn’t handled anything like this before.”

Me: “Thank you. I’ll try to talk to them about this. It’s horrible that they left you like that. They shouldn’t have.”

Patient: “I know, but I’m glad you were there.”

(I take her clothes to the laundry room and the coworker there washes them immediately. I find one of the cleaners, tell them what happened, and ask them if they have time to clean the bathroom. They agree. I then walk to the staffroom where I know both coworkers and the manager will be for their tea break.)

Me: *slamming my workbook on the table before both coworkers* “Sign here and there.”

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : *looks at where I’m pointing* “I can’t sign this; I haven’t seen you doing stoma care.”

Me: “Of course, you haven’t. You both walked out on the patient while she was covered in faeces from her shoulders to her knees. If I remember correctly your words were, ‘I’m not gonna deal with this,’ and you left her there, in tears, covered in faeces.”

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “I—”

Me: “You did the exact same thing. You walked out on her, too.”

Manager: “What? You left a patient who needed help? [My Name], can I see the book?”

(I give her the book and she signs without hesitating.)

Manager: “You go home early today; you’ve done enough. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” *points to the two coworkers* “You two, in my office. Now!”

(The next day, I’m a little scared to go back, as I know leaving a patient who needs care is a really bad thing to do. When I get to the staffroom, both coworkers who should’ve been working aren’t there.)

Manager: *when everyone else is present* “I just want to tell you guys that [Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] and [Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] have been placed on unpaid leave for six weeks due to negligence. They’ve left [Patient] with our trainee when she badly needed help. This is inexcusable. You all can understand that, right? Now, [My Name], can you come to my office later to fill out a few witness statements about what happened yesterday?”

(I agreed and we all went to work. I was inundated with questions from other coworkers about what had happened and they were all appalled by my responses. After I’d filled out the witness statements, a couple of weeks went by where we heard nothing more of either coworker. After four weeks, we found out one had been let go as she’d had a warning about negligence before, and the other found another care home to work with.)

[florida80]

His Enthusiasm Wasn’t Exactly Infectious

Doctor/Physician, England, Hospital, Jerk, UK | | Healthy | June 24, 2019


My best friend had surgery in 2017 to remove an ovarian cyst that had gone undiagnosed until it was large enough to cause a protrusion in her abdomen. The surgery to remove it was initially successful and after a couple of days, she returned home, only to be back in hospital three days later with a truly life-threatening infection.

Over a week later, the infection has been largely treated and my friend is moved out of intensive care and onto a ward, still on a cocktail of medicines that leave her somewhat delirious. I’m visiting her along with her mother and two sisters when a doctor enters and begins telling my friend how her infection was the most severe he’d ever seen where the patient recovered. He asks if he can have her permission to write a paper about it. My friend at this point isn’t even with it enough to tell us her surname, and all four of us rather sternly tell the doctor to ask again when she is properly recovered. Embarrassed, he leaves.

I get that doctors deal with this stuff a lot and it’s normal to them, but seriously? She almost died and spent ten days in the ICU, and you think the day she gets back out onto a ward she’s going to be bouncing around the room eager to grant permission for your paper?

My friend made a full recovery and did eventually grant the doctor permission. She told me he said that in blood cultures a score of 10 is an infection, and hers came back with a score of 1,174.

[florida80]

Have You Tried Just… Not Being Epileptic?

Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Jackson, Jerk, Mississippi, Salon, USA | | Healthy | June 23, 2019


(For my first job, I work at a tanning salon. I have had epilepsy my whole life. During the interview, I explain everything to the general manager and the procedures in case I have one at work. Well, the inevitable happens and I have a seizure when it is just me and one coworker, with a store full of customers. One of the customers calls 911 and I wake up surrounded by the fire department. Naturally, I have to take off for a few days to recover. This is the conversation between me and the general manager as soon as I return for my next shift.)

GM: “[My Name], I need to see you in my office.”

(We sit down and she hands me a piece of paper.)

GM: “You need to sign this incident report.”

(I look over it carefully and sign it at the bottom. She looks at me sort of sideways and then continues.)

GM: “Why didn’t you just not come into work that day?”

Me: “Well, it’s not like I woke up and knew it was going to happen. I only have about ten minutes to one hour of warning. And I did call you almost exactly an hour before and told you how I was feeling. You told me to stay.”

GM: “Yeah, I didn’t think it was actually going to happen.”

Me: “Um, okay? Then what do you want me to do about that?”

GM: “You need to get a hold of yourself. I can’t have you seizing out in front of everybody and scaring away my customers. Did you skip your medicine or something?”

(I start to choke up and begin to cry because I can’t believe she just said something so rude, as if I can just control my disability whenever I feel like it.)

Me: “No, I didn’t skip my medicine. These things happen like clockwork every single month regardless, and you were fully aware of that at my very first interview. If I could control it like you seem to think I can, I would never have another seizure again. I can’t believe you just said something like that to me.”

GM: “Oh, don’t be so sensitive. Dry your tears and go clock in.”

(I just looked at her before I walked out of her office. This created a permanent wedge between me and the general manager. Neither one of us ever spoke of it again, and I didn’t have another seizure at work for the rest of the time I worked there. I eventually quit on the spot one day because I couldn’t handle the way she talked down to me like I was some insubordinate. Who would really say something like that to someone?!)

[florida80]

Some People Only See Black And White

Bigotry, Illinois, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | June 22, 2019


(I’m at a popular glasses chain for my yearly check. I’ve been going to this chain and the attached eye doctor for many years. Note: I am Latina. My last name usually gives this away. I’m very light-skinned, though.)

Nurse: “Okay, so you’re [My First and Last Name].”

Me: “Yes.”

Nurse: “[Address]? [Phone Number]? Still correct?”

Me: “Yes.”

Nurse: “Single or married?”

Me: “Single.”

(I notice the nurse peer at the screen, turn around and study me, and then squint at the screen again.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Nurse: “Whoever entered you in the computer listed you as ‘Hispanic/Latina.’ Don’t worry; I’ll fix it.”

Me: “I am Latina.”

Nurse: “Seriously? But you’re so light!”

Me: “We do come in all shades, you know.”

Nurse: “Wow!”

(The rest of the exam proceeded normally. I know my area doesn’t have a huge Latino/a population but come on now

[florida80]

Not Hearing The Love Here, Mom

Hospital, Parents/Guardians, Patients, Silly, USA, Wisconsin | | Healthy | June 21, 2019


(My mother is hearing-impaired. She’s not totally deaf, but if she’s not wearing her hearing aids, you need to speak very loudly and slowly for her to understand you. She’s been this way since she was five years old due to a case of German measles damaging her auditory nerves. Fast forward twenty years. She is pregnant with me and my brother — I’m female. She knows she is having twins because her doctor heard two heartbeats, but because this is before sonograms are a thing, she does not know what the genders of the babies are. She just assumes that they will both be the same, and she and my dad choose two girl names and two boy names. She goes into labor, but things are just not progressing. Her doctor decides she needs a C-section. This is also in the days before epidurals are commonly used, so they knock her out for the operation, having her remove her hearing aids so they won’t get lost. The babies are delivered and my mom goes to recovery. As she starts to wake up, the nurse comes up to her. Note that my mom is still not wearing her hearing aids.

Nurse: “[Something unintelligible].”

Still-Groggy Mom: “Huh?”

Nurse: “Waa waaa wa waa waa wa waaa…”

Yet Still Groggy Mom: “What?”

Nurse: “YOU HAVE A BOY AND A GIRL!”

Mom: “Oh, they can’t be mine.”

(Rejected before she even saw me! Thank heaven it was the drugs talking!)

[florida80]

This Nurse Is No Veteran At Blood Draws

Extra Stupid, Hospital, Nurses, USA, Wisconsin | | Healthy | June 20, 2019


(I have been experiencing undiagnosed depression and severe anxiety caused by a serious accident while I was in the military. As such, after being let go from my job for something I didn’t do, I end up getting admitted into the psych ward at the Veterans hospital. Before admittance, you have to get your blood drawn to test for drugs.)

Screening Nurse: “Okay, hon, this is the nurse that is going to take your blood.”

(The nurse tries to insert the needle in the crook of my arm and misses.)

Nurse: “Oh, darn! Let me try again.”

(He tries again and misses.)

Nurse: “Let me try on the top of your wrist.”

Me: “Umm… Isn’t that going to be harder? I am a very easy stick; maybe you should try on my right arm.”

Nurse: “No, I can get the vein on the top of your wrist.”

Me: “Um, okay.”

(The nurse proceeded to miss twice more on the top of my wrist. The third try, he wiggled the needle around to try and catch the vein — don’t ask me why he thought that would work — and as a last-ditch effort and with no warning, he went vertical with the needle and rammed it straight down into my wrist. I darn near hauled off and punched him, but I settled for cursing. Miraculously, he did manage to get blood… which lead to another problem. He never put the cap on the end of the tube, so instead of the blood stopping at the end of the tube, it just spewed all over me, the chair, the nurse, and the floor. Once we stopped all that nonsense and got my test results back, which were clean, I finally was admitted into the psych ward where I had to explain to the nurses that, no, I did not try and cut my arm off, their nurse just sucks at blood draws, and that’s why my arm was covered in bandages. Welcome to the VA, folks.)

[florida80]

Oh, That’s Not Water Breaking; That’s The Interns Crying

College & University, Doctor/Physician, Non-Dialogue, Pranks, Teachers, USA | | Healthy | June 19, 2019


I studied medical laboratory science in college. As we were studying hormones, we came to hCG, which is the hormone tested for on a pregnancy test. The professor was explaining how, at the very end of a pregnancy, hCG levels can drop off, yielding a negative pregnancy test on an obviously pregnant patient.

Then, he added this gem: “You can really freak out nervous medical interns by calling them up and telling them the pregnancy test on a very pregnant woman is negative. I’m not saying I’ve done it, but I’m not saying I haven’t.”

[florida80]

Their Vocabulary Is Like Their Handwriting

Cedar Rapids, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Iowa, Language & Words, Non-Dialogue, USA | | Healthy | June 18, 2019


I worked as a nurse in a coronary care unit. Medical professionals have their own language, and sometimes forget the average person doesn’t speak “medicalese.” One of my patients was newly diagnosed with myocardial infarction, the medical term for a heart attack. I accompanied his doctor in as he talked to the patient, telling him he had a myocardial infarction.

After we left the room, I asked the doctor if he thought the patient understood what he was told. He assured me he did. When I returned to the patient’s room a few minutes later, I asked him if he understood what the doctor told him.

He said, “Oh, yes. I’m so relieved. I thought I’d had a heart attack.”

[florida80]

Urine For A Real Treat

Cedar Rapids, Great Stuff, Hospital, Iowa, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Pranks, Revolting, USA | | Healthy | June 17, 2019


My friend is a great prankster. He was in the hospital one time and the nurse came in to leave a specimen cup so they could collect a urine sample. My friend had received apricot nectar with his breakfast. After the nurse left, he poured the apricot nectar into the specimen cup. When the nurse returned, she looked at and commented that it looked pretty bad. Picking up the cup, my friend drank it down, commenting, “Well, I’ll run it through again!”

[florida80]

Giving Birth To All Kinds Of Liquids And Smells

Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Revolting, UK | | Healthy | June 16, 2019


I stayed in the hospital for three nights after giving birth to my son. When my partner came to take me home, we couldn’t find my shoes anywhere. We searched almost every place I had been whilst in the hospital.

My trainers were found by a nurse, under the bed in the birthing room.

I went home barefoot

[florida80]

There Is Such A Thing As A Free Lunch

Awesome Workers, Canada, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Ontario | | Healthy | June 15, 2019


I was feeling miserable at bedtime, and by 2:00 am I realized that it was an allergic reaction. My knees, elbows, neck, and spine were all swelling up and had gotten red, hot, itchy, and painful. When my six-year-old son woke up around 6:30 am, I grabbed some bananas and granola bars for him to eat in the car and headed to the hospital.

By noon, I had had an IV of medication for almost four hours and was starting to feel better, while my son was bored and very hungry. The nurse served my lunch, and even though I was feeling better and getting hungry, I just grabbed the tiny, Barbie-sized coffee and gave the rest to my long-suffering son, who really needed it. About ten minutes later, the nurse came back, saw me with the coffee cup and my son with the rest of the lunch, and left.

About ten minutes after that, she came back claiming that someone had been released after the lunch orders were placed and that there was an extra lunch, so I could have it “for my son” if I wanted.

The emergency was swamped that day — I think my nurse had about 15 people she was looking after — and for her to take the time to make that gesture meant a lot for me, especially since I didn’t get released until about 5:00 pm. I still don’t know if there really was an extra lunch on the floor, or if she ordered it special, and I wouldn’t have starved not being able to eat until later, but I was definitely more comfortable and happy with a lunch in me, and I am super grateful for the nurses in our local hospital!

[florida80]

Honest Relaxing

Bad Behavior, Comeuppance, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA | | Healthy | June 14, 2019


I have been having menstrual problems for my entire life, which is later discovered to be a cyst on my ovary. About four years before it was discovered, though, I would bleed constantly. It was never fresh blood, though; it was old and black. I would go months without a period, and then months with one.

A doctor sent me to a gynecologist to make sure it wasn’t cancer causing my problems, as I have a family history for various kinds. I was 26, but I took my mom with me for support. The female gynecologist sent my mom out of the room to ask me medical questions, one of which was if I was sexually active.

I told her I wasn’t, because I hadn’t had sex. I’m used to people acting like they don’t believe me, so when she gave me this look, I just nodded to confirm that I was telling the truth. A few questions later, she asked if I had done any “self-stimulation” that may have resulted in a scratch or a tear that would explain the bleeding.

I told her no, because there was always too much blood and it grossed me out. She became exasperated and yelled, “YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH ME!” in a very hostile voice.

I was angry, but I wanted to get this over with, so I just accepted it. Mom came back in and sat in the room on the other side of a curtain, so she couldn’t see any of what happened next.

This doctor was going out of her way to be rough in her examination. I was very sure it shouldn’t be as painful as it was. At one point, she used what she called a probe to hold me open and use a light for a better view, which I felt was fair, but it opened me very wide to the point of near pain. When I hissed and told her it was very uncomfortable, she looked at me like I was an idiot and told me, “You need to calm down. It’s smaller than a man’s penis.”

Now I was offended and angry, but I didn’t want to yell at this woman and upset my mom by “being rude,” since she couldn’t see what was going on. I tried to ignore it, and after another minute or so, I felt the need to fart.

I waited to see if she’d move away for something, but she didn’t. Before I could tell her, though, she realized I was tensing up but not why, and she leaned in to me and, in a very aggressive whisper, said, “If you do not relax right now, I will end this exam and make you come back, and I don’t think you want that.”

So, I nodded and said, “Okay. I’ll relax.”

When she turned away and came back to continue her examination, I finally relaxed and just let it go right in her face. My mom heard and yelled at me for it, and I just told her, “No, no. She was turned away; it’s fine.”

The doctor said nothing about it, but the exam concluded quickly and with no pain, like someone had flipped a switch on the whole thing. I later found out, while telling another female friend about this incident, that this particular gynecologist was known for being horrible to patients, and she thanked me for doing what she wished she had.

[florida80]

Addicted To Making Addicts

Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, Ohio, USA | | Healthy | June 14, 2019


(I’ve suffered from chronic pain for ten years now. I’m on opioid medications and have been for five years. I have to go to my doctor every month for the prescriptions since they’re strictly controlled. One visit, I get a new nurse. She sees my reason for the visit but apparently ignores my medical history.)

Nurse: “So, you’re after a refill for [current medication]?”

Me: “Yeah, I need to get a refill before I go out of town next week.”

Nurse: “You know that’s an opioid, right?”

Me: “I’d hope so; I’ve been on it for years now.”

(She looks at my weight on my vitals. Because of my condition, I’m on the lighter side.)

Nurse: “Well, I’m telling the doctor not to. You’re obviously an addict.”

Me: “What?!”

Nurse: “You’re just on it for the high! Whoever started you on it is an idiot!”

Me: “[Doctor] put me on it!”

Nurse: “Well, I’m taking you off of it! It’s for your own good!”

(She storms out. I’m in too much shock to say or do much of anything. A few minutes later, my doctor comes in.)

Doctor: “So, the nurse suggested I cut you off of [medication].”

Me: “Yeah, she yelled at me and called me an addict.”

Doctor: “I told her that unless she knew a way to fix [condition], you were staying on it. She said you didn’t look like you had anything, but we’re going to talk to her about jumping to conclusions. So, usual pharmacy?”

(While I’ve seen her at that practice since, I’ve never had to deal with her again.)

[florida80]

Leave A Black Mark On That Patient’s File

Canada, Dentist, Extra Stupid, Ontario, Patients | | Healthy | June 13, 2019


(I work as a dental assistant. After doing some fillings for a patient, I walk her out to the front desk and she stops in the bathroom first. I notice our receptionist is busy with a call, and the dentist doesn’t have another patient for about 15 minutes, so I decide I’ll help out at the front desk and see the last patient out. She comes out of the bathroom and we have this conversation at the desk.)

Patient: “The dentist put a black filling in my mouth!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there isn’t any such thing as a black filling. I can assure you [Doctor] only placed white composite fillings that match your tooth shade.”

Patient: “It’s right here! It’s black!” *points to a tooth on the opposite side from what we worked on*

Me: “Ma’am, [Doctor] placed fillings on the other side of your mouth. He didn’t touch the tooth you’re pointing to. What your pointing to is a silver amalgam filling that has aged and is no longer shiny, causing it to appear almost black.”

Patient: “No. This was not here before!”

Me: “Ma’am, where is your mouth frozen?”

Patient: *points to the side opposite of tooth she is complaining about*

Me: “That’s the side [Doctor] worked on, not the tooth you notice the dark spot on.”

Patient: “No, he did both. Go check with him or the nurse that was working with him.”

Me: “I am the assistant that was working with him. I’m just helping our receptionist, as she was busy with a call when you first came to the desk, and I can assure you that we did not work on that tooth or that side of your mouth. That is an old silver filling. If it bothers you, we can have the dentist look at it and see if he can replace it, but we’ll need to book you another appointment for that.”

Patient: “No, it’s fine.” *pays and leaves*

Receptionist: “I’m so glad that happened to you and not me.”

[florida80]

A Rabbi And A Blind Man Walk Into A Hospital…

Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, New York, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | June 13, 2019


(My father happens to be totally blind, and he and his rabbi are visiting my mother in the hospital where she is being treated for cancer. Besides being blind, my father is able-bodied. The rabbi walks with a very defined limp.)

Father: “Thank you for driving me here, Rabbi. I just wanted to warn you that the nurses here must think people walk and hear with their eyes. They’re going to offer me a wheelchair, and they’ll address any questions to you.”

Rabbi: “What? I’m sure they won’t.”

Father: “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

(The rabbi and my father walk into the hospital and go to sign in as visitors. Immediately…)

Nurse: “Wait here while I call someone to bring a wheelchair.”

Rabbi: “It’s okay; I can manage the elevator without it.”

Nurse: “What? Oh, no, it’s not for you. It’s for him.”

Father: “I don’t need a wheelchair, really.”

Nurse: *to the rabbi* “Are you sure he’ll be okay without it?”

Rabbi: *to my father, after they manage to turn down the wheelchair and head for the elevator* “You were right!”

[florida80]

In Sore Need Of A Real Diagnosis

Grandparents, Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful, Middle School, USA | | Healthy | June 12, 2019


(I am in middle school and have been home sick for the past couple days with a bad sore throat and high fever. On the third day, my throat is still so sore I can’t speak or swallow anything and I am still exhausted, so at breakfast, I try to tell my grandparents, whom I live with, that I don’t think I can go to school. This does not go over well. Note, my grandfather is a licensed family physician and has successfully run his own practice for the past forty years.)

Grandfather: “Your glands aren’t swollen and you don’t feel that warm. It’s normal for a sore throat to linger. You’ve missed enough school; you can’t miss anymore. You’ll be fine.”

(My grandmother defers to his “diagnosis” and drives me to school, even though I haven’t eaten anything because swallowing is agony. I get there early and hang out in the school entryway waiting for the homeroom bell. I am just miserable. I’m achy and exhausted, and my throat hurts so much it’s making me cry. The school nurse walks by and notices the tears.)

Nurse: “[My Name], what’s wrong?”

(I try to tell her my throat hurts, but nothing comes out. She ushers me into her office.)

Nurse: “Well, let’s start with taking a temperature, okay? Just hold on a minute.”

(She puts the thermometer in my ear and waits for it to beep. After she reads it, there’s a beat of silence.)

Nurse: “Wow. [My Name], you can’t be here. I’m going to have to call your parents.”

(It turned out I had a 103-degree fever. Less than ten minutes after she dropped me off, my grandmother got a phone call from the nurse to come and pick me up. I didn’t even make it to homeroom. So much for not feeling “that warm”! Thankfully, my grandfather has a sense of humor, because I have never let him live that one down.)

[florida80]

How To Showcase A Total D**k

Atlanta, Bigotry, Car, Comeuppance, Georgia, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | June 12, 2019


(I am a nurse. I am invited by one of my former boyfriends to go to a movie with him and his current girlfriend. Since I have no current boyfriend, he says that I can bring a friend with me. I ask a former classmate from nursing school along. The classmate is black. After we are picked up, the former boyfriend starts making bigoted jokes. After each one, he will look at my classmate in the mirror and say, “Oh, no offense.” After about three of these, the classmate turns to me.)

Classmate: “[My Name], we had an interesting case last week.”

Me: *who knows a straight line when I hear one* “Oh, really? What happened?”

Classmate: “Well, we had a new patient on the hall, and as the charge nurse, I was the one checking him in. The whole time, though, he kept making remarks.”

Me: “What kind of remarks?”

Classmate: “Oh, you know. Sexual remarks.”

Me: “So, what happened after that?”

Classmate: “Well, you know at my hospital, nurses are required to insert Foley catheters. So, I was getting him ready for it, and he started making his remarks again. I proceeded with the intubation, though. But I’m afraid I made a mistake.”

Me: “What kind of mistake?”

Classmate: “I forgot to use any jelly.”

(There was an audible hiss from the driver, and the classmate looked up at him in the mirror.)

Classmate: “Oh, no offense!”

[florida80]

Tests Positive For Corn

Medical Clinic, Silly, USA | | Healthy | June 11, 2019


(I am running a test in clinic. Twenty seconds into the three-minute timer, I can already very obviously see what the result will be. I go to tell the doctor.)

Me: “That test is so positive it could be an inspirational poster!”

[florida80]

That Was Knot Meant To Happen

Germany, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Nurses | | Healthy | June 10, 2019


When I was about 17, I was treated for an ingrown toenail. After several tries, the doctor decided to remove part of the nail and the root of the nail so that it wouldn’t grow back.

The doctor prescribed the strongest pain medication he could. A stronger medication would have counted as narcotic. I went home, an hour passed and the local anesthetic wore off. I took the pain medication as the pain got stronger.

Due to brain damage I suffered as a child, my pain reception doesn’t work that well. So, I soon reckoned that something was off, since the pain continued to increase. I double-checked the medication, took some more, and waited. The pain still increased. I was going up the walls.

Now it was too late to revisit the doctor, so my dad drove me to the hospital. Luckily, the emergency room was quite empty. I told the doctor there what was up and he wanted to take a look. As soon as he cut the bandage from my toe, the pain was gone. He reapplied a bandage, put the old one in a bag, and told me to bring it to my doctor the next day.

So, the next day, I was back at my surgeon. He was a cheery guy normally. But as he took the bandage from the bag, he grew silent. His head whole head went red as he calmly excused himself. He went on the floor and bellowed through the whole office for the nurse, who had applied the bandage the day before. He was so loud, I expected windows to shatter. As soon as he saw her, he chewed her out. He was fuming.

Afterward, he explained the problem: the nurse had fixed the bandage with a knot, which was a normal procedure, but in the process, she had placed this knot right on the incision in the nailbed. The pressure applied this way was the source for the pain. No amount of pain medication could have helped against this.

[florida80]

Birth Certificate Was Thirty Years Delayed

Doctor/Physician, Great Stuff, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Indiana, USA | | Healthy | June 10, 2019


(Some thirty-plus years ago, my mother is giving birth. The doctor has just come in from doing a hysterectomy and is not paying the best of attention. Fortunately, all is going well, and my brother is born safely. Then, this happens.)

Doctor: “It’s a girl!”

Dad: *takes one look* “That’s no girl.”

(Punchline: last summer, my brother came out as my transgender sister.)

[florida80]

He Literally Has A Screw Loose

Bizarre, Health & Body, home, Missouri, Patients, USA | | Healthy | June 7, 2019


(My stepdad has Meniere’s disease, and years ago, he had a doctor remove one of the ossicle bones in his ear, rendering him with a complete conductive loss in one ear. Because this is the only reason he can’t hear, his doctor recommends he try a bone-anchored hearing aid, which bypasses the outer and middle ear and lets him hear through the inner ear. The initial surgery involves placing a screw in his skull, and before he can use the hearing aid, this area must heal. It’s been taking a while to heal, and one night, while my mom is at work, my stepdad calls me to the bathroom.)

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Stepdad: “Come here. Look at my screw.”

(I take a look at the area, but I can’t see the screw. It’s so covered in blood that all I can see is an indention, so I fear the screw has fallen in.)

Me: “I can’t see it!”

Stepdad: “That’s because it’s right here.”

(He held out his hand, where he’d been holding the screw the whole time. After this, I made him call my mom’s work to let her know. They sent her home because “her husband’s screw fell out of his head.”)

[florida80]

Planning On Taking A Life The Same Day You’re Giving Birth To One

Bad Behavior, Canada, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Ontario | | Healthy | June 6, 2019


I’m past due with my second child by a week when I wake up around 4:00 am and find fresh blood in the toilet after urinating. I wake my husband, get the toddler ready, and grab the bags, and we get to the hospital a little before 7:00 am. At this point, I am beginning to feel contractions coming on. The intake takes several minutes before I’m placed in a pre-check room — essentially a small department of eight beds, divided by curtains, where they do cervix checks, blood pressure, and first-step inductions. I’m placed in the last bed on the far side and hooked up to a fetus monitor while a new nurse checks all my vitals. I come to hate this woman immediately.

She tells us first that my toddler can’t be in the room with us, to which my husband and I both say we are trying to contact nearby family but no one’s answering yet, plus we have yet to be moved to a birthing suite and I cannot carry all those bags myself at this time. The nurse relents after two more tellings, but says snippily that the toddler can’t be there for the birth. We both know and inform her that we have no intention of having my toddler in the room at that time. She leaves and my husband goes back to calling family repeatedly.

A second nurse comes in, checks everything and suggests maybe I go home, stating that it’s probably too early for anything to happen. I tell her I don’t want to — that the contractions are starting to hurt badly — so she takes me into the birthing wing and sets me up in the jacuzzi. I’m there for twenty minutes. The first half, I’m starting to feel better, but then the contractions double. I count through the pain that I’m in a contraction for about a minute every two minutes.

Cue the b**** nurse. She comes in at 8:00 am and says I shouldn’t be in the tub — yet doesn’t help me climb out — and that my contractions can’t possibly be coming that fast, and has me walk back to the intake wing. Everything hurts! I’m trying not to cry and to do the breathing exercises, etc., all while the nurse hooks me back up to the fetus monitor, berates my husband for still having our toddler here, and then leaves. She only returns once, to snap at me, saying, “You need to keep it down! You can’t be screaming or crying; you’re upsetting other patients here!”

For context, I was induced in my first pregnancy due to the possibility of preeclampsia, stayed four days in the hospital, and was so completely loopy between lack of sleep and the epidural that come the birth, I did it half-dazed. I have never experienced the pain before this, but I’m trying to soldier on and muffle any screaming and tears due to my toddler being in the room. I finally convince the nurse to check my cervix next time she’s in, which she does, only to say I’m not even dilated. That’s a lie, because I was nearly two centimeters dilated when I saw my OB three days ago. I ask for the doctor and she says he’s not there and leaves. My husband leaves at this time to pass our toddler on to family. Out of desperation, I call out for a nurse until another one comes a few minutes later. I immediately ask to see the doctor and she goes to fetch him. He comes in at 9:00 am with the b**** nurse, who’s talking to him, “She’s not dilated… Didn’t do labour classes… Not breathing right…”

I want to punch her.

The doctor takes off the fetus monitor devices and checks my cervix. He goes, “She’s four centimeters dilated! Get her to the birthing suite now.” Then he vacates the room.

The nurse looks at me. “Okay, let’s go.”

A second nurse asks if she should grab the wheelchair, to which b**** nurse says we don’t need it and proceeds to have me walk out of the intake wing and into the labour side. That’s a distance of seven hospital beds and past three birthing rooms.

I’m leaning against the wall, trying to walk through crippling contractions, while she’s telling me I need to hurry up and I shouldn’t take so long. I hiss at my husband that if she doesn’t stop talking at me, once I get closer I’m going to rip her throat out. Unfortunately, she says nothing by the time I shuffle to the door and disappears.

No thanks to her, I can’t receive any pain medication because I am too far dilated by this point, and I deliver my healthy baby a few minutes after 10:00 am.

[florida80]

Chữa bệnh Đau Nhức Khớp Xương (Gout)
không cần dùng thuốc

Gout can be cured by drink Black or Blue Cherry Juice


Cách đây không lâu, gọi hỏi thăm sức khỏe của một người bạn thân đang cư ngụ tại SJ, tôi dược biết bạn mình đang bị đau khổ vì bệnh GOUT hành-hạ ....

Bạn tôi cho biết rằng nhiều người khi lớn tuổi thường hay mắc bệnh này và tệ hơn nữa là hiện nay DƯỜNG NHƯ chưa có cách điều trị cho tuyệt bệnh mà chỉ có cách tiếp tục ... UỐNG THUỐC .

Bạn còn cho biết thêm rằng nếu chỗ khớp xương nào đau quá thì đến phòng mạch BS để được chích vào chỗ đó 1 mũi thuốc khá đắt tiền, và tuy dù có Medicare, bạn vẫn phải trả $100 Co-Pay cho một mũi chích mà thuốc chỉ có công hiệu giảm đau trong khoảng 1 hai tuần.






Nhưng có điều may mắn là tại SJ nơi bạn tôi đang cư ngụ có một MD gốc Trung-Hoa không lấy Co-Pay nên vị BS này rất đông thân chủ gốc Việt.

Nghe thấy căn bệnh này từ khá lâu, nhưng đến nay mới có dịp tìm hiểu thêm và xin gửi tới các bạn những tài liệu tham khảo dưới đây để TÙY NGHI áp-dụng theo trí phán xét của mỗi cá nhân.

Kẻ hèn này KHÔNG có dụng-ý nào khác ngoài mục đích muốn thay lời thăm hỏi thân-tình bằng những lời GÓP Ý để Bạn và những người đang đau khổ vì bệnh GOUT có thể tận-dụng dược-tính đặc biệt của BLUE CHERRY JUICE để uống thay thế cho nước giải khát mà lại có công hiệu giải trừ những đau đớn của bệnh GOUT.

Trước hết chúng ta hãy tìm hiểu nguyên-nhân, nguồn bệnh, biến chứng, phòng ngừa và cách điều trị đang được áp-dụng từ trước tới nay.

Cuối cùng là cách CHỮA BỆNH GOUT KHÔNG CẦN DÙNG THUỐC trong mục số (6) bên dưới .

1. Nguyên nhân của bệnh Gout:

- Bệnh này do nồng độ ACID URIC trong máu tăng quá cao.
- Acid uric là một sản phẩm phụ tạo ra do sự thoái giáng của purin.
- Purin cũng có trong tất cả các loại thịt, cá và gia cầm.
- Thông thường thì acid uric bị phân hủy trong máu và được thải ra ngoài qua thận để ra nước tiểu. Nhưng đôi khi cơ thể bạn tạo ra quá nhiều acid uric hoặc thải acid này ra nước tiểu quá ít. Hậu quả là acid uric trong máu tăng lên, tích lũy dần dần và lắng đọng thành những tinh thể sắc nhọn hình kim tại các khớp hoặc các bao quanh khớp gây ra triệu chứng đau đớn, viêm sưng khớp.

Một số tình trạng khác, gọi là giả Gout, cũng làm lắng đọng tinh thể ở khớp nhưng không phải tinh thể acid uric mà là tinh thể calcium pyrophosphate dihydrate.

Bệnh giả Gout cũng có thể gây đau khớp ngón chân cái tương tự Gout nhưng thường thì ở các khớp lớn hơn như gối, cổ tay hoặc mắt cá chân.

[florida80]

Đẹp da, khoẻ tóc nhờ ăn uống



Ăn uống đâu phải chỉ để sống. Nguồn thực phẩm vô tận của thiên nhiên có thể giúp các bạn gái duy trì và cải thiện nhan sắc trời cho đấy.

Cá ngừ, thịt lợn, đậu đỏ, xúc xích, gan, lạc, thịt gia cầm, cá hồi, khoai tây... giàu vitamin B.

Lợi ích: Nhóm vitamin B đóng vai trò quan trọng đối với mái tóc. Chúng giúp cho chân tóc thêm khoẻ và tham gia vào quá trình sản xuất keratin.

Tuy nhiên, nên phân bổ vitamin B vừa phải trong khẩu phần ăn. Nhiều thịt quá, bạn sẽ bị dư cholesterone. Vì thế, nên bỏ da của bạn loại động vật trước khi ăn.

Nguồn thức ăn chứa vitamin D trong thiên nhiên không nhiều. Chính vì thế, các nhà sản xuất thường bổ sung vitamin D và sữa.

Lợi ích: Vitamin D có công dụng thúc đẩy xương, sụn xương hoá và sinh trưởng, làm ẩm và cân bằng độ ẩm cho da. Ngoài ra, vitamin D còn giúp bạn giữ được vẻ tươi tắn trên gương mặt.

Các loại hạt có dầu, dầu thực vật, ngũ cốc, loại quả cứng và rau xanh có chứa vitamin E

Lợi ích: Vtamin E chống oxy hoá mạnh, góp phần chống loãi hoá và cải thiện tình trạng da. Vitamin E chính là người bạn đồng hành của sắc đẹp.

Tác dụng chống lão hoá của vitamin E sẽ tăng thêm nhờ axit béo omega 6 có trong dầu hướng dương. Da bạn không đẹp? Hãy bổ sung vitamin E1.

Thịt, gan động vật, sữa chua tách bơ, các chế phẩm từ sữa và trứng có hàm lượng vitamin A tương đối cao.

Lợi ích: Trước hết, vitamin A có quan hệ chặt chẽ với thị giác, giúp mắt sáng. Ngoài ra, vitamin A rất quan trọng đối với sự phát triển bình thường của lớp biểu bì mô và việc duy trì sự hoàn thiện của các tổ chức biểu mô. Vitamin A cản trở sự sừng hoá tế bào mô, chống oxy hoá, giúp da trở nên mịn màng. Bạn bổ sung vitamin A trong khẩu phần ăn chưa?

[florida80]

Ăn Kiêng: Đúng Đắn và Sai Lầm

Có quá nhiều thông tin về bí quyết giảm cân nhờ ăn kiêng khiến cho bạn không biết thực hư của những lời khuyên đó ra sao.

Nếu bạn đang định giảm cân, hãy cân nhắc với những lời khuyên về ăn kiêng.

1. Nói không với bữa tối sau 8h
Sai - Sự thật là tăng cân không phải vào thời điểm bạn ăn mà là những gì bạn ăn. Lý do khiến nhiều tạp chí đưa ra lời khuyên này vì chúng tay hay có thói quen ăn nhiều, ăn no vào bữa tối. Đặc biệt với những người ăn quá ít vào ban ngày thì lại càng coi bữa tối như một cơ hội để bù đắp. Vì thế, việc ăn ít vào bữa tối sẽ tốt hơn việc ăn sớm trước 8h.


Lời khuyên để có bữa tối đủ dinh dưỡng mà tránh tăng cân là một bữa ăn nhẹ với nước ép, sữa chua, một chút cơm, salat rau trộn là hiệu quả nhất. Tuyệt đối tránh xa các món chiên rán có nhiều dầu bơ, vì nó sẽ khiến cơ thể bạn tăng cân nhanh hơn.

2. Uống nhiều nước để giảm cân
Đúng - Một nghiên cứu mới đây khẳng định một bữa ăn kèm với uống nước sẽ giúp bạn nhanh no hơn. Nhưng nếu chỉ uống nước không thì lại không có hiệu quả. Vì nước làm rỗng dạ dày một cách nhanh chóng so với khi kết hợp với các thực phẩm khác, do đó nó không thể gửi tín hiệu tới bộ não rằng bạn đã ăn đủ.

Bạn có thể giảm cân bằng cách sử dụng một bát súp làm món khai vị trước khi ăn. Ngoài ra, một cốc nước ép hoa quả trong bữa ăn cũng được khuyến khích vì nó cung cấp đủ vitamin làm đẹp da và cơ thể đồng thời giúp bạn nhanh no hơn.

3. Ăn kiêng là loại bỏ thịt
Sai - Thịt nạc là nguồn protein và sắt tuyệt vời cho cơ thể. Bạn chỉ nên loại bỏ mỡ và thay vào đó là các loại thịt nạc như thịt thăn, thịt bò, thịt gà. Tuy nhiên, không nên tiêu thụ thịt quá nhiều. Các chuyên gia cho rằng một miếng thịt bằng lòng bàn tay bạn là đủ cho sức khỏe và giúp bạn không bị tăng cân.

[florida80]

Under This Care, You Won’t Live To Be 26, Let Alone 102

England, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, London, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, UK | | Healthy | June 5, 2019


After being rushed to hospital via ambulance, I was put in a bed on the ward around two in the morning.

Each bay had four beds in it, and each bed was labelled one through four. The patients’ names were above the beds, and the charts were located at the bottom of the beds.

I hadn’t been asleep for long when I was suddenly thrown upright by someone fiddling with my bed and adjusting the top so I was sitting. Another nurse grabbed my arm before I had fully woken up, so there was one on each side. One was taking my blood pressure and the other was about to insert a needle into my cannula.

Neither had said a word to me.

Tired, cranky, and having only just gotten to sleep after being transferred up from A&E, I asked them what they were doing.

“Just giving you your medicine, Catherine,” one of the nurses replied.

My name is not Catherine.

I asked them to check my chart and to get the needles away from me. They did, grumbling as if I was being dramatic, only to both go wide-eyed. I was in bed two and apparently, they needed the woman in bed one.

I thought nothing of it. I was only happy that they hadn’t injected me with a random drug as I was pregnant, and who knows what could have happened.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I found out that Catherine in the bed across from me was 102 years old and suffering from dementia.

I was twenty-five and heavily pregnant at the time.

I don’t know how they managed to mix us up, but it did not give me much confidence in the nurses during that hospital stay

[florida80]

Sleep Until Noon And Then TV Show – Yeah, They Really Need Therapy

Crazy Requests, Germany, Medical Office, Time | | Healthy | June 4, 2019


(As an occupational therapist, it’s my responsibility to coordinate appointments with my patients, both in the office or in their home. Sometimes I have to shuffle them around to fit them all in, minding their work schedules and such. I’m trying to find an appointment with a patient:)

Patient: “You can’t come before 11:00 am; I like to sleep late. But 1:00 pm on Wednesday would be fine.”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not possible, as I have already scheduled another patient at that time. How about Thursday, 2:00 pm?”

Patient: “I don’t know. [TV Show] is running at that time. Can you come later on Wednesday?”

Me: “Not really. The whole Wednesday is full; I have patients coming in from 8:00 am to 6:00 pm. I’m not even sure I will get to take a break in between. So, Wednesday isn’t going to work.”

Patient: “Well, I don’t mind you coming in after 6:00 pm. In fact, that would be perfect. But don’t come after 7:00 pm, because it would be too late.”

(I love my job. But I’m not going to work that much overtime, after a ten-hour day, to accommodate your naps and TV shows!)

[florida80]

Had The Gall To Feed You

Extra Stupid, Florida, Food & Drink, Hospital, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | June 3, 2019


(I’ve just had gallbladder surgery. They want to keep me overnight for observation. A nurse brings me a dinner tray. I am surprised to find a full meal plus a soda.)

Me: “Um, hey… They said I wasn’t supposed to have solid food yet.”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “No, you can have this. It’s been approved. No worries.”

(I’m slightly confused, but I figure I must’ve misheard while I was still loopy from anesthesia. I get a couple sips of soda in and a bite of food before I feel the urge to empty my stomach. Thankfully, another nurse is walking by and runs in to get a bucket.)

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Yep, that sometimes happens after gallbladder surgery. No worries, hon. Glad I was walking by, eh?”

(She glances over at the tray of food and raises an eyebrow.)

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Where did that come from?”

Me: “Someone brought it in ten minutes ago. They said I could have it.”

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : *calmly* “No. No. Absolutely not. You get clear liquids tonight. No carbonation, either. Let me get this out of here, and I’ll find you some Jello.”

(She picks up the tray and walks out the door. I hear the following as she disappears down the hallway.)

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “ALL RIGHT! WHO WAS THE DUMBA** THAT GAVE A GALLBLADDER PATIENT REAL FOOD? TELL ME NOW

[florida80]

That Day Just Flu Past

Doctor/Physician, Extra Stupid, Medical Office, USA | |
Healthy | June 2, 2019

(This happens when I get sick during middle school. My mother brings me to urgent care to get me checked out.)

Doctor: “Looks like she’s managed to catch this year’s flu.” *gives usual instructions for dealing with it* “After her temperature has been normal for a full day she can go back to school.”

Mom: “Just one day?”

Doctor: “Yes, that should be long enough.”

(My mother tells me on the car ride home that she found this odd. Before, when my brother or I have gotten sick like this, our regular doctor has instructed her to keep us home until our temperature was normal for two full days. But, he’s the doctor, right? He must know what he’s talking about. So, once my fever has been down for a day, I go back to school. The day starts out fine, but on the bus ride home I start to feel really cruddy. I tell my mom how I’m feeling, and we end up going into urgent care again. A nurse comes in to talk to us first, and my mom tells her about my last visit there.)

Nurse: “He said to send her back after only one day of feeling better? Seriously?!”

(She was pretty incredulous that such instructions had been given. The checkup proceeded, and it turns out I’d caught pneumonia. That most likely happened because I’d gone back to school before my immune system was able to fully bounce back

[florida80]

Doesn’t Understand The Weight That Comes With Being A Doctor

Doctor/Physician, Extra Stupid, Jerk, Medical Office, USA, Virginia | | Healthy | June 1, 2019


(I go to a doctor’s office where you have a regularly-prescribed doctor but if they are out, you get another that works in that specific building. I have been suffering from extreme menstrual pains ever since I started and have been to the doctor many times to find a solution, getting dumb answers — such as when I tell them I’ve lost about 50 pounds over six months and they tell me that I’m not watching my weight — but this one takes the cake.)

Newer Doctor: “I see you’ve been here for this problem before. What did [Regular Doctor] say?”

Me: “The last time I was here, he suggested [pain reliever] and to stop eating dairy completely, and if that didn’t work, he was going to prescribe me [birth control].”

Newer Doctor: “Oh, no, no, no. We are not going to put you on a pill to mess with all your hormones. You should go on a diet and you’ll start to feel better.”

Me: “But I’m already on the Keto diet. Do you want me to start eating ice?”

Newer Doctor: “I don’t believe that! I’ve seen your records of weight, and you’ve lost a lot, but you need to lose much more!”

Me: “Isn’t the suggested weight 180 pounds? I’m 195. At this rate, I’ll be 140 before summer!”

Newer Doctor: “That’s good! A doctor should always tell you to lose weight! I hate when I go to the doctor and they just try to change everything about my body.”

Me: *thinking* “Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing?!”

(I took her advice with a grain of salt and went back when my regular doctor got back. I started taking the pill and it has helped significantly!)

[florida80]

“Cheer Up!” Is What All People With Depression Want To Hear

Doctor/Physician, Extra Stupid, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Pennsylvania, USA | | Healthy | May 31, 2019


(After a couple of years of not being able to go to counseling for my various issues, I am trying out a new practice with my new insurance. This occurs during the initial interview with the physician’s assistant who is supposed to help me choose a counselor.)

Me: “And I sometimes feel like, whatever decision I make will be the wrong one, just because I made it…”

Physician’s Assistant: *without looking up from her notes* “Oh, don’t feel like that.”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry?”

Physician’s Assistant: “You shouldn’t feel like that. It’s not helpful.” *finally looking up at me* “So, what were you saying?”

(That was the last time I went to that office. I have to wonder how many years of schooling this woman had under her belt, and still somehow thought it was a brilliant idea to tell someone with severe depression and anxiety that all their problems would be solved if they just “don’t feel like that”!)

[florida80]

Nursing Them Into A Modern Education

Bigotry, Extra Stupid, home, Kansas, Students, USA | | Healthy | May 31, 2019


(One summer, I tutor a kid in my neighborhood because he failed his freshman English course and needs to retake it as summer school. One day while we are working, my brother, who is working on his RN at the time, comes downstairs in his scrubs and heads to work. Once he leaves, the kid I am tutoring asks about my brother.)

Me: “Yeah, my brother is studying to be a nurse.”

Kid: “You mean a doctor?”

Me: “No, a nurse.”

Kid: “Wait, men can be nurses?”

(This kid was 14 and genuinely had no idea that men could be nurses. He thought men were doctors and women were nurses. I don’t know if he thought those were just gendered terms for the same profession, or if he genuinely thought that no man would ever stoop to being a nurse, but I found that a little worrying, as did my brother when I told him.)

[florida80]

I Am Anti-Antibiotics

Doctor/Physician, England, Hospital, Jerk, UK | | Healthy | May 30, 2019


(After I get back from my vacation, I get a bad UTI infection and need antibiotics from my General Practitioner. I am prescribed a course and everything is good until the evening. My entire body randomly breaks out in spots — big, red, blotchy patches. It feels like ants are crawling over my entire body. At around three am, I go to the urgent care centre and the out-of-hours GP calls me through.)

Me: “I have this rash. It hurts so much. It started after I started taking the penicillin this morning. I’ve never been allergic before but my mum and grandma are—“

GP: “I’ll stop you there. This is clearly eczema.”

Me: “I don’t think so. My chest really hurts, too.”

GP: “Definitely eczema. There isn’t much I can do.”

Me: “I don’t think it’s eczema. It’s come on really suddenly.”

(I’m struggling to breathe and the rash has spread up my neck and throat.)

GP: “Stop being a baby! My niece has diabetes and she’s never moaned as much as you have right now!”

(I excuse myself and stumble back to the waiting room. My mum is there and manages to catch me as I collapse on the floor. She calls for an ambulance and the doctor comes back out.)

GP: “You can’t sleep here!”

Mum: “She can’t breathe, you idiot!”

(The ambulance came and I was given an adrenaline shot and rushed into the main section of the hospital. I was right. It was anaphylaxis. I was having an allergic reaction to penicillin.)

[florida80]

I Don’t Drink, But After This, I Wanna

Bad Behavior, Doctors, England, Hampshire, Medical Office, UK | | Healthy | May 29, 2019


(I am 19, and I go in for my annual checkup at the doctor. I am given a standard medical questionnaire to fill in. One of the questions is, “On average, how many units of alcohol do you drink a week?” I have never been a big drinker, not even as a teen. Not for any particular reason; it just isn’t my thing. At most, I have a few drinks on New Years and a few on my birthday. I write on the form that I have a couple of units a week, which would average out to the few drinks on my birthday and New Years with plenty of wiggle room to spare, just in case. I hand the form in, and it is sent to the doctor. Eventually, he calls me in. We do my height and weight and blood pressure. All good. Then he comes to my alcohol intake and narrows his eyes at me.)

Doctor: “You can be truthful, you know. I’m a medical professional.”

Me: “I know. I am being honest. I’m not a big drinker.”

(He stares at me for a while.)

Doctor: “I was young once. And I have teenage kids. I’m not going to judge you. Be honest.”

Me: “I am being honest. I’m not a drinker.”

Doctor: *condescendingly* “What do you do when you go clubbing? Drink water?”

(Taken aback, I shake my head. I don’t go clubbing; nightclubs are my idea of Hell. I have a full-time job, often working fifty or more hours, and I have no interest in going to loud clubs or bars on my days off.)

Me: “I don’t go out much. I’d rather go out for coffee than go clubbing.”

(The doctor raises his eyebrows.)

Doctor: “Okay, well, I’m going to put you down for ten units a week.”

(He picks up his pen and actually crosses out what I wrote.)

Me: “No! What I wrote was true. I don’t drink. Even a few units a week is generous. I don’t want you to change what I wrote.”

Doctor: “Look, just be honest. If you’re not, we can’t treat you.”

Me: “I am being honest. I don’t give you permission to change it.”

Doctor: “Well, I’m the doctor, and I have reason to believe you are being dishonest. You need to stop lying on medical forms. That’s a big deal. If you keep lying on them, you could die because we don’t have the right information.”

(I keep trying to argue with him but he writes over what I wrote and puts down ten units a week. Dumbfounded and unsure of what to do, I carry on with the rest of the exam, just wanting it to be over. As soon as I am out, I go straight to reception and tell them I want to make a complaint. At first, the receptionist is alarmed and asks what the problem is. When I tell her, she pauses and then rolls her eyes.)

Receptionist: “Look, sweetie, we won’t tell your parents. Everything you tell us is confidential.”

Me: “I live by myself. That’s not my issue. The doctor falsified my medical records without my permission.”

Receptionist: “Your medical records need to be accurate, sweetie. Otherwise, we can’t treat you.”

(The receptionist refuses to log my complaint. When I continue to insist, she looks down her nose at me.)

Receptionist: “For somebody who doesn’t drink, you sure are protesting a lot.”

(I wanted to scream at her that I was angry because they were DELIBERATELY FALSIFYING my medical records, but instead, I left and transferred to another practice.)

[florida80]

They Don’t “Do” Paying

Belgium, Call Center, Extra Stupid, Insurance, Non-Dialogue | | Healthy | May 28, 2019


(I used to work for a medical insurance company. I answered phone calls and emails from customers who had questions about their insurance policy or reimbursements. In this case, the customer had a coverage of 80%, meaning that he had to pay for 20% of the amount himself. The following is an exchange over email.)

Customer: “I saw that 80% of my invoice was paid, but what do I have to do about the remaining balance?”

Me: “The coverage for this type of expense is 80%. This means that we have paid for 80% of your expenses to the hospital directly. The other 20% should be paid by you, yourself.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. What do I have to do?”

Me: “Since the coverage is not at 100%, this means that we cannot pay for 100%. We have paid our share to the hospital. The remaining balance of [amount] should be paid to the hospital by you, yourself. If you have already paid this to the hospital, everything is fine and no further action is required. If you want, you can give me a phone call or provide me with your phone number, so I can give you a call, so I can explain this to you by phone.”

Customer: “I really don’t understand. What do you want me to do?”

(He has given me no phone number and no other option than to send another email.)

Me: “The amount of [amount] has to be paid to the hospital by you, yourself. If you have already paid [amount] to the hospital, you should do nothing. If you have not yet paid [amount] to the hospital, you need to pay [amount] to the hospital. If you are unsure whether you have paid or not, please contact the hospital’s billing department.”

Customer: “I am [Customer]’s manager and I have been over these emails with him. We both do not understand what he needs to do.”

(Again, I was given no phone number. At that point, I decided to break the rules and put the email back in the general mailbox instead of my personal one to let someone else deal with it. The worst part is that these people work for the United Nations

[florida80]

Underarm Comments Are Below The Belt

Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, UK | | Healthy | May 27, 2019


(My mum suffers from Hidradenitis Suppurativa, a chronic skin condition which sees her being plagued with recurring abscesses and boils in her sweat gland areas, particularly her underarms. This conversation occurs at her local GP surgery whilst she is suffering a particularly bad bout of abscesses.)

Mum: “I have really painful abscesses on my underarm, and I’m struggling to get dressed and move my arms as a result.”

Doctor: “Okay, let’s have a look.”

(My mum struggles to remove her coat, but finally succeeds and proceeds to show the doctor her underarm. The doctor recoils in horror.)

Doctor: “Well, you could have at least shaved before coming in.”

(My mum was horrified and embarrassed. She had had these abscesses for weeks. I’d love to know how the doctor would have suggested shaving the area whilst her underarms were in that state from the abscesses. He was fired a few months later; apparently, he’d had a number of complaints from various

[florida80]

The Next One Won’t Even Make It Out Of The House

Ambulance, Australia, Family & Kids, Friends, Great Stuff, Patients | | Healthy | May 27, 2019


(My friend is in labour and it becomes clear she is going to have her baby in the back of the ambulance. She is freaking out.)

Paramedic: *trying to comfort her* “This is nothing. Last year, a woman had a baby in the hospital car park.”

Friend: *wailing* “That was me!”

[florida80]

Risk Of Breast Cancer Is Not The Worst Thing In This Story

Billing, Extra Stupid, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA | | Healthy | May 26, 2019


I’m a young woman who doesn’t have to go in for yearly mammograms, but when doing a check one month, I notice a possible lump. Women are encouraged to visit their doctor immediately when this happens, as breast cancer can be very aggressive. I go in to my regular doctor office, but the PA I normally see is on maternity leave, so a different one is scheduled for my visit.

The new physician is nice, but it all goes downhill once she refers me for additional testing. Her assistant schedules the referral without a checking date or time with me and doesn’t give me all the appointment info. My mammogram appointment starts out rocky as a result, but thankfully they don’t find any cancer so I’m pronounced healthy and sent on my way.

Fast forward a couple weeks, and I get an outrageous bill for the facility I was referred to. I reach out to the hospital billing and then my doctor’s office. The hospital billing team is very nice but the doctor’s office doesn’t care that they botched my referral by pushing me over to one of their connected facilities. I talk to them about once a week for a month and a half, and their office manager can’t remember to return my calls. Finally, after leaving a message for the office manager’s boss, hospital billing gets involved.

The office manager has requested that they just comp my bill because of all the issues –more than what I mentioned above — I’ve had when dealing with them. She says it should be cleared up, so I end that call relieved. Hospital billing steps in, and suddenly I’m being told that my bill is not being comped. I’m normally non-confrontational, but the woman I’m speaking to is so rude and doesn’t seem to care that her organization’s facilities have repeatedly messed up just about every interaction I’ve had related to this initial visit, or that I’ve been promised the bill will be written off already. We argue for several minutes until she agrees to take another day to look into this more and decide. It’s really just a stall on her part, as reneging on writing off the remaining bill will be going back on what her colleague promised.

She calls me the next day and begrudgingly agrees that they’ll comp my bill. I also end up speaking to the office manager again, who reminds me that they’ll expect me to pay my bills in the future.

For the record, I always pay my bills and had given them an initial payment which I thought was kind of a co-pay. I learned better as a result of this and will not make that mistake again.

We all think everything is resolved until a couple months later, when I get some cryptic call from some woman that I can barely understand. She’s asking for me to identify myself so she can discuss my account with me. I tell her that I don’t know who she is and I’m not comfortable with sharing personal info. She says that’s fine but I should call them back when I’m ready. Somewhere during the conversation, she says something that makes me realize this is a collections call.

Of course, she won’t tell me anything unless I share my info with her, but the only billing snafu of late was the hospital one. So, I call them and end up finding out that when they bill, the facility sends one bill but the radiologist sends a separate bill. And somehow, I should know that these bills are sent separately.

By now, I’m freaked because a) I thought this was resolved a few months ago, and b) I’m planning to buy a house and don’t want a collections account to show up on my credit report.

I make a few calls that result in me leaving a message with the rude hospital billing lady I spoke to a few months before. She leaves me a message later letting me know that she’s spoken to the second billing team and it should be taken care of. Our insurance person at work also tells me to call back the collections agency and let them know I’m working things out with the hospital. I do and they freeze the collections account for me.

I’ve not heard anything from either billing group, so it all seems to be resolved now. And I’ve switched to a different doctor’s office, one not connected to the hospital. Everyone is really nice and so far I’ve had no issues.

Moral of the story: ask lots of questions when your doctor refers you anywhere. And don’t go unless your insurance has signed off on that being the best in-network facility and estimated how much it will cost.

[florida80]

Grandma Needs To Stop Beeping Swearing

Bizarre, Golden Years, home, Nurses, The Netherlands | | Healthy | May 25, 2019


(I’m visiting my grandma, who is in her nineties, alongside my dad, who is 70. We talk about how life is going and suddenly I stop.)

Dad: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “I’m hearing a beep.”

Grandma: “What? What did she say? I haven’t got my hearing aids in today!”

(She is feeling a bit ill.)

Dad: “[My Name] says she hears a beep!”

Grandma: “I don’t hear anything!”

Dad: “That’s because your hearing aids aren’t in, Mom!”

Grandma: “What?!”

(Meanwhile, I’ve been browsing through the apartment, even looking outside. I’m moving my hand along with the beep; it’s several short ones and then a longer one, but never in a steady pattern.)

Grandma: “What is she doing?!”

Dad: “She’s looking for that beep!”

Grandma: “I’m not hearing anything!”

Dad: “Me, neither… [My Name] are you sure?”

(I can’t find the source, but limit it to a zone inside the living room, but nothing beeps whenever my ear gets near. What’s left is the fire alarm on the ceiling, beyond my reach. Maybe that is the source? Half an hour later, a nurse comes for my grandma’s medicine.)

Dad: “Excuse me, miss. My daughter is hearing a beep and I can’t hear it. Could you listen if you hear a beep, as well? She thought it could be from the fire alarm?”

Nurse: “What should I listen for?”

Me: “I’m not sure. It goes ‘beep-beep-beeeep,’ but never regularly. It sometimes reminds me of a microphone getting close to a speaker.”

(We are silent and the nurse nods. She confirms she hears the beeps, as well. She looks around and walks to the table. She picks something up.)

Nurse: “Is it gone now?”

Me: “Yes! What was it?!”

Nurse: “Your grandmother’s hearing aids. They were still on and too close to each other.”

[florida80]

At Least Her Heart Was In It

Canada, Cousins, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Ontario | | Healthy | May 24, 2019


I was a pre-teen when I was sent to the local hospital with what started as pneumonia, but we quickly discovered I had a host of heart problems. My doctors were debating putting me on the transplant list, or waiting until I could do open heart surgery. I spent about two months in the hospital the first time.

Many of my family and friends were incredibly supportive. They sent get-well cards, comic books, food, and gift cards for the family, and some even came across the country to help with the house. But one cousin, in her 30s, was a bit clueless on the wonderful world of cardiac diseases.

A month into my stay, I received a gift basket from my cousin and her husband. In it, there were Pringles, pretzels, chips, pop, and a note asking us to visit her if we were ever in her state. We don’t know if it was a clerical error or her thinking a preteen loves these foods — which I did, when they didn’t almost kill me.

We laugh about it now, and whenever someone is sick in the family, I always think of the “deliberate cardiac arrest” gift basket.

[florida80]

The Sub Is Sub Standard

Lazy/Unhelpful, New Jersey, Nurses, School, USA | | Healthy | May 24, 2019


(I am in fifth grade, about ten years old. We are learning to play basketball in gym class, which is more or less just dribbling and passing. One of the boys in class decides, for whatever reason, to deliberately chuck a basketball full-force at my face. It hits me VERY hard in the jaw, and I hear and feel a loud snap in my mouth. The boy is made to run laps for the remainder of class while I am sent to the nurse’s office. Normally our nurse is great, and she knows me well because I am sick fairly often due to a weak immune system, but unfortunately, she is out today and we have a substitute.)

Me: *timidly* “Excuse me.”

Sub Nurse: *rudely and without looking up from her trashy “women’s interests” magazine* “What?”

Me: “Um, I got hit in the mouth during gym and I think I broke a tooth.”

Sub Nurse: *still not looking up* “You’re fine. Go back to class.”

Me: “But it hit really hard and I felt something crack. I really think my tooth is broken.”

Sub Nurse: *STILL not looking up* “You’re fine. Now go away!”

Me: “But you didn’t even look!”

Sub Nurse: *FINALLY looking up at me, glaring* “God, I am so sick of you kids making up stupid excuses just to get out of class for a few minutes! There’s nothing wrong with you. Now get back to class and stop bothering me!”

(I’m an extremely shy, mild-mannered child and I don’t know what to do, so I leave. Gym class is the second class of the day, meaning I spend the better part of three hours with a bruised jaw and a broken tooth. Finally, it is time to go home and I tell my mom what happened. She looks at my tooth, confirms it is broken, and takes me to the dentist, who easily removes the pieces of my tooth with a piece of gauze.)

Dentist: “Wow, you didn’t just break this; you snapped it clean in half! What happened, hun?”

Me: “A boy in gym class hit me in the face with a basketball.”

Dentist: *sympathetically* “Yeah, boys are dumb at your age. But why didn’t you go to the school nurse?”

Me: “I did. She wasn’t in, and the sub told me I was fine and to go away and stop bothering her. She didn’t even look at my tooth.”

Dentist: *silent for a moment* “I see. What school do you go to again?”

Me: “[Middle School].”

Dentist: “Okay. Well, here’s your tooth, [My Name]. I’m sure the Tooth Fairy will give you something a little extra, considering the circumstances.”

(The dentist gave a knowing smile to my mom, who smiled back. The next day at school the regular nurse was back and she apologized for what the sub had done. Apparently, my dentist had called the school after Mom and I left his office and told the principal what had happened. Mom got a VERY apologetic phone call from the principal!)

[florida80]

Their Long Distance Wires Got Crossed

Bay Area, California, Extra Stupid, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | May 23, 2019


(I am visiting a family planning clinic to get on birth control.)

Staff: “So, other than regulating your menstrual cycle, why are you going onto birth control if you’re not sexually active?”

Me: “I’m in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend is coming to spend two weeks straight with me. So, naturally, I want to be smart.”

(The staff member frowns, looks blank, and then discusses the side effects of the protections.)

Staff: “So, why do you want the [protections] again? You told us you’re not currently sexually active.”

Me: *pause* “Because… I am in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend will be visiting soon.”

(The staff member stares at my file, still looking blank.)

Me: *thinking* “Oh, my God, why is she not getting this?!”

Staff: “So, you still haven’t explained why you want to be on the [protection]. Is it because you want to regulate your menstrual cycle, and that’s it?”

Me: “Yes, I did tell you why. I told you twice.”

Staff: “And?”

Me: *face-palming* “My boyfriend is coming to visit.”

Staff: *still looks blank* “But you’re not sexually active?”

Me: “You know what? I give up. Write whatever the heck you want in my chart.”

Staff: “I can’t write whatever I want; I need an actual reason.”

Me: “I AM NOT SEXUALLY ACTIVE RIGHT NOW, BUT I AM GOING TO BE SEXUALLY ACTIVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHILE HE VISITS!”

Staff: “So, you just want to regulate your menstrual cycle, since you’re not sexually active?”

Me: “Okay, I’m done with this nonsense. I’m going to a different [Clinic]…”

(Funnily enough, the next nearest clinic caught on the first time I mentioned my boyfriend, and I got my protections right away. When I looked back on it later, I could kind of understand someone having difficulties with a patient who is merely implying rather than outright stating, but at the point that I baldly stated my intentions, it should have clicked.)

[florida80]

A Truly Laborious Line Of Questioning

Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Nurses, UK | | Healthy | May 23, 2019


(My sister has recently gone into labour. I have come to the hospital to drop off some things she forgot to pack. As I head into her room, I hear her screaming.)

Sister: “I’M IN LABOUR! WHAT DO YOU THINK?!”

(I see she has been screaming at a nurse. The nurse blushes and runs out.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Sister: “She walks in and looks at my records, then asks, ‘Is it possible you’re pregnant?’ I ask her if she’s joking and she starts scolding me for being insensitive to pregnant women. We’re on a f****** maternity ward!”

(I burst out laughing, and after a while, my sister did, as well. The head nurse dropped by later to apologise for the nurse’s behaviour. My sister would have been fine with it and apologised, too, until the head nurse let slip that the nurse refused to even acknowledge that her question was in bad taste given her location and the context, and threatened to have my sister removed for abusive behaviour. I saw the nurse again later, complaining to a cashier in the cafe about having to help stroke victims bathe.)

[florida80]

What Kills You In Vegas Kills You Everywhere

Extra Stupid, Hotel, Las Vegas, Nevada, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Tourists/Travel, USA | | Healthy | May 22, 2019


I work for a hotel in Las Vegas. While working security one night, I am sent up to a guest’s room who is having an allergic reaction. I arrive and the man is in a pretty bad way. He has his shirt off, his chest is covered with hives, and his throat is closing so fast he can’t speak and soon may not even be able to breathe.

I call for the paramedics and they arrive fairly quickly. They give the man a shot, and his allergy symptoms quickly begin to get better. When he can finally speak, one paramedic asks if the man is allergic to any kind of food. The man admits he’s severely allergic to shellfish. The paramedic then asks if the man has eaten any shellfish lately. The man then says, “I just came back from a seafood buffet and ate a lot of it because it doesn’t count when you’re in Vegas.”

So many people see the city slogan, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” and think Las Vegas is some kind of negative zone where anything you do doesn’t affect real life.

[florida80]

Unable To Identify The Issue Is Not About Identity

Funny Names, Ignoring & Inattentive, Therapist, USA | |
Healthy | May 22, 2019

(I am at a therapist’s office for my first appointment with her. She is not my first therapist, so I have a fairly good idea of what to look for. My name has a very common nickname — I’ll pretend it’s Katelyn and Kate — and people will often start using the nickname without thinking. I am called back to meet with her.)

Therapist: “So, Katelyn, do you prefer Katelyn or Kate?”

Me: “I don’t care; either is fine.”

Therapist: “But which one do you prefer?”

Me: “I mean, when I’m in a situation where there’s someone whose actual name is Kate, I prefer to use Katelyn so people don’t get confused. But other than that, I really don’t care.”

Therapist: “Your name is an important part of your self-identity. I want to respect that. Which name do you want me to use?”

Me: *quite frustrated by now* “I don’t care! Either one is fine! You can call me Kate, you can call me Katelyn, or you can switch back and forth; it doesn’t matter!”

(She still didn’t get it. Somehow I made it through the rest of the appointment, but I never went back there. As a therapist, listening is a hugely important part of your job. If you won’t listen to me about something as simple as my name, I’m not going to trust you to listen to me at all.)

[florida80]

Painkillers Morphing Into Something Else

California, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Los Gatos, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | May 21, 2019


(During an annual summer trip to California, I start having abdominal pains. My dad brings me to a local clinic, and from there I get directed to the ER because of possible appendicitis. Once there, they hook me up to an IV. I’m a little paranoid around needles, so I ask them what exactly they’re putting in the IV. I also happen to have a fear of inebriation, as well as a fear of being forcibly injected with addictive drugs.)

Nurse: “Saline fluids and some morphine.”

Me: “Morphine? Why morphine?”

Nurse: “You said you were in pain.”

Me: “I am, but I don’t think it’s extreme enough to justify morphine!”

Nurse: “Okay, we can take the morphine out. You’re sure you don’t need any painkillers?”

Me: “I mean, some painkillers would be nice, but not something that extreme.”

Nurse: “Well, we can give you the morphine if you want.”

Me: “No morphine!”

Nurse: “So, you don’t need painkillers?”

(This conversation repeats a few times before I eventually tell her I don’t need painkillers and let her hook me up to the saline fluids. Some time passes, and eventually, another nurse comes to check on me.)

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “And have you had any painkillers?”

Me: “Well, they kept offering me morphine, but I didn’t want that. It seems a little extreme.”

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Wait, so, no one offered you any Tylenol?”

Me: “No!”

(The second nurse brought me some Tylenol, and that did seem to help, but I will forever be confused about the first nurse who seemed to think that morphine was the only painkiller in existence.)

[florida80]

Pregnant With An Angry Appendix

Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Missouri, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | May 21, 2019


(I am 19 years old and I’ve been experiencing intense pain and vomiting bile all night. I go to urgent care and am diagnosed with appendicitis and given pain meds before being transported to the hospital around 11:00 am.)

ER Nurse: “We need to give you an MRI. Take this pregnancy test, and then we can figure out what’s going on.”

Mom: “She has already been diagnosed with appendicitis at urgent care; they called and we are here for treatment.”

ER Nurse: “Well, they can only diagnose, not treat, so we need you to take the tests.”

Mom: “She will not take the tests again. You need to look in your files and find the test results they sent over.”

(I ended up going into surgery at almost 10:00 pm after being in even worse pain all day, with no meds because I wasn’t in a room but in the waiting room. I was released at 9:00 am the next day, went septic that night, and spent another three days in the hospital. We later learned that my appendix had ruptured while I was waiting and they still sent me home.)

[florida80]

Let’s Hope His Brother Isn’t A Doctor

Doctor/Physician, Funny Names, Kansas, Medical Office, Topeka, USA | | Healthy | May 20, 2019


(My nana takes me to my doctor for the first time in a couple of years. The doctor is Indian, with an Indian accent and an Indian surname that starts with “Mu.”)

Nana: “Thank you, Dr. Mufasa! Oh…”

(Luckily, the doctor thought it was hilarious, and we joked that she must get that a lot from kids since she’s also a pediatrician.)

[florida80]

The Weighting Room

Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA | | Healthy | May 19, 2019


I was taking in my two-week-old baby for her checkup. My husband and older son were with me since we had another errand to run before heading home. My clinic had recently moved to a bigger location a few blocks away from their old location and had new equipment recently unpacked.

I gently placed my baby, born 7 lbs and 12 oz, on the scale. She left the hospital weighing 7 lbs 6 oz, which is normal since their weight fluctuates after birth. The scale showed 7 lbs 3 oz. My husband and I were baffled, since the baby was practically breastfed every hour and if she wasn’t sleeping she was eating. She was also way heavier than at birth.

The doctor began setting me up for weigh-in appointments with a nurse, while I began to panic and doubt about my breastfeeding capabilities.

My husband is a “fixer.” He can’t help it and is constantly fixing things at home or improving them, so, of course, he began fiddling with the baby scale when the doctor briefly left the room which, in addition to my panicked state, started to annoy me. That’s when he pulled out two pieces of foam from under the scale that were clearly part of the packaging from when it was moved from the other clinic. The doctor came back and was stunned. We weighed the baby again and she was 8 lbs, 6 oz. The doctor had a stunned look in his eyes as he checked us out, and I can just imagine the panic as he thought back to how many babies had been weighed on a scale that hadn’t been properly set up.

[florida80]

The Ugly Mouth Is The One With The Ugly Words

Dentist, Germany, Jerk | | Healthy | May 18, 2019


(As a teenager I had braces that were – in some way – done incorrectly and over the course of the treatment the enamel of my teeth started to deteriorate. Since I was a quiet and shy teenager, I didn’t speak out and got in a somewhat vicious cycle of dental hygiene since properly cleaning my teeth started to hurt. After a while, I even stopped going to the dentist because I was so ashamed. However, in my twenties, I start seeing an amazing dentist who is very empathetic and doesn’t judge. Session by session, we start ironing things out, but for a very special procedure, he transfers me to a dental surgeon. This takes place at my first appointment before she even takes a look at my teeth.)

Dentist: “Hello, [My Name]. Nice to meet you! May I ask: how old are you?”

Me: “Hi… Um… I’m 24. Why?”

Dentist: “Yeah, I thought so. But from your x-rays, I’d guessed you would be 60.”

Me: *embarrassed* “Yeah, I know. But I try to contain the damage now.”

Dentist: “You’ve got to start cleaning your teeth better!”

Me: “I’m cleaning them at least twice a day now. If you take a look you’ll see. I really started taking dental hygiene very seriously and trying to save what can be saved. But the damage has been done. Still, I really clean my teeth.”

Dentist: “Don’t give me that spiel. I’ve seen how many fillings you have. You do a terrible job of keeping your teeth healthy.”

Me: *miserable* “Yes. I’m very sorry. I know.”

Dentist: “You know how ugly such teeth are, right? You’re 24. Probably looking for a nice girl to marry someday. But I’m gonna tell you right now: with those teeth, you’ll never find a girl!

Me: *on the verge of tears* “I’m really trying to take better care. [Dentist] always told me I’m really doing a good job now. I haven’t had a new cavity in two years.”

Dentist: “Well, I don’t care. Your mouth is ugly. And you’re probably gonna die alone with such bad mouth hygiene. Now, go make an appointment with my receptionist for next month so we can start making you look human again.”

(I didn’t want to object to her, but I didn’t make an appointment and even almost quit the ongoing procedures with my regular dentist. He had to talk to me for an hour until I was ready to keep going. He also said he wouldn’t transfer patients to this dental surgeon anymore.)

[florida80]

This Vet Is Worming His Way Around Your Cat

Bad Behavior, Canada, Doctor/Physician, Ontario, Vet, Whitby | | Healthy | May 17, 2019


(I set up an appointment for my cat to get his annual exam and vaccines at the vet clinic that my boyfriend and I have been taking him to since we first brought him home at three months old. He is now two-and-a-half years old, meaning with all his kitten appointments — booster shots, sterilization, etc. — we have taken him in a total of seven times prior to this. Up until this point, we have always seen the same vet, and our cat is very comfortable with her, often purring through his appointments. The day before the appointment, I get a phone call:)

Receptionist: “Hi, [My Name]! I’m calling to confirm [Cat]’s appointment for tomorrow at [time two-and-a-half hours later than the appointment was scheduled for].”

Me: “Um, I scheduled that appointment for [appointment time].”

Receptionist: “We don’t have any slots available at [time]. We can try to fit you in between appointments, but I can’t guarantee time for a full exam and vaccines.”

Me: “I scheduled this appointment weeks ago, even picking a later date, because [time] worked best with my boyfriend’s schedule and he’s the only one who drives. There’s no way you can give me the time my appointment was scheduled for?”

Receptionist: “I have it in my system that your appointment was scheduled for [two-and-a-half hours later].”

Me: “Whatever, I’ll take it, I guess. I want to stress though that I would never have picked an appointment that late; there’s no way this error was on my end.”

Receptionist: “Okay, well, don’t forget to bring in a fecal sample.”

Me: “Fecal sample? We’ve never had to bring a fecal sample before.”

Receptionist: “It’s a standard part of every annual physical.”

Me: “It’s not going to cost anything extra, is it? I just moved two weeks ago, and it cost more than I’d thought, so my money’s pretty tight for the rest of the month. I can’t afford to pay anymore than what I am for the physical and vaccines.”

Receptionist: “It’s a standard part of every physical; don’t worry.”

[florida80]

(Luckily, my boyfriend is able to move some things around so I don’t have to take the cat on the bus to get to the appointment. We get to the appointment and discover that the vet our cat has seen since his very first appointment is not the vet he will be seeing this time. The vet who examines our cat seems incredibly underqualified, and much more concerned about selling us products we do not need than about the health and wellbeing of our cat. It’s worth noting here that while he is technically a Domestic Short Hair, we’re reasonably certain our cat has some Bengal in him, due to his size. He measures around three feet long, which is double the average length for a DSH. After weighing our cat:)

Vet: “He weighs 15 pounds!”

Me: “Well, he is pretty big, so that’s not too surprising; that’s only a couple pounds more than I thought.”

Vet: “He needs to lose weight! He should be an eight-pound cat! What are you guys feeding him?!” *looking at boyfriend*

Boyfriend: “He lives with her, so she can answer that better than I can.”

Me: “Up until two weeks ago he was on [Brand] dry food, which I found gave him that little bit of pudge on his tummy, but he only gained about a pound or two. I would have changed his food, but my old roommate had a cat with a really sensitive stomach, and her cat couldn’t handle the food we had [Cat] on. When I moved I changed him to [Cetter Crand], and he’s been doing a lot better on it. He also gets one can of wet food each night, but we don’t have a strict brand for that; it’s just to make sure he gets enough water, since he’s pretty bad at drinking enough.”

Vet: “Do you free-feed him?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, we always have.”

Me: “It’s monitored free-feeding, though, now. My old roommate like to truly free-feed, but I always make sure to track how much he’s eating. He always has food in his bowl, but I measure it and make sure he’s only getting two servings of dry food, and his one serving of wet food.”

Vet: “You need to stop free-feeding. He only needs three servings of food a day.”

Me: “As I said, I measure his food. He’s always been a grazer, though, so putting him on a feeding schedule won’t work, because he only eats a few bites at a time. It takes him anywhere from 8 to 12 hours to empty his bowl.”

Vet: “Well, it might be hard at first, but eventually he’ll learn that if he doesn’t eat when the food goes out, he won’t eat at all.”

Me: “No, I’m not doing that to my cat. He’s not that pudgy, and aside from that, I just adopted a second cat, and she also free-feeds. It’s working really well, considering she needs a smaller serving size, and quite frankly, they both undereat anyway.”

(The vet then spends another ten minutes scolding us for letting our cat get so “horrifically overweight,” and trying to sell us a specialty diet food that is way out of our price range. She finally gives up when my boyfriend and I start getting snappy with her.)

Vet: “Okay, how has [Cat]’s behaviour been lately?”

Me: “As I mentioned a few minutes ago, I just adopted a second cat three days ago, so right now they’re having their territory and dominance disputes. Before that, though, there was nothing out of the ordinary.”

Vet: *reaches into cupboard and pulls out a spray bottle* “You should try this; it’s a synthetic pheromone that mimics the one mother cats let off to calm down kittens. It can help with the fighting if the cats aren’t getting along.”

Me: “Thanks, but I’m not going to bother right now. I don’t really have the money for that, and it’s only been three days. When [Cat] was introduced to my old roommate’s cats, it took him about a week to adjust. If it goes on longer than that, then we’ll look into it.”

(The vet then spends another five minutes trying to pressure us into buying the spray, and implying that the two cats should be best friends by this point.)

Vet: “Have you had [Cat] treated for fleas?”

Me: “Yes! Because I was moving, and my old roommate was having someone take my room, who has her own cat, we treated all the cats in the apartment over the two weeks before I left. His last treatment was the day before I left, and that should have prevented him from getting anything during the move, as well.”

Vet: “You did just bring a new cat home, though. Was she treated?”

Me: “Yes, the shelter treated her shortly before we adopted her. I also looked her over a couple times to be sure.”

Vet: “Well, they should each be treated at least one more time before winter. I can do a course of [High-End Brand] treatment for [astronomically high price], if you want to set an appointment for that.”

[florida80]

Me: “No, thank you. They’re both indoor cats and only go outside on the leash occasionally in the summer. When they do, I give them a preventative OTC treatment from [Pet Store], and I check them to be safe. I also do a couple preventative treatments if they haven’t gone outside, just in case something makes it into the building, because he sometimes runs into the hallway.”

(Cue more selling pressure, and scolding. By the time that finishes, we are half an hour into the appointment, and the only part of the exam she’s done is weighing the cat. She finally starts the rest of the exam, and we notice right away that she isn’t handling our cat properly at all. She has made no effort to get him comfortable with her; instead she is flipping between being overly hesitant and grabbing him roughly. He starts to get defensive, trying to jump off the table, and even baring his teeth at her, which is incredibly out of character. He’s a very social, non-aggressive cat, usually. I try to comfort him.)

Vet: “Stay out of the way.” *shoos me back*

(The vet skips half his exam, refusing to go near his mouth or paws, and not offering us any information on his health. When the exam finishes and the vaccination is completed, it is time to pay for the visit. The total was much higher than we anticipated, even with estimating higher than last year’s physical and vaccination.)

Me: “Why is it so much?”

Receptionist: “That’s because the fecal sample is an additional charge.”

Me: “You mean the fecal sample I was told was ‘standard for an annual exam,’ and led to believe was included in the price? It’s only a few dollars less than the exam was!”

(At this point, our cat was angry, stressed, and trying to claw his way out of his carrier, so we swallowed our anger and paid in the interest of getting our cat home as quickly as possible. It took me 20 minutes to convince my boyfriend — who hadn’t been able to make any of the previous vet appointments — that that is not how they usually go, and that the old vet would have been done the exam in the time this one spend scolding us and trying to sell us things. It took an additional 20 minutes to calm our cat down. The fecal test results came back the next day and I was informed it was ringworm, then given information that contradicted that diagnosis. I took both of our cats to a different vet a few days later, and upon explaining to the new vet what happened, he was appalled. He took extra care to make sure both cats were comfortable, especially before going near their tummies. When he received the fecal test results from the first clinic, I was informed it was actually roundworm and had probably come from one of the other cats at the shelter. I had them treated immediately and confirmed with the veterinarian that had we treated them for the original diagnosis, it would have done nothing to help, as ringworm is a fungal infection, whereas roundworm is a parasite. Ultimately, it worked out for the best, because we found a vet who truly cares about the wellbeing of our cats. And the cats, for the record, are best friends now, no synthetic pheromone spray needed.)



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[florida80]

Night Nurse, The Pain Is Getting Worse

Canada, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Nurses | | Healthy | May 15, 2019


(I am a 22-year-old female and have always had problems with my feet, which are completely flat and also wide. I’ve been having intense pain in my left foot for a few years, and not one doctor or specialist I’ve gone to has had an explanation. Finally, I am told by a foot surgeon that I have a deformity in both feet that has caused arthritis and is the reason I am unable to walk properly. I am advised to have two metal screws implanted in my left foot to alleviate the pain and hopefully correct the structure of my foot. I go in for surgery and this happens when I stay overnight after the operation. “Nurse” is my day nurse and “Night Nurse” is the nurse assigned to give me the pain medication during the night.)

Nurse: “I’m going to take your vitals and let you get some rest. Your night nurse will come in to give you the pain medication soon. Can you swallow pills?”

(I tell her I can and expect to have no problems. Boy, am I wrong. Over the course of the night, I am pretty loopy from the anesthesia and all I want to do is sleep. A night nurse comes in to take my vitals again sometime in the night and says someone else will give me pain medication later. This repeats for some time with her and one other nurse until the morning, where I’ve recovered enough to realize I am in intense pain and nobody has given me the pain medication I need. Early the next morning, I am exhausted and crying from the pain when my parents come to see me.)

Mom: “What happened?! Why are you crying?!”

Me: *crying* “I’ve been up almost all night and nobody gave me pain medication!”

Mom & Dad: “WHAT?!”

(They track down a nurse and repeat what I’ve said.)

Nurse: “Um, a night nurse would have given you medication. You’re supposed to take it every three hours.”

Me: “Well, no one gave me anything. They woke me up to take my vitals several times and that was it!”

Nurse: “I’m going to look into this. Let me talk to the other nurses.”

(She leaves for a bit, then comes back with the night nurse who I recognize from last night. They both don’t look happy.)

Night Nurse: “We gave you medication last night. You just don’t remember it.”

Me: “You and some other nurse woke me up to take my vitals and said someone else will give me the medication. If I took the medication, I wouldn’t be in so much pain!”

Nurse: *hands me a pill bottle* “Just to make sure, these are what you’re supposed to take. Have you had these at all?”

Me: “No! I haven’t taken any pills!”

Night Nurse: “Well, did you tell someone that you needed it?”

(My parents and the other nurse just stare at her in disbelief.)

Mom: “Of course she needs it! You’re in charge of making sure she gets the medication on time!”

Night Nurse: *snotty* “She’s a big girl. She has to tell us if she needs it or not!”

(My nurse rushes the night nurse out before the situation escalates. My parents are furious and my nurse is also frustrated. I’m angry, too, of course, but more exhausted, and I just want to go home to recover in peace.)

Nurse: “I am so sorry. I had no idea this happened. There is no excuse for that. You are absolutely right: the night staff is responsible to get you that medication and they should have been keeping an eye on you.”

Me: “Can I just go home? I really don’t want to be here anymore…”

Nurse: “Unfortunately, now that I know you haven’t had any medication, I have to keep you here to catch up on the doses. I can’t send you home until I get this in your system and make sure you’re okay.”

(I was more upset by this, but I knew she had to do her job and didn’t say anything else. Over the next few hours, I was finally given the pain medication and I basically slept all day until she told me I could go home in the evening. Thanks to the night nurse’s negligence, I had to keep taking the medication for an extra few days until the pain got under control. We filed an official complaint against the nurse, but nothing has happened so far.)

[florida80]

Coughing Up A Better Diagnosis

Colorado, Denver, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | | Healthy | May 14, 2019


(I have a history of coughing up blood for no particular reason. Despite a lack of a diagnosis explaining why it happens, it has happened three times. Two out of the three times, it was copious amounts. The first time, it happened when I was 16 and within a few hours, I had coughed up several cups before I was able to get to a hospital. A vein in my right lung had burst! The docs never figured out why it happened, but it happened again when I was 18. Fortunately, it was only a few mouthfuls – it ended up just being a busted capillary. Then, it happens again when I am 22. I have dealt with multiple nurses and doctors in the ER down the street telling me I am probably just exaggerating, which is incredibly infuriating. To prove that I am telling the truth, I begin to collect the blood by spitting it into a container and keeping the container in the fridge. It’s disgusting. Between Wednesday afternoon and Friday morning, I have coughed up and collected almost two cups of blood. I have a bronchoscopy at a different hospital go bad – a negative reaction to the light anesthesia they give me – so they send me back to the ER to be admitted. It is then that I deal with the most stuck up doctor in my life. I have no makeup on — obviously, who has time to worry about that when one’s life is possibly on the line? — and in the past that’s led people to mistake me for a high schooler more than once. It seems to fool this doctor, too, unfortunately. He approaches me with a haughty, unbelieving demeanor, and treats me like some sort of hysterical, loony teen. I start arguing with him about my honesty in the situation, and it begins to escalate to a frustrated yelling match. While I regret resorting to yelling at a doctor, I don’t regret how this ends. Not one bit. I finally reach a breaking point, yank my purse from my mother’s arms, shove the container of blood at the doctor, and scream.)

Me: “THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN COUGHING UP!”

(The doctor’s face goes completely white as he gapes at me, stares at the container, looks back at me, and takes it to run out of the room. Another doctor comes in right then, and the first doc grabs his arm to drag him out with him. They close the door behind them, but there is a huge window in the door, so I can see both of them holding up the container, arguing, and acting generally panicked. Join the club, dudes. When Doctor Jerkface comes back in, he has a huge change in attitude; he’s now sweet, attentive, and eager to help.)

Doctor: “All right, honey, don’t you worry. We’re going to admit you to the ICU right away. We’re going to take care of you and figure out why this is happening.”

(I let myself become the smug jerk in the room and give him a victorious smirk.)

Me: “You’re d*** right, you’re going to.”

[florida80]

It’s Their First Time Or It’s Going To Be A Big Baby

Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Non-Dialogue, Northern Ireland, Reception, UK | | Healthy | May 13, 2019


Several years ago I had a summer job working as a clerical officer in an NHS Hospital. One of my reception duties involved checking patients into the antenatal clinics. The receptionist explained to me that when patients arrived for the clinic I had to take their name, and if it was their first appointment, I had to write “no file” on their letter and bring it down to the nursing station. Women who had previously been to the clinic did have a file, so I had to pull out their file, check their details were correct, and bring the file down to the nursing station.

The receptionist showed me how to do the first few arrivals and then said I could take over. The next patient arrived for her antenatal appointment. I smiled at her and her husband, greeted them warmly, and the woman handed me her appointment letter. “Okay, Mrs. [Patient],” I said, trying to appear professional. “Is this your first appointment?”

The woman looked surprised and glanced down at her belly. “No…” she said. She was quite large by this stage! Her husband just smiled, clearly amused. “Oh… Sorry!” I stammered, then retrieved her file, checked her details, and asked her to take a seat in the waiting area. As she and her husband walked off, the receptionist leaned over to me. “Yeah, it’ll be obvious to you if it’s their first appointment!” she said, smiling. I apologised again, but the receptionist told me not to worry, as we all make mistakes!

The receptionist went on holiday, and I managed to cover reception surprisingly well. And during the next three antenatal clinics, I never again made the mistake of asking a woman obviously in advanced stages of pregnancy if it was her first appointment!

[florida80]

“Women Troubles” Is NOT Women Causing Trouble

Australia, Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office | | Healthy | May 11, 2019


(From my first period at age 12, I have been having horrible pain with each menstruation. Several months later, the pain is so bad that I can’t stand. My mother is alarmed and takes me to the ED. They suspect appendicitis and operate, only to find a healthy appendix. I am referred to a gynaecologist.)

Gynaecologist #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “So, I hear you’ve had a bit of a sore tummy, huh?”

Me: “Yes, it really hurts, and I—“

Gynaecologist #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Now, [My Name]. You’re grown up now. This is part of being a woman; you just have to put up with it, all right? Take some paracetamol when the pain starts and get on with it, all right?”

(I’m embarrassed to have caused such a fuss and take what he says to heart. For the next 12 years, I put up with horrendous, increasing pain, assuming all women go through it. Every cycle, without fail, I spend a minimum of 12 hours in such pain I am vomiting. It gets so that I am in pain all the time, even when I’m not menstruating. Finally, at 25, I have an epic period of 17 days of vomit-worthy pain. My parents convince me to go to the ED in my new city where I live.

The ED doctors give me a high dose of morphine and check for acute problems, then refer me to a gynaecologist. I am already convinced that this one will think I am wasting his time, too, and begin rehearsing apologies. Finally, I meet the new gynaecologist.)

Gynaecologist #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “So, I hear you’ve been sore?”

Me: “Yes…” *describes situation*

Gynaecologist #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Can I feel your stomach? Hmm. Okay, I’m not going to, but if I pressed hard, would it hurt?”

Me: “Yes.”

Gynaecologist #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : *taking his hand away* “Does it hurt now?”

Me: “Yes.”

[florida80]

The gynaecologist went a little grim and told me that I needed an operation immediately. He fit me in the following week and ended up excising a LOT of tissue. It turned out that I had a condition that caused infertility if it was untreated, and the main symptom was immense pain. Luckily, the disease hadn’t yet damaged my tubes so I can still conceive naturally. With medication to manage ovulation and possibly more operations should the tissue regrow, I should be completely healthy. Most importantly, I’m not in constant pain. How lucky that I found a doctor who knew that “women troubles” was no longer a proper medical diagnosis!)

[florida80]

Pregnancy Brain Is Contagious

Extra Stupid, Hospital, Illinois, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | May 10, 2019


(I’m a surrogate pregnant with twins. I go to have a regular 20-week checkup with ultrasound. After the ultrasound, I’m surprised to be called in immediately for the doctor exam. They tell me my cervix has started opening and has shrunk; they explain I have to go to the women’s and children’s hospital for a high-risk assessment. I denied the ambulance since it is only a couple blocks away and I am not extremely worried about driving two measly blocks. After I arrive, I am brought to a room and told to get in the gown. Twenty minutes later, the nurse comes in.)

Nurse: “I see here you’re pregnant with twins. Congratulations, Mom!”

Me: “Thanks, but they’re not mine. I’m just the oven.”

Nurse: *obviously ignoring me* “Any surgeries we should know about?”

Me: “Yep, tubal ligation two years ago.”

Nurse: “I’m sorry? You had a what?”

Me: “A tubal ligation — my fallopian tubes were cut so I wouldn’t get pregnant unless it was for someone else.”

Nurse: *laughing* “Obviously, it didn’t take!”

Me: “No, it worked. As I know it says in my chart, I am a surrogate. These babies are not mine, nor will they go home with me.”

Nurse: “You’re a what?!”

Me: “Surrogate.”

Nurse: “But you’re pregnant!”

Me: “Yes, and not with my own DNA. When did you graduate nursing school?”

Nurse: “How are you a pregnant surrogate?”

(Thankfully, the high-risk doctor came in at that time, heard her, and, in words I would use for a toddler, explained how surrogacy works. Sad thing is, she was young enough to know about surrogacy, a fact that made me question her intelligence when she said “Friends” was her favorite show and loved when Phoebe was pregnant.)



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Pregnancy Brain Is Contagious

Extra Stupid, Hospital, Illinois, Nurses, USA | | Healthy | May 10, 2019


(I’m a surrogate pregnant with twins. I go to have a regular 20-week checkup with ultrasound. After the ultrasound, I’m surprised to be called in immediately for the doctor exam. They tell me my cervix has started opening and has shrunk; they explain I have to go to the women’s and children’s hospital for a high-risk assessment. I denied the ambulance since it is only a couple blocks away and I am not extremely worried about driving two measly blocks. After I arrive, I am brought to a room and told to get in the gown. Twenty minutes later, the nurse comes in.)

Nurse: “I see here you’re pregnant with twins. Congratulations, Mom!”

Me: “Thanks, but they’re not mine. I’m just the oven.”

Nurse: *obviously ignoring me* “Any surgeries we should know about?”

Me: “Yep, tubal ligation two years ago.”

Nurse: “I’m sorry? You had a what?”

Me: “A tubal ligation — my fallopian tubes were cut so I wouldn’t get pregnant unless it was for someone else.”

Nurse: *laughing* “Obviously, it didn’t take!”

Me: “No, it worked. As I know it says in my chart, I am a surrogate. These babies are not mine, nor will they go home with me.”

Nurse: “You’re a what?!”

Me: “Surrogate.”

Nurse: “But you’re pregnant!”

Me: “Yes, and not with my own DNA. When did you graduate nursing school?”

Nurse: “How are you a pregnant surrogate?”

(Thankfully, the high-risk doctor came in at that time, heard her, and, in words I would use for a toddler, explained how surrogacy works. Sad thing is, she was young enough to know about surrogacy, a fact that made me question her intelligence when she said “Friends” was her favorite show and loved when Phoebe was pregnant.)



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[florida80]

Not Feeling Five Alive

Doctor/Physician, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, USA | | Healthy | May 10, 2019


(I have hypothyroidism, which has been successfully controlled with medication for several years. Over a couple of months, however, I notice that some of my symptoms are returning. I call my doctor, and she says she will do a blood test. I go to her office for the results.)

Doctor: “Your thyroid level is at 4.9.”

(The maximum is 5.)

Me: “Well, no wonder I’ve been feeling sick! That’s very high.”

Doctor: “Oh, no. You’re fine. Five is the top of the normal range. You’re still under that.”

Me: “But a lot of my old symptoms are coming back. I can’t sleep at night, I’m tired during the day, I’m freezing cold all the time—“

Doctor: “You’re under stress. It’s normal.”

Me: “I HAVE GAINED TWENTY POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS!”

Doctor: “Well, you just need to go on a diet.”

Me: “I exercise five days a week, and I eat my fruits and veggies! I don’t feel like myself. I know my body, and I need a medication change!”

Doctor: “Well, I’m not giving you one, because you’re normal.”

(She tells me to exercise more and gives me a vitamin supplement. I fume, but I take it. A couple of months later, I move to a different state. I go in for an appointment with my new doctor.)

New Doctor: “I’ve been reviewing your test results from your previous doctor, and I noticed your thyroid is at 4.9. That’s very high. Are you feeling okay at that number?”

Me: “Not at all! I tried to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen. She kept saying it was normal.”

New Doctor: “I’m not surprised. Older guidelines allow it to get that high, but I’ve found that my patients feel better when their thyroid is at 3 or under. I’m going to order some more blood work.”

(The new blood test showed that my number had skyrocketed to a 6. My new doctor changed my medication immediately. It took a year and three medicine changes to get it right. It turned out that my thyroid number had been creeping up for a couple of years, and my old doctor had just ignored it. I’m happy to report that I’m much better now!)

[florida80]

Starved Of Decent Medical Care

Doctor/Physician, Germany, Hospital, Jerk | | Healthy | May 10, 2019


(I have been diagnosed with Lipo/Lymph-edema several years ago, and because of that, I have gained an ungainly amount of weight on my lower half waist down and my arms. To be honest, I have not stopped caring about my weight, and every miserably failed diet has been a throwback to my mental health, too. My former doctor of choice, sadly, could not keep practicing, so I am on the lookout for a new specialist to take care of me and my needs of MLD — Manual lymph drainage — and compression stockings, to give me at least a little relief from the fluid build up in my extremities. Finding this doctor in a well-known hospital close by, a so-called specialist that was recommended to me, seems to be a lucky find!)

Doctor: “Ah, I see. A classical lip-edema type, complete with lymph-edema. Losing weight is horrible, isn’t it? No wonder, with the genetic factors, and the fact that lip-edema cannot be starved off.”

(Finally, a doctor who is not fat-shaming me or telling me to stop stuffing my face!)

Me: *almost melting into the exam table from relief* “Oh, God, yeah. It’s a nightmare! Not even six months on a 1200-calorie diet helped! And the lymph-edema is making it worse; every step hurts!”

Doctor: “Well, no wonder it hurts. I can–” *presses a thumb into my calf, making a nice deep dent there that stays even after he takes his thumb away* “–do this, and it just shows how much fluid you got. Now, you need to lose weight, drastically, and after you lost 30 to 50 kilograms, you can come back, and we’ll see how you feel.”

Me: “What? You just said… You just said that losing weight…”

Doctor: “Yes, but you need to lose weight! Get a dog or a husband, and you’ll be busy enough to forget about food! To lose weight, you should stop eating those sugary snacks, and the sugary fruit, and all those carbs, and eat more red meat and poultry! But remember, you cannot have too much protein!”

Me: *stares, not believing what I just heard* “Uh… okay? But what about compression stockings, and the MLD?”

Doctor: “Yeah, you see, I am not going to prescribe you that. You can lose weight with a good diet, and then you won’t have those symptoms anymore.”

Me: “You said lip-edema cannot be starved off… and I’m really in pain from the lymph-edema and the fluid build up. At least to help with that?”

Doctor: “Yes, but it is not worth either my time, nor the money, nor the effort to prescribe any of that if you can just lose weight, and forget about it!”

Me: *getting up, feeling like I’m in the twilight zone right now* “All right…”

(I left after that, and met with my family physician, who stared at me, called the health insurance company to complain about that doctor, prescribed me the lymph drainage and compression stockings, gave me a pamphlet about a specialised clinic for my lipo/lymph-edema, and filled out forms to get me a spot there for a three week “rehab.” He also told me to eat “normally/healthily,” since, you guessed it, lip-edema cannot be starved off.)

[florida80]

The 1960s Want Their Healthcare Back

Bigotry, Medical Office, New Jersey, Reception, USA | | Healthy | May 9, 2019


(As a middle-aged female, I’ve acquired more than a few chronic ailments, and each time I’ve changed jobs, I’ve had to change health insurance companies, resulting in having to be under the care of numerous doctors for the same conditions. I’ve been divorced for 14 years, and I’ve always had my own health insurance as a working adult. While calling up yet another new doctor to make yet another “new patient” appointment, I give the friendly lady receptionist my pertinent information. All goes well until she drops this line:)

Receptionist: “And that’s your husband’s insurance, correct?”

(That’s the first and ONLY time I’ve ever been asked that, even when I WAS married — and he didn’t even have insurance. Probably shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did, but there was no way she could have ascertained I was married based on anything I told her. Welcome to the 21st century, friendly lady receptionist.)

[florida80]

A Very Testing Medical Appointment

Australia, Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office | | Healthy | May 9, 2019


Doctor: “This next test is very dangerous for fetuses, so we need to test and make sure you’re not pregnant first.”

Me: “I’m not pregnant.”

Doctor: “Well, sometimes people don’t know that they are.”

Me: “Didn’t we just establish that I have a birth control insert in place to control my period?”

Doctor: “Those aren’t 100% reliable. We need a test.”

Me: “I’m not sexually active. At all. Ever.”

Doctor: *suddenly perplexed* “But you have an insert.”

Me: “Because without it I bled for ten weeks straight out of every twelve for two years. Because I have POCS. Which is why we just spent half this appointment reviewing my last blood results.”

Doctor: “Oh. Right. I forgot.”

Me: “So, can we move onto that test now?”

Doctor: “Which test were you thinking of?”

Me: “…”

Doctor: “…”

Me: “I’m your last appointment at the end of your shift, aren’t I?”

Doctor: *surprised* “How could you possibly know that?”

[florida80]

Doesn’t Have An Eye For This Job

Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Ireland, Vet | | Healthy | May 8, 2019


My friends found a kitten when stuck in traffic a few years ago. He had a very badly infected eye, and after adopting him we opted to have it removed; the lid was stitched shut over the socket, and apart from some minor depth perception issues it never bothered him in the slightest in the three years he lived afterward. He was famous among friends, family, and neighbours for being the one-eyed tabby cat, so it was pretty obviously gone.

We always saw the same vet for every appointment and surgery, until his last yearly checkup and vaccinations. The vet we saw was either newly-trained or inexperienced, but fairly competent at what she did because that cat was never as quiet during a check-up!

Everything was going fine; weight was optimal, good overall condition, no unusual lumps or bumps, clean ears and teeth, right eye perfect… and then she tried to open his sewn-shut eyelid.

She was very apologetic to humans and cat alike upon realising her mistake. He was used to kids poking at him, but it still makes me giggle to think of her not noticing his one distinguishing feature.

[florida80]

A Stroke Of Bad Luck

Albany, Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Oregon, USA | | Healthy | May 8, 2019


(While clocking into work, I unexpectedly suffer a stroke. I am a 35-year-old school bus driver and I do not take illegal drugs or drink alcohol. As the EMTs bring me into the ER, the doctor asks what my condition is.)

EMT: “She’s having a stroke.”

Doctor: “Nonsense. She’s too young. How old is she?”

EMT: “35.”

Doctor: “See, too young. Must be a drug overdose.”

EMT: “No, do the FAST test. Face; her smile is crooked. Arms; her left side is paralyzed. Speech; her words are slurred. Time; we got her here in time. Give her clot busters to break up the blood clot causing her stroke.”

Doctor: *angrily* “You’re just an EMT! I say it’s a drug overdose!”

(The EMTs leave, and the doctor turns to me, yelling.)

Doctor: “What drugs did you take?!”

Me: *slurred because the left side of my face and tongue are not working* “I can hear you fine; you don’t have to yell. I took some Nyquil last night for a cold.”

Doctor: *sarcastically* “Nyquil?! More like Meth!” *to nurse* “I need a meth overdose kit here!”

Me: *trying to yell back at him* “I. Don’t. Take. Drugs.”

Nurse: *reluctantly bringing kit* “Are you sure? She shows classic stroke signs.”

(As the doctor gets an overdose injection ready, my husband enters the room, having met and talked to the EMTs in the ambulance bay as they were leaving.)

Husband: “Stop. Don’t touch her again.”

Doctor: *sputtering* “She’s obviously a drug addict. I’m giving her the best treatment for that.”

Husband: “And you’re obviously an idiot.”

(My husband and the doctor are circling my gurney during this exchange. The doctor is trying to stay out of my husband’s reach.)

Husband: *to nurse* “Please call for an ambulance; I want her treated at [Hospital ten miles away]. Not by him.” *points at the doctor*

(The doctor practically sprints from room.)

Nurse: *to husband* “I thought you were gonna kill him. I kind of wish you had caught him.”

(The same EMTs returned. As they were loading me into the ambulance they told my husband that they told that doctor I was having a stroke, but he’s kind of a know-it-all a**hole and they were glad I would be treated somewhere else. I was greeted at the other ER by a neurologist with clot-busting drugs at the door. He says that, luckily, that delay won’t impact my recovery.)

[florida80]

A Stroke Of Bad Luck

Albany, Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Oregon, USA | | Healthy | May 8, 2019


(While clocking into work, I unexpectedly suffer a stroke. I am a 35-year-old school bus driver and I do not take illegal drugs or drink alcohol. As the EMTs bring me into the ER, the doctor asks what my condition is.)

EMT: “She’s having a stroke.”

Doctor: “Nonsense. She’s too young. How old is she?”

EMT: “35.”

Doctor: “See, too young. Must be a drug overdose.”

EMT: “No, do the FAST test. Face; her smile is crooked. Arms; her left side is paralyzed. Speech; her words are slurred. Time; we got her here in time. Give her clot busters to break up the blood clot causing her stroke.”

Doctor: *angrily* “You’re just an EMT! I say it’s a drug overdose!”

(The EMTs leave, and the doctor turns to me, yelling.)

Doctor: “What drugs did you take?!”

Me: *slurred because the left side of my face and tongue are not working* “I can hear you fine; you don’t have to yell. I took some Nyquil last night for a cold.”

Doctor: *sarcastically* “Nyquil?! More like Meth!” *to nurse* “I need a meth overdose kit here!”

Me: *trying to yell back at him* “I. Don’t. Take. Drugs.”

Nurse: *reluctantly bringing kit* “Are you sure? She shows classic stroke signs.”

(As the doctor gets an overdose injection ready, my husband enters the room, having met and talked to the EMTs in the ambulance bay as they were leaving.)

Husband: “Stop. Don’t touch her again.”

Doctor: *sputtering* “She’s obviously a drug addict. I’m giving her the best treatment for that.”

Husband: “And you’re obviously an idiot.”

(My husband and the doctor are circling my gurney during this exchange. The doctor is trying to stay out of my husband’s reach.)

Husband: *to nurse* “Please call for an ambulance; I want her treated at [Hospital ten miles away]. Not by him.” *points at the doctor*

(The doctor practically sprints from room.)

Nurse: *to husband* “I thought you were gonna kill him. I kind of wish you had caught him.”

(The same EMTs returned. As they were loading me into the ambulance they told my husband that they told that doctor I was having a stroke, but he’s kind of a know-it-all a**hole and they were glad I would be treated somewhere else. I was greeted at the other ER by a neurologist with clot-busting drugs at the door. He says that, luckily, that delay won’t impact my recovery.)

[florida80]

Insults Are Free!

Jerk, Patients, Pennsylvania, Pets & Animals, Philadelphia, USA, Vet | | Healthy | May 8, 2019


I am a relatively new veterinarian. Often, we will get a case come in as ADR — Ain’t Doing Right — which is to say they are acting a bit off, but not always obvious what is wrong. I have an ADR older golden retriever come in with Mom and Son. They give the history: the dog has been losing weight, not eating well, lethargic, and having dark stools for a few weeks. This dog also has a history of ear problems. The last time we saw the dog was over two years ago. They have limited funds, so I try to work on a step-by-step diagnostic to try to get the most information before determining if more diagnostics are needed.

Starting with the physical exam: the dog is severely muscle wasted, lethargic — as they said — and dehydrated, and he has a new heart murmur. After discussing with Mom, we decide to start with bloodwork. It comes up with some very mild liver changes, but nothing too noteworthy. We are at the upper point of their budget, so I discuss my next recommendation of chest x-rays and what we would do depending on what we found, quoting them the costs for everything before anything is performed. They agree to the x-rays, and unfortunately, the x-rays show possible heart enlargement, but again nothing too exciting. So, they agree to try a heart medication, subcutaneous fluids, and an anti-emetic and see how the dog responds. It’s worth noting there were additional tests I would have liked to do, but I didn’t want to stretch their budget too much further.

A few days later, the dog isn’t improving on the heart meds, so I recommend an abdominal ultrasound — at a different vet — to better evaluate the gastrointestinal tract and surrounding organs. Unfortunately, the ultrasound looks like liver cancer, which I am very surprised by given how mild the blood work was.

I receive a request to contact the Father when I return to work the day after the ultrasound. I give him a call back, assuming he wants to discuss further treatment and prognosis. Boy, was I wrong.

Turns out he just wants to spend ten minutes telling me I am a crook, only in it for the money, and don’t care about animals. He continues to tell me that I took advantage of his wife and his upset son, and had them spend more money than they were willing. He rails that the dog was coming in for an ear infection, and I had them do a bunch of unnecessary tests. Any time I try to interject, either to explain my findings and recommendations as he wasn’t there, or to confirm what he thinks happened at the appointment, he simply talks over me, stating he doesn’t care what justifications I have and that “[he] is onto [my] game.” It continues until I am crying against the wall and finally have permission from the practice owner to hang up on him.

The fun part: he calls right back to have my receptionist tell me I am an a**hole. I still have to talk to his (much nicer) wife to answer her questions, and I almost can’t bring myself to do it. As of now, I refuse to discuss anything further with the Father.