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[florida80]

He’s Got A Bad Case Of The Clap

Ignoring & Inattentive, Maine, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy Right | January 9, 2019


(My husband is the customer in this one. He’s at his appointment to check his numbers for high blood pressure to see if he would be okay on his current prescription or not. While it’s important to note that he doesn’t have a hearing problem, he does tend to not listen, and sometimes it can be rather amusing.)

Doctor: “Now, breathe deeply.”

Husband: *does so*

Doctor: “Cough.”

Husband: “Clap?”

Doctor: “Cough.”

Me: “She said, ‘cough,’ dear.”

Husband: “Clap?” *claps*

(All three of us started laughing. The doctor admitted it made her day. I’ve teased him since about putting this online.)

[florida80]

Your Body Needs To Literally Eat Itself Before You Can Take A Break

Bosses & Owners, Canada, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, New Brunswick, Retail | Healthy Working | January 8, 2019


(I have Dermatomyositis. It’s a rather rare autoimmune disease, best simplified as: without medication, my immune system eats my muscle tissue. When the more worrying symptoms appear, my doctor has me go in for a rushed blood test — ten vials — first thing in the morning, and then tries to call me at work that afternoon after she gets the results. I am working at a store, on cash, ringing through customers, and I hear the service desk page the cash supervisor several times over the course of maybe a half-hour, telling her she has a call waiting on the line. I notice the frequency of the pages.)

Me: *thinking* “Wow, I hope she doesn’t have a family emergency.”

(At one point, the cash supervisor comes up to me while I’m in the middle of a transaction and tells me to turn my light off, then stands in front of my counter behind the customer to make sure no one else comes up to my till. Once the customer is rung through and out the door, she hands me a piece of paper with my doctor’s phone number and says I need to call her. My doctor wants to see me right away, which I explain to my supervisor, and she lets me go. I cab down to my doctor, and she tells me I most likely have Dermatomyositis — later confirmed by a muscle biopsy — gives me a prescription, and puts me on sick leave for six weeks, because she wants me to take it easy so that the damaged muscles can heal. All those times I had heard paging for my supervisor to pick up the phone over the course of a half-hour? That had been my doctor trying to get a hold of me, and it took a long time before my supervisor finally answered. Here’s roughly how the conversation went, according to my doctor:)

Doctor: “This is [Doctor], and I need to speak to [My Name].”

Supervisor: “Is this an emergency?”

Doctor: “I am a doctor wanting to speak to my patient. YES, it’s an emergency!”

[florida80]

BMI = Bad Model For Increase

Florida, Jerk, Middle School, Nurses, Patients, USA | Healthy | January 7, 2019


(At the end of seventh grade, I am sent home with a letter from the school nurse stating that my BMI is too high, I’m therefore overweight, and I need to be seen by my pediatrician. My pediatrician tells my mother that since I am extremely active, my diet is healthy, and my weight gain is obviously due to an impending growth spurt, to not worry about the weight for now. Over summer break I grow five inches taller. At this point, I’m looking rather scrawny, as it happens when children have large growth spurts. When school starts back up, I get called back into the school nurse’s office. She starts questioning me as to whether everything is all right at home, how is school, am I making friends, am I getting bullied, etc. She finally gets around to the point that she believes I have an eating disorder! I start laughing.)

Me: “Are you joking? I weigh 150 pounds! You said I was fat three months ago!”

School Nurse: “There is no way you weigh 150 pounds. You’ve obviously been starving yourself to get thin. It’s not healthy to do this to yourself.”

Me: “I’m a runner and play other sports. I grew five inches taller over the summer. I haven’t lost any weight. Got a scale? I’ll prove it.”

(I got on the scale and, lo and behold, I actually weighed 155 pounds. The school nurse thought there was something wrong with it and weighed herself. She weighed me again and realized that it was correct! She couldn’t resolve in her head that at 5’4” and 155 pounds I looked underweight due to my muscle mass versus body fat percentage. She called my mother, at which point my mother yelled at her to stopped harassing me about my weight or she was going to the principal over it.)

[florida80]

Health Care(less), Part 4

Awesome Workers, Doctor/Physician, Insurance, Maryland, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | January 5, 2019


In the spring of 2000, I came down with a cold that lingered nearly two weeks, then got weird. I went to see the doctor and she ordered several tests to be done at the hospital next door to the office building.

It was there that I was told that one of the tests she wanted done — a pulse oximeter reading — required pre-approval from my insurance company, which would take about three days to go through the process.

When I told my doctor about that, she was furious. It was a fairly simple test, but her office did not have the necessary equipment. Once she had a break between patients, she marched over to the hospital and spoke to a friend who worked in the emergency department. She then brought my husband and me through the back hallways to her friend, who placed a clip that looked like a clothespin on my finger. In a couple of seconds, the nearby machine showed the necessary data and I was finished with the test in less than five minutes. I was never billed for it.

It turned out that I had pneumonia. I was sent home with the needed prescriptions and instructions. I was back to normal in a few days.

The next time I went to that doctor, she told me that the office had acquired their own equipment.

It’s now eighteen years later, and her office has several of them. I noticed this morning that you can buy one online for about the price of two fast-food hamburger dinners. And the insurance company had wanted three days before approving the procedure!

[florida80]

Smurfs Versus Gargamel With The Lightning Gun

Bizarre, Dentist, Nevada, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | January 2, 2019


(I am getting my top two wisdom teeth removed and the dentist gives me two little pills to swallow in order to get me through the procedure. My father was to this dentist for the same thing about two weeks prior and he had some… interesting hallucinations from it. Now it is my turn. I do remember some of this, but it was retold to me by my wife several hours later after the drugs wore off. This occurs during the time I am in the waiting room until I sit down in the chair.)

Me: “I’m… really feeling it now.”

Wife: “Okay, just lay your head down on my shoulder. They said it should act pretty fast.”

Me: *waking back up a bit* “We almost got them.”

Wife: “Huh? You almost got who?”

Me: “The Smurfs… They’re going rogue… I’m having a war with the Smurfs…”

Wife: “Oh, really?”

Me: “Yeah… yeah… Had to take out Joker Smurf… He was putting down IED presents… A sniper got him… Saved all of us…”

Wife: “Okay, well, just be careful.”

Me: *waking back up again and finding myself shuffling with her help and the nurse* “Brainy… Brainy stole our Blackhawk… I got him with the LAW… Had to blow it up…”

Nurse: *laughing really hard* “What is going on?”

Me: “Smurfs attacked… Brainy stole a helicopter… Gargamel… Gargamel is behind it all… He got big… like a video game boss… Commander killed him with a lightning gun…”

(My wife and the nurse are laughing like crazy as I’m laid back into the chair and start to doze off. Suddenly I bolt upright and look out the window.)

Me: “OH, MY GOD! LOOK AT THAT TURKEY!”

(At this point the dentist has come in and I hear him laughing.)

Dentist: “Turkey? You mean that bush?”

Me: “NO! It’s HUGE! AND PURPLE!”

(I guess I passed back out at that point and they were able to get my teeth pulled with no problems. I remember the Smurf War and could write a book about it, but the turkey thing was new to me. If I ever have to get teeth pulled again, whatever they gave me is what I’d request again! My wife wishes she had recorded it all… So do I.)

[florida80]

How Not To Score Highly

Australia, Doctor/Physician, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue | Healthy | December 30, 2018


My partner was applying for a new job which required a drug test. He didn’t have a regular doctor as we had recently moved, so he chose the closest to our house. On entering the doctor’s office the doctor simply asked him, “Do you drink?” and, “Do you use drugs?”. My partner replied, “No,” and was sent home with the doctor’s report.

Needless to say, the workplace required a more comprehensive drug test to be carried out — one with at least a urine sample.

[florida80]

They’re Too Penny Wise

Medical Office, North Carolina, Patients, Silly, Teenagers, USA | Healthy | December 29, 2018


(I am fifteen and skinny, and I keep losing weight, so I have to go to the doctor to be weighed once a month to prove I don’t have an eating disorder and that my ADD medication isn’t screwing up my metabolism. I suspect it IS the medication, but I really don’t want to be taken off it because it helps me enormously, so one day, I get the bright idea to hide sacks of pennies in my clothes to make myself heavier.)

Nurse: “Okay, just take off your jacket and shoes, and step onto the scale, please.”

(When I bend down to take off my shoes, one of the sacks of pennies falls out of my pant leg.)

Nurse: “Oh, what’s that?”

Me: “Um… pennies… because I’m going to the bank later. To turn them in. Yeah.”

Nurse: *still friendly but clearly not buying my bulls*** at all* “Riiight. Got any more?”

(Fortunately, my doctor just laughed and told me not to do it again. A week or so later, my dad went to the same doctor. While weighing him, the nurse told him to take his hand off the wall. My dad jokingly asked if she thought he was trying to cheat, and she told him the funny story of the girl who came in with her clothes full of pennies.)

[florida80]

A Graphic Train Of Thought

England, Patients, Revolting, Train, UK | Healthy | December 28, 2018


I’m notorious for not really thinking before I speak. Some people like it because they can count on me telling the truth, but others hate the fact that I say inappropriate things sometimes.

This is pertinent when I’m on a national rail service train. I have just spent three hours with my dad in an Urgent Care drop-in centre because a relatively recent piercing I got became infected. My mum isn’t with us as she stayed in London while we went to Nottingham.

She calls me on the train to check how I am after my dad texted her before we were seen by a nurse. I tell her the whole story.

As I’m telling it, I start to notice people around me looking uncomfortable, and one man puts his food away. I realise that I’ve just described, in graphic detail, how there had been clear fluid and blood leaking from my ear, as well as how, when I took the piercing out, I lost my grip on the front of the earring and pulled the 3-mm ball through my piercing, making it bleed all the more. I quickly change tack to a more vanilla version of events.

To all the poor people who shared that train with me, I’m deeply sorry for subjecting you to that and putting you off your food. On the plus side, I caught the infection before it got really bad, so there’ll be no even worse stories for me to horrify

[florida80]

He’s Crazy, But Can’t Quite Put His Finger On Why

Bizarre, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy | December 27, 2018


(In the middle of a major snowstorm, my fiancé starts feeling incredibly under the weather. Not taking the risk, I get him to the doctor, taking an hour to drive a usual ten-minute drive because of road conditions. I decide to stay in the waiting room and read. It’s just me and the receptionist in the front when a man holding his arm oddly comes in.)

Man: “I’m here for an appointment.”

Receptionist: “Yes, are you…” *trails off and pales* “Uh…”

Man: “I’m [Man], here about my hand.”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry; it says here you cut your finger off?”

(I look up from my book, completely horrified, and now notice the man has a very bloody towel around his hand.)

Man: “I was cutting wood and missed. It’s safer to drive here than the hospital.”

Receptionist: “You need to go to the emergency room right now. I’m calling you an ambulance!”

Man: *turns to me* “She’s overreacting, right?”

Me: *notices he’s carrying a sandwich bag with a FINGER IN IT* “Absolutely not!”

(He kept protesting, but eventually got into the ambulance and left. I told my fiancé about it after the fact, but he’d thought it was a fever dream. The kicker? The doctor’s office was at the top of a hill, while the nearest hospital was maybe half a mile away in a very open area, much easier to get to in snow.)

[florida80]

Getting A Gauge On Nurse Meanie

Canada, Hospital, Nurses, Wild & Unruly | Healthy | December 26, 2018


(I am in the hospital, about to give birth to my son. They have been trying to induce me for three days since I am far past term, the baby is large, and it is time for him to come out. Each time we go in to get another round of the lovely stuff they put up your lady bits to try and start contractions, I have the same nurse. She is terribly mean and has a horrid bedside manner. My hubby and I are very non-confrontational people, so we just deal with it and don’t say anything. Fast forward to day three: my water finally breaks at midnight. We head to the hospital to be admitted. Since it is the night shift, we have a new nurse who is a wonderful girl. She gets me settled and set up with an IV. She ends up having to use a smaller gauge since my veins are sometimes a bit difficult, but it’s no problem. The day shift comes and Nurse Meanie is back. She is in a mood and is fuming that the night nurse used a size smaller gauge on my IV. She then spends the next several hours trying to redo it with a larger-gauge needle. She has my hand wrapped in hot towels for a couple hours to make the veins pop, with no luck. After five failed attempts this way, she takes to slapping the back of my hand to make the vein pop out better. My hubby has had to step out to grab something from home we had forgotten, so I am on my own. My hand is hurting quite a bit and she just keeps slapping and slapping.)

Me: “Can you please just stop? I have an IV and it seems to be okay. That really hurts me. Please just stop.”

Nurse: “No. They never should have done this gauge IV. I don’t know what these young nurses think they’re doing; this is absolutely wrong and I will be having a talk with them.”

(She keeps slapping my hand, and has tried the IV another three times. I am now in tears from the constant poking and the prolonged slapping.)

Me: “Okay, this is enough. Stop it and leave the IV alone!”

Nurse: “No, I have to do this. This gauge is not large enough to administer the meds you need. I have to do it. You’re in labor; you can deal with a few needle pricks.”

(I am now full-on crying, and any sense of being nice is completely gone.)

Me: “That’s it! We are done with this. This IV is fine and I will not allow this to continue!”

(I pull my hand away and she tries to grab it back. I pull it close to my chest and glare at her as best I can. She is more than angry and leaves the room. My doctor comes in a few minutes later to check how I am progressing. Nurse Meanie comes in a moment later and proceeds to loudly explain how incompetent the night nurse was at giving me an IV, and how she has been trying all morning to fix it. She shoots me a look and then tells him that I have been incredibly difficult and refused to allow her to replace the IV. She has the smuggest look on her face and smiles at me, all sickly-sweet. The doctor looks at her as though she’s gone mad. He shakes his head.)

Doctor: “There is nothing wrong with that gauge of IV. I would have recommended the same since her veins are hard to find. I don’t blame her for refusing if you have been trying for hours. There is no problem here.”

(Nurse Meanie’s face looked so angry and embarrassed. She opened her mouth to speak and then shut it. And then she stormed out of the room. The doc turned to me and I just said, “Thank You!” He shook his head and said that he would make sure a different nurse was assigned to me from there on out. Thank goodness

[florida80]

Don’t Get That Mixed Up With The Coffee

North Carolina, Revolting, USA, Vet | Healthy | December 25, 2018


(A worried-looking woman rushes into the vet’s waiting room, pulls out a double-bagged yellow liquid, and tries to hand it to the receptionist.)

Woman: “IS THIS A NORMAL COLOR FOR MY CAT’S URINE?!”

(It was.)

[florida80]

That’s One Prescription Of Holiday Cheer

California, Health Care, Holidays, Nurses, USA | Healthy Hopeless Right | December 24, 2018


(It is just before Christmas and my son’s prescription needs to be refilled. The office gets the prescription written in a timely manner, but then my father is hospitalized. I spend the week bouncing back and forth between the hospital and getting our house ready to move him in. Finally, at the end of the week, I get everything settled so I can run over and pick up my son’s prescription so it can be refilled before it runs out over the holiday. Unfortunately, I arrive ten minutes after the office closes for the holiday weekend. I’m sitting on the curb in the parking lot… exhausted, overwhelmed, and feeling like a complete failure.)

Nurse: “Are you okay?”

Me: “I screwed up. I was supposed to pick up my son’s refill this week so he wouldn’t run out over the holiday. “

Nurse: “Did anyone call you?”

Me: “Yes. I’ve just been in the hospital with my dad all week, and I finally was able to get over here. I forgot the holiday hours. It’s my fault.”

Nurse: “It’s a good thing I came out the front. I usually leave by the back door. Let’s go get his prescription slip.”

(The nurse unlocks the door, takes me inside, and signs over the prescription.)

Me: *still a bit teary* “You are the first thing that has gone right for us all week. I’m sorry I kept you late.”

Nurse: “I’m glad you caught me. Merry Christmas.”

(A heartfelt thank-you to healthcare workers. You do not get the credit you deserve.)

[florida80]

This Practice Is Now Dead To Them

Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Las Vegas, Nevada, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | December 24, 2018


(I have worked at a veterinarian office as a receptionist for the last ten years and know how to read people pretty well. At this particular practice, pets that are getting procedures done are scheduled to be dropped off no later than 8:30 am. This means that by the time I come in at 9:00 am, all the procedure pets are already at the office. The first thing I do is check the schedule to see what appointments are due to come in. A husband and wife come into the office looking visibly distressed. The husband is holding a bundle of towels in his arms very protectively. This is common for people who are coming in with very sick or old pets. I motion for them to come over to my desk.)

Me: “What’s going on there?”

Husband: “This is [Dog].”

(He looks like he is about to cry and doesn’t elaborate the reason for his visit. I remember from looking at the schedule that there is a pet by the same name due to come in to get euthanized. The office has a very strict euthanasia policy. The doctor must examine the pet prior to the procedure, and if the pet appears healthy we will not euthanize. I can partially see the pet wrapped in the towels and can tell that it matches the breed due to come in, but looks it to be healthy. I make a note in the chart so the doctor knows what he is getting into when he does the exam. I motion for them to follow me into the room we leave open for pets that are getting put to sleep.)

Wife: “[Doctor] said we can wait in the office until the procedure is over.” *sniffing into a tissue*

Me: “You can stay as long as you like; there is no rush. If you like you can even stay in the room with her. Let me just get you to fill out the forms, and I will let the doctor know you are here.”

Wife: “We already filled these out.” *barks at me without looking at the forms*

Me: “Okay, let me check your account and see if I can find them.”

(I check the account, and I don’t see any signed euthanasia forms.)

Me: “I am so sorry, but I was unable to find the signed forms. Do you mind filling them out again for me?”

Wife: “Fine.” *goes to sign forms again without looking at them*

Husband: “EUTHANASIA! WHAT THE F***?! [Dog] is here for a [drop-off procedure]!”

Wife: “WHAT?! OH, MY GOD! WHAT THE H*** WERE YOU THINKING?! WHAT IF I SIGNED THAT?! YOU WOULD HAVE KILLED MY DOG!”

Me: “I am so sorry. It was an honest mistake, but don’t worry; we never would have euthanized your pet. [Doctor] always does an exam…”

Wife: “NO! You tried to kill my puppy!”

(Both husband and wife left the room, all the while yelling that I tried to kill their dog to all the other clients in the waiting room. I went straight to the office manager and let her know what happened. I let her know that I didn’t know that there were two dogs that have the same name and breed due to come in on the same day, as well as having a drop-off procedure come in later then is required. I admitted that I didn’t ask the client’s name and that was my mistake. My office manager agrees that it was an honest mistake and anyone would have made the same one. Later an agent from the Better Business Bureau called and took my statement about the incident, and I never heard anything about it again, nor did those clients ever come back.)

[florida80]

Hats Off To Good Drugs!

England, Hospital, London, Patients, Silly, UK | Healthy | December 22, 2018


(I am in the hospital, having an operation on my hand that requires me to be under general anaesthetic. I am fourteen years old and have previously had two generals, so I know I react well, if very strangely. The anaesthetist is prepping me for surgery, with my dad beside me.)

Anaesthetist: “Okay, now the next drug I’m going to give you is this [medicine], which [does something I now can’t remember]. Okay?”

Me: *already a little bit drugged up and very sluggishly cheerful* “Okay!”

Anaesthetist: *barely started administering the medicine* “Right, so, adults often say that it feels like you’ve had a little drink–”

Me: “Oooh, yep, got that! Wooowwwww! Dad, everything’s blurry!”

Anaesthetist: *trying not to laugh* “Yes, sweetheart, it does that sometimes. I always hear that it’s a bit like having alcohol from the adults, and some people say that it makes them feel very happy.”

Me: “It feels like I’ve had alcohol or something!”

Anaesthetist: “There she goes!”

Me: “And I feel really happy! Did you give me something?”

Anaesthetist: “I’m going to put you to sleep now, sweetheart, okay?”

Me: “Okay! See you in a bit! I like your hat!”

(Out like a light. I apologised to the anaesthetist afterward, while still a bit drugged, and asked where his hat was when he came to tell me that I’d made his day. He’d never been wearing one.)

[florida80]

Have A Heart (Attack)!

Jerk, Medical Office, Patients, San Antonio, Texas, USA | Healthy | December 22, 2018


(I work in a clinic that has regular patients who have treatment three times a week, sitting side by side each treatment. We are very short-handed today and I have the section where [Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ], who is very demanding, is located. She wants to get off treatment early, at 1:00. However, right before [Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ]’s turn, [Patient #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] begins to have a heart attack. As the rest of staff is on break, three other nurses and I immediately begin to perform CPR and attend him.)

Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “[My Name], are you still going to take me off treatment at one?”

Me: *obviously doing compressions* “Right now is not a good time; I’ll get to you when I can.”

Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Well, could you get someone else to get me off treatment, then? Is it so important you need four people there? Where is everyone else?”

(The other nurses and I continue to perform CPR. As one nurse is talking to the 911 operator, [Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] starts bothering the nurse.)

Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “[Nurse], can you take me off treatment? Hello? Are you listening to me?”

(She repeats herself, getting louder and louder each time, but we continue to tell her we’ll get to her when we can. Finally, paramedics arrive for [Patient #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ]. After paramedics take [Patient #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ], we are finally able to return to our other patients. All the other staff who were on break are returning now. I am finally able to get to [Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ].)

Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : *two-faced* “Well, you sure know how to make me late! Is [Patient #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] okay? I was so worried about him! Did you know his kids were going to visit him this weekend?”

(She continued to tell me all his kids’ business as if nothing had happened. I quietly just took her off treatment because I was so disgusted someone could be so concerned with herself despite the fact that he could’ve died. Thankfully, he is doing well since we acted quickly.)

[florida80]

Welcome To Private Healthcare!

Doctors, Great Stuff, Insurance, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | December 21, 2018


(I’ve recently had to change my health insurance, and I’m still getting used to its quirks. I realize that one of my medications can’t be refilled on this insurance without a Prior Authorization — “PA.” Basically, the insurance wants my doctor to formally request that I be allowed to take it, because it’s a name brand that’s relatively expensive. My doctor sends the PA request in a few days before I have an appointment with him, and I don’t hear much else about it until I go into the office, where my doctor seems irritated.)


Doctor: “So, I wrote a letter to your insurance company for the PA. Actually, I wrote them two letters. They won’t fill your prescription.”

Me: “What? I thought the point of the PA was so they’d fill ones they normally wouldn’t?”

Doctor: “Generally, but sometimes they deny the requests because they want you to try a generic first. When I sent the first letter, they replied with a denial and said that you were required to at least try [Generic #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] or [Generic #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ]. The problem is, they contain [certain progestin], which interacts with testosterone.”

Me: “Which is what I’m taking [Medication] for in the first place?”


Doctor: “Yes! So, in my second letter, I told them that if they couldn’t approve [Medication], I needed anything from a long list I gave them, but specifically any variation that did not include [certain progestin]. And they absolutely will not budge. They sent me a list of more options, and every single one of them contains it.”

Me: “Um. Okay. What does that mean?”

Doctor: *looking like he wants to kill someone* “It means your insurance company won’t let you take any medication except for the kind that will only make your problems worse.”

[florida80]

Maybe The Neurology Ward Has A Telepath?

Crazy Requests, Medical Office, Patients, Texas | Healthy | December 20, 2018


(I work in a clinic with eight doctors in it, and a staff of about 90 between our multiple locations. My job involves acting as the operator, so I am one of three women who answer the phones initially, and usually get this call:)

Patient: “Somebody called me.”

Me: “Who was it, please?”

Patient: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Was there a voice message?”

Patient: “I didn’t check for one.”

Me: “I apologize, there are almost a hundred people who work here. I couldn’t say who tried to call you.”

Patient: “You mean you don’t know?”

Me: “Since you don’t have a name, no, I don’t

[florida80]

Scream Bloody Murder

Bad Behavior, Hospital, Nurses, USA | Healthy | December 19, 2018


(I am a female with an incredibly rare type of hemophilia which affects both men and women. I have an upcoming surgery, so the surgeon requests an action plan from my hematologist regarding what to do if things go south during my surgery and what protocols to follow for my post-op care. One directive is VERY clear: I am not to receive any anticoagulant medications unless by some freak medical fluke I develop a DVT, since I do not form hard clots and have prolonged bleeding. This is posted in my room in no less than three places, plus on a red armband I am wearing. First nurse shift, no issues. Then night shift comes on… The nurse comes into my room to give me my medication and I see she has Lovenox, an anticoagulant shot.)

Me: “Oh, I think there was a mistake; I can’t take Lovenox. I have hemophilia. It’s in my chart, over there–” *pointing to the places posted* “–and also on my armband.”

Nurse: *rather snotty tone* “It’s standard for all surgical patients. You need it so you don’t get a blood clot. Besides, girls don’t have hemophilia.”

Me: “Hmm, yes, females can get certain types of hemophilia, as I have one of them, and as I said before, it’s in my chart, posted there, and on my armband.”

(The nurse huffed off. About thirty minutes later, I was dozing and the crazy nurse tried to stealthily give me the shot of Lovenox. I screamed bloody freaking murder and knocked it out of her hand. The charge nurse ran into the room to find out what all the commotion was about. I told her what had happened. She paled and took the nurse out. I didn’t see that nurse again the rest of my stay. A few days later I heard some other staff talking about the nurse who got fired for trying to give some patient medication the patient couldn’t take, after the actual patient told her they couldn’t have it, and then tried to sneak in while the patient was sleeping to give it. I’m still not sure what she thought she was going to accomplish.)

[florida80]

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 14

Bad Behavior, Camp, Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body, USA | Healthy | December 18, 2018


(We had a summer camp cook that was a legitimate threat to our health and safety. Counselors came early to camp to help prepare for the coming kids, and the cook was responsible for feeding us. Just two of her sins were: 1) Food was chilled several degrees above the temperatures required for food safety. 2) She saw nothing wrong with storing raw, dripping meat above uncovered lettuce because the lettuce was going to be rinsed off, anyway. Counselors complained multiple times, but the higher-ups refused to fire her because she had faked her training in food preparation and continued to insist that she knew better, and the counselors didn’t know what they were talking about. Then, there was an incident that couldn’t be ignored. Two counselors were hospitalized with life-threatening conditions. Why?)

Cook: “There’s no such thing as allergies! It’s all in their minds! They’ve been allowed to be picky all their lives, instead of being forced to eat their ‘allergens’–” *actually makes air quotes with her fingers* “–until their body is forced to stop reacting to it and then you can eat it like everyone else! That’s how you get over allergies!”

(Fortunately, the police were very interested to hear that she had been made fully aware of the allergies of everyone at camp, and even MORE interested to hear that she had deliberately slipped the allergens to the unsuspecting counselors. The cook was arrested. As for the rest of us? We have been keeping documentation of the times the higher-ups failed to take action against our many complaints. We have a sizeable file to give to the lawyers of the two counselors who were hospitalized.)

[florida80]

Bittersweet Sweet Tooth

Bad Behavior, Children, Hospital, Patients, USA | Healthy | December 17, 2018


(I’m a student who is doing a clinical rotation at the hospital. We have a mother who brings in her child and is adamant the child must have appendicitis because the child has a horrible bellyache. Everything is normal except the x-ray, which shows a huge amount of stool. We go in to let the mother know the child is just constipated, and she still insists it MUST be appendicitis. The nurse is telling the mother about how to prevent constipation and to increase fluids and fiber, etc. She is quite insistent that her child eats a wonderful diet and this couldn’t possibly be just constipation, and the doctor must be an idiot. It’s not long after Halloween and an idea forms. I ask the child:)

Me: “How much Halloween candy did you eat in the last two days?”

Child: *looks at me and whispers with a big smile* “All of it.”

(Yeah, a bunch of taffy, caramel, and other assorted junk will plug your child up.)

[florida80]

Making Waves About The Flags

Australia, Beach, Extra Stupid, New South Wales, Safety, Wollongong | Healthy | December 15, 2018


(I am a lifeguard. I have a lady come up to me while I am standing between the red and yellow flags.)

Lady: “Where is the safest place to swim on the beach?”

Me: “Between the flags.”

Lady: “No, it isn’t; there are waves there.”

Me: “Yes, that’s normal for a beach.”

(She then points over to a current on the beach.)

Lady: “That is safer, as there are no waves.”

Me: “No, that’s the most dangerous part of the beach, because of the current.”

Lady: *starting to get mad* “I think I should know where is safe, as I’m a lifeguard in Europe!”

Me: “No, that is a very unsafe spot.”

Lady: “I’ll show you.”

(Despite my protests, she swims out to the current, and she ends up getting sucked out the back of the surf and we have to rescue her.)

Lady: “I thought it was safe there!”

(Make sure to swim BETWEEN the red and yellow flags when at the beach in Australia!)

[florida80]

There’s Really Only One Place It Could Be…

Hospital, Oregon, Patients, Portland, Silly, USA |
Healthy | December 14, 2018

(I am in labor at the hospital. My midwife comes in to check how it is going and to feel the baby’s position for delivery. After feeling my belly she says:)

Midwife: “I cannot find the baby.”

Me: “Well, I am pretty sure that he didn’t come out yet, so he must be somewhere inside.”

[florida80]

Urine Need Of An Appointment




(I am still a teenager when this happens. I’ve had several bladder infections, which took a while to diagnose because I am a man, “and men never get urine infections.” Luckily my GP and parents take me seriously after the final diagnosis, so if I feel it coming, I pee in a pot, take it to the GP, and he does the test and gives me the antibiotics. A cause has yet to be found. One day I wake up in immense pain. I suspect bladder infection, but I can hardly squeeze anything out. The result also looks different, and I immediately go to the GP with my parents and my little jar. I don’t have to wait for long, and when the GP sees the little jar, he gets ready for the normal tests. Then… he suddenly turns back and takes the jar.)

GP: “Wait… I officially have to test this, but please go to the hospital right away.”

Father: “What is wrong?”

GP: “It’s a bladder infection, I’m positive but…” *he shows the jar, which holds three separate layers of fluids* “This is blood, this is proteins, and this is urine. It’s not supposed to separate… at all. Please leave right away, while I test this.”

(When I reached the hospital, results were in, a bed was made ready, and I spent a week at the hospital with a very severe bladder infection. I still often feel bladder infections coming, but it turns out my body responds really well to cranberry juice, so I haven’t had any need for antibiotics ever since!)

[florida80]

This Joke Is On The Spectrum

Medical Office, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | December 12, 2018


I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was fourteen, and I’ve never really seen anything bad about it. I like to make jokes about having it sometimes, too.

Whenever I go to the doctor, I ask if I need any vaccines or shots at the time, and I distinctly remember one of my doctors making a remark on how I’m one of the only people who ask voluntarily. I was fifteen at the time and this doctor works usually with younger patients.

I calmly looked her in the eye and smiled brightly before saying, “I already have autism; what’s the worst that can happen?”

It wasn’t as funny as I thought it was when she assumed I actually thought that vaccines caused autism and started lecturing me.

[florida80]

OMG/YN

California, Health & Body, Parents/Guardians, Phone, USA | Healthy | December 11, 2018


(My dad is on the phone with me one day while I’m away at college. I’m in my late teens. English is not our first language, and as is the case most of the time with immigrants and their children, I have a much better knowledge of the language. He’s looking for a medical specialist to go to for some issue he has and is reading off a list to have me help him figure out what type of doctors they are.)

Dad: “It says this one is an anesthesiologist. What is that?”

Me: “That’s the doctor who puts you to sleep during surgery.”

Dad: “This one is a dermatologist.”

Me: “That’s a doctor who treats skin conditions.”

Dad: “Okay, this one is a nephrologist.”

Me: “They treat the kidneys.”

Dad: “Hmm…Let’s see… The next one is a Neurology doctor.”

Me: “They treat the brain and nervous system.”

Dad: “Okay… Oh, how about this one? It’s an OB/GYN. What is that?”

Me: “Uh… That’s… really not the right kind of doctor for you, Dad.”

(It’s worth noting here that I have a poor and very awkward relationship with my father, to the point that we’ve essentially not talked about anything personal in my entire life, and NEVER anything to do with sex.)

Dad: *in a curt and impatient tone* “What kind of doctor is it? What does OB/GYN mean?”

Me: *trying very hard not to be forced to say anything that would be extremely awkward for me* “That’s not the kind of doctor you’re looking for, Dad. I’m definitely sure about that.”

Dad: *suddenly snapping at me loudly and quite angrily* “I don’t care what you think! Just tell me what the h*** kind of doctor it is! I want to know what OB/GYN means, right now!”

Me: *startled and insulted* “Um, well, that’s… that’s a doctor who treats babies.”

Dad: *immediately calms down and pretends nothing happened, then goes on with asking about other doctors from the list* “Oh. Well. Okay, the next doctor is a….”

(I was very awkward back then about anything to do with sex, and very easily intimidated and bullied by my parents. Looking back on it now, I really wish I’d answered him with, “Well, Dad, that’s the doctor who treats vaginas and uteruses! You know, the doctor who looks into vaginas and then puts his hands into vaginas, and then puts all sorts of medical implements into vaginas! Vaginas vaginas vaginas vaginas! So, how about it? I guess I could have been totally wrong! Do you think that this could be the doctor you’re looking for – the doctor who treats vaginas?”)

[florida80]

It’s All Two Much

Hospital, Missouri, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | December 10, 2018


I come into the hospital, 39 weeks pregnant with a single baby, due to a sudden headache, high blood pressure, and vomiting. It’s determined I’ve developed severe preeclampsia and need to be induced today.

Just about three hours after being admitted, the baby has moved for the fourth time, making it difficult to accurately monitor her heart rate. The doctor decides to have a monitor placed in utero on the baby to get a consistent reading.

The nurses tasked with placing the monitor are gathered at my legs, talking amongst themselves, prepping for the procedure. I’m foggy from the medicine and not really paying attention when a nurse says, “Oh, there’s two.” After having a minor panic attack, I catch the nurse’s attention and it turns out they had two of the monitors, but after talking about irregular heartbeats I thought somehow a second baby had shown up.

[florida80]

No One Ever Got Injured Eating Pizza

Canada, Health & Body, home, Lazy/Unhelpful, Non-Dialogue, Ontario | Healthy | December 7, 2018


I’m a very lazy person by nature. I’ll get up and walk around if I feel like it, but I never really go out of my way to try and stay fit. I’m also notorious for hating every sport except for swimming, due to poor performances in gym class. As part of a co-op program for college, I end up staying with my marathon-running, fitness-nut uncle for a month. He is constantly offering for me to join him for workouts or trips to the gym, but I always decline, and he never pushes it. He just wants to be polite and offer to let me come along.

One day, I decide I want to try it, so I get his help setting up a workout routine. When I go back to college at the end of the program, I try it myself without supervision. I end up hurting my hip and have to stop, but after a week or two, I notice that the pain is not going away. It takes me two years to get a proper doctor’s appointment for this — my community is notorious for long waits to see doctors for anything — and I am diagnosed with a muscle tear in my right hip.

So, to sum it up, I hate sports, but the first time I do an actual workout to try and get myself into shape, I come away with what is commonly called a “sports hernia.” Everyone who found out laughed at the sheer irony of it.

[florida80]

Getting Medical Attention At Irregular Intervals

Extra Stupid, France, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Reception | Healthy | December 6, 2018


I was told by a previous doctor I had polycystic ovary syndrome. My period has always been irregular and I have often had hemorrhages for the last three years. I have not seen a gynecologist in over six years because of a bad experience with the last one, but I make an appointment with a different one to get it checked out. To make the story short, things go okay at my appointment, but for some reason my left ovary is nowhere in sight on the sonogram, so I have to get an MRI scan. When I call to make the appointment, I get asked why the doctor wants me to take an MRI scan. I tell the secretary I have irregular periods and the doctor could not find my left ovary on a sonogram. She tells me that I can’t be on my period for the scan, so she asks when my next is period due so she can put me in when I am not on my period. I tell her again that my period is irregular and I have no idea when the next will come. She stares at me for a few seconds, and then asks me when the last one was and asks me how long my cycle usually lasts. I know the date, but I tell her that it can be somewhere between 28 to 120 days.

A few second of blank stares later, she finally gives me an appointment and tells me yet again that I can’t be on my period for the scan.

How can a woman not understand what “irregular period” means?

[florida80]

Suffering From A Bad Case Of Bias

Canada, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office | Healthy | December 5, 2018


(This takes place shortly after my 19th birthday. I want to get a tattoo, much to my parents’ dislike, but since I am an adult now, they relent and my father goes with me as I get it done. I get a Gallifreyan circle — from Doctor Who — on my left forearm. It comes out really nice and I love it. However, a few months later, when it is fully healed, I develop some little red bumps over the tattoo and the skin is very itchy. I think it’s a rash, but it doesn’t look serious. I go to my family doctor to check it out, since I rarely get rashes at all. For context, my doctor is originally from Germany, and she has a thick accent. She also doesn’t have any sense of humor and is really blunt, which makes it hard to talk to her sometimes. I go in for my appointment and show her my arm.)

Me: “I think I have a rash on my arm, but I don’t know how I got it. I don’t have allergies to anything, so I’m not sure what triggered it.”

Doctor: “When did you get the tattoo?”

Me: “In May, a few months ago.”

(It’s August now.)

Doctor: *cutting me off* “You’re allergic to tattoo ink. No more tattoos.”

Me: *thinking* “If I’m allergic to the ink, wouldn’t I have had a reaction immediately?” *out loud* “Are you sure? It’s been a good amount of time since I got it, and I didn’t have a reaction when it was healing.”

Doctor: “You’re allergic to tattoo ink. You can’t get any more tattoos. You’re lucky you came in now; it could have developed into something worse. “

Me: “If I got this rash right after getting the tattoo, I would agree with you. But it’s been about three months, and it’s fully healed. Is there any possibility it could be something else?”

Doctor: “You’re not listening to me. You. Are. Allergic. To. The. Ink. Do not get any more tattoos. And don’t get any more piercings, either.”

(I only have my ears and nose pierced, but I don’t know why that mattered since they also healed fine. I was skeptical, but didn’t push it further. She prescribed a rash cream and said to use it until it clears up, or come back to see her if it doesn’t. I decided to call the tattoo shop I went to to ask them about it, which I now know I should have done in the first place! They told me not to worry, since it was fully healed, and it wasn’t a typical allergic reaction, especially months later. I used the cream and the rash was completely gone about a week later. I now have four tattoos, and have never developed another rash. Allergic, indeed!)

[florida80]

A Needling Suspicion Of What Happened

Bad Behavior, Dentist, North Carolina, USA | Healthy | December 4, 2018


(Thanks to starting a new job, I am finally able to afford to go to a dentist for the first time in five years. After the x-rays, it is determined that I have a cavity in between two molars, so I’ll need to be numbed. My last dentist, who was a pediatric dentist, had a habit of practically stabbing the needle into my gums, so when the hygienist towards me with the syringe, I instinctively grip the chair’s armrests.)

Dentist: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Just fine; I just don’t have good experiences with dentists and needles. But I can deal with it.”

(The dentist and hygienist exchange a concerned look and administer the shot. Instead of a jab, I barely feel a pinch. While we wait for it to take effect, we just make small chat.)

Dentist: “[My Name], you said your last dentist was a pediatric dentist, correct?”

Me: “Yeah, I think I was 15 or 16 when I last saw them. I had to get sealants on my back molars.”

Dentist: “Did they numb you?”

Me: “Yeah, only on one side, though. When they numbed me on the left, I swore the needle nearly hit bone, so I begged them not to numb the other side.”

Dentist: “And they listened?”

Me: “Yup, it hurt less than the needle.”

Dentist: *pause* “Was your dentist, by chance, the one whose practice is at [Location Downtown]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Dentist: “Dear God, no wonder we got so many of his patients when we opened.”

[florida80]

Doctors Without Diagnoses

Doctor/Physician, Georgia, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, USA | Healthy | December 3, 2018


(I get a strange painful lump that shows up while I’m pregnant. The doctor tells me not to worry and that it will go away after birth. Six months postpartum, I go to get it checked out again. The doctor tells me to give it more time to heal. Eight months postpartum, I go to a GP to get it checked out, because I’m still in pain and tired of being blown off. I’m quickly diagnosed with a hernia. As I’m getting ready for surgery:)

Me: “I wish my doctor had just told me he couldn’t do anything and told me to go see someone else.”

Nurse: “Well, that would have meant having to put aside his ego; doctors don’t like to do that.”

[florida80]

A Needling Suspicion Of What Happened

Bad Behavior, Dentist, North Carolina, USA | Healthy | December 4, 2018


(Thanks to starting a new job, I am finally able to afford to go to a dentist for the first time in five years. After the x-rays, it is determined that I have a cavity in between two molars, so I’ll need to be numbed. My last dentist, who was a pediatric dentist, had a habit of practically stabbing the needle into my gums, so when the hygienist towards me with the syringe, I instinctively grip the chair’s armrests.)

Dentist: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Just fine; I just don’t have good experiences with dentists and needles. But I can deal with it.”

(The dentist and hygienist exchange a concerned look and administer the shot. Instead of a jab, I barely feel a pinch. While we wait for it to take effect, we just make small chat.)

Dentist: “[My Name], you said your last dentist was a pediatric dentist, correct?”

Me: “Yeah, I think I was 15 or 16 when I last saw them. I had to get sealants on my back molars.”

Dentist: “Did they numb you?”

Me: “Yeah, only on one side, though. When they numbed me on the left, I swore the needle nearly hit bone, so I begged them not to numb the other side.”

Dentist: “And they listened?”

Me: “Yup, it hurt less than the needle.”

Dentist: *pause* “Was your dentist, by chance, the one whose practice is at [Location Downtown]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Dentist: “Dear God, no wonder we got so many of his patients when we opened.”

[florida80]

Doctors Without Diagnoses

Doctor/Physician, Georgia, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, USA | Healthy | December 3, 2018


(I get a strange painful lump that shows up while I’m pregnant. The doctor tells me not to worry and that it will go away after birth. Six months postpartum, I go to get it checked out again. The doctor tells me to give it more time to heal. Eight months postpartum, I go to a GP to get it checked out, because I’m still in pain and tired of being blown off. I’m quickly diagnosed with a hernia. As I’m getting ready for surgery:)

Me: “I wish my doctor had just told me he couldn’t do anything and told me to go see someone else.”

Nurse: “Well, that would have meant having to put aside his ego; doctors don’t like to do that.”

[florida80]

Now I Know My XYZ-Packs

Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | December 2, 2018


(The urgent care doctor says my test results for flu and strep are negative. She prescribes anti-nausea medication and wants to put me on antibiotics for ten days. I have some complicated gut issues, and I explain that the last time I was put on antibiotics, my stomach was messed up for weeks.)

Doctor: “There aren’t any antibiotics you can tolerate?”

Me: “I really don’t know. I could try taking them, but if I get sick, I can’t stop taking them until the bottle is empty, right?”

Doctor: “Oh, I will just give you the five-day Z-Pack, then.”

Me: *trying not to ask her if she’s stupid* “Isn’t the Z-Pack stronger, since it’s used for only a few days?”

Doctor: *lightly and carelessly sighs as she responds* “Oh, yeah…”

[florida80]

On Fine Form To Fill Out The Form

Australia, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Patients | Healthy | November 29, 2018


(I work in a medical clinic.)

Me: “If you could fill out this CT form for me, please.”

Patient: “I’ve done this before.”

Me: “Lovely. You should know all the answers, then.”

[florida80]

One Flu Way Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Colorado, Crazy Requests, Hospital, USA | Healthy | November 25, 2018


(I work in the physical therapy department inside of a hospital. I get a call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Physical Therapy]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. I don’t feel good. Can I take tamiflu?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ve reached the physical therapy department.”

Caller: “I KNOW THAT! CAN I TAKE TAMIFLU?”

Me: “Ma’am, our therapists do not give out medical advice regarding medications. Is there another department I can transfer you to, or a doctor’s office?”

Caller: “Yeah, give me Eric.”

Me: “Eric who? Where does he work?”

Caller: “YOU KNOW! ERIC!”

(I have no idea why she thought she should call the physical therapy department to see if she should take tamiflu! And who the heck is Eric?!)

[florida80]

The English Patient

China, Hospital, Language & Words, Nurses, Shenzhen | Healthy | November 23, 2018


(I am about eight years old when my family and I relocate to China for a year. Despite my Chinese heritage, I was born and raised elsewhere, so English is my first language, whereas I tend to struggle with Chinese. In that year, I fall sick enough to warrant a week-long stay at the nearest hospital. My mother and my grandmother accompany me in the daytime to take care of me as well as talk to the nurses and doctors on my behalf. When I’m alone, however, my sole form of entertainment is the TV in the room, which I leave on the only English-speaking channel they have. None of us think much about it until my mom comes in one morning and happens upon two nurses conversing outside my room.)

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “That little girl, she doesn’t talk much when I ask her questions, but she is so focused when it comes to [English channel] on TV. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s all she’s been watching since she got here!”

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Wow! She’s that dedicated to learning English and keeping up with school, even though she’s this sick? What a studious girl!”

(And that’s how I inadvertently impressed a couple of nurses by lazing around in bed all day watching the telly.)

[florida80]

It’s About The Turkey, See The Stuffing, The Potatoes Are So Mellow, I Yam What I Yam

In memory of our little experiment with a different style of titles, we offer up a Thanksgiving spread of stories with absolutely normal titles. Feast upon some of our best-loved tales of the foods of Thanksgiving, including some all-time favorites!

Talking Turkey – Sometimes it’s the simple things.

Going Red About The Green – What’s the matter, pumpkin pie?

A Barrel Of Laughs – By any chance, did the writer fall in… and were they wearing green? It would explain the previous story…

Not Talking Turkey This Thanksgiving – Fare is fair!

Pranksgiving – That’s not how a turducken works.

Not Talking Enough Turkey – He likes his turkey as dry as a martini, but hold the booze and give it to the poor server!

A Cocktail Of Lies And Cookies – He likes his cookies like… Wait. Never mind.

Wasn’t Born In The Pumpkin Patch – Guess he won’t get a visit from The Great Pumpkin, either.

With Great Bacon Comes Great Responsibility – Some love it. Some hate it. Some say everything is better with bacon.

A Monster Mash Potato – We think it sounds tasty…

More Thanks-taking Than Thanksgiving – This story of turkey-grabbing mayhem is a favorite for good reason!



We give thanks for the things we have, the friends and family we love, and the end of those goofy titles. Now, let’s eat!



Tell us your tales of Thanksgiving foods. Does your feast include something unique or different? Feel free to share the recipe, too!

[florida80]

Beats Per Second Would Be Even Worse

Australia, Brisbane, Extra Stupid, Friends, Hospital, Queensland | Healthy | November 21, 2018


(I have just had to rush my daughter to the hospital with a heart-related issue. I call my husband and send a text to friends that I am supposed to be going out with that evening. One friend isn’t always with it.)

Me: “Sorry, I am stuck in hospital with [Daughter]; she has a heartbeat of 204 bpm and they are trying to stabilise it.”

Friend: “So, what time will you be here?”

Me: “I can’t come.”

Friend: “Why not? You still have two hours before we leave.”

Me: “Because [Daughter] is in hospital and I won’t leave her.”

Friend: “Oh, is 204 bpm bad?”

Me: “204 beats a minute? Yes, it’s bad.”

Friend: “Oh, I didn’t know you meant per minute.”

(She did wish us well, and our daughter’s heart rate was brought down, though she needs lifelong medication to keep it there.)

[florida80]

This Medical Advice Is Not On Sure Footing

Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | November 19, 2018


This story occurs over a four-year span. It begins the year when I was in the first grade, and my sister was in the fourth grade, in the summer.

My sister and I were walking our dogs outside with our mom. My sister happened to get tugged by the dog she was walking and “sprained” her ankle in a ditch. She hurt it bad enough that she and Mom went to the hospital, but not until after she took a shower; our mom was very insistent on her showering first. The doctor diagnosed it as a sprained ankle.

For the next four years, until she was in eighth grade, she had intense pain with her ankle and foot in general. They decided to take her to a hospital again, with a different doctor.

It turns out, for the past four years, her ankle had been broken the entire time, and was left untreated.

The next few years were spent with her receiving surgery for the ankle, growing bones in her foot and having them removed, and physical therapy.

She’s now a junior in college, and doesn’t have as much trouble with her foot anymore, except when she exercises excessively.

I’m still annoyed with the doctor who didn’t find it out the first time around and let my sister suffer for four years

[florida80]

Don’t Do Drugs, Hers Specifically

Clinic, Medication, USA, Washington | Healthy Right | November 17, 2018


(I am a medical assistant in a family medicine clinic. We often have difficulty with refills for patients, but this was a memorable one. Note: the patient is elderly so I was trying to be really patient and understanding!)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Clinic]. How may I help you?”

Patient: “I need to find out which medications Dr. [Name] refilled at my last appointment.”

Me: “It looks she filled two: [Medication #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] was sent to your mail order pharmacy, and [Medication #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] was sent to your local pharmacy.”

Patient: “I didn’t need [Medication #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] refilled!”

Me: “I am sorry about that. Which medications are you needing refilled today?”

Patient: “All of them.”

(I start to go through her list.)

Me: “How about [Medication #3]?”

Patient: “I don’t need that one.”

Me: “How about [Medication #4]?”

Patient: “I don’t need that one, either.”

(This repeats several times.)

Patient: “I just need the ones I take regularly.”

Me: “Well, you only have two medications that you take daily, and [Medication #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] was filled last month. Are you needing [Medication #5 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=5) ]? I can refill that for you, though our records show you should have about ten months of refills at your mail order pharmacy.”

Patient: “I don’t know what that is. Just fill all of them for me!”

Me: “I don’t know which ones you are needing; it looks like you have refills on all of your regular medications.”

Patient: “Just ask Dr. [Name]. She’ll know what I need.”

Me: “I have your list in front of me, she won’t know more about what you need refilled than I do.”

Patient: “I’m trying to bake a pie. Just call me when you figure it out.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I don’t know how to help you as I’m not sure what you need.”

Patient: “Fine, I’ll call you back later. Try to figure it out for me.”

(This was one time, that while frustrating, I actually felt really bad that I couldn’t help her! She wasn’t particularly rude, just confused.)

[florida80]

That Wasn’t Caused By The Food

Bus Station, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Missouri, USA | Healthy | November 11, 2018


(I have just gotten off of work at a hospital and am waiting for a bus at a nearby bus station. I am wearing my uniform with the hospital’s name on it, and my ID badge which clearly says, “Culinary Services.”)

Driver: “Oh, do you work at [Hospital]?”

Me: “Yep.”

Driver: “Are you a nurse?”

Me: *laughing, pointing at my department on my ID* “No, I serve food.”

Driver: “Oh, well, I been having this problem every morning when I wake up; my chest hurts and I’m coughing.”

(She continues on, describing her symptoms in detail, including the color of her mucus. She swears she feels well otherwise, but mentions she was sick with flu-like symptoms earlier in the week.)

Me: *uncomfortable* “Well, that sucks.”

Driver: “What do you think it could be?”

Me: *my bus pulls up* “If I had to give my honest opinion, I’d say you have an URI from being sick earlier in the week. However, as I said, I’m not a medical professional, and you should probably see an actual doctor. [Hospital] has a clinic; I suggest going there.”

[florida80]

All-Bagel Diet Proven Unhealthy, But Not For The Reasons You Might Think

Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Medical Center, USA | Healthy | November 10, 2018


(I’ve struggled with disordered eating since I was fairly young; it flares up any time I get stressed and can last anywhere from just a few days to as long as a year. People who learn about my issues with food rarely take them seriously because I am overweight; I’m 5’5”, about 165 pounds, and a US size 12. At the time of this story I have been in college for about a year and am in the middle of a rough patch, and I decide to go to the university health center to seek help.)

Me: “I think I might have an eating disorder. Whenever I’m experiencing a lot of stress, I stop eating and spend all of my time in the gym.”

Doctor: *laughs* “I wish I had that problem! When I’m stressed, I head straight for the cookies! So, what brings you in here today?”

Me: “Uh… That’s why I’m here. I’m worried that I might have a problem because I starve myself.”

Doctor: *laughing again* “I hardly think you need to worry about that! A little less food and a little more exercise can only do you good!”

Me: “I… Are you sure? I mean, I’ve eaten two bagels in the last week.”

Doctor: “See, that’s your real problem! Carbs go straight to your gut, you know.”

Me: “I don’t think you understand; all I’ve eaten in the past seven days is two bagels. I tried to eat a sandwich yesterday, but I got so anxious I couldn’t swallow. I really think something is wrong.”

Doctor: “Well, if I were you, I’d try the Keto diet. It works great, and you’ll be in shape in no time!”

(I gave up then and asked her about some bruising on my limbs, for which she recommended iron supplements and weight loss. Fortunately, my roommate noticed my disordered eating a few days later and put me in touch with a local counseling clinic, where I got some actual help.)

[florida80]

The Only Reaction We’re Having Is Annoyance

Chattanooga, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Patients, Tennessee, USA, Vet | Healthy | November 9, 2018


(I work for a 24-hour emergency vet. It’s about one am; I usually get strange calls at this time of night.)

Client: “Hi. I was putting some flea medication on my dog and I think I’m having a reaction to it.”

Me: *thinking I misheard her* “Oh, he’s having a reaction to it?”

Client: “No, I am! My hands are breaking out, and I think my throat is getting tight.”

Me: “Oh! I’m sorry; you’ve called an animal emergency hospital!”

Client: “I know. You guys know what I need to take to fix it right?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you need to call 911 or go to your local emergency room; we only treat pets here.”

Client: “Well, that’s okay. If you guys treat pets, you know what I can take, right? I really wasn’t planning on going anywhere tonight; just tell me what medication you give to pets and I’ll just take a larger dose of it.”

Me: “Ma’am… I’m sorry, but we can’t give medication advice over the phone for pets, and we definitely can’t for people! You need to call 911 or go to the emergency room!”

Client: “You’re just being no help. Do you have a number I can call a different animal hospital? I don’t have Internet, so I can’t look up anything.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give you another number for an animal hospital that’s open right now, but I would gladly give you directions to the emergency room closest to you! You definitely need to go to a hospital for people if you’re having a reaction, not animal hospitals.”

Client: “Fine, y’all are just no help! You know, you really should give better advice to people when they call; you are a hospital, you know! I guess I’ll just have to go to the hospital down the road and see if they can help me. I’m never calling you again!” *click*

(I was so mind-blown I had to sit and collect myself for a few minutes. She sounded like a normal, middle-aged woman, so I hope it was a prank call, but unfortunately I don’t think it was

[florida80]

Depression And Anxiety Are Not The Best Diets

England, Jerk, Medical Office, Merseyside, Nurses, UK | Healthy | November 8, 2018


(My doctor’s surgery does an annual check-up with the practice nurse for all patients with long-term conditions. I go to mine.)

Nurse: “You’ve lost 13 kg since we last saw you!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Yeah, depression and anxiety is an amazing diet.”

Nurse: “Your weight and BMI are well within the guidelines now.”

Me: “Oh, um, great.”

Nurse: “Do you want me to refer you to [Famous Weight Loss Club]?”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “We have to ask everybody.”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “We do have to ask everybody.”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “I’ll take that as a no, shall I?”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “Anyway, let’s check something else, shall we?”

Me: “Yes… let’s.”

[florida80]

Doctors Follow The Same Old Tired Formula

Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, UK | Healthy | November 6, 2018


(I give birth to my son, and through some great support from my local breastfeeding support group, I’m able to successfully breastfeed him without supplementing with formula. When he is eight months old, I visit the paediatrician for a check-up.)

Doctor: “What formula does he have?”

Me: “He is breastfed.”

Doctor: “What milk does he have?”

Me: “Breast milk.”

Doctor: *sighing irritably* “WHAT FORMULA DOES HE HAVE?”

Me: *confused* “He doesn’t drink formula; he is breastfed.”

Doctor: “Okay, okay. What follow-on milk does he have?”

Me: “He doesn’t; he drinks breast-milk.”

Doctor: *glares at me as if I’m being difficult* “What… yogurt-y drinks does he have?”

Me: “HE… IS… EXCLUSIVELY… BREASTFED!”

(The doctor slammed the notes shut with irritation, and then blinked at me when he realised my son had been feeding this whole time!)

[florida80]

Not Ball-Bustingly Funny, But It’ll Do

Doctor/Physician, England, Folkestone, Hospital, Kent, Patients, Punny, Silly, UK | Healthy | November 1, 2018


(I have been diagnosed with testicular cancer and will have to have one of my testicles removed. I am meeting with the consultant who has run a few tests and has now given me the date of the surgery: the following Monday. It has been a bit of a bureaucratic nightmare to get this point.)

Consultant: “And I’m sorry again that it has taken so long to get to this point, but now that we’ve got the ball rolling—”

Me: *grinning* “Pun intended?”

(The consultant realised what he said, and both he and the nurse laughed. Later he told me he’d had other cancer patients that day who had — understandably — been very upset, and it was nice to see someone dealing with it with humour. The surgery has gone well and I’m making a good recovery!)

[florida80]

Halloween Roundup

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | October 31, 2018




It’s time to carve that Jack-o-Lantern, put on your costume, and collect the candy! Or will you spend the night watching scary movies? Having a costume party?

To celebrate Halloween, here are some of our favorite tales of ghosts and witches, monsters and creatures, the spooky and scary and weird, and things that reach out from under the bed to tickle your funny bone. These stories are sure to give you a frighteningly good laugh!



This Story Will Haunt You Forever — Claims of bravery may be exaggerated.

Thrill You More Than Any Ghost Would Dare To Try — A classic song for a spooky evening.

Ice Screaming Monsters — Which will give you more indigestion, the food or the monsters?

Scare Me? Not A Ghost Of A Chance! — Everyone wants their own ghost, right?

They Usually Go For Black Cats — The fuzziest kind of witchcraft.

Pray They Weren’t Watching Christine — Poor kid got honking scared!

More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7 — Every old school horror fan just screamed in terror.

The Son Of Mondegreen — The monsters are where?!

Halloween Has-Been — Surprise!

The Customer Is Always Fright(ened) — Must have been too fussy for that poor ghost.

The Ghost Of Theories Past — But they say it’s haunted!

Trumps All Other Scary Stories — The horror story of our times.



Happy Halloween, everyone! Post pictures of your costumes!

[florida80]

Is There A Prescription For Stupidity?

Connecticut, Health & Body, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy Right | October 29, 2018


(I’m a pharmacy tech at a chain pharmacy. I’m working the drive-thru. A truck pulls up blaring loud metal music, and the driver is smoking. He does not turn down the music like most people do when at the window, and I’m having a hard time hearing him.)

Customer: “I’m trying to get one prescription. I need the [Brand Antibiotic], but NOT the–” *indecipherable due to the music*

Me: “I’m sorry, which one do you want?”

Customer: *a little louder* “The [Brand Antibiotic].”

(I take down his information into the computer. I have to re-ask several times because of the music, which he still hasn’t turned down. He’s also still smoking, and flicking ash out of the window, ON MY SIDE.)

Me: “There’s only one prescription here.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: *louder* There’s only one prescription.”

Customer: “Is it the [Brand Antibiotic]?”

Me: *still loud* “I will check with the pharmacist.”

(I grab the script, which is NOT an antibiotic. I’ve shut the window to keep the smoke from getting in; the music is loud enough to be heard on the other end of the pharmacy. The pharmacist confirms this is not an antibiotic, but is a specially requested one he’d been calling to transfer over from a different pharmacy.)

Me: “Sir, this is the only one we have.”

(I show him the prescription, so he can see what it is.)

Customer: “Ok, I’ll take it.”

(I finish up the transaction; he pays and drives away. About ten minutes later, he’s back in my lane, blaring the same loud music.)

Customer: “This isn’t the one I requested. I specifically told you NOT to give me this prescription. Where’s the one that the doctor transferred over?”

Me: “This is the only one that was called in.”

Customer: “I’m not taking this prescription anymore. Why was this called in? I want to speak to the manager.”

(The manager is busy. He’s been listening to the customer and is fed up with him. I use this time to double check his profile. There’s still no record of an antibiotic being called in before, during, or after the transaction.)

Me: “Sir, nothing else has been called in.”

Customer: “I don’t want this one. I told you I didn’t want this one.”

(I apologize at least twice, and return his medication, and he drives away, with my ears ringing.)

Manager: “So what happened with [Customer]?”

(I explained the ordeal, and he was obviously annoyed at the customer’s behavior. Less than a half hour later, we received a call from an associate of the customer. The pharmacist, who had had enough of the guy, took the call personally and explained what happened. Still not sure if the guy has gotten the antibiotic yet…)

[florida80]

Not The Formula For A Successful Doctor

Atlanta, Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Georgia, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | October 27, 2018


(My daughter is born almost three months early and spends the first ten weeks of her life in the hospital. The day she is born, I start using a breast pump, so that I can take milk to her. Shortly after she comes home, we quickly realize that breastfeeding is an unpleasant experience for both of us, so I decide to continue pumping, but to supplement with formula during the night. It takes three weeks after she gets home, and me jumping through hoops and making phone calls daily, to get her insurance pushed through and active, so I can finally get her to her first pediatric appointment. Because I do not have a running car, I make an appointment at the office just down the road, and my mother is generous enough to drive us there. We arrive about ten minutes before the appointment, but we end up waiting more than half an hour after the scheduled time to be called back. The nurse calls a name that is somewhat similar to my daughter’s, but is incorrect, and is often used as a last name. After she calls the name two or three times, and neither of the other two families in the waiting room move, I ask if she is calling for [Daughter]. She nods and waves her hand and tells us to follow her. Once in an exam room, we wait about another twenty minutes before the doctor comes in.)

Doctor: *not looking up from her paperwork* “So, what formula is she using?”

Me: “None. I currently give her breast milk.”

Doctor: “All breast milk? That’s great!” *goes on about how great it is that my daughter gets exclusively breast milk, and about the benefits of breastfeeding*

Me: “Thanks. I wanted to start giving her formula once in a while, but I’m not sure what kind would be best for her.”

Doctor: “Oh.” *suddenly less enthused* “Okay. So, he’s five months old, right?”

Me: “No. She is three months.”

Doctor: *pulling the blanket down from my daughter’s face* “Cute. Let me wash my hands.”

(I then receive a lecture on germs, about making everyone around my daughter wash their hands, and about not only keeping her away from anyone sick, but just not taking her outside at all or letting her around family. A few minutes later, while examining her:)

Doctor: “She’s cute. What’s her name?”

Me: “[Daughter].” *internally alarmed because did this doctor not even look at any of the papers*

Doctor: “[Daughter].” *sarcastically* “Hmm. Unique. So, how’s the breast feeding going?”

Me: “I pump, and then we give her a bottle. Since she spent the first two and half mo–”

Doctor: *interrupting me* “She has a suck reflex. She can breastfeed.”

Me: “We’ve tried a few times, but it just hasn’t worked out well. She does better–”

Doctor: *interrupting me again* “She can breastfeed.”

Me: “She falls asleep every few minutes, and I have to wake her up continually.”

Doctor: “That’s fine.”

Me: “After an hour or two of nursing, she still hasn’t had enough to be a meal.”

Doctor: “That’s fine. Just let her keep doing it. It’s good practice.”

Me: “Okay, we will nurse here and there for comfort or a snack between feeds, but I’m struggling with my supply, hence the formula. But for the most part–”

Doctor: *interrupting again, this time very forcefully* “There is no reason not to breastfeed! You need to stop using the pump, and your supply will increase. You don’t need the bottles. She can do it, so do it!”

Me: “Fine.”

Doctor: “Okay. Did the hospital give you a packet about [vaccine]?”

Me: “Yes. It’s in my bag on the chair.”

Doctor: “Get it for me.”

(Keeping my fingertips on my daughter’s leg, I stretch over and grab the packet. As soon as I stand up:)

Doctor: *scolding* “Don’t do that! Don’t ever do that! Don’t ever turn your back on your baby or look away! That’s how they fall off the table!”

Me: *defeated, flat* “Okay.”

Doctor: “I’m going to prescribe a formula for preemies; it has extra calories. You’ll get it when you go into the WIC office and give them this form.”

(I’m not on WIC, nor have I applied.)

Me: “Okay. Can I get it from a pharmacy? I have a bit of a transportation issue and may not be able to get there for a few days. Is there anything I can give her in the meantime?”

Doctor: *ignoring me* “You can take it there today, or tomorrow, or whenever is convenient.”

Me: “Where is the this office even located?”

Doctor: *waving me off* “Ask the receptionist when you check out. I want you to set up an appointment two weeks from now at our location in [City 30 minutes away] to get her next vaccines; I don’t do shots. Also, I want to see her back here next week so that I can check her weight. Does she have any other follow-up appointments?”

Me: *internally cringing at the thought of seeing this lady again* “Yes. She needs to see an audiologist. I just got the contact information for them yesterday. I was going to call them today, once we left here.”

Doctor: “Call them. She needs to go to that appointment. What about her eyes?”

Me: “She had her eyes looked at earlier this week at [office]. They gave her eyes a clean bill and said they don’t need to see her again.”

Doctor: “Do they need to see her again? What did they say?”

Me: *internally sighing* “They said her eyes are fine; she doesn’t need to go back.”

Doctor: “Good. But what about her hearing? Did they say anything about that? Do you have an appointment? Who with? When is the appointment?”

Me: “I haven’t made the appointment yet. I just got the information yesterday. I’m going to call them today.”

Doctor: “Make the appointment. Call them. She needs to go.”

Me: “Okay.”

(This went around and around a few times, with me confirming over and over. When we got to the checkout counter, I told the receptionist what the doctor said, and she was surprised. I asked if we could see someone else for the next appointment, and was told that until the doctor released my daughter as a patient, we had to see her again. The entire next appointment, unless I interjected or physically placed myself in front of her, the doctor directed every comment, question, or concern to my mother, who simply gave her a deer-in-the-headlights look. I assumed this was because though I am in my 20s and married, I look younger and the doctor assumed that I was some high school kid that got knocked up. Feeling frustrated, and still needing to get formula, I called the NICU that my daughter spent the first weeks of her life in. I explained the situation, and the charge nurse was very understanding and apologetic for my experience. She told me what formula they generally send preemie babies home with, and told me that I could pick it up at just about any grocery store with a baby section. I looked it up so that I could get a picture of the container to ask my husband to bring it home. Then, out of curiosity, I checked the paperwork with the prescription formula that the doctor gave me, and it was the same thing! I am currently looking for a different pediatrician.)

[florida80]

Jokes That Defy Medical Science

Chicago, Hospital, Parents/Guardians, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | October 26, 2018


(My dad is the absolute king of bad dad jokes. One day he is in for a check up and the nurse is taking his vitals.)

Nurse: “How is everything doing today?”

Dad: “Pretty good, except my shoulder.”

Nurse: “What’s up with your shoulder?”

Dad: “Well, before I could raise it this high–” *raises it all the way up* “–but now I can only raise it this high.” *raises it halfway*

Nurse: “Well, that’s too ba– Wait, what?”

(Cue my dad laughing uproariously.)

[florida80]

If You Act Like A Baby, You’ll Be Treated Like One

Groton, Massachusetts, Medical Office, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | October 25, 2018


(I’ve never been a fan of getting shots; I would faint every time I got one until I was around twelve. Despite being in my twenties at the time of this story, when I have to take an intramuscular shot, I am less than enthusiastic, gritting my teeth, planting my heels firmly into the floor, and angrily hissing “son of a w****” repeatedly.)

Nurse: “Okay, you’re all set. Are you all right?”

Me: *inhaling deeply and forcing myself to relax* “Hsss… Yeah, I’m fine… I mean, uh–” *fake baby voice* “Wah! That hurt! I want a lollipop!”

Nurse: “Do you actually wa–“

Me: “YES.”

(I got grape.)

[florida80]

The Reason Why Some Of Us Are Medicated:

Call Center, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Florida, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | October 24, 2018


(I work as a customer service representative. Our company manages prescription plans for a government-run insurance primarily for seniors. We also function as a mail-order pharmacy. This call takes place while I’m still in training during my first week taking calls.)

Me: “This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. My husband needs to start taking [drug]. I want to know if his plan will cover it.”

Me: “I can certainly check that for you, ma’am. May I have some information?”

(After I verify her husband’s account information, I look up the medication.)

Me: “Okay. Your husband’s insurance will cover that for an approximate cost of [total].”

Customer: “Well, that seems like too much, but he needs it. Can you send it to him, please?”

Me: “Let me see.”

(I check, and we do not have a prescription for it, nor has another pharmacy filed a claim.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We will need your husband’s doctor to send us a new prescription before we can fill it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, his doctor won’t write it. You have to stop drinking for six months, and my husband likes to have a beer or two every night, so the doctor won’t write one.”

Me: “I’m sorry. But without a prescription, we cannot send a medication.”

Customer: *getting angry* “But I told you that his doctor won’t write the prescription! Can’t you just send it if we pay full price?”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I’m sorry, but we must have a prescription before we can send the medication.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t you just send it?!”

Me: *rubbing my temples at this point* “Ma’am, that would be illegal.”

[florida80]

Just Gave Birth To A Monster

California, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Revolting, USA | Healthy | October 23, 2018


When I was very pregnant — ready-to-pop pregnant — I went to an appointment, to make sure everything was still going good, heart beating, moving around, all that stuff. I decided to grab fast food on the way in, and soon realized that my stomach wasn’t happy with my choice.

When I got into the appointment, I mentioned that I was slightly worried that there had been no Braxton Hicks, and the nurse assured me that I probably had but just didn’t realize it, and hooked me up to monitors. The whole time we were talking, I was holding in an incredible amount of gas, and trying to be discreet. She walked out and closed the door, and I finally let it go.

My husbands eyes were watering, and the thunder actually knocked things off the shelves. The first was followed by several more rather powerful explosions. At this point I was surprised the paint wasn’t peeling off the walls, and I looked over at the contraction machine and realized that it was faithfully recording every rumble. I was dying, knowing that the nurse was going to come in any second and have her eyebrows sizzled off by the noxious fumes. My husband was trying very hard to appear supportive and not laugh, but failing miserably.

The nurse came back in, and apparently completely oblivious to the smell, triumphantly held up the contraction tape to declare, “See?! You are having contractions! Powerful ones, too. Those are what we are looking for!”

My husband almost fell out of his seat, howling and wiping his eyes, while I was left to explain that no, that was my lunch, and those were literally the most monstrous farts I had ever been involved with.

To this day, I cannot figure out how she was able to walk into that green haze, and not realize what was actually going on.

[florida80]

I’m Sure Coca-Cola Sells It At This Point

Extra Stupid, Patients, UK, Vet | Healthy | October 22, 2018


(A lady calls to seek advice about her tortoise, who has crusty matter around his eyes after waking from hibernation.)

Me: “I advise you to bathe his eyes with tepid water.”

Customer: “Where can I purchase tepid water from?”

[florida80]

Can’t Catch Anything Worse Than That Rotten Attitude

Bad Behavior, Canada, Friends, Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful, Manitoba, Street, Winnipeg | Healthy | October 21, 2018


(My friend and I are walking down the street when an old man suddenly collapses in front of us.)

Me: “Sir? Are you all right? SIR?!” *no answer*

Friend: “Call 911!”

Me: “On it.”

(The ambulance arrives in less than five minutes. Sadly, the old man has died. He had a massive heart attack and was probably dead before he hit the ground.)

Me: *suddenly realizing* “Wait a minute. [Friend], don’t you know CPR?”

Friend: *looking shifty* “Yes. Why?”

Me: “Why didn’t you do anything for him?”

Friend: “Because he looked gross. I didn’t want to catch anything. Besides, he was dead already; it wouldn’t have done any good, anyway.”

Me: “…”

(We’re still friends, but I lost a lot of respect for her that day.)

[florida80]

Weeding Out The Solution For Yourself

California, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | October 20, 2018


I have been battling with a cold for a couple days before finally caving and going to see a doctor, as I think it might be the flu. When I’m there, I also bring up the fact that I have been having some acid reflux issues as of late. I bring these all up to the nurse practitioner who is seeing me before answering the standard questions.

I firmly believe the two people you should always be honest with are your doctor and your therapist. I also have fibromyalgia and other chronic pain issues and I will, on occasion, use CBD or marijuana to help with the pain, as I don’t like taking pain pills. When asked if I smoke, I answer honestly.

The minute I bring up marijuana use, my doctor stops trying to figure out what is causing the acid reflux. He immediately goes on a tirade about how some people are allergic to marijuana, and says I am most likely allergic and should stop because prescription drugs would be a better solution.

Keep in mind, I have been using marijuana for this issue for over six months and the acid reflux issue started only a month ago. When I try to direct him toward other possibilities, he directs it back toward marijuana being the source. Turns out, it’s the breakfast sandwiches I have been eating in the mornings, which I’ve had to figure out on my own.

[florida80]

A Brief Shot Of Excitement In The Waiting Room

Australia, Bizarre, Hospital, New South Wales, Patients | Healthy | October 19, 2018


(I am about eight years old, before mobile phones. I’m at the local hospital emergency room with my mum and brother after my brother broke his arm playing hockey. It’s packed and the wait is around four hours. A man in his 60s patiently waits in line to check in. He waits about twenty minutes with no visible injuries.)

Nurse: “Can I help you?”

Man: “Ah, yes, I guess. I’ve been shot.”

Nurse: “Sir, we’re extremely busy here.”

Man: “I’ve been shot. I think I need to see a doc.”

Nurse: “Sir, we’re extremely busy and I don’t have time for jokes. Please leave.”

Man: “No joke. I need to see a doc.”

(He turned around and lifted his jacket and shirt up to reveal a gunshot wound in his back. The nurse went pale and called for help, telling the man to sit in a chair. It turns out he’d been driving along a bumpy dirt track with a shotgun in the tray of his ute. One of the bumps must have knocked the trigger, because the bullet went through the tray and the driver’s seat into his back, the tray and seat slowing it down a fair bit but still causing problems. He then drove himself almost 50 kms to the hospital and waited in line.)

[florida80]

Passing Out From The Incompetence

Arkansas, Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pets & Animals, Retail, USA | Healthy | October 18, 2018


(I have a sleep disorder. This disability is mitigated by my service dog, a Labrador. I am taken to a store for some items I need. This is generally not an issue. My service dog goes with me, because it isn’t safe to leave her home. Unfortunately, I begin to have issues. My dog alerts me, so I quickly stop what I am doing to find a worker.)

Me: “Listen. I have exactly one minute before I pass out. Please do not call the EMTs. I will be fine.”

(My service dog is whining and pawing at me, basically getting in my way, and trying to get me on the floor before I pass out — basically, what she’s trained to do.)

Employee: “Yeah, whatever.”

(I knew this was a bad sign, but I didn’t exactly have the time to find someone else. I sat on the floor nearby and promptly passed out. I woke up being loaded into an ambulance while animal control was taking my service dog into a cage. My dog was understandably freaking out, trying to come to me, because they were disrupting her work. I have a medical alert bracelet that says NOT to separate my dog from me on my wrist. I was still a bit out of it from passing out. I did the only thing I could think to do: scream at the top of my lungs. Everyone stopped to look at me. It took ten minutes to convince the EMTs to let me go, and longer to get animal control to give my dog back to me. This was all because an employee didn’t listen. Apparently, they had panicked when they saw me on the floor. They ran over, which prompted my dog to gently nudge her away from me — not aggressively, just a gentle push. She is a larger dog, though. The employee called 911, saying that my dog had attacked me and tried to hurt them. Mind you, my service dog was in full dress: a harness that says, “service dog.” on both sides, a collar that also says, “service dog,” on it, a tag stating that she is for medical alerts, AND a leash that says, “Service Dog. Do Not Pet.” I realize that retail isn’t a fun time, but that whole incident could easily have been avoided. I did inform their manager, but they still work there, so I don’t know what all happened. They glare at me every time they see me, though.)

[florida80]

Old People Can Get All In A Muggle

Assisted Living, Geeks Rule, Michigan, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | October 18, 2018


(I work at the front desk at an assisted living home for seniors. I’m just sitting here, minding my own business, when a rather upset resident in her 80s comes up to the desk.)

Me: “Hello, [Resident]. What’s the matter?”

Resident: “I don’t know if I should tell you…” *wringing her hands*

Me: “It’s okay; you can tell me.”

Resident: *shifts eyes around before leaning in close* “He’s coming back. Voldemort.”

Me: *eyes go wide* “Uh…”

Resident: “You don’t believe me. No one does. But Voldemort is coming, and the children are going to die.”

(I called for staff to come help her to her room, and just stared as they walked her back to her room while she continued on about Dark Marks and wards and spells. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh at the riddikulus-ness or be super impressed that an 80-year-old had Harry Potter knowledge. I think I’ll go with both.)

[florida80]

Some People Act Like Babies

Bad Behavior, Medical Office, New Jersey, Patients, USA | Healthy | October 17, 2018


(I am going for my annual gynecologist appointment. Just as I am walking into the office, I see my doctor running out. He tells me he has to go deliver a baby. I wish him luck and head in to sort out my appointment, and see a woman talking loudly and angrily with the receptionist.)

Woman: “When will he be back?!”

Receptionist: “I don’t know. He actually said to cancel his morning appointments. He said he’d be back in an hour.”

Woman: “I can’t wait that long!”

Receptionist: “We do have an opening at one pm or you can reschedule!”

Woman: “No! This is unbelievable! I have my appointment! How dare he leave to deliver a baby?!”

(At this point, the receptionist, another patient, and I are all wide-eyed.)

Receptionist: *slightly losing her cool* “Ma’am, he’s delivering a baby. It’s an emergency.”

Woman: “No, it’s not! A c-section isn’t an emergency! I need my appointment!”

(They argue back and forth a bit before she walks off and I head to the counter.)

Me: “Hello. Should I wait or just come back? I know delivering a baby might take some time.”

Receptionist: “You can take the one pm appointment; he’ll be back by them. Some people don’t understand that someone having a baby is an emergency.”

[florida80]

Needs To Take A Breath At Such Incompetence

California, Doctor/Physician, Emergency Room, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Newport Beach, USA | Healthy | October 17, 2018


(I’ve had a cough for a while that just isn’t going away. On the weekend it gets so bad that I have difficulty breathing. Since it’s the weekend, I have to go to the emergency room. Even though I’m an adult, my dad goes with me, because being female and fat I often don’t get proper treatment. This time around, I don’t even get a doctor; I get a physician’s assistant. I’m too busy coughing and gasping for a decent breath to talk at this point. She doesn’t even bother to examine me and snaps at me the very second she comes past the curtain.)

Physician’s Assistant: “You have the flu. Go home!”

Dad: *looks at the woman in shock* “You didn’t even listen to her lungs, or touch her at all.”

Physician’s Assistant: “I don’t have to. She has the flu. Go home.”

Dad: “She’s having problems breathing. You need to listen to her lungs!”

Physician’s Assistant: *makes a great show of “listening” to my lungs, which lasts less than five seconds* “She has the flu. Go home!“

Dad: “Can’t you at least give her a Rocephin shot?”

Physician’s Assistant: “It won’t do anything for the flu. Go home!“

(She then flounced out and insisted I be discharged. The next day was a weekday and I went into my doctor without an appointment. He immediately informed me that I had a severe infection that required antibiotics, NOT the flu. He then gave me a Rocephin shot and I started to feel better by the afternoon. You can bet the hospital got a REALLY stern letter from me.)

[florida80]

Her Name Is “Grandma”!

Extra Stupid, Hospital, Teenagers, USA, Utah | Healthy | October 16, 2018


(I work as a nurse in a cancer hospital. One day I see a teenage boy, maybe 15 or 16, standing at the front desk of our inpatient unit. As I have a few spare moments, and it doesn’t appear that anyone else has helped him yet, I walk over to him.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Teenager: “Um, yeah. I’m here to see my Grandma?”

(Yes, it came out as a question, but I just brushed it off as being nerves at having to talk to a stranger.)

Me: “Fantastic! If you’ll just tell me her name, I can point you in the direction of her room.”

Teenager: “Uh… I don’t know.”

Me: *blank stare* “You don’t know what?”

Teenager: “I don’t know her name.”

(We blink at each other for a few seconds, as I’m too stunned to say anything.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I really don’t think I can help you out.”

(We have over 150 patients in our hospital. And how you don’t know your own grandma’s name is beyond me!)

[florida80]

Shake Your Fist At Them

Health & Body, Patients, Retail, Silly, USA | Healthy | October 16, 2018


(I’m chatting with a customer and it comes up that her entire arm, from the elbow down, was badly broken in a car accident. She is only just starting to get enough control of her hand to limply hold a pen. The conversation, of course, drifts to her physical therapy, and she talks about her progress as I encourage her.)

Me: *single fist-pump* “You can do it!”

Woman: *laughing* “No, I can’t! That’s the problem!”

Me: *single fist-pump* “You’ll eventually be able to do it!”

(We chatted for another minute or so before she left. I hope she recovers quickly, or, at the very least, is able to keep smiling as she goes!)

[florida80]

It’s A Bad Sign-us Infection

Doctor/Physician, Germany, home, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Non-Dialogue | Healthy | October 15, 2018


Several months ago my cousin woke up with an absolutely massively swollen right eye, so naturally, she went to the hospital to have that checked out. They administered two CT scans, diagnosed her with a large, inoperable, cancerous tumor sitting right behind her right eye, and gave her six months to live.

Cancer is rampant in our family, so this makes sense in the context. However, she’s always been kind of easy-going and also, she refuses to believe it, so she just didn’t tell anybody and went about her life as usual.

A few weeks after the diagnosis, she was at a normal dentist appointment, and whenever anything touched her right cheek, it hurt a lot, more than it ever had at the dentist, even though she was just having a check done. Her dentist informed her that she had a severe sinus infection. She told him about her recent diagnosis, and he was absolutely not having it.

The next day they went back to the hospital together, in his free time, and he demanded they do another check and pointed out her sinus infection. It turned out he was right; she had a severe sinus infection, not a deadly tumor, that had spread up to right behind her right eye, and had caused an infection. She received normal treatment for that, and within a short time everything was back to normal. The first CT scan had been incorrectly calibrated, and the second one had been incorrectly interpreted.

Having spent many of my teenage years in hospitals myself, I’ve seen a lot, but I had never personally encountered a doctor as dedicated as that dentist before.

[florida80]

Don’t Go (Down) There

Extra Stupid, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | October 14, 2018


(I stop by my local pharmacy to pick up my prescription of birth control pills and to talk to my buddy who is a pharmacist. I notice on the package it says, “To be taken orally.” I point it out to my friend.)

Me: *with a laugh* “Well, what idiot doesn’t know that?”

(My buddy’s eyes grow big and she says:)

Buddy: “Oh, no. You would be surprised! The reason that is now on there is we actually had a woman sue us because she claimed we didn’t properly instruct her on how the pills had to be taken orally, and she got pregnant.”

Me: “Well, then, how the heck did she use them? Where did she put them?”

(Then, it dawns on me where she must have put the pills.)

Me: “Ohhhh, never mind. I didn’t ask.”

[florida80]

This Bureaucracy Is Killing Me!

Coworkers, Hospital, Jerk, Netherlands, Rotterdam |
Healthy | October 13, 2018

(I am working the night shift in a student team. One of our tasks is getting blood and stuff for the operating surgeons all around the hospital. This night a sixteen-year-old boy on a scooter has been hit by a car and is haemorrhaging profusely. I am called to get blood for the blood transfusion that needs to be done. However, due to the fact the boy is being reanimated while receiving a blood transfusion and an operation, there is no time to fill in a form. This is the conversation I have with the man at the blood lab:)

Me: “Hey, I don’t have a form, but I need blood for the sixteen-year-old patient that’s bleeding out downstairs.”

Blood Lab: “If you don’t have the form, you don’t get the blood.”

Me: “But they don’t have the time to fill in a form, as they are operating on him while giving a blood transfusion, and he was just reanimated.”

Blood Lab: “But you don’t have a form.”

Me: “Yes, I know, but the boy is dying.”

Blood Lab: “Well, it’s not my fault if he dies; come back when you have the form.”

(Sir, I know that you were technically right, but is a form more important than the life of a sixteen-year-old boy?!)

[florida80]

Looking After One Child So Much You Forget About The Other

Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Kansas City, Missouri, Parents/Guardians, Patients, USA | Healthy | October 12, 2018


My mother was a pediatric cardiac nurse and was taking care of a boy who had just had open heart surgery. She left for the weekend, and this story was relayed to her the next morning she was in.

The mother of the young boy suddenly started to have severe abdominal pains during the night. The nurse realized after checking her over that she had forgotten to ask her a very important question: when was the last time she had had her period? The mother said, “Oh, it’s coming any day now.”

The nurse looked at the nurse supervisor who was helping her. This is a children’s hospital, so they had no labor and delivery ward. The supervisor started to panic. This hospital is up the road from another, adult hospital. So, the supervisor decided to put the mother in a wheelchair and push her down to the adult hospital. This hospital is located at the top of a hill, so as he was pushing her down to the other hospital, the wheelchair slipped out of his hand. Luckily, he caught her before she got too far away, and got her to the adult hospital before she delivered the baby.

When my mom got back that Monday, she went to the boy’s room and saw that the mother was back already. She found that the mother had been so focused on taking care of her son before his surgery and getting him the surgery that she hadn’t realized she hadn’t had her period in over seven months.

Luckily, both the son and baby were able to leave the hospital soon after, and last my mother heard they were all doing well.

[florida80]

The Pharmacy Version Of “I’m Looking For A Book That’s Red”

Australia, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Melbourne, Pharmacy | Healthy Right | October 10, 2018


Customer: “I need to get a repeat on my medication. I’ve ran out of the script so can you give me an owning? I’ve been here many times.”

Me: “Sure, that shouldn’t be a problem. Can you give me your name and the name of the medication you want owning?”

Customer: “My name is [Customer] and I don’t know what the medication is called.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you know what the medication is for?”

Customer; “No. Just look up the medication I’m on.”

Me: “You’re on a few different medications.”

Customer: “It’s a little white tablet.”

Me: “All but one of the five medications you are on are white. Box or bottle?”

Customer: “No idea. Just give me an owing.”

Me: “Sir, sorry, but without know what the medication is for or what it is called, I cannot give you an owing. But would you know what it is if I showed you the packages it comes in?.”

(I quickly grab a few bottles and boxes of medications that the customer is on, hoping it jogs his memory.)

Customer: “Nope. I don’t know which one it is. Just give me an owing. It’s a little white pill! You’re suppose to know what I want!”

Me: “Sir, as I said, a few of your medications you are on are small white pills., I’m sorry but I want to make sure I am giving you the right medication. Are you sure you don’t know what the medication is called or what it is used for?”

Customer: “You’re no help. You’re suppose to know what I want!” *leaves the store*

[florida80]

Looking After One Child So Much You Forget About The Other

Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Kansas City, Missouri, Parents/Guardians, Patients, USA | Healthy | October 12, 2018


My mother was a pediatric cardiac nurse and was taking care of a boy who had just had open heart surgery. She left for the weekend, and this story was relayed to her the next morning she was in.

The mother of the young boy suddenly started to have severe abdominal pains during the night. The nurse realized after checking her over that she had forgotten to ask her a very important question: when was the last time she had had her period? The mother said, “Oh, it’s coming any day now.”

The nurse looked at the nurse supervisor who was helping her. This is a children’s hospital, so they had no labor and delivery ward. The supervisor started to panic. This hospital is up the road from another, adult hospital. So, the supervisor decided to put the mother in a wheelchair and push her down to the adult hospital. This hospital is located at the top of a hill, so as he was pushing her down to the other hospital, the wheelchair slipped out of his hand. Luckily, he caught her before she got too far away, and got her to the adult hospital before she delivered the baby.

When my mom got back that Monday, she went to the boy’s room and saw that the mother was back already. She found that the mother had been so focused on taking care of her son before his surgery and getting him the surgery that she hadn’t realized she hadn’t had her period in over seven months.

Luckily, both the son and baby were able to leave the hospital soon after, and last my mother heard they were all doing well

[florida80]

The Pharmacy Version Of “I’m Looking For A Book That’s Red”

Australia, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Melbourne, Pharmacy | Healthy Right | October 10, 2018


Customer: “I need to get a repeat on my medication. I’ve ran out of the script so can you give me an owning? I’ve been here many times.”

Me: “Sure, that shouldn’t be a problem. Can you give me your name and the name of the medication you want owning?”

Customer: “My name is [Customer] and I don’t know what the medication is called.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you know what the medication is for?”

Customer; “No. Just look up the medication I’m on.”

Me: “You’re on a few different medications.”

Customer: “It’s a little white tablet.”

Me: “All but one of the five medications you are on are white. Box or bottle?”

Customer: “No idea. Just give me an owing.”

Me: “Sir, sorry, but without know what the medication is for or what it is called, I cannot give you an owing. But would you know what it is if I showed you the packages it comes in?.”

(I quickly grab a few bottles and boxes of medications that the customer is on, hoping it jogs his memory.)

Customer: “Nope. I don’t know which one it is. Just give me an owing. It’s a little white pill! You’re suppose to know what I want!”

Me: “Sir, as I said, a few of your medications you are on are small white pills., I’m sorry but I want to make sure I am giving you the right medication. Are you sure you don’t know what the medication is called or what it is used for?”

Customer: “You’re no help. You’re suppose to know what I want!” *leaves the store*

[florida80]

How To Nurse A Case Of The Hiccups

College & University, Colorado, Nurses, Silly, Students, USA | Healthy | October 10, 2018


(We are sitting at break in my Med/Surg Nursing course one afternoon, and we’ve just finished clarifying that our final exam is NOT cumulative. I notice my classmate next to me has hiccups.)

Me: “Got hiccups?”

Classmate: “Yeah.”

Me: “Want me to scare them out of you?”

Classmate: *sleepily* “Nooooo! Don’t scare me.”

(Jokingly, I throw my arm around her and lean in.)

Me: “Hey, hey, [Classmate], the fourth test is cumulative!”

Classmate: “WAIT, WHAT?!”

Me: “Oh, my God, no! We just finished discussing this! I’m joking.”

Classmate: “…”

Me: “HOLY CRAP! It actually stopped your hiccups!”

(We all lost it. Forget “boo.” If you want to scare a nursing student, just tell her the exam will be harder!)

[florida80]

Wish You Could Take The Blue Pill And Forget

Cedar Rapids, Ignoring & Inattentive, Iowa, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | October 8, 2018


(I’m a Certified Pharmacy Technician at a midwest grocery and pharmacy chain. I’m not exaggerating when I say I get far too many of these calls EVERY DAY.)

Me: *answers phone with usual friendly attitude* “This is [My Name] at [Pharmacy]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a refill on my prescriptions.”

Me: *pulls up profile after asking for name and birthdate* “Okay, which ones did you need refilled today?”

Customer: “Oh… I don’t know the names.” *describing various pills*

Me: *sighs and facepalms* “Right, let me get you on with the pharmacist.”

(Long story short, folks: you, as the customer, are personally responsible for knowing exactly what goes into your body and what prescriptions need to be refilled. WE DON’T HAVE ALL DRUGS MEMORIZED JUST BY HOW THEY APPEAR IN OUR HEADS!)

[florida80]

Hopefully Stress Therapy Is Also Covered

Extra Stupid, Georgia, Insurance, Lazy/Unhelpful, USA | Healthy | October 7, 2018


(My daughter requires glasses to see, so we go in for our regular eye appointment in November. Everything goes well until it comes time to pay for the appointment and glasses, at which point the staff inform me that my daughter’s vision insurance has already been used this year, and therefore won’t cover her new glasses. Confused, since her last appointment was fourteen months ago — definitely over a year — I head home to contact our insurance company to get things straightened out.)

Me: “I’m trying to figure out why my daughter’s insurance has been marked as used this year. Our last appointment was in September of last year, fourteen months ago.”

Insurance Rep: “Oh, we have an appointment on file from January of this year, so her insurance has already been used.”

Me: “But we didn’t have any eye appointment in January. Something’s not right here.”

Insurance Rep: “I don’t know what to tell you. You had an appointment in January, so you have to wait until next year to use her insurance again.”

Me: “And I’m telling you her last vision appointment was September of last year. We didn’t have any January appointment. Your records are wrong.”

Insurance Rep: “Give me a moment to check.”

(She puts me on hold for a while as she looks into this.)

Insurance Rep: “I don’t know what to tell you. You used her coverage for an appointment in January at a clinic in Missouri.”

Me: “We live in Georgia. We haven’t been to Missouri in the last year, let alone for a vision appointment. Who was the appointment for?”

Insurance Rep: “Oh, [Male Name, nowhere near my daughter’s relatively unique name].”

Me: “That’s not my daughter.”

Insurance Rep: “Oh. Let me look into this some more.”

(She puts me on hold again.)

Insurance Rep: “Okay, so, it looks like that vision clinic put the wrong patient information in when they filed his appointment.”

Me: “So, this is going to be fixed, and my daughter can get her glasses, right?”

Insurance Rep: “Unfortunately, it’s going to take six weeks or more to correct this error.”

Me: “But that puts us in next year, and my daughter needs her glasses.”

Insurance Rep: “I’m sorry, but that’s the best we can do.”

Me: “Even though it was your company’s mistake?”

Insurance Rep: “I’m sorry. Perhaps you can work something out with your vision clinic in the meantime?”

Me: “Fine.”

(Luckily, the vision clinic is at least willing to work with me on a reimbursement plan that will allow us to get the glasses now and have the insurance company cover the cost once they finally get around to fixing the problem without it applying against the next year. But aside from our insurance company not realizing that an adult man in Missouri is not my 10-year-old daughter in Georgia, the real gem is what happens when my husband calls the insurance company for a follow-up.)

Husband: “So, how can we be sure this doesn’t happen again next year?”

Insurance Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “You’ll just have to call in every now and then to make sure her insurance hasn’t been used yet.”

Husband: “You mean you don’t have anything in place to make sure that my daughter’s insurance doesn’t get accidentally applied to someone else’s appointment in another state?”

Insurance Rep #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “No, sorry.”

Husband: “So, you’re making us do your job.”

[florida80]

Coming To A Painfully Obvious Realization

Canada, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Nurses | Healthy | October 5, 2018


Nurse: *while drawing blood* “Wow. I’ve stuck you, like, a dozen times, and I haven’t gotten the needle to work!”

Me: “I know. I’ve got the worst genetics — tiny, deep veins that deflate! I’d rather not be here all day.”

Nurse: “Really? Oh, I could do blood draws aaaaall day, but the second I need my blood taken I’m like, well, no! I wonder why that is?”

Me: “Because it doesn’t hurt to do it to others?”

Nurse: “Oh, my gosh, yeah! Maybe that’s it!”

(I didn’t get an IV in.)

[florida80]

We Think We Know Where That Nausea Came From

Chicago, Hospital, Liars/Scammers, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | October 5, 2018


A patient has called for an ambulance because they feel nauseated.

Once in their hospital room, they order two medium pizzas from [Pizza Chain].

They then demand a free cab ride to get home

[florida80]

An Armful Of Judgement

Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Georgia, Hamilton, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | October 4, 2018


(I wake up one morning to find both arms so numb that I can hardly use them. In a panic, I get my mother to drive me to the local doctor’s office. He sends me to get bloodwork done at a different facility. This takes place during the follow-up visit.)

Nurse: *while taking my vitals* “And are your arms still numb?”

Me: “Yes, but they’re a bit better than before.”

(The nurse leads me to the exam room. The doctor enters after a few minutes.)

Doctor: “Okay, your blood work looks good, except for cholesterol. You really need to lose weight. Do you drink a lot of Cokes?”

Me: “Well… yes, but—”

Doctor: “You should give up all caffeinated drinks. They’re making you fat, and it’s very bad for your health.”

(The doctor proceeded to ramble about how I needed to stop eating sugar and start losing weight. He left the room with a final order to stop drinking Cokes. I never got a chance to ask him about my numb arms, and he never once said anything about the issue I’d gone there for in the first place. I don’t have insurance and am unemployed, so I couldn’t afford to go somewhere else. I ended up asking friends online for help and figured out how to address my problem through them.)

[florida80]

Why Are You Hitting Yourself? Why Are You Hitting Yourself?

Bizarre, home, Non-Dialogue, Ohio, Patients, USA | Healthy | October 3, 2018


My husband is a very gentle man. Because of this, I was more shocked than angry when I was slapped awake one night. I had been deeply asleep, thanks to a muscle relaxant, so it took me a moment to fully process what happened.

I was turning my head to ask why he’d slapped me; what happened? Then, I saw movement near my waist. A hand came up and slapped my face again.

It was my own d*** hand!

Apparently, trying to strengthen my arm after a rotator cuff injury caused my arm muscles to spasm strongly, bringing my hand up fast and hard.

At least my doctor got a laugh out of it.

[florida80]

A Purposeful Discussion About Women’s Health

Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, El Paso, home, Patients, Texas, USA | Healthy | October 3, 2018


(My mom and I are discussing a cousin who lives in different state. She has been hospitalized and is losing blood due to problems with her uterus.)

Mom: “I just don’t understand why the doctors refuse to just remove it. She doesn’t intend to have any more children, and this thing is threatening her life. I had to argue for them to remove mine when I started having issues, and I was almost fifty with two adult kids already!”

Me: “Mom, let me tell you: doctors maintain this idea that a woman’s main purpose in life is to have children. They think that removing her uterus is equal to cutting off both legs. They view it as the last, most desperate act they can take. It’s ridiculous, outdated, and flawed, but it’s the sad truth.”

Sister: *who has been listening* “That actually explains a lot.”

[florida80]

Name, Time, And Place

Boston, Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, Language & Words, Massachusetts, Reception, USA | Healthy | October 2, 2018


(I’ve chipped a tooth. My regular dentist puts a filling in, but recommends a crown as a more stable, long-term repair. Since I already have a rather large cavity and filling in that tooth, they also refer me to an endodontist to see if I’ll need a root canal first. I call their office to set up a consult.)

Receptionist: “Good morning. Thank you for calling [Office].”

Me: “Good morning. I’ve been referred to you by [My Dentist]. I need a consultation to see if a root canal is necessary.”

Receptionist: “Okay, are you a patient of ours?”

Me: “No, I’d be a new patient.”

Receptionist: “Can I have your name?”

(I give my first and last name. My last name is somewhat unusual, and has a lot of letters that sound like other letters, so I always go the extra mile and spell it out using the phonetic alphabet.)

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

Me: *spells it again, still phonetically*

Receptionist: *spells it back, inverting the last two letters*

Me: “No, no.” *spells it out again*

Receptionist: “Oh, okay, no R.” *spells it back incorrectly*

Me: “No, there is an R.” *spells it AGAIN* “It’s like [word], but with an A at the end.”

Receptionist: *finally gets it right* “I’m not finding you in our system.”

Me: “Right, no, I’m a new patient; I’ve just been referred for a consultation.”

Receptionist: “Oh, I’m sorry, okay. I’ll need more information from you, then.”

(We very slowly and carefully go through the rest of my details.)

Receptionist: “And what do you need done?”

Me: “Just a consultation right now. I’m getting a crown, but my dentist would like to see if I should get a root canal first.”

Receptionist: “You need a root canal?”

Me: “No! Just a consultation.”

Receptionist: “Okay, a consultation. When would you like to come in?”

Me: “Anytime Monday is good.”

Receptionist: “We have 3:30 on Monday?”

Me: “Yes, that would be fine.”

Receptionist: “Okay, there’s also 1:50?”

Me: “Um, either one, I guess? 3:30 or 1:50, whichever is more convenient for you.”

Receptionist: “Okay, 1:30 on Monday, then.”

Me: “I’m sorry, 1:30 or 1:50?”

Receptionist: “Yes, 1:50.”

Me: “Great, thank you.”

(I think I’ll show up before 1:30, just to be safe!)

[florida80]

In The Sun But Not Very Bright

Canada, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Ontario, Patients, Pharmacy | Healthy | October 1, 2018


(I’m a pharmacist. I’m counselling a client on how to apply the rosacea cream his doctor has prescribed for him.)

Me: “…and remember, even if you use this regularly, the most important way to prevent rosacea flares is to stay out of the sun.”

Patient: “I’m in the sun all the time!”

Me: “May I suggest sunscreen?”

Patient: “Oh, no, I don’t wear sunscreen. I don’t want to put chemicals on my face.”

(I looked at the box of expensive prescription face chemicals and died a little inside.)

[florida80]

The Doctor’s Prognosis Is Dislocated From The Truth

Doctor/Physician, England, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Manchester, Non-Dialogue, UK | Healthy | October 1, 2018


This tale’s from a few years ago, and will need a little backstory. I have a multi-systemic collagen defect disorder called hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. To explain it in detail would take all night; suffice it to say that my joints dislocate very easily and, though I’ve learned to put them back by myself, there are some I just can’t fix unaided, the wrist of my dominant hand being one of these, for obvious reasons. Bear in mind, too, that dislocations — whether full or partial — hurt. A lot.

One evening, housesitting for a friend on the other side of my city, feeding her cats, I somehow managed to pop my right wrist half out of place. I knew it was out, and I was alone in the house, but — luckily, thought I — the nearest hospital was just over the road. I necked a dose of my usual liquid morphine, grabbed my walking stick left-handed, and headed over to Accident & Emergency.

It was quiet, so I was seen in about thirty minutes and sent for an x-ray, as per routine. When my x-ray was done, though, the doctor on duty left me to sit — on a hard, plastic chair in a cubicle, that was not helping my general chronic pain, while my morphine slowly wore off — for three hours.

After those long three hours, he finally bothered to come to me, and insisted, in the most supercilious, maddening way possible, that my wrist was fine, that the x-ray showed nothing, and that I should go home. I argued with him for a minute, but gave up. Words weren’t going to get through; that much was clear.

I sighed. Then, I asked him to humour me for a moment and get a firm grip of the hand on my injured arm. He did, not looking too pleased about it.

I yanked my arm back against his hold, hard. I could hear the crack as my wrist went back into its proper position, and so did he. The look on his face was an absolute picture.

I’ve never been back to that hospital since. And if I have my way about it, I never will!

[florida80]

Faintly Annoying

Bad Behavior, Colorado, Hospital, Lazy/Unhelpful, Nurses, USA | Healthy | September 29, 2018


(I work at the mental health ward. I’m at the nurses’ station when I hear a loud CRACK. A patient has collapsed on the floor. I run over to help.)

Me: “What happened?”

Nurse: “She was walking to the shower and just fainted. She’s been nothing but trouble!”

(The patient looks like she hasn’t showered in days. She’s pale and really thin.)

Me: “She looks terrible. What’s been happening to her?”

Nurse: “She was vomiting for the past three days. Won’t even eat!”

Me: “And you let her walk? Why haven’t you called medical?”

Nurse: “She’s annoying!”

[florida80]

Get Out Of There! Abort! Abort!

Atlanta, Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Georgia, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | September 29, 2018


My mother told me about an experience one of her coworkers had.

The coworker had diabetes before she got pregnant. Her doctor considered her case high-risk, and sent her to another office in the city for some blood work. She had a referral, and all of the necessary info was sent to the office so that these blood tests could be performed. It was supposed to be an in-and-out procedure.

When she got there, the main doctor of this practice was quite curt with her, almost rude. At first she just chalked it up to him being in a bad mood, or needing to learn better bedside manners. Then, he told her, “You know, people like you shouldn’t be getting pregnant.”

She immediately asked what he meant by that. He went on to explain that people with certain health conditions, such as her diabetes, should not be reproducing. She responded that she was there for blood work, and then she was leaving; if he had any personal concerns, she wasn’t interested in hearing them.

The doctor waved her off and told her that she needed to sign some paperwork. She asked what paperwork, as her regular office should have sent her information over. He wouldn’t answer her and just kept pushing the papers at her, telling her to sign. Finally, she took the paperwork and started reading it.

The doctor was trying to force her into signing off for an abortion.

She immediately called her regular doctor and told him what was going on. Her doctor told her to drop everything, and get out of there. Just get up, and walk out, right now. She did.

Her regular doctor apologized profusely and told her he had no idea what the other doctor was up to. He told her he was going to report the practice, and asked if she wanted to lodge a complaint. She did.

The next day, the other doctor’s practice was shut down, and he lost his license. Apparently he had been doing this to other women, and he was taking it upon himself to decide who was — or was not — “worthy” to reproduce or get pregnant.

[florida80]

Unhealthy Health Advice

Bad Behavior, Delaware, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | September 28, 2018


(TriCare, the medical insurance that all US military dependents are on, has sent me to a new gynecologist for treatment of severe endometriosis. Her profile says that she is Catholic, but I don’t think much about it until I have my first few visits with her. Please note that my husband is unable to father a child due to chemical exposure while serving a combat tour in Iraq. We have decided that we are perfectly fine with not having children. I tell her that I don’t want to be a mother.)

New Gyno: “What?! You don’t want baby?! Why?”

(She is from the Philippines and her English isn’t entirely perfect.)

Me: “My husband is 100% unable to father a child. We have been having unprotected sex since we met over six years ago and we have never even had a pregnancy scare. I’m also not comfortable with being a mother.”

New Gyno: “But your husband almost forty and never had baby. He need baby! You have to give him baby!”

Me: “My husband is perfectly okay with not being a father. He is also in the process of being medically retired from the military, and we don’t think that it is a good time to have one now even if we could.”

New Gyno: “But baby make all the stress in your life go away. Baby make your husband’s PTSD from Iraq go away!”

Me: “What part of the fact that my husband can’t father a child do you not understand? I’m a Christian, and I believe that if God saw fit to give us a child in the last six years, he would have.”

New Gyno: “But you take birth control! All women without baby take birth control! You need to take my husband’s fertility awareness program! It $200 per session, per week!”

Me: *wondering where this came from because it’s not in my records* “Do you understand that I suffered a stroke at age twenty-six and I have a history of hypertension? If I had taken birth control for that long–” *I’m thirty-two* “–I would be dead by now! In thirteen years of being sexually active, I have never taken birth control, and I have never been pregnant! I don’t think that paying your husband $200 to learn how to count my cycles is going to get me pregnant. It’s also highly unethical for you to pressure someone into paying money that they might not have for a product that isn’t going to help!”

New Gyno: “But you lie to me about stroke! You never have stroke! You able to walk!”

Me: “I had eight Transient Ischemic Attacks!” *mini-strokes* “If you look at my face when I smile, it droops on one side. I also have partial paralysis in my right hand. I don’t know where you went to medical school, but both of those are the results of a stroke! If you want to really know why I won’t have a child, it’s because I take a cocktail of psychiatric medication to treat Bipolar Disorder and severe PTSD that my ex-husband left me with. If you’d looked at my records you would have known! All three medications are bad for an unborn baby! I also have Asperger’s Syndrome, and I don’t want any children of mine having the same problems that I have!”

New Gyno: “But you can stop medications. God give you the strength to stop taking medications! God want you to have baby! It not normal for woman to not want baby!”

Me: “You recommend stopping lithium cold turkey just to get pregnant?”

New Gyno: “Yes! I don’t believe that those medications help mental illness! Only God help mental illness!”

Me: “Are you aware that I could die if I stopped lithium cold turkey?”

New Gyno: “Why you die? It just like stopping Prozac.”

Me: “No, it’s not! I had a dose lowered once, and I got really sick. You mean to tell me that you equate an antidepressant to one of the most potent mood stabilizers on the market?”

New Gyno: “Yes! All psychiatric drugs the same!”

Me: “You have to be the craziest doctor that I have ever met! Is it your personal mission to make sure that every woman on this planet becomes a mother? I believe that if God wanted me to become a mother, he would have made me one!”

New Gyno: “Yes. All woman need to become mother! I have five children and it make my life wonderful!”

Me: “You need psychiatric help! I’m going to a doctor who understands my medical issues!”

(My husband was medically retired a few months later, and we moved to a small community in eastern Kentucky. TriCare assigned me to a young female gynecologist who was a recent medical school graduate. She agreed that it was a REALLY bad idea for me to get pregnant, and is currently trying to get TriCare to approve a hysterectomy due to my nightmarish periods and history of pelvic pain. The new gynecologist thinks that the one I saw in Delaware is a complete loon!)

[florida80]

Not Going To Strong-Arm You Into Confessing

Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Patients, Silly, UK |
Healthy | September 27, 2018

(I am 23 and female. One day I have an accident and injure my arm and elbow. Initially, my family and I think it is just sprained, but the next day Mum decides to take me to the hospital as it is really painful. When I was about 13, both my younger brother and I went through a patch where we kept getting hurt in unbelievable ways and had to go to this hospital a lot; my mum has always thought that they put a note in our files for possible physical abuse, which was in no way true. After checking in to A&E, I start to get really dozy. I haven’t slept in about thirty hours due to pain and a really bad cold I’ve had since before the accident, so my mum asks if I want her to come in with me. I say yes. When we get to see the doctor, we go through all the normal questions, with Mum taking most of them. The doctor is young, female, and extremely nice. However, I am evasive about how the accident happened, as it was pretty embarrassing. This raises flags for the doctor, which I don’t notice. Mum doesn’t know how I did it, so she can’t elaborate. I then get sent off for an x-ray, which shows a break, and Mum takes me back to the doctor’s room.)

Doctor: “Oh, good, you’re back. Let’s talk through the injury.” *gives medical explanation and advice* “It is a pretty painful break, but due to your age you should heal quickly and well.” *looks at me and seems very concerned by my attitude* “Mrs. [Mum] would you mind stepping outside for a bit?”

(Mum and I shoot each other some looks but she leaves.)

Doctor: *changes from cheerful to very comforting and soft* “Now, I just wanted to have a little chat with you and see how you were feeling. This is a pretty big break.”

Me: “Feeling crap to be honest; my arm is really hurting and I’ve had this stupid cold in the middle of summer for a couple of days.”

Doctor: “And how did you say you had inured it, again?”

Me: *reservedly* “I fell.”

Doctor: “Yes, you said, but how exactly?”

Me: “Well, my hearing is a bit off with the cold, and I just lost my balance.”

Doctor: *knowing this isn’t the whole story, as I’m a s*** liar* “Did someone push you at all? Did you get into an argument with your mum, maybe? You know these things aren’t your fault. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

Me: *finally clocking what’s going on* “Oh, nooooooo. It was nothing like that! It was just an accident.”

Doctor: “Of course it was; no one really meant to hurt you and often it’s very confusing. Was it your mum, or maybe a different family member? Your dad?”

Me: *really starting to panic* “No! Look. That’s not what happened! I fell off my bed, okay?! I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, my hearing went nuts, and I lost my balance! I fell off my bed and broke my arm!”

(There is then complete silence and we both just sit there staring at each other.)

Doctor: “Yep, well, that would do it, too. Doesn’t seem like there’s a problem here. Just try not to do it again!”

(I then burst out laughing, followed by the doctor.)

Doctor: “Well, that made my shift! Now go home and get some sleep.”

(After leaving the doctor, I found my very curious mother waiting for me. I did tell her everything when we went home

[florida80]

Sick Of This Outdated Attitude

Bad Behavior, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | September 27, 2018


(I am pregnant with my first child. My husband and I had decided we were “taking kids when they came.” While we weren’t actively trying — not testing ovulation or anything — we also weren’t avoiding pregnancy. I am 28 and a PhD candidate; my husband is in his early 30s and has a law degree. In summary, we are definitely established enough and old enough to have children responsibly. In my first trimester, I begin experiencing pretty awful pregnancy sickness, sometimes vomiting without stop for about an hour at a time. It’s not the worst possible, but not great, either. I call my OB to see if there’s anything they can recommend to get some relief from this. The OB office nurse has been repeatedly rude to me, to the extent that I’ve considered leaving their office more than once.)

Me: *explaining the situation to her and asking* “Is there anything you recommend for women to perhaps limit the sickness?”

OB Nurse: “No. Women get sick when they’re pregnant. If you didn’t want to get sick, you should have been a big girl and kept your legs together, or used a condom.”

[florida80]

There Is No Immunization From Entitled Patients

Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, Minnesota, USA | Healthy | September 26, 2018


(During my daughter’s first well-child visit after bringing her home from the hospital, I have what I think is a pretty standard question for the pediatrician:)

Me: “Can I ask you about vaccinations?”

Doctor: *gets this look on his face like he’s worried he’s about to be yelled at* “Um, okay?”

Me: “When we have scheduled vaccinations, can you give us a schedule for when various immunizations are scheduled, what they’re for, and what sorts of signs we should be looking for in a potential reaction?”

Doctor: *relaxes noticeably* “Oh, yeah. In fact, that’s all in the printout and if you want, we can talk through it at each visit.”

Me: “You looked like you were afraid I was going to go off on you or something. Does that really happen?”

Doctor: “You have no idea.”

[florida80]

Numb From The Pain

Australia, Bad Behavior, Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, New South Wales, Sydney | Healthy | September 25, 2018


(I am in high school, with braces on my upper and lower teeth. My orthodontist decides that the overcrowding on my lower teeth is proving a big enough problem to warrant the removal of two perfectly healthy molars. I can’t say I am impressed, but I don’t have a choice and I am assured it won’t hurt, so I am not too worried. Sitting in the chair at the dentist, I am mostly nervous of the needles I’ll receive for anaesthetic. I receive a needle on each side and am given a moment for it to set in.)

Dentist: “How’s that for you?”

Me: “I can feel that.”

Dentist: “Yes, you’ll feel pressure.”

(The dentist pokes a pointy tool into my gum.)

Me: “Ow, no, I mean it feels like it always would.”

(The dentist looks sceptical, but gives me a second dose of anaesthetic and another moment for it to set in. My mum sits next to me. She’s been quiet all this time. The dentist pops out of the room. I lean over and tell her that everything feels normal; nothing is numb. I ask her, “Please don’t let her do this.” She begins to say something; I can’t remember what. The dentist comes back in.)

Dentist: “Nonsense. She’s lying. You can’t feel anything.”

(I protest, but the dentist basically forces her tools into my mouth and my mum kind of holds me down. The dentist starts cutting into my gum. I scream and wail.)

Dentist: “Oh, stop; it’s just pressure.”

(She continued the procedure, and I kept wailing and crying and gripping my mum’s hand. Afterwards, Mum’s hand was red raw, and she was flustered. She legitimately thought I was just scared, like most kids and teens. I remember shaking and feeling too woozy to say anything further to the dentist. I don’t know whether I’d have been physically able to, either. What I do remember is that the procedure had happened at eight am and that before lunch time my entire face went numb, so I had to spend about five hours with my face over a bucket, the drool pouring out in a constant stream. I vaguely remember my mum and dad both on the phone with the dentist in the other room with some muffled shouting of some kind.)

[florida80]

It’s Not A Resident Problem

Antwerp, Assisted Living, Belgium, Crazy Requests, Jerk, Patients | Healthy | September 24, 2018


(Our nursing home has a group of volunteers that often help the nurses during meals and do most of the activities with the residents. This sometimes causes visitors to try to get the volunteers to do things they aren’t allowed to, or things even nurses aren’t allowed to do, such as giving medication at inappropriate times or giving extra medication when residents go on holidays with the family. I exit the elevator and hear an argument.)

Visitor: “I don’t see what the problem is. I want to take my mother to [Local Restaurant], but I need her medication. Now go get them.”

Volunteer: “Ma’am, I’d love to, but I can’t. I don’t know which medication your mother needs nor the exact dosage; you’ll have to speak to a nurse about that.”

Visitor: “You are a nurse. You work here. Stop being lazy and go get my mother’s pills!”

Volunteer: *notices me and points at me* “I’m not a nurse, but [My Name] is. If you ask her, she can check which medication your mother needs and give it to you.”

Visitor: “If you’re not a nurse then why are you in my mother’s room?”

Volunteer: “I was picking her up to go to the dining room; neither of us were aware you were going to come and pick her up. Since [My Name] is here, she can help you with the medication. I’ll go and take other residents to the dining room.”

(At this point the resident opens her door.)

Visitor: “You stop right there. I demand you do your job and get me those pills, and then go get your manager or whatever so I can complain about you!”

(Before anyone can say or do a thing, the mother speaks up:)

Resident: “G**d*** it, can you not embarrass me for once? First off, I don’t need medication during lunch! Second of all, we agreed to go out for lunch tomorrow. And third of all, if you don’t apologize to [Volunteer] right now, I’ll go out for lunch with her instead of you!”

(The visitor just mumbles and checks her phone, then runs away after yelling, “I’m sorry.”)

Resident: *to the volunteer* “You’re free tomorrow?”

Volunteer: “I am.”

Resident: “Good. If you want, pick me up at 11:00 and we’ll go to [Local Restaurant].”

[florida80]

A Snappy Story

Doctor/Physician, England, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, UK | Healthy | September 24, 2018


(It is England in the 70s. My dad has been playing football — soccer — and ruptured his Achilles tendon. He had it repaired and spent six months in a cast from his foot to his knee. He is at the hospital, with the cast freshly removed, for an appointment with a physiotherapist.)

Physiotherapist: “I am going to put this skipping rope on the ground, and I want you to jump over it.”

Dad: “No.”

Physiotherapist: “Go on; you’ll be fine.”

Dad: “No way. You’ve got to be kidding.”

Physiotherapist: “I know what I am doing.”

(They argue a bit. But Dad gives in. SNAP! The Achilles tendon snaps all the way up the back of his leg to his knee. He then spends nine months with a plaster from his foot to his hip. Fast forward to the 2000s. Dad decides to get some soil delivered so he can work on a garden bed out the front while Mum takes it easy. He books the delivery of soil and realises my car is in the way of where it should be delivered. No problem, he thinks; he’ll just move the car. It doesn’t start, so he decides to roll it. It doesn’t have to go far, so he takes his foot off the brake, uses his other leg to get it started and SNAP. The car is fine. But there goes his Achilles tendon. It’s on the other foot, but he knows the feeling well. Despite being in a lot of pain, he is already in the car. The foot he’s damaged is his left, and he only needs the right to drive to the hospital, so he does so. Eventually he’s seen by the doctor.)

Doctor: “So, what seems to be the problem?”

Dad: “I’ve snapped my Achilles tendon.”

Doctor: *laughs* “It’ll just be sprained.”

Dad: “I know what you’re thinking, but in this case, you’re going to have to trust me.”

(Dad gets a scan; it is snapped. The doctor turns to him, bewildered.)

Doctor: “How did you know? And how did you drive here?”

Dad: “Well, let me tell you a story…”

[florida80]

Even Jesus Isn’t Coming Out Of This One

Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nurses, Oregon, USA | Healthy | September 23, 2018


(I go to the ER one night for suspected appendicitis. The nurse orders a blood draw and urine sample.)

Nurse: “We’ll run your blood to see if anything is unusual, run a pregnancy test on your urine, and then go from there.”

Me: “No need. There’s no chance that I’m pregnant.”

Nurse: “We have to make sure.”

Me: “I’m sure. If you look at my intake, you’ll see that I had a complete hysterectomy six years ago. I also haven’t had sex with a penis in four years. If by some dark magic I’m pregnant, I’ve got bigger things to worry about than my appendix.”

(The nurse didn’t care, and the doctor ordered a pregnancy test, anyway. Lo and behold, it was negative.)

[florida80]

Piss-Poor Grammar

Language & Words, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | September 20, 2018


(Sometimes, providers fill in a prescription without proofreading, leading to gems like this:)

Prescription: “One capsule once a day to make it easier to urinate by mouth.”

[florida80]

No Re Mi!

Baltimore, Bizarre, Doctor/Physician, Maryland, Medical Office, Musical Mayhem, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | September 17, 2018


A few years ago, I was having some issues with irregular periods and had to have my first pelvic exam. It was something I had avoided for a long time, because even the idea of it put me in a panic. My mom suggested I go to her gynecologist, and I agreed, largely because she was a woman and I refused to do it with a male doctor.

So, the day of the appointment finally came and I was a nervous wreck over it, actually nearly throwing up at times. But I went and met with a nurse first, and she put me a tiny bit more at ease.

But not for long. I was taken into the exam room and handed a “gown” to change into. I was told to have it open in the front, but it didn’t even come close to fitting me, so I was practically naked. If I pulled it as tight as I could around me, there were still at least six inches of skin uncovered across my chest, stomach, and lap. Then, the doctor didn’t come in for over half an hour, and at that point I was crying out of anxiety. When she finally came in, she asked if a student shadowing her could sit in, and I’m glad now I said yes.

The doctor began by rather aggressively checking my breasts while she started singing the opening lines to the song Do-Re-Mi from The Sound of Music, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.” She explained by telling me she had a two-year-old grandson who could only be calmed down by The Sound of Music when he was worked up, and she thought maybe it would help me, too. I was speechless.

I’m not sure why she thought it was a good idea to compare a grown woman having an anxiety attack to a tantrum-throwing toddler, but I’m still offended. The rest of the exam was relatively uneventful, with the student talking to me and holding my hand through much of it. I’ve promised myself that I will not let this experience scare me away from potentially necessary medical care in the future. But The Sound of Music is completely ruined for me forever.

[florida80]

Not On Fine Form Today

Australia, Extra Stupid, Medical Office, Patients | Healthy | September 16, 2018


(Our clinic gives out a Privacy Consent form to new patients, making them aware that the information given will be forwarded to their doctor when results are ready, and to medicare to claim their Bulk Billing. Our clipboards usually have about fifty forms on them, all the same. A patient comes to the desk with one and hands it to me.)

Patient: *cheerily* “Finally. Here you go.”

Me: “Thank you! Have a seat.”

(I take the top one off and get ready to scan it into his file when I notice the second is filled out, as well.)

Me: “How many did you…”

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : *whispers* “Just let it go.”

(I flip through the forms. They are all filled out. Luckily there were only nine left on the clipboard. I’d hate to see what would have happened if there had been fifty like all the other clipboards. Not long after, [Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] is going through the draws beside me.)

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “I can feel your blood boiling.”

Me: “I just… I can’t. It’s… a shame. He was good-looking, as well. He’s just…. an idiot.”

[florida80]

Fluffy Never Did Like That Sheep

California, Jerk, Patients, USA, Vet | Healthy | September 15, 2018


(Tapeworm infections are not uncommon in our area. Thankfully, they are easily treated, and in the case of dogs, easily prevented. Cats are harder because they can get the worms from eating infected rodents, but dogs cannot. Generally, when a dog has tapeworms, that means they have at some point in the past had fleas. The flea larvae ate a tapeworm egg, and then the flea grew up and the dog ate the flea. Every case of canine tapeworms I have ever diagnosed can be traced back to fleas. So, when I prescribe tapeworm medication, I also make sure the pet is on a monthly flea control — either drops or pills. I have just finished explaining this to a woman whose toy poodle has tested positive for tapeworms.)

Owner: “Well, that is impossible. [Cutesy name that is longer than the dog] has never had fleas. You said, ‘generally,’ so there is another way, right?”

Me: “Well, yes, but–”

Owner: “Then that is obviously how it happened. [Dog] is groomed regularly, and we have a maid service and a gardener, so there is absolutely no way she could have been exposed to icky bugs.”

Me: “Well, I mean, in theory–”

Owner: “Theory nothing! [Dog] is in pristine condition without any of those monthly drops that common mutts need. So, we will be treating the tapeworms she got by the other method, but we will not be taking flea medications.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is just no way–”

Owner: “Look here, missy. I know [Head Doctor at the practice], and if I have to call him and tell him that you think my pedigreed poodle has fleas, nobody is going to be happy.”

Me: *sigh* “Okay, but I have one question for you.”

Owner: “Yes?”

Me: “How did she get the sheep’s skull open?”

Owner: “What?!”

Me: “If [Dog] didn’t get tapeworms from fleas, then the only way would be if she killed a sheep and ate its brains. So, please tell me, how did she kill the sheep?”

Owner: *blushes* “So… maybe there could have been one flea, once.”

[florida80]

Adopted The Worst Attitude

Bad Behavior, Hospital, Nurses, Ohio, USA | Healthy | September 14, 2018


Thirty-five years ago, I gave birth to our first child. The attending nurse was extremely cold and strict. In fact, we dubbed her Sergeant [Nurse].

At one point in my labor, Sergeant [Nurse] suggested strapping me down. They’d just had a fifteen year old who was high, jumped out of the ambulance as it was pulling up, and later tried to slit her wrists. So, maybe — just maybe — she was justified in thinking the worst. However, I wasn’t fifteen, wasn’t high, and had been handling labor so well that my husband and I were complimented profusely.

Delivery went smoothly, but Sergeant [Nurse] did not let us hold our son. She simply showed him to us and took him away. Later, in my room, a close friend who was a nurse in the hospital came by to see me. When I expressed worry because Sergeant [Nurse] had taken the baby away so quickly, my friend was angry. She went to get our son. When she came back with him, she was even angrier.

The reason? Sergeant [Nurse] had told her I shouldn’t see the baby because I was just going to give him up for adoption, anyway!

Where she got that idea, I have no idea. Yes, I was young — eighteen — but I was married, and my husband had been there, very supportive and caring, during the entire labor and delivery. We had been showing our excitement and pleasure to be having a baby during the whole process. What idiot could watch two such happy new parents and decide that they intended to give away their baby?!

[florida80]

There’s No Dedication To Medication

Assisted Living, Bellingham, Extra Stupid, Patients, USA, Washington | Healthy | September 12, 2018


(I work in assisted living as a nurse, overseeing over eighty residents.)

Resident’s Daughter: “I’ve been thinking about talking to the doctor about stopping my mom’s [antipsychotic medication].”

Me: “Is there a particular reason you’ve been thinking about this?”

Resident’s Daughter: “Yes, after visiting her a lot I can see she’s been doing much better, and I don’t think she needs it anymore.”

(This specific medication stops hallucinations, delusions, etc., and the resident has been on it over a year without side effects.)

Me: “Yes, she is doing great; the medication is working great for her.”

Resident’s Daughter: “Well, I want her to stop the medication; she doesn’t need it anymore.”

(At this point the resident’s daughter is getting irritated, and there is no reasoning with her.)

Me: “Well, the doctor will need to fax us a signed order to stop any medications; you can call and request this. But I can’t just stop a medication without a doctor’s orders.”

(The resident’s daughter stormed off in a huff.)

[florida80]

Coming To A Painfully Obvious Realization

Canada, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Nurses | Healthy | October 5, 2018


Nurse: *while drawing blood* “Wow. I’ve stuck you, like, a dozen times, and I haven’t gotten the needle to work!”

Me: “I know. I’ve got the worst genetics — tiny, deep veins that deflate! I’d rather not be here all day.”

Nurse: “Really? Oh, I could do blood draws aaaaall day, but the second I need my blood taken I’m like, well, no! I wonder why that is?”

Me: “Because it doesn’t hurt to do it to others?”

Nurse: “Oh, my gosh, yeah! Maybe that’s it!”

(I didn’t get an IV in.)

[florida80]

We Think We Know Where That Nausea Came From

Chicago, Hospital, Liars/Scammers, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | October 5, 2018


A patient has called for an ambulance because they feel nauseated.

Once in their hospital room, they order two medium pizzas from [Pizza Chain].

They then demand a free cab ride to get home.

[florida80]

An Armful Of Judgement

Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Georgia, Hamilton, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | October 4, 2018


(I wake up one morning to find both arms so numb that I can hardly use them. In a panic, I get my mother to drive me to the local doctor’s office. He sends me to get bloodwork done at a different facility. This takes place during the follow-up visit.)

Nurse: *while taking my vitals* “And are your arms still numb?”

Me: “Yes, but they’re a bit better than before.”

(The nurse leads me to the exam room. The doctor enters after a few minutes.)

Doctor: “Okay, your blood work looks good, except for cholesterol. You really need to lose weight. Do you drink a lot of Cokes?”

Me: “Well… yes, but—”

Doctor: “You should give up all caffeinated drinks. They’re making you fat, and it’s very bad for your health.”

(The doctor proceeded to ramble about how I needed to stop eating sugar and start losing weight. He left the room with a final order to stop drinking Cokes. I never got a chance to ask him about my numb arms, and he never once said anything about the issue I’d gone there for in the first place. I don’t have insurance and am unemployed, so I couldn’t afford to go somewhere else. I ended up asking friends online for help and figured out how to address my problem through them.)

[florida80]

Why Are You Hitting Yourself? Why Are You Hitting Yourself?

Bizarre, home, Non-Dialogue, Ohio, Patients, USA | Healthy | October 3, 2018


My husband is a very gentle man. Because of this, I was more shocked than angry when I was slapped awake one night. I had been deeply asleep, thanks to a muscle relaxant, so it took me a moment to fully process what happened.

I was turning my head to ask why he’d slapped me; what happened? Then, I saw movement near my waist. A hand came up and slapped my face again.

It was my own d*** hand!

Apparently, trying to strengthen my arm after a rotator cuff injury caused my arm muscles to spasm strongly, bringing my hand up fast and hard.

At least my doctor got a laugh out of it

[florida80]

A Purposeful Discussion About Women’s Health

Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, El Paso, home, Patients, Texas, USA | Healthy | October 3, 2018


(My mom and I are discussing a cousin who lives in different state. She has been hospitalized and is losing blood due to problems with her uterus.)

Mom: “I just don’t understand why the doctors refuse to just remove it. She doesn’t intend to have any more children, and this thing is threatening her life. I had to argue for them to remove mine when I started having issues, and I was almost fifty with two adult kids already!”

Me: “Mom, let me tell you: doctors maintain this idea that a woman’s main purpose in life is to have children. They think that removing her uterus is equal to cutting off both legs. They view it as the last, most desperate act they can take. It’s ridiculous, outdated, and flawed, but it’s the sad truth.”

Sister: *who has been listening* “That actually explains a lot.”

[florida80]

Name, Time, And Place

Boston, Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, Language & Words, Massachusetts, Reception, USA | Healthy | October 2, 2018


(I’ve chipped a tooth. My regular dentist puts a filling in, but recommends a crown as a more stable, long-term repair. Since I already have a rather large cavity and filling in that tooth, they also refer me to an endodontist to see if I’ll need a root canal first. I call their office to set up a consult.)

Receptionist: “Good morning. Thank you for calling [Office].”

Me: “Good morning. I’ve been referred to you by [My Dentist]. I need a consultation to see if a root canal is necessary.”

Receptionist: “Okay, are you a patient of ours?”

Me: “No, I’d be a new patient.”

Receptionist: “Can I have your name?”

(I give my first and last name. My last name is somewhat unusual, and has a lot of letters that sound like other letters, so I always go the extra mile and spell it out using the phonetic alphabet.)

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

Me: *spells it again, still phonetically*

Receptionist: *spells it back, inverting the last two letters*

Me: “No, no.” *spells it out again*

Receptionist: “Oh, okay, no R.” *spells it back incorrectly*

Me: “No, there is an R.” *spells it AGAIN* “It’s like [word], but with an A at the end.”

Receptionist: *finally gets it right* “I’m not finding you in our system.”

Me: “Right, no, I’m a new patient; I’ve just been referred for a consultation.”

Receptionist: “Oh, I’m sorry, okay. I’ll need more information from you, then.”

(We very slowly and carefully go through the rest of my details.)

Receptionist: “And what do you need done?”

Me: “Just a consultation right now. I’m getting a crown, but my dentist would like to see if I should get a root canal first.”

Receptionist: “You need a root canal?”

Me: “No! Just a consultation.”

Receptionist: “Okay, a consultation. When would you like to come in?”

Me: “Anytime Monday is good.”

Receptionist: “We have 3:30 on Monday?”

Me: “Yes, that would be fine.”

Receptionist: “Okay, there’s also 1:50?”

Me: “Um, either one, I guess? 3:30 or 1:50, whichever is more convenient for you.”

Receptionist: “Okay, 1:30 on Monday, then.”

Me: “I’m sorry, 1:30 or 1:50?”

Receptionist: “Yes, 1:50.”

Me: “Great, thank you.”

(I think I’ll show up before 1:30, just to be safe!)

[florida80]

In The Sun But Not Very Bright

Canada, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Ontario, Patients, Pharmacy | Healthy | October 1, 2018


(I’m a pharmacist. I’m counselling a client on how to apply the rosacea cream his doctor has prescribed for him.)

Me: “…and remember, even if you use this regularly, the most important way to prevent rosacea flares is to stay out of the sun.”

Patient: “I’m in the sun all the time!”

Me: “May I suggest sunscreen?”

Patient: “Oh, no, I don’t wear sunscreen. I don’t want to put chemicals on my face.”

(I looked at the box of expensive prescription face chemicals and died a little inside.)

[florida80]

The Doctor’s Prognosis Is Dislocated From The Truth

Doctor/Physician, England, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Manchester, Non-Dialogue, UK | Healthy | October 1, 2018


This tale’s from a few years ago, and will need a little backstory. I have a multi-systemic collagen defect disorder called hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. To explain it in detail would take all night; suffice it to say that my joints dislocate very easily and, though I’ve learned to put them back by myself, there are some I just can’t fix unaided, the wrist of my dominant hand being one of these, for obvious reasons. Bear in mind, too, that dislocations — whether full or partial — hurt. A lot.

One evening, housesitting for a friend on the other side of my city, feeding her cats, I somehow managed to pop my right wrist half out of place. I knew it was out, and I was alone in the house, but — luckily, thought I — the nearest hospital was just over the road. I necked a dose of my usual liquid morphine, grabbed my walking stick left-handed, and headed over to Accident & Emergency.

It was quiet, so I was seen in about thirty minutes and sent for an x-ray, as per routine. When my x-ray was done, though, the doctor on duty left me to sit — on a hard, plastic chair in a cubicle, that was not helping my general chronic pain, while my morphine slowly wore off — for three hours.

After those long three hours, he finally bothered to come to me, and insisted, in the most supercilious, maddening way possible, that my wrist was fine, that the x-ray showed nothing, and that I should go home. I argued with him for a minute, but gave up. Words weren’t going to get through; that much was clear.

I sighed. Then, I asked him to humour me for a moment and get a firm grip of the hand on my injured arm. He did, not looking too pleased about it.

I yanked my arm back against his hold, hard. I could hear the crack as my wrist went back into its proper position, and so did he. The look on his face was an absolute picture.

I’ve never been back to that hospital since. And if I have my way about it, I never will!

[florida80]

Faintly Annoying

Bad Behavior, Colorado, Hospital, Lazy/Unhelpful, Nurses, USA | Healthy | September 29, 2018


(I work at the mental health ward. I’m at the nurses’ station when I hear a loud CRACK. A patient has collapsed on the floor. I run over to help.)

Me: “What happened?”

Nurse: “She was walking to the shower and just fainted. She’s been nothing but trouble!”

(The patient looks like she hasn’t showered in days. She’s pale and really thin.)

Me: “She looks terrible. What’s been happening to her?”

Nurse: “She was vomiting for the past three days. Won’t even eat!”

Me: “And you let her walk? Why haven’t you called medical?”

Nurse: “She’s annoying!”

[florida80]

Get Out Of There! Abort! Abort!

Atlanta, Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Georgia, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | September 29, 2018


My mother told me about an experience one of her coworkers had.

The coworker had diabetes before she got pregnant. Her doctor considered her case high-risk, and sent her to another office in the city for some blood work. She had a referral, and all of the necessary info was sent to the office so that these blood tests could be performed. It was supposed to be an in-and-out procedure.

When she got there, the main doctor of this practice was quite curt with her, almost rude. At first she just chalked it up to him being in a bad mood, or needing to learn better bedside manners. Then, he told her, “You know, people like you shouldn’t be getting pregnant.”

She immediately asked what he meant by that. He went on to explain that people with certain health conditions, such as her diabetes, should not be reproducing. She responded that she was there for blood work, and then she was leaving; if he had any personal concerns, she wasn’t interested in hearing them.

The doctor waved her off and told her that she needed to sign some paperwork. She asked what paperwork, as her regular office should have sent her information over. He wouldn’t answer her and just kept pushing the papers at her, telling her to sign. Finally, she took the paperwork and started reading it.

The doctor was trying to force her into signing off for an abortion.

She immediately called her regular doctor and told him what was going on. Her doctor told her to drop everything, and get out of there. Just get up, and walk out, right now. She did.

Her regular doctor apologized profusely and told her he had no idea what the other doctor was up to. He told her he was going to report the practice, and asked if she wanted to lodge a complaint. She did.

The next day, the other doctor’s practice was shut down, and he lost his license. Apparently he had been doing this to other women, and he was taking it upon himself to decide who was — or was not — “worthy” to reproduce or get pregnant.

[florida80]

Get Out Of There! Abort! Abort!

Atlanta, Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Georgia, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | September 29, 2018


My mother told me about an experience one of her coworkers had.

The coworker had diabetes before she got pregnant. Her doctor considered her case high-risk, and sent her to another office in the city for some blood work. She had a referral, and all of the necessary info was sent to the office so that these blood tests could be performed. It was supposed to be an in-and-out procedure.

When she got there, the main doctor of this practice was quite curt with her, almost rude. At first she just chalked it up to him being in a bad mood, or needing to learn better bedside manners. Then, he told her, “You know, people like you shouldn’t be getting pregnant.”

She immediately asked what he meant by that. He went on to explain that people with certain health conditions, such as her diabetes, should not be reproducing. She responded that she was there for blood work, and then she was leaving; if he had any personal concerns, she wasn’t interested in hearing them.

The doctor waved her off and told her that she needed to sign some paperwork. She asked what paperwork, as her regular office should have sent her information over. He wouldn’t answer her and just kept pushing the papers at her, telling her to sign. Finally, she took the paperwork and started reading it.

The doctor was trying to force her into signing off for an abortion.

She immediately called her regular doctor and told him what was going on. Her doctor told her to drop everything, and get out of there. Just get up, and walk out, right now. She did.

Her regular doctor apologized profusely and told her he had no idea what the other doctor was up to. He told her he was going to report the practice, and asked if she wanted to lodge a complaint. She did.

The next day, the other doctor’s practice was shut down, and he lost his license. Apparently he had been doing this to other women, and he was taking it upon himself to decide who was — or was not — “worthy” to reproduce or get pregnant

[florida80]

Unhealthy Health Advice

Bad Behavior, Delaware, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | September 28, 2018


(TriCare, the medical insurance that all US military dependents are on, has sent me to a new gynecologist for treatment of severe endometriosis. Her profile says that she is Catholic, but I don’t think much about it until I have my first few visits with her. Please note that my husband is unable to father a child due to chemical exposure while serving a combat tour in Iraq. We have decided that we are perfectly fine with not having children. I tell her that I don’t want to be a mother.)

New Gyno: “What?! You don’t want baby?! Why?”

(She is from the Philippines and her English isn’t entirely perfect.)

Me: “My husband is 100% unable to father a child. We have been having unprotected sex since we met over six years ago and we have never even had a pregnancy scare. I’m also not comfortable with being a mother.”

New Gyno: “But your husband almost forty and never had baby. He need baby! You have to give him baby!”

Me: “My husband is perfectly okay with not being a father. He is also in the process of being medically retired from the military, and we don’t think that it is a good time to have one now even if we could.”

New Gyno: “But baby make all the stress in your life go away. Baby make your husband’s PTSD from Iraq go away!”

Me: “What part of the fact that my husband can’t father a child do you not understand? I’m a Christian, and I believe that if God saw fit to give us a child in the last six years, he would have.”

New Gyno: “But you take birth control! All women without baby take birth control! You need to take my husband’s fertility awareness program! It $200 per session, per week!”

Me: *wondering where this came from because it’s not in my records* “Do you understand that I suffered a stroke at age twenty-six and I have a history of hypertension? If I had taken birth control for that long–” *I’m thirty-two* “–I would be dead by now! In thirteen years of being sexually active, I have never taken birth control, and I have never been pregnant! I don’t think that paying your husband $200 to learn how to count my cycles is going to get me pregnant. It’s also highly unethical for you to pressure someone into paying money that they might not have for a product that isn’t going to help!”

New Gyno: “But you lie to me about stroke! You never have stroke! You able to walk!”

Me: “I had eight Transient Ischemic Attacks!” *mini-strokes* “If you look at my face when I smile, it droops on one side. I also have partial paralysis in my right hand. I don’t know where you went to medical school, but both of those are the results of a stroke! If you want to really know why I won’t have a child, it’s because I take a cocktail of psychiatric medication to treat Bipolar Disorder and severe PTSD that my ex-husband left me with. If you’d looked at my records you would have known! All three medications are bad for an unborn baby! I also have Asperger’s Syndrome, and I don’t want any children of mine having the same problems that I have!”

New Gyno: “But you can stop medications. God give you the strength to stop taking medications! God want you to have baby! It not normal for woman to not want baby!”

Me: “You recommend stopping lithium cold turkey just to get pregnant?”

New Gyno: “Yes! I don’t believe that those medications help mental illness! Only God help mental illness!”

Me: “Are you aware that I could die if I stopped lithium cold turkey?”

New Gyno: “Why you die? It just like stopping Prozac.”

Me: “No, it’s not! I had a dose lowered once, and I got really sick. You mean to tell me that you equate an antidepressant to one of the most potent mood stabilizers on the market?”

New Gyno: “Yes! All psychiatric drugs the same!”

Me: “You have to be the craziest doctor that I have ever met! Is it your personal mission to make sure that every woman on this planet becomes a mother? I believe that if God wanted me to become a mother, he would have made me one!”

New Gyno: “Yes. All woman need to become mother! I have five children and it make my life wonderful!”

Me: “You need psychiatric help! I’m going to a doctor who understands my medical issues!”

(My husband was medically retired a few months later, and we moved to a small community in eastern Kentucky. TriCare assigned me to a young female gynecologist who was a recent medical school graduate. She agreed that it was a REALLY bad idea for me to get pregnant, and is currently trying to get TriCare to approve a hysterectomy due to my nightmarish periods and history of pelvic pain. The new gynecologist thinks that the one I saw

[florida80]

Not Going To Strong-Arm You Into Confessing

Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Patients, Silly, UK |
Healthy | September 27, 2018

(I am 23 and female. One day I have an accident and injure my arm and elbow. Initially, my family and I think it is just sprained, but the next day Mum decides to take me to the hospital as it is really painful. When I was about 13, both my younger brother and I went through a patch where we kept getting hurt in unbelievable ways and had to go to this hospital a lot; my mum has always thought that they put a note in our files for possible physical abuse, which was in no way true. After checking in to A&E, I start to get really dozy. I haven’t slept in about thirty hours due to pain and a really bad cold I’ve had since before the accident, so my mum asks if I want her to come in with me. I say yes. When we get to see the doctor, we go through all the normal questions, with Mum taking most of them. The doctor is young, female, and extremely nice. However, I am evasive about how the accident happened, as it was pretty embarrassing. This raises flags for the doctor, which I don’t notice. Mum doesn’t know how I did it, so she can’t elaborate. I then get sent off for an x-ray, which shows a break, and Mum takes me back to the doctor’s room.)

Doctor: “Oh, good, you’re back. Let’s talk through the injury.” *gives medical explanation and advice* “It is a pretty painful break, but due to your age you should heal quickly and well.” *looks at me and seems very concerned by my attitude* “Mrs. [Mum] would you mind stepping outside for a bit?”

(Mum and I shoot each other some looks but she leaves.)

Doctor: *changes from cheerful to very comforting and soft* “Now, I just wanted to have a little chat with you and see how you were feeling. This is a pretty big break.”

Me: “Feeling crap to be honest; my arm is really hurting and I’ve had this stupid cold in the middle of summer for a couple of days.”

Doctor: “And how did you say you had inured it, again?”

Me: *reservedly* “I fell.”

Doctor: “Yes, you said, but how exactly?”

Me: “Well, my hearing is a bit off with the cold, and I just lost my balance.”

Doctor: *knowing this isn’t the whole story, as I’m a s*** liar* “Did someone push you at all? Did you get into an argument with your mum, maybe? You know these things aren’t your fault. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

Me: *finally clocking what’s going on* “Oh, nooooooo. It was nothing like that! It was just an accident.”

Doctor: “Of course it was; no one really meant to hurt you and often it’s very confusing. Was it your mum, or maybe a different family member? Your dad?”

Me: *really starting to panic* “No! Look. That’s not what happened! I fell off my bed, okay?! I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, my hearing went nuts, and I lost my balance! I fell off my bed and broke my arm!”

(There is then complete silence and we both just sit there staring at each other.)

Doctor: “Yep, well, that would do it, too. Doesn’t seem like there’s a problem here. Just try not to do it again!”

(I then burst out laughing, followed by the doctor.)

Doctor: “Well, that made my shift! Now go home and get some sleep.”

(After leaving the doctor, I found my very curious mother waiting for me. I did tell her everything when we went home. She thought it was hilarious and no one has let me live it down.)

[florida80]

Sick Of This Outdated Attitude

Bad Behavior, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | September 27, 2018


(I am pregnant with my first child. My husband and I had decided we were “taking kids when they came.” While we weren’t actively trying — not testing ovulation or anything — we also weren’t avoiding pregnancy. I am 28 and a PhD candidate; my husband is in his early 30s and has a law degree. In summary, we are definitely established enough and old enough to have children responsibly. In my first trimester, I begin experiencing pretty awful pregnancy sickness, sometimes vomiting without stop for about an hour at a time. It’s not the worst possible, but not great, either. I call my OB to see if there’s anything they can recommend to get some relief from this. The OB office nurse has been repeatedly rude to me, to the extent that I’ve considered leaving their office more than once.)

Me: *explaining the situation to her and asking* “Is there anything you recommend for women to perhaps limit the sickness?”

OB Nurse: “No. Women get sick when they’re pregnant. If you didn’t want to get sick, you should have been a big girl and kept your legs together, or used a condom.”

[florida80]

There Is No Immunization From Entitled Patients

Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, Minnesota, USA | Healthy | September 26, 2018


(During my daughter’s first well-child visit after bringing her home from the hospital, I have what I think is a pretty standard question for the pediatrician:)

Me: “Can I ask you about vaccinations?”

Doctor: *gets this look on his face like he’s worried he’s about to be yelled at* “Um, okay?”

Me: “When we have scheduled vaccinations, can you give us a schedule for when various immunizations are scheduled, what they’re for, and what sorts of signs we should be looking for in a potential reaction?”

Doctor: *relaxes noticeably* “Oh, yeah. In fact, that’s all in the printout and if you want, we can talk through it at each visit.”

Me: “You looked like you were afraid I was going to go off on you or something. Does that really happen?”

Doctor: “You have no idea.”

[florida80]

Numb From The Pain

Australia, Bad Behavior, Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, New South Wales, Sydney | Healthy | September 25, 2018


(I am in high school, with braces on my upper and lower teeth. My orthodontist decides that the overcrowding on my lower teeth is proving a big enough problem to warrant the removal of two perfectly healthy molars. I can’t say I am impressed, but I don’t have a choice and I am assured it won’t hurt, so I am not too worried. Sitting in the chair at the dentist, I am mostly nervous of the needles I’ll receive for anaesthetic. I receive a needle on each side and am given a moment for it to set in.)

Dentist: “How’s that for you?”

Me: “I can feel that.”

Dentist: “Yes, you’ll feel pressure.”

(The dentist pokes a pointy tool into my gum.)

Me: “Ow, no, I mean it feels like it always would.”

(The dentist looks sceptical, but gives me a second dose of anaesthetic and another moment for it to set in. My mum sits next to me. She’s been quiet all this time. The dentist pops out of the room. I lean over and tell her that everything feels normal; nothing is numb. I ask her, “Please don’t let her do this.” She begins to say something; I can’t remember what. The dentist comes back in.)

Dentist: “Nonsense. She’s lying. You can’t feel anything.”

(I protest, but the dentist basically forces her tools into my mouth and my mum kind of holds me down. The dentist starts cutting into my gum. I scream and wail.)

Dentist: “Oh, stop; it’s just pressure.”

(She continued the procedure, and I kept wailing and crying and gripping my mum’s hand. Afterwards, Mum’s hand was red raw, and she was flustered. She legitimately thought I was just scared, like most kids and teens. I remember shaking and feeling too woozy to say anything further to the dentist. I don’t know whether I’d have been physically able to, either. What I do remember is that the procedure had happened at eight am and that before lunch time my entire face went numb, so I had to spend about five hours with my face over a bucket, the drool pouring out in a constant stream. I vaguely remember my mum and dad both on the phone with the dentist in the other room with some muffled shouting of some kind.)

[florida80]

It’s Not A Resident Problem

Antwerp, Assisted Living, Belgium, Crazy Requests, Jerk, Patients | Healthy | September 24, 2018


(Our nursing home has a group of volunteers that often help the nurses during meals and do most of the activities with the residents. This sometimes causes visitors to try to get the volunteers to do things they aren’t allowed to, or things even nurses aren’t allowed to do, such as giving medication at inappropriate times or giving extra medication when residents go on holidays with the family. I exit the elevator and hear an argument.)

Visitor: “I don’t see what the problem is. I want to take my mother to [Local Restaurant], but I need her medication. Now go get them.”

Volunteer: “Ma’am, I’d love to, but I can’t. I don’t know which medication your mother needs nor the exact dosage; you’ll have to speak to a nurse about that.”

Visitor: “You are a nurse. You work here. Stop being lazy and go get my mother’s pills!”

Volunteer: *notices me and points at me* “I’m not a nurse, but [My Name] is. If you ask her, she can check which medication your mother needs and give it to you.”

Visitor: “If you’re not a nurse then why are you in my mother’s room?”

Volunteer: “I was picking her up to go to the dining room; neither of us were aware you were going to come and pick her up. Since [My Name] is here, she can help you with the medication. I’ll go and take other residents to the dining room.”

(At this point the resident opens her door.)

Visitor: “You stop right there. I demand you do your job and get me those pills, and then go get your manager or whatever so I can complain about you!”

(Before anyone can say or do a thing, the mother speaks up:)

Resident: “G**d*** it, can you not embarrass me for once? First off, I don’t need medication during lunch! Second of all, we agreed to go out for lunch tomorrow. And third of all, if you don’t apologize to [Volunteer] right now, I’ll go out for lunch with her instead of you!”

(The visitor just mumbles and checks her phone, then runs away after yelling, “I’m sorry.”)

Resident: *to the volunteer* “You’re free tomorrow?”

Volunteer: “I am.”

Resident: “Good. If you want, pick me up at 11:00 and we’ll go to [Local Restaurant].”

[florida80]

A Snappy Story

Doctor/Physician, England, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, UK | Healthy | September 24, 2018


(It is England in the 70s. My dad has been playing football — soccer — and ruptured his Achilles tendon. He had it repaired and spent six months in a cast from his foot to his knee. He is at the hospital, with the cast freshly removed, for an appointment with a physiotherapist.)

Physiotherapist: “I am going to put this skipping rope on the ground, and I want you to jump over it.”

Dad: “No.”

Physiotherapist: “Go on; you’ll be fine.”

Dad: “No way. You’ve got to be kidding.”

Physiotherapist: “I know what I am doing.”

(They argue a bit. But Dad gives in. SNAP! The Achilles tendon snaps all the way up the back of his leg to his knee. He then spends nine months with a plaster from his foot to his hip. Fast forward to the 2000s. Dad decides to get some soil delivered so he can work on a garden bed out the front while Mum takes it easy. He books the delivery of soil and realises my car is in the way of where it should be delivered. No problem, he thinks; he’ll just move the car. It doesn’t start, so he decides to roll it. It doesn’t have to go far, so he takes his foot off the brake, uses his other leg to get it started and SNAP. The car is fine. But there goes his Achilles tendon. It’s on the other foot, but he knows the feeling well. Despite being in a lot of pain, he is already in the car. The foot he’s damaged is his left, and he only needs the right to drive to the hospital, so he does so. Eventually he’s seen by the doctor.)

Doctor: “So, what seems to be the problem?”

Dad: “I’ve snapped my Achilles tendon.”

Doctor: *laughs* “It’ll just be sprained.”

Dad: “I know what you’re thinking, but in this case, you’re going to have to trust me.”

(Dad gets a scan; it is snapped. The doctor turns to him, bewildered.)

Doctor: “How did you know? And how did you drive here?”

Dad: “Well, let me tell you a story…”

[florida80]

Even Jesus Isn’t Coming Out Of This One

Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nurses, Oregon, USA | Healthy | September 23, 2018


(I go to the ER one night for suspected appendicitis. The nurse orders a blood draw and urine sample.)

Nurse: “We’ll run your blood to see if anything is unusual, run a pregnancy test on your urine, and then go from there.”

Me: “No need. There’s no chance that I’m pregnant.”

Nurse: “We have to make sure.”

Me: “I’m sure. If you look at my intake, you’ll see that I had a complete hysterectomy six years ago. I also haven’t had sex with a penis in four years. If by some dark magic I’m pregnant, I’ve got bigger things to worry about than my appendix.”

(The nurse didn’t care, and the doctor ordered a pregnancy test, anyway. Lo and behold, it was negative.)

[florida80]

Piss-Poor Grammar

Language & Words, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | September 20, 2018


(Sometimes, providers fill in a prescription without proofreading, leading to gems like this:)

Prescription: “One capsule once a day to make it easier to urinate by mouth.”

[florida80]

No Re Mi!

Baltimore, Bizarre, Doctor/Physician, Maryland, Medical Office, Musical Mayhem, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | September 17, 2018


A few years ago, I was having some issues with irregular periods and had to have my first pelvic exam. It was something I had avoided for a long time, because even the idea of it put me in a panic. My mom suggested I go to her gynecologist, and I agreed, largely because she was a woman and I refused to do it with a male doctor.

So, the day of the appointment finally came and I was a nervous wreck over it, actually nearly throwing up at times. But I went and met with a nurse first, and she put me a tiny bit more at ease.

But not for long. I was taken into the exam room and handed a “gown” to change into. I was told to have it open in the front, but it didn’t even come close to fitting me, so I was practically naked. If I pulled it as tight as I could around me, there were still at least six inches of skin uncovered across my chest, stomach, and lap. Then, the doctor didn’t come in for over half an hour, and at that point I was crying out of anxiety. When she finally came in, she asked if a student shadowing her could sit in, and I’m glad now I said yes.

The doctor began by rather aggressively checking my breasts while she started singing the opening lines to the song Do-Re-Mi from The Sound of Music, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.” She explained by telling me she had a two-year-old grandson who could only be calmed down by The Sound of Music when he was worked up, and she thought maybe it would help me, too. I was speechless.

I’m not sure why she thought it was a good idea to compare a grown woman having an anxiety attack to a tantrum-throwing toddler, but I’m still offended. The rest of the exam was relatively uneventful, with the student talking to me and holding my hand through much of it. I’ve promised myself that I will not let this experience scare me away from potentially necessary medical care in the future. But The Sound of Music is completely ruined for me forever.

[florida80]

Not On Fine Form Today

Australia, Extra Stupid, Medical Office, Patients | Healthy | September 16, 2018


(Our clinic gives out a Privacy Consent form to new patients, making them aware that the information given will be forwarded to their doctor when results are ready, and to medicare to claim their Bulk Billing. Our clipboards usually have about fifty forms on them, all the same. A patient comes to the desk with one and hands it to me.)

Patient: *cheerily* “Finally. Here you go.”

Me: “Thank you! Have a seat.”

(I take the top one off and get ready to scan it into his file when I notice the second is filled out, as well.)

Me: “How many did you…”

Coworker #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : *whispers* “Just let it go.”

(I flip through the forms. They are all filled out. Luckily there were only nine left on the clipboard. I’d hate to see what would have happened if there had been fifty like all the other clipboards. Not long after, [Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] is going through the draws beside me.)

Coworker #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “I can feel your blood boiling.”

Me: “I just… I can’t. It’s… a shame. He was good-looking, as well. He’s just…. an idiot.”

[florida80]

Fluffy Never Did Like That Sheep

California, Jerk, Patients, USA, Vet | Healthy | September 15, 2018


(Tapeworm infections are not uncommon in our area. Thankfully, they are easily treated, and in the case of dogs, easily prevented. Cats are harder because they can get the worms from eating infected rodents, but dogs cannot. Generally, when a dog has tapeworms, that means they have at some point in the past had fleas. The flea larvae ate a tapeworm egg, and then the flea grew up and the dog ate the flea. Every case of canine tapeworms I have ever diagnosed can be traced back to fleas. So, when I prescribe tapeworm medication, I also make sure the pet is on a monthly flea control — either drops or pills. I have just finished explaining this to a woman whose toy poodle has tested positive for tapeworms.)

Owner: “Well, that is impossible. [Cutesy name that is longer than the dog] has never had fleas. You said, ‘generally,’ so there is another way, right?”

Me: “Well, yes, but–”

Owner: “Then that is obviously how it happened. [Dog] is groomed regularly, and we have a maid service and a gardener, so there is absolutely no way she could have been exposed to icky bugs.”

Me: “Well, I mean, in theory–”

Owner: “Theory nothing! [Dog] is in pristine condition without any of those monthly drops that common mutts need. So, we will be treating the tapeworms she got by the other method, but we will not be taking flea medications.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is just no way–”

Owner: “Look here, missy. I know [Head Doctor at the practice], and if I have to call him and tell him that you think my pedigreed poodle has fleas, nobody is going to be happy.”

Me: *sigh* “Okay, but I have one question for you.”

Owner: “Yes?”

Me: “How did she get the sheep’s skull open?”

Owner: “What?!”

Me: “If [Dog] didn’t get tapeworms from fleas, then the only way would be if she killed a sheep and ate its brains. So, please tell me, how did she kill the sheep?”

Owner: *blushes* “So… maybe there could have been one flea, once.”

[florida80]

Adopted The Worst Attitude

Bad Behavior, Hospital, Nurses, Ohio, USA | Healthy | September 14, 2018


Thirty-five years ago, I gave birth to our first child. The attending nurse was extremely cold and strict. In fact, we dubbed her Sergeant [Nurse].

At one point in my labor, Sergeant [Nurse] suggested strapping me down. They’d just had a fifteen year old who was high, jumped out of the ambulance as it was pulling up, and later tried to slit her wrists. So, maybe — just maybe — she was justified in thinking the worst. However, I wasn’t fifteen, wasn’t high, and had been handling labor so well that my husband and I were complimented profusely.

Delivery went smoothly, but Sergeant [Nurse] did not let us hold our son. She simply showed him to us and took him away. Later, in my room, a close friend who was a nurse in the hospital came by to see me. When I expressed worry because Sergeant [Nurse] had taken the baby away so quickly, my friend was angry. She went to get our son. When she came back with him, she was even angrier.

The reason? Sergeant [Nurse] had told her I shouldn’t see the baby because I was just going to give him up for adoption, anyway!

Where she got that idea, I have no idea. Yes, I was young — eighteen — but I was married, and my husband had been there, very supportive and caring, during the entire labor and delivery. We had been showing our excitement and pleasure to be having a baby during the whole process. What idiot could watch two such happy new parents and decide that they intended to give away their baby?!

[florida80]

There’s No Dedication To Medication

Assisted Living, Bellingham, Extra Stupid, Patients, USA, Washington | Healthy | September 12, 2018


(I work in assisted living as a nurse, overseeing over eighty residents.)

Resident’s Daughter: “I’ve been thinking about talking to the doctor about stopping my mom’s [antipsychotic medication].”

Me: “Is there a particular reason you’ve been thinking about this?”

Resident’s Daughter: “Yes, after visiting her a lot I can see she’s been doing much better, and I don’t think she needs it anymore.”

(This specific medication stops hallucinations, delusions, etc., and the resident has been on it over a year without side effects.)

Me: “Yes, she is doing great; the medication is working great for her.”

Resident’s Daughter: “Well, I want her to stop the medication; she doesn’t need it anymore.”

(At this point the resident’s daughter is getting irritated, and there is no reasoning with her.)

Me: “Well, the doctor will need to fax us a signed order to stop any medications; you can call and request this. But I can’t just stop a medication without a doctor’s orders.”

(The resident’s daughter stormed off in a huff.)

[florida80]

This Nurse Doesn’t Get A Thumbs Up

Australia, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, New South Wales, Nurses, Sydney | Healthy | September 10, 2018


(I am thirteen years old. I break my wrist and end up with a fibreglass cast. After about six weeks, when it is time to get it off, my dad takes me to a medical centre. The nurse who is allocated to the task of removing it is a little abrupt when describing the process, but in a way that makes me think she is just busy.)

Nurse: “So, we’ll be using this saw to cut along the length of the cast on your arm and then make a cut around the thumb. You’ll feel a small tickling sensation.”

Me: “Sounds good; ready when you are!”

(The nurse inserts what is essentially a wooden tongue depressor under the cast so that the drill hits that and not skin, and then cuts along the length of my arm. It feels fine; there’s no pain or tickling. The nurse changes to the thumb section, puts the wooden thing under the cast, and starts to saw. I start to realize that it’s hurting rather than kind of vibrating.)

Me: “Um, that’s actually kind of hurting; can we stop?”

Nurse: *stops, but scoffs* “We can’t stop! Do you want a cast on your arm forever?”

Me: “Um, no, it just really hurts.”

Dad: *getting concerned* “She’s normally pretty good with pain; can we try it a different way?”

Nurse: “There’s no other way to do it. We need to cut it loose around the thumb, and I’m nearly done, anyway!”

(FINALLY, after about a minute of me trying to hold still and not flinch, the cut around my thumb was finally done and the cast could be removed. As soon as it came off, the nurse went white, kind of muttered something about getting a doctor, and walked out of the room. I then looked down and realised my thumb was dripping with blood, because the saw wasn’t sitting on the wooden depressor but instead cutting into my hand the whole time. My hand was fine, and the cut was super-glued shut, which gave me a fun story to tell at school for a week! To all nurses out there: I understand how busy and overworked you are, and that sometimes people complain of pain when there’s really nothing there, but sometimes there is something wrong with your routine procedure!)

[florida80]

Smearing Your Education

Alabama, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | September 8, 2018


(At the age of 19 my mother decides it is time for me to get my first pap smear and checkup with a gynecologist. My appointment starts out normally; the nurse is very nice and explains what will happen, before leaving me alone to change into a gown. I settle myself on the table before the doctor comes in. He is an older man in his late 50s, rather heavy set, and with a bulbous nose.)

Ob/Gyn: “Good morning! So, what brings you in today?”

Me: “I recently turned 19, and my mother suggested it was time for me to get my first pap smear, since I am sexually active.”

Ob/Gyn: “Your mom is silly to worry about that. You really shouldn’t be here before you’re 23.”

Me: *remains silent as the doctor explains the procedure again*

Ob/Gyn: “So, are you a student? What are you studying?”

Me: *not wanting to explain my complex writing major* “Oh, I’m majoring in English.”

Ob/Gyn: “So, what are you going to do with that other than be unemployed?” *chuckles* “Serve burgers?”

(The rest of my appointment was spent in stony silence while the doctor began an already nerve-wracking and intimate procedure.)

[florida80]

Doesn’t Always Feel Good Getting Stoned

Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Ohio, USA | Healthy | September 5, 2018


(I’ve been having awful pains for months now. I keep bringing it up to my family doctor, who passes it off as period cramps, as I’m a twenty-something female. I finally talk him into looking into it more, and he says it might be a kidney stone. I get referred to a urologist, all while being told, “I still think it’s period cramps.” I go in for my first visit after taking an x-ray.)

New Doctor: “Okay, so, where is your pain at?”

Me: “It’s mostly on my right side, a little bit higher up.”

(He looks at where I’m pointing, then at some paperwork. He shuffles through it a bit.)

New Doctor: “Okay, yeah. You have a kidney stone. It’s a good-sized one, too. We’re going to get some more images of it to confirm size and position before we talk about how to deal with it. Any questions about that?”

Me: “I… don’t think so. You’re sure it’s a kidney stone?”

New Doctor: “Unless you have a frozen pea in your urinary tract, it’s a stone.”

(I ended up having surgery, and passed it all with no problem. My family doctor never blamed pain on period cramps again.)

[florida80]

The Last Time The Medicine Was A Steal

Georgia, Jerk, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | September 2, 2018


(I work in a retail pharmacy. One day a patient brings in a prescription for a blood pressure monitor. My coworker is taking prescriptions.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t fill this. We sell them over the counter but we can’t bill them to insurance.” *tries to hand it back*

Patient: *upset* “Yes, you can fill them. I had one filled here a few years ago.”

Coworker: “We have never been able to fill blood pressure monitors; our company isn’t authorized to dispense medical equipment.”

Patient: *angry* “Then it must have been before you started here, but I had one filled at this store!”

Coworker: *getting frustrated* “I have worked at this store since it opened eleven years ago, and have been in the pharmacy for seven years, and we have never dispensed blood pressure monitors.”

Patient: “Yes, you have! The first time I brought a prescription in, the pharmacist showed me where they were, handed me one, and I walked out with it!”

Coworker: *shocked* “If you walked out with it, then you just walked out with it.”

Patient: “I am not a thief! I have never stolen anything in my life!” *stomps off*

(She called corporate on my coworker for “calling her a thief,” but we had already sent an email to our district manager detailing the incident, so nothing came of it.)

[florida80]

A Controlled Substance For A Controlling Patient

Crazy Requests, Patients, USA, Vet | Healthy | September 1, 2018


Me: “Thank you for calling [Animal Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Client: “Hi, I just moved from [State] and need a refill of phenobarbital for my dog.”

(Phenobarbital is used as a seizure medication in dogs, and it is a controlled substance because of its potential for abuse.)

Me: “Okay, we actually can’t get you any medication without examining your dog, but I would be happy to set up an appointment for you. Then we can certainly get your dog some medication. We have a few appointments left today, or we could set something up at a more convenient time.”

Client: “I don’t want an exam; he just needs more of his seizure medication.”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t prescribe him anything without an exam first.”

Client: “But he’s been on it for years; you can ask my old vet.”

Me: “Unfortunately, one veterinary clinic is not able to act as a pharmacy for a different veterinarian. We cannot give you any medication without examining your dog.”

(At this point my coworkers are starting to listen to my end of the phone call, amused as I repeat myself.)

Client: “But he just needs his medication.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but a vet must have a relationship with a patient in order to prescribe any medication. It’s not just a clinic policy; if one of our doctors prescribed you medication without examining your dog she could lose her license.”

Client: “Ugh, how much would an exam cost?”

Me: “$46.”

Client: “I think I’ll call some other places first.”

Me: “Have a great day. Give us a call if you decide to come in for an exam.”

(I hang up the phone.)

Me: *to my watching coworkers* “She can call around all she wants, but she’s not going to find a vet who will prescribe a controlled substance to a dog he’s never examined.”

[florida80]

It’s A Matter Of Record That They Don’t Update Their Records

Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy | August 31, 2018


(I am a medical assistant and a large part of my day is getting patients into rooms and asking all of the questions before a doctor sees them. This scenario happens far too often:)

Me: “Okay, let’s go over your med list.”

Patient: “It’s all up to date.”

Me: “I know we do this at every visit, but we do it to make sure there aren’t duplicates or old meds that didn’t fall off.”

Patient: *with a heavy, dramatic sigh, dripping with disdainful attitude while slouching in their chair in protest* “I know it’s up to date, but okay.”

(I list one or two medications and they sigh dramatically and impatiently reply that, YES, it is one they’re taking. Some will use medical abbreviations such as PRN as if it’ll make me suddenly believe them. Then, this happens:)

Me: “[Medication]?”

Patient: *sitting up in full alert* “I’m not taking that anymore! Why is that on there?”

Me: “I couldn’t tell you, but I’ll discontinue it on your chart. When did you stop taking it?”

(The patient now usually gives some date preceding at least two appointments in our clinic, and usually because the patient decided to stop taking it or an outside provider advised the change, not something we would know unless they tell us. Usually at this point the patient’s attention becomes devoted to correcting this grave error as if we are just randomly inserting old medications for grins and giggles. I’ve only ever had one acknowledge that his attitude should probably change regarding his contributions to the accuracy of his medical records.)

[florida80]

Need Some Protective Services From That Nurse

Doctors, Hospital, Jerk, Nurses, USA, Washington | Healthy | August 30, 2018


(I’ve just had my first child. I went into labor at night and he was born just after midnight. My boyfriend manages to get the next morning off, but as he’s the assistant manager of a dock, he has to go in the next afternoon. I’m not worried, as there’s not much concern for me or my son. The next day, my OBGYN comes in.)

Doctor: “Hey, [My Name], how are you feeling?”

Me: “Still sore. Is everything all right?”

Doctor: “Oh, yeah. I just want to let you know that a nurse wanted me to call Child Protection Services for you.”

(I freak out a bit, but he laughs.)

Doctor: “Don’t worry; I won’t. Apparently, because of your boyfriend having to go to work, she didn’t think you guys were capable of taking care of your son. It’s pretty stupid.”

(I relaxed after that. My son came home a day later and, with some help from friends, we had no problems with taking care of him.)

[florida80]

Allergic To Bad Nurses

Hospital, Jerk, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Patients, UK |
Healthy | August 29, 2018

I have been dating my boyfriend for a few years. He is allergic to nuts. Eating them makes him very sick, so since we started dating I have stayed away from nuts, out of fear of cross contamination making him sick.

This particular day my work was doing a bake sale for charity. One of the things for sale was a Reese’s Pieces brownie, with whole chunks of peanut. I was very happy to have a place where it would be safe for me to have peanuts, so I bought one and ate it straight away.

Pretty much instantly I thought that my tongue felt a bit strange, but being an idiot I thought it was just my imagination and I ate that brownie in about half a minute.

In the next few minutes my thoughts went from, “My mouth feels a little strange,” to, “It’s definitely getting harder to breathe.” I mentioned this to my manager, a first aider, but she thought I was joking. So I went to the receptionist, also a first aider, and mentioned it to her. She realised I wasn’t joking and panicked, running to get my manager.

An ambulance was called and the staff sat with me as I waited and waited, in discomfort, and with no idea if it was going to get any worse. I vaguely remember joking to the baker that “these brownies are killer.” I thought it was funny at the time. Pretty sure she didn’t.

After about 45 minutes with no ambulance, they called 999 again. That’s when we found out that the first ambulance couldn’t find their way into the office block — through the clearly-marked entrance — so they just gave up.

The second ambulance came, and a decision to go to hospital was made, considering that I had no history of an allergy.

We got to A & E and it was unsurprisingly busy. The paramedics were told to put me in resus until another bed cleared, as there was a space in there. They gave me antihistamines and steroids, and by this point I was feeling a lot better, but a secondary reaction was possible, so I still needed an eye on me.

That’s when a nurse came in with a face like thunder, took one look at me, and declared to the whole room at full volume, “She’s not sick! She shouldn’t be in here!”

She repeated this several times, while I just sat there nervously; I’m anxious enough most days, without someone telling me off for being somewhere I have no control over. I had no idea how to respond, so I just sat there ignoring her. She wasn’t doing anything except look at me and make these comments again and again.

Eventually they found a normal bed to put me in, and I got moved, but as they moved me, she declared to the medics and porters around her, “See?! I told you she’s not sick!”

A later blood test confirmed that I had developed a peanut allergy at 23. Luckily I didn’t have a secondary reaction, and it was a pretty easy lifestyle change to avoid, since I was already avoiding them for my partner.

[florida80]

Ankle-Deep In Misdiagnoses

Baltimore, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Maryland, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, USA | Healthy | August 29, 2018


I am going down the steps from my porch and misstep, and end up breaking my leg in three places right near my ankle. It is a Friday night, so I can’t get an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon until Monday.

When I go in for my appointment, I first see a nurse assistant with a very unique name. We talk about how it happened and my medical history. And because I’m female, she asks when my last period was. It has been almost a year. I’m on continuous birth control, despite not being sexually active, because during that time of the month, my migraines and fibromyalgia get to the point where I can’t function. She then goes to get the doctor, and from the room she has taken us to, we hear an argument break out over “who cancelled the appointment of the broken ankle girl.” I still don’t see how that’s possible, considering we made that appointment only an hour earlier. I end up being seen by another doctor with more of a specialty in what I need, so it works out and I forget about the weirdness.

Fast forward a week to when I can finally have surgery. I’m in the hospital gown, have an IV in, and I’m being asked the same questions again and again: spell my name, what’s my birth date, etc. Finally the nurse looks at me funny and looks at my ankle splint — which has a ton of padding and is massive — and tells me, “I know it seems obvious, but I need you to tell me what you’re here for.” I tell her to fix my ankle. She nods and tells me that that nurse assistant — I remember her unique name — had put me down as coming in for a hysterectomy. I’m not sure if she was trying to — inaccurately — note in my file that I’d had one because I hadn’t had my period in a year, or somehow managed to screw up why I was seeing an orthopedic surgeon when I had three broken bones. But I guess that will forever be a mystery

[florida80]

Dated And Hated

Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Malaysia, Petaling Jaya | Healthy | August 29, 2018


(I have a bad flu that doesn’t get better for two weeks, resulting in me coughing out bloody phlegm. I go to the hospital to get a checkup to see if anything is really wrong. When I get called into the clinic, the doctor, probably in his 50s or so, asks me about my sickness. He has this really smug look on his face, and I don’t think much about it until I start telling him about my symptoms. When I tell him that my illness began two weeks ago, he gets pissed off. He throws a calendar at me:)

Doctor: “Don’t tell me when; tell me the exact date. Point it out on the calendar.”

(I am dazed and try to recall the exact date I got sick. Meanwhile, he is mumbling about how youngsters have a worse memory than he does. I get pissed off, as well, from his attitude. I slam the calendar onto the table and point at the date. It isn’t the exact date but somewhere there. I take a wild guess.)

Doctor: “I suspect that you may have tuberculosis, but it’s still too early to get an x-ray because it wouldn’t show up. So, you may or may not have it. I don’t know.”

(After that, he had the d*** nerve to say I didn’t respect him, for slamming the calendar on the table. He prescribed antibiotics and I got better. Thank heavens I didn’t have to go back and see him

[florida80]

Taking A Second Shot At Charging You

Beaverton, Billing, Jerk, Medical Office, Oregon, USA | Healthy | August 28, 2018


(I went to a doctor appointment, and during that appointment they were suppose to give me a tetanus shot. They gave me the wrong shot. So I had to go back into the doctor later to get the tetanus shot I was suppose to get the first time. When I went back in, I just got the shot, then left; no other service was provided. I then get a bill for the second visit, and this exchange happens when I call their billing department.)

Me: “I am calling regarding a bill I got. I don’t think I should be charged for this appointment because the only reason I had to come in was because of an error by the nurse.”

Billing: “I show here you had an appointment on [first date] and you paid your copay; is that correct?”

Me: “Yes.”

Billing: “Then I show you had a follow up appointment on [second date], and you did not pay your copay. That is why we are billing you.”

Me: “That’s why I’m calling. The appointment on the [second date] was only required because your nurse made a mistake on the [first date]. If she had not made a mistake, I wouldn’t have come in for that appointment.”

Billing: “I understand, sir, but since you came in for the second appointment, then we need to bill you for that appointment. Since your insurance covered everything but the copay, you have to pay that copay.”

Me: “Let me explain again. On the first appointment, your nurse made a mistake. She gave me the wrong injection. I had to come in for the second appointment only because she made a mistake. If she had not made the mistake, I wouldn’t have come back in.”

Billing: “It doesn’t matter; you still have to pay.”

Me: *getting frustrated now* “Okay, let me ask you this another way. After your nurse made a mistake the first time, I could have gone to a lawyer, or filed a complaint against your practice. Also, I could have filed a complaint with my insurance provider, since you have actually billed them twice for getting the same injection. I did none of those things. So your choice is to now credit my account for the copay, or my next call will be to the medical practice board, and then my insurance company.”

Billing: “One moment, please.” *puts me on hold for about five minutes then comes back* “I’ve talked to the doctor. We are going to waive that copay, but we will not do it again for any further visits.”

(After that call I found a new doctor. No surprise, his practice went out of business a few months later. I know people complain how everyone is lawsuit-happy nowadays. You’d think if you had a patient who wasn’t interested in going the legal route but just didn’t want to be charged for their mistake they would happily oblige. I guess not.)

[florida80]

A Teeth-Grinding Generalization

Comeuppance, Dentist, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Nurses, USA | Healthy | August 27, 2018


(I haven’t been to the dentist for several years, but an old family friend — who cleaned my teeth when I was a child — has recently moved to the area, so I go to her for a cleaning. The following takes place with her hands and tools inside my mouth, so I can’t spit.)

Hygienist: “You really need to brush your rear teeth better. I know you can, because they’re clean right now. But your lazy brushing has caused all sorts of problems back here. And you really need to lay off the soda. Really, sugar in general. And high-acid foods and drinks. Soda is pretty much the worst, though. And greasy food isn’t much better! You clearly eat too much fast food, and it’s not good for you. Your back teeth are just falling apart because of all that junk food!”

(Her tirade continues for more than ten minutes. She lectures me like I’m still a child despite that I’m in my mid-20s, before she finally removes her hands so I can pause to rinse and spit. She immediately reaches to start again, but I hold up a hand.)

Me: “We need to get something straight. I don’t eat high-acid foods, or greasy foods. I can’t afford to eat out, even cheap fast food. And I have soda maybe once a month. And while I don’t claim to be perfect, and do occasionally forget to brush before bed when I’m exhausted, I am meticulous about cleaning all my teeth, especially the molars. The reason why they’re so bad off is that I have severe acid reflux. I have had it my whole life. I even had an ulcer a few years back. That’s why I can’t eat any of that crap, and why I can’t help my teeth being somewhat decalcified. Until my doctor and I get the reflux under control, there’s nothing I can do to improve my teeth.”

(I sat back, opened wide, and let her resume cleaning. She was silent for a few minutes, before softly starting to catch me up on the doings of her own kids, who I hadn’t seen in years and was glad to hear about. The rest of the appointment went smoothly after that, and the dentist was informed of my reflux before walking into the room, so he didn’t repeat her mistake. I ended up needing all five of my wisdom teeth removed — apparently I had an extra one — due to extreme decalcification. They were honestly getting spongy by that point. But the visit ended well, and I still go back to the same folks, sans lectures now.)

[florida80]

Some Pathetically Idiotic Understanding

Extra Stupid, Hospital, Language & Words, Missouri, USA | Healthy | August 26, 2018


(I am sitting in the waiting room, hoping my ankle isn’t broken, when I overhear this:)

Mom: *to dad, dragging her five-year-old girl behind her* “Yeah, the doctor said it was just idiot pathetic vomiting. We have to come in if she tries it again.”

(It took me a while to figure out this lady was trying to pronounce

[florida80]

They Need A Head Doctor

Australia, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive | Healthy | August 25, 2018


(I work at the main information and patient enquiries desk for a major hospital. I get asked the full range of questions, some often way out of my scope of knowledge, but I try my best to at least point people in the right direction! People often give me very few details of what they want and just assume I will read their mind. I cannot check patients in for appointments; I must direct them to the clinic they are seeing.)

Me: “Good morning! How can I help you?”

Visitor: “[Last Name].”

Me: “Is that an inpatient you’re looking for?”

Visitor: “I have an appointment. [Last Name].”

Me: “Okay, what type of specialist are you seeing?”

Visitor: “[Last Name].”

Me: “Okay, I don’t need your name, just what type of doctor you’re seeing. What’s it for? Your heart? Bones? Lungs?”

Visitor: “[Last Name].”

Visitor’s Friend: “1:30.”

Me: *to friend* “What type of specialist?”

Visitor’s Friend: “[Last Name].”

Me: *trying so very hard to remain calm* “What. Kind. Of. Doctor?”

Visitor’s Friend: “Oh! I’m not sure. Hang on; let me check the paperwork…”

[florida80]

Read And Bleed

Doctor/Physician, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Norway, Patients | Healthy | August 24, 2018


(I’m rather clumsy, and this time it lands me in the ER. The doctor that’s checking me out is actually my neighbor.)

Doctor: “All right, what did you do this time?”

Me: “Well, I woke up and wanted to finish reading my book from yesterday, but I wanted to make breakfast, as well, so I walked downstairs whilst reading, and I kind of fell…”

Doctor: *long pause* “At least you read, right?”

(I managed to break a bone in my arm, and needed a cast.)

[florida80]

Sleeping On The Job

Australia, Bizarre, Hospital, Time | Healthy | August 22, 2018


(I work on a switchboard for a major hospital. We take all external and internal calls then direct them to the appropriate department.)

Me: “Good morning, [Hospital].”

Caller: “Hi, can I speak with someone about rescheduling my appointment?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you will need to speak to the outpatients department, and they do not open until nine am; you will have to call back a bit later!”

Caller: “Oh, what time is it now?”

Me: “It’s 8:15.”

Caller: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise it was so early! I hope I didn’t wake you, did I?”

Me: “Um… No?”

(Yes, he was completely serious; he continued on the conversation as normal after that! I’ll never know if it was just an instinctive reaction for him to say that, or if he genuinely thinks we sleep when there are no calls?)

[florida80]

Nursing Your Unrealistic Expectations

Crazy Requests, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, Nurses, Patients, USA | Healthy | August 20, 2018


(I am an NCT — a nursing care tech — basically one rung down from a nurse. We check vitals, help transport patients for surgeries or procedures, track their progress and double-check their treatment plans, help patients shower or get to the bathroom, and generally make sure that nurses and patients have what they need, and that none of the patients are showing signs of any impending medical problems or complications. We are legally not allowed to give medicine, administer treatments, contact patient family members for any reason, or give medical advice. All of this information is told to the patients when they arrive, and is in the information packet all the patients are given, along with a flow chart about who to call for what problem. Additionally, in my hospital, all NCTs wear green scrubs, all nurses wear blue, and all doctors wear white. This patient, who has been here for about a week and a half, calls me in.)

Patient: “My back feels just awful. Could you go get my next dose of painkillers a little early?”

Me: “I’m not allowed to give you any medications, I’m afraid. I can go get your nurse, though, or you can call her with this number on the board. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Patient: “Well, can you adjust my IV at least?”

Me: “I can’t do that, either; I’ll have to grab your nurse.”

Patient: “What about my sister? Did you call her with the new care plan?”

Me: “That’s also the nurse; I can’t contact your family.”

Patient: “Well, what about my diagnosis? What do you think I should do?”

Me: “I’m not allowed to offer any medical advice, either. Let me call your nurse, okay? She’ll be able to help you with all of this.”

Patient: “But aren’t you going to help me?!”

[florida80]

Halfway House Only Gets You Halfway There

Connecticut, Crisis Housing, Emergency Services, Extra Stupid, Hartford, USA | Healthy | August 19, 2018


(I’m an EMT. My partner and I are called to a homeless shelter/halfway house for a “sick call.” This means a non-life-threatening issue. We arrive and unload the stretcher. There’s about ten stairs and a small elevator right inside the door. I start to open the door of the elevator when I’m greeted by staff.)

Staff: “You’re going to the second floor. Oh, that elevator doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have another one?”

Staff: “Sure, it’s up here around the corner.”

Me: “Great. How can I access it?”

Staff: “Come on up the stairs and go to the end of the hall.”

Me: “That’s not going to work. Do you have another access point? A ramp, maybe?”

Staff: “We have an elevator around the corner here.”

Me: “That’s great, but if this elevator doesn’t work, how am I going to get my stretcher to the second floor?”

Staff: *exasperated* “There’s an elevator right over here! Right around the corner.”

Me: “I understand that. But how would you like me to get my stretcher up these stairs to get to that elevator?”

Staff: *blank stare*

Me: *to my partner* “Let’s just leave it here, see the patient, and figure it out from there.”

(When we got to the other elevator it was so small our stretcher wouldn’t have fit, anyway, even if we folded the back.)

[florida80]

Didn’t Have Anxiety, Until Now

At The Checkout, Harassment, Health & Body, Kansas, Retail, Strangers, USA | Healthy | August 18, 2018


(I am working the register at my store. My coworkers are all busy elsewhere, and it is a slow part of the day, when an old man walks up and purchases a small item. Things are going normally until I hand him his change. It should be noted that I have a mild form of adult acne.)

Customer: “Do you know you have a red thing on your face?”

(He points toward a small flare up of acne on my cheek. I blink for a moment, because while part of me knows what he’s pointing at, no one has ever said anything directly to me about it before.)

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “You have a red thing on your face. I know what that is. It’s caused by anxiety.”

(I have never had anxiety issues, and now that I have confirmed what he’s talking about, I speak with a deadpan tone.)

Me: “Sir, I have acne.”

(I’ve never really been self-conscious about my acne, but I don’t like the way he’s talking about it. He takes his receipt and starts heading for the door while still talking to me.)

Customer: “Yes, and that is caused by anxiety. I have seen this before.”

(My tone has gone cold, and in my head I’m wondering why my personal health is his business.)

Me: “Sir… my mother is a nurse.”

(What I’m hoping he’ll pick up on is the implication that, “if something were seriously wrong with my face, she would know,” but he doesn’t get the hint.)

Customer: “I worked fifty-five years in medical technology maintenance.”

Me: “So, you never actually practiced medicine, then.”

Customer: “I have seen this before. It’s anxiety.”

(He then starts rambling something I don’t quite follow, but he makes it sound like he’s had bugs grow out of his own acne in the past. Or seen them grow out of acne in other people. Or maybe even caused them to grow out of other people’s skin infections. The main thing I key in on is his use of the words “grow out of,” which does not give me mental images of bacteria. It genuinely sounds like he’s talking about live insects growing out of people’s faces, which is incredibly creepy.)

Me: “Are you a doctor?”

(I ask this bluntly, trying to convey with my tone and expression that if he is not a licensed medical professional, I do NOT want his opinion on my face, and he needs to stop talking.)

Customer: “I work with medical equipment. But I have seen this before. It’s anxiety. It is.”

(Thankfully, after that the customer just kind of nodded and walked out the door. To date, he’s the creepiest customer I’ve had to serve.)

[florida80]

This Number Is Not Always Right

Extra Stupid, France, Medical Office, Reception | Healthy | August 17, 2018


(This takes place when I’m in college. I get a call around ten am from the secretary of a doctor’s office, saying the doctor will be late for the appointment. The secretary got the wrong number and I’m not the person she was trying to reach. As I have class all morning, I only see the missed call and the message at noon. I assume it’s too late to call back to say they have the wrong number, because the appointment was scheduled the morning, anyway, so the patient probably already went to the doctor’s office. I don’t think about it anymore, but the next day I get another call from the secretary. This time she calls while I’m on my break, so I answer.)

Secretary: “Hello, [Patient]. This is [Doctor’s Office]. I’m calling you about your file; I need some info.”

Me: “Oh, actually, you got the wrong number; I’m not [Patient].”

Secretary: “What do you mean it’s the wrong number ? It’s…” *she dictates my phone number* “…right?”

Me: “Yes, it’s my number.”

Secretary: “So it’s the right number!”

Me: “…”

[florida80]

Fax Of Life

Bizarre, Medical Office, New York, Non-Dialogue, Oceanside, Phone, USA | Healthy | August 16, 2018


When I was a kid, my family had a separate phone line for our fax machine. One day, we received a fax containing a prescription for medication for my mom’s uncle who lived a few towns away.

We were quite bewildered, as we didn’t think mom’s uncle had our fax number, nor did he have any apparent reason for sending this particular document to us. We eventually found out that our fax number was only one digit off from that of a local pharmacy, and the fax had come from a doctor’s office. Apparently someone at the office was trying to send the prescription to the pharmacy but misdialed.

It was a complete coincidence that the prescription

[florida80]

Has No Heart For Your Condition

Doctor/Physician, Florida, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | August 15, 2018


(My father was recently diagnosed with a genetic heart condition, and his doctors want all of his children to be checked for the condition. I make an appointment with my doctor so I can get a referral to a cardiologist.)

Doctor: “What are you here for today?”

Me: “My father was just diagnosed with [heart condition], and his doctors have ordered all of his kids to be tested for it. I just need a referral to a cardiologist.”

Doctor: “You’re way too young to be worrying about that. A heart condition wouldn’t affect you right now.”

Me: *initially speechless* “Well, I’d rather get the tests done so it isn’t a problem later.”

Doctor: “As I said, you’re too young. I’ll see you back in a few months for your annual.”

(The doctor left. Needless to say, that doctor did not see me back again. When the practice asked why I was attempting to switch doctors — something they usually don’t allow — I happily told them the whole story and requested that it be put on the doctor’s file as an official complaint. I eventually got the referral and did not have the genetic condition, but they did find a minor issue that just needed to be noted and checked every few years.)

[florida80]

Has More Than Just Teething Problems

Bad Behavior, Dentist, Patients, Pennsylvania, USA |
Healthy | August 14, 2018

(My dad is a dentist, and his office is a suite attached to the house. As a child, I am home sick from school, and Dad is with a patient. The door to the office chimes, followed by a long bang. By the time his hygienist comes out to check, the waiting room is empty. Meanwhile, I wake up to a man standing at the foot of my bed. I yell in a panic, and he looks strangely at me, and then puts a hand to his cheek.)

Patient: “I know my appointment isn’t until tomorrow, but this is killing me. Can you fit me in today?”

(Sick and scared, I kept yelling until my dad came running in, still wearing his mask. The patient had walked into the waiting room and, finding it empty, had broken down the door between the office and the house. Then, he had wandered through the house until he found the ten-year-old asleep in bed, and tried to reschedule his appointment. My father was furious and refused to work on him. The guy was surprised.)

[florida80]

“The Adventures Of Harold, Benjy, And Carmen” Sounds Awesome

Boulder, Colorado, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Patients, Therapist, USA | Healthy | August 13, 2018


(I’m in a short-term rehab center, recovering from surgery. A speech therapist comes in with a form in her hands.)

Therapist: “Good morning! I’ll just take a couple of minutes here to see how your speech and language skills are, all right?”

Me: “I suppose.”

(I teach special needs, and immediately recognize the form; it’s the mental acuity screener. BAH!)

Therapist: “Can you tell me where you are?”

(This goes on for awhile, and I’m getting irritated.)

Therapist: “Now, would you name these three animals?”

(She shows me sketch of a lion, an elephant, and a hippo.)

Me: “How about Harold, Benjy, and Carmen?”

Therapist: *silent*

Me: “Well, the task as phrased was to name the animals. If it were stated correctly, you would have asked me to identify the animals, and I would have told you they were a lion, elephant, and hippo.”

Therapist: *silent, but grinning*

Me: “And the number they told me to remember when I had this identical screening in the hospital was 74

[florida80]

The Seated Dead

Health & Body, Liars/Scammers, Retail, Tukwila, USA, Washington | Healthy | August 12, 2018


(I work as the customer service manager for a furniture store. While I am at lunch they make a sale of a chair from the floor. Floor sales are final. I get back from lunch and the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I was in earlier and bought a chair off your floor for my husband. I got home and my son told me he had the same one, so I want my money back.”

Me: *not knowing if it was special order or from the floor* “Let me check your order.”

(I pull up the invoice and see that it’s a floor item, and that she also signed the paperwork acknowledging that the sale was final.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but you purchased this from the floor. All floor sales are final.”

Customer: “But my son has the same one. I bought this for my husband so he can be comfortable, because he’s going through chemo and it’s hard for him. I don’t want the chair anymore! You have to give me my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you and your husband are going through that, but you signed the paperwork acknowledging that this was a final sale.”

Customer: “You have to give me my money back! I want to speak to your manager!”

(I wave the manager over and she tells the woman the same thing. The customer huffs but gets off the phone. The next day:)

Me: *answers the phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help?”

Customer: *from yesterday* “I bought a chair and don’t want it anymore. Give me a refund.”

Me: “Ma’am, as we explained yesterday, all floor sales are final. You agreed to this and signed the paperwork.”

Customer: *bursts into tears* “But I bought that chair to make things easier for my husband and he just died!”

(I can’t help but think, “Right, because the first thing I’d do after my husband passed would be to get a refund on a chair.”)

Me: “Let me get the manager.”

(I pass the phone to my manager who talks to the woman for about five minutes and decides it’s easier to just give her the refund. A couple months later, I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help?”

Customer: *with the chair* “Listen, [Manager], I’m looking at my statement and the money hasn’t been refunded yet. I want my money back!”

Me: “This isn’t [Manager]; this is [My Name].”

(Before I can say anything else, she cuts me off.)

Customer: “Well, I want my money back. I’m having to drive my husband to and from chemo all the time, and I’m financially hurting. Get me my money!”

(I pass the phone to my manager, who talks for a few minutes and hangs up.)

Manager: *to me* “I thought her husband died?”

Me: “It’s a miracle!”

[florida80]

Their Etiquette Has A Few Developmental Issues

Florida, Jerk, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Strangers, USA | Healthy | August 11, 2018


When I was around twelve I began experiencing repeated and painful skin infections in practically every scrape or scratch I got. This led to very frequent visits to my pediatrician for, at first, prescription strength antibiotic ointments, and then multiple tests to find out the cause of the infections. My doctors were amazing. But their other patients… not so much.

One experience that sticks out is the day I went in to get a blood draw. We were fairly early, so my mom and I waited out in the empty lobby. I tended to sit with one leg folded under me and the other knee pulled up to my chest so I could “crouch” on the chair and balance my Harry Potter book on my foot so I could read. It looked odd to most people, but I’ve always found it comfortable.

Not long after we settled in, another mother — a very rude lady — and her son came in. Though we didn’t know them by name, the pair were not unfamiliar to us, as we saw them around town often and the son had been doing occupational therapy with a partner at my mom’s company. The rude lady’s son had some fairly significant physical and mental handicaps and was vocal but nonverbal, and was, through no fault of his own, already making loud sounds and yells as his mother physically dragged him into the lobby.

Instead of sitting in any of the other empty twenty odd seats, the rude lady pulled her son over and sat down directly across from us, with about two feet of aisle space separating our knees. The rude lady immediately struck up conversation with my mom, while I continued reading.

They seemed to be getting along fine, and I tuned them out until I caught this lovely gem, seemingly out of nowhere: the rude lady suddenly leaned forward, patted my mom on the knee, and said in the most condescending and mock-sympathetic voice, “Is she mentally r*****ed?”

This, of course, caught my attention. My mom was staring at her in shock when I looked up and said, “Wow, that’s rude, lady. Just because your kid has some problems doesn’t mean everyone else’s does.”

In hindsight, this was quite cruel of me to say, and I regret saying it every time I think back to this experience. In private, my mom scolded me for pulling the rude lady’s son into it, and she was very right to do so.

The strangest thing out of it all, though, was that once the rude lady got over sputtering a few choice slurs at us, she roughly grabbed her son’s arm and marched out of the pediatrician’s office. Only afterwards did we realize she had never gone up to the front desk to check in or schedule an appointment. It seemed that her entire reason for coming in was to engage with another mother-child duo in the hope that she would find someone else going through the same experiences as her

[florida80]

With A Mother Like That, Pain Tolerance Is Through The Roof

Georgia, Hospital, Jerk, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Parents/Guardians, Patients, Stockbridge, USA | Healthy | August 10, 2018


I am seven months pregnant, and my friend picks me up for a girl’s night. We watch movies, eat junk food, etc., until she falls asleep about one am. At two, I’m still up, unable to get comfortable. I’ve been having Braxton Hicks contractions for the last couple of days, but tonight they’re just relentless.

I consider waking my friend up to take me home; however, she has epilepsy, often triggered by exhaustion and lack of sleep. She’s a bit of a worry-wort, and I don’t want to have her be tired, panic, and end up having a seizure, especially while we’re on the road.

About six am, I get a hold of my mother, and she agrees to come get me. By this point, the contractions hurt, and I can’t really sit or stand. But I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill, so I just grit my teeth and breathe until they’re over. Once there, my mom tells me that she doesn’t really know how to help me, but that she’s going to take me to the hospital, just in case there’s a problem.

When we get to the hospital, I have to stop every couple of steps to breathe and crouch over. My mother comments, “You don’t have a very high pain tolerance, do you? You’ve never really been able to handle pain.”

I ignore her comment because she’s been saying this since I was a kid. Once we finally make it to labor and delivery, the nurse — who has a really cool tattoo sleeve — tests for leaking amniotic fluid, and checks my cervix. She makes a less than promising face, then tells me that she’s going to grab another nurse for another opinion.

She comes back with an older lady that doesn’t even look at me. They go to the counter and I hear the nurse with the sleeve showing her the amniotic test. “It’s faint, but I definitely see a line.” The older nurse glances at it and quickly dismisses her, “No, no. It’s definitely negative.” The sleeved nurse says, “No, I think it’s positive for fluid. Can you at least check her cervix? I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think it’s close.” The older nurse rolls her eyes, “It isn’t close to her due date, but fine.”

The older nurse then turns to me and goes to check my cervix. Her eyes widen, and she turns back to the nurse with the sleeve. Unfortunately, I have another contraction and only manage to catch a couple key words of their conversation. Then, the older nurse leaves. The sleeved nurse gently talks me through the contraction, and then tells me what’s going on:

At 29 weeks, I am in labor, already eight centimeters dilated, though my water hasn’t broken. The baby could come at any time now, but they are going to try to give me some medications to slow it down. She says that she is going to call the doctor to get approval on some pain medication for me.

Six hours later, I give birth to a healthy baby girl, who is rushed off to the NICU. I silently labored for almost 12 hours, and almost had my baby at my friend’s house. After everything calms down, I am bewildered at my mother’s “low pain tolerance” comment, and I wonder what would’ve happened if I had only seen the older nurse and not had the sleeved nurse to stand up for me. The sleeved nurse was the most amazing healthcare professional I’d ever had, because for the first time, she took what I said seriously. My daughter is doing well, and will hopefully be able to come home soon. My mother still believes that I’m over-dramatic and wimpy when it comes to pain, but at least I can say I went through most of my labor without medication or complaint.

[florida80]

Not Being Sedate About It

Australia, Jerk, Vet | Healthy | August 10, 2018


(I’m a vet in a country town in Australia. Here, certain prescription drugs for farm animals can be dispensed for use without us seeing the animals, as long as a vet has been onto the property in the previous 12 months. This is rarely an issue, as we go to most farms on a regular basis to do routine work; however, I have trained the receptionists to check a client’s file every time they order drugs, just to confirm when we were last out there. For some background info, a common practice for shearing sheep is to sedate full grown rams, just enough to make them a bit easier to handle, as rams can often weigh as much or more than your average shearer, and can hurt you if they decide to put up a fight. These days, almost all shearers refuse to shear rams without sedation. The sedative used is, of course, a prescription drug, although to my knowledge it is no longer used in people. I haven’t been at this practice very long, so I don’t really know anyone. My boss, on the other hand, has been a vet for a while and knows just about everyone in the community. I’m sure you can see where this is going:)

Receptionist: “[Client] is out the front, wanting [Sedative] for 60 rams. The shearers are coming today, but we haven’t been to the property in over four years. He won’t listen to me at all. Can you please talk to him?”

Me: *heading out to front desk* “Hello, [Client], I believe you’re wanting [Sedative]? [Receptionist] has already told you we can’t give it to you. We haven’t been to your farm for a while now.”

Client: “That’s bulls***. [Boss] gives it to me all the time!”

Me: “Well, I’m not [Boss], so I’m not giving it to you without a farm visit.”

Client: “Come on. Everyone knows I’ve got sheep. What the h*** else would I use [Sedative] for?”

Me: “I don’t know, but people get creative. I don’t know who you are, and I’ve never been to your farm, so I have no idea if you actually have sheep or not.”

Client: “So, you’re going to charge me to come out to my property so that you can see I’m not lying to you. That’s bulls***.”

Me: “That’s exactly right, [Client]. It’s the law. If I get caught dispensing drugs inappropriately, I can get into serious trouble and possibly lose my licence, permanently. I am not prepared to risk years of hard work and a job I love just so you can save $150. Just because [Boss] does it, that does not mean I have to do it. So, either I come out to your farm, or you wait until [Boss] is back in the clinic, and you can take it up with him.”

Client: “Oh…” *suddenly goes very quiet* “I didn’t know you guys could get in trouble.”

Me: “That’s okay. I suspect [Boss] doesn’t, either, which is probably why he just gives it out. Now, I can be at your farm in about an hour; will that be okay?”

Client: “Yes, thank you.”

(Everything went smoothly after that, and [Client] even gave me a box of chocolates to apologise for being difficult. My boss very quickly changed how he worked once I showed him the legislation, and backed me up if other clients ever came in to argue. The original client was also good enough to spread the word around town, and within six months we stopped having issues.)

[florida80]

Not Being Sedate About It

Australia, Jerk, Vet | Healthy | August 10, 2018


(I’m a vet in a country town in Australia. Here, certain prescription drugs for farm animals can be dispensed for use without us seeing the animals, as long as a vet has been onto the property in the previous 12 months. This is rarely an issue, as we go to most farms on a regular basis to do routine work; however, I have trained the receptionists to check a client’s file every time they order drugs, just to confirm when we were last out there. For some background info, a common practice for shearing sheep is to sedate full grown rams, just enough to make them a bit easier to handle, as rams can often weigh as much or more than your average shearer, and can hurt you if they decide to put up a fight. These days, almost all shearers refuse to shear rams without sedation. The sedative used is, of course, a prescription drug, although to my knowledge it is no longer used in people. I haven’t been at this practice very long, so I don’t really know anyone. My boss, on the other hand, has been a vet for a while and knows just about everyone in the community. I’m sure you can see where this is going:)

Receptionist: “[Client] is out the front, wanting [Sedative] for 60 rams. The shearers are coming today, but we haven’t been to the property in over four years. He won’t listen to me at all. Can you please talk to him?”

Me: *heading out to front desk* “Hello, [Client], I believe you’re wanting [Sedative]? [Receptionist] has already told you we can’t give it to you. We haven’t been to your farm for a while now.”

Client: “That’s bulls***. [Boss] gives it to me all the time!”

Me: “Well, I’m not [Boss], so I’m not giving it to you without a farm visit.”

Client: “Come on. Everyone knows I’ve got sheep. What the h*** else would I use [Sedative] for?”

Me: “I don’t know, but people get creative. I don’t know who you are, and I’ve never been to your farm, so I have no idea if you actually have sheep or not.”

Client: “So, you’re going to charge me to come out to my property so that you can see I’m not lying to you. That’s bulls***.”

Me: “That’s exactly right, [Client]. It’s the law. If I get caught dispensing drugs inappropriately, I can get into serious trouble and possibly lose my licence, permanently. I am not prepared to risk years of hard work and a job I love just so you can save $150. Just because [Boss] does it, that does not mean I have to do it. So, either I come out to your farm, or you wait until [Boss] is back in the clinic, and you can take it up with him.”

Client: “Oh…” *suddenly goes very quiet* “I didn’t know you guys could get in trouble.”

Me: “That’s okay. I suspect [Boss] doesn’t, either, which is probably why he just gives it out. Now, I can be at your farm in about an hour; will that be okay?”

Client: “Yes, thank you.”

(Everything went smoothly after that, and [Client] even gave me a box of chocolates to apologise for being difficult. My boss very quickly changed how he worked once I showed him the legislation, and backed me up if other clients ever came in to argue. The original client was also good enough to spread the word around town, and within six months we stopped having issues

[florida80]

Derpy With The Herpy

College & University, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, New York, Rude & Risque, USA | Healthy | August 9, 2018


(I’m visiting a zoology lab that researches amphibians, which is a facility I’ve never been in before. While I’m sitting in an office chatting with a PhD student and waiting for a meeting, I notice a post-it that says “Clinic” and has a phone number.)

Me: “Hey, that’s not the extension for student health.”

PhD Student: “Oh, no, that’s a [City] free clinic. They do STI testing.”

Me: “Uh… Okay.”

PhD Student: “Yeah, it gets more use than you’d think around here.”

(My understanding of what the amphibian lab gets up to slowly starts to dissolve, when the PhD student speaks up again.)

PhD Student: “Yeah… People just Google ‘herpetology’ without knowing what it means, apparently.”

[florida80]

Prescribing You The Ability To Listen

Jerk, Minnesota, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | August 9, 2018


(It’s Memorial Day, and my pharmacy is one of the few within a 20-mile radius that is open. My coworker is on break and I am managing the front of the pharmacy.)

Me: “Hi, sir, how I can help you today?”

Customer: “I’m here to pick up two prescriptions for [Customer].”

Me: “All right, sir, it looks like I have one prescription ready for you, but the other prescription — your [Prescription] — we’re still waiting to hear back from your doctor for more refills.”

Customer: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY’RE NOT DONE?!”

Me: “There is one prescription done and ready for you to pick up, sir. The other prescription you requested, your [Prescription], isn’t, because we haven’t heard back from your doctor yet.”

Customer: “I HATE THIS PLACE! YOU GUYS NEVER HAVE ANYTHING DONE! I BROUGHT TWO PRESCRIPTIONS IN ON FRIDAY, AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THEY’RE STILL NOT DONE?!”

Me: “Sir, I have one prescription ready for you right now.” *pause* “The other one is still waiting on your doctor for approval, and since it’s Memorial Day, we may not hear back from your doctor until tomorrow.”

Customer: “You guys are horrible! You never have anything done for me! I hate it here!” *walks off*

(After he walked away, I looked back at the screen to see when he brought in the prescriptions. And turns out, he brought them in yesterday, not Friday. But either way, we still had one he could have taken home with him.)

[florida80]

Shame You Can’t Prescribe Any Common Sense

California, Extra Stupid, Medical Office, Patients, San Francisco, USA | Healthy | August 8, 2018


Doctor: “How did the new medications work for you?”

Patient: “I’m still waiting for them! The pharmacy still hasn’t called to let me know they are ready to pick up!”

Doctor: “Did the insurance deny the medications?”

Patient: “No, I didn’t hear any response from the insurance yet, either!”

Doctor: “Really? Which pharmacy did you take the prescription to? I can give them a call to check on this.”

Patient: “Oh, I never took it to the pharmacy

[florida80]

Not At Your Cervix

Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Jerk, Patients, USA, Utah | Healthy | August 8, 2018


(My 26-year-old sister has had problems with endometriosis for five years. She is on medications that she hates, and has thousands of dollars worth of medical bills as a result. She doesn’t want children, and has decided to have her uterus removed, with the support of her therapist, OBGYN, and our family. Because she has never had children, they will have to do the surgery like a C-section, which will have a six-week recovery time, and she cannot take that much time off of work. Her OBGYN recommends her to another doctor who uses robotic-assisted equipment, so she will have a shorter recovery period. She goes to meet with the other OBGYN. The nurse is taking her history, and you can see the judgement on her face. A few minutes later, the OBGYN comes in.)

OB: “I’m not going to try to talk you out of it… Okay, I am. You are very young to have this procedure, and many women who are younger than 30 end up regretting the surgery once it is complete. And you aren’t married; your future husband might want children.”

(He keeps repeating that he isn’t trying to talk her out of it before contradicting himself as he goes on to suggest several other medications — most of which she’s already tried — that caused her to gain weight, suffer severe anxiety and depression, and give her suicidal thoughts. She is extremely sensitive to side effects. Finally, the doctor suggests another medication she hasn’t tried, but has side effects she has suffered before.)

Sister: “No, but I have researched it, and I don’t like the side effects.”

OB: *pointing at nurse* “She’s been on it for eight years, and she’s just fine.”

Mom: “She would rather be an aunt. She has never had any desire to have children, and she is tired of being in pain.”

(It seemed like once he knew my sister had my mother’s approval, he realized he was fighting a losing game. He sighed and gave up, and told us how they would do the procedure, and that they would get in touch with her insurance. Later, my sister told me that she believed the doctor would have flat-out refused to do the surgery if my mother hadn’t been there to back her up, and two weeks after the appointment, she called to check up on what her insurance could do, only to be told they hadn’t even contacted them yet.)

[florida80]

Severely In Need Of A Cruise

California, Extra Stupid, Medical Office, Patients, San Francisco, USA | Healthy | August 7, 2018


Patient: “I’ve been waiting for a half hour. I am in severe pain and need treatment urgently!”

Doctor: “I’m sorry about that. I want to get you treated as quickly as possible. Let’s walk over right now to the Physical Therapy department. Chiropractic treatments have worked well for you in the past, and we can set you up for some chiropractic treatments right now.”

Patient: “Oh, no, I can’t do that. I am leaving on a vacation cruise for a month. I’ll call to schedule when I get back.”

[florida80]

Talking Back To Your Parents

California, Cupertino, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, home, Non-Dialogue, Parents/Guardians, USA | Healthy | August 6, 2018


At some point when I was a kid, my father got the bright idea of using me for weight-bearing massage “treatments” by having me walk about on his back barefoot while he was lying on the floor. Mom usually gave me a hand to keep me stable. I have no clue if it ever worked to actually help with anything, but he kept periodically having me do it. When I was little I still thought it was fun.

His back seemed to gradually get worse as I grew older: lower spine problems. He mostly stopped having me do the walking massages as I aged into my teens.

Then one day when I was 17, when I hadn’t done it in several years, he seemed to be having some particularly bad back pains, and decided to have me stand on his back again. For some reason he was just absolutely convinced it would magically cure him, and somehow managed to rope Mom into agreeing with this. The problem is that at this point I weighed about 115 pounds — only about 15 pounds less than him — and could tell this was a terrible idea.

I refused. He insisted. I refused again and protested, pointing it out as being foolish and dangerous at my weight relative to his — he is a man of very slight and narrow build. He called me ridiculous. He and Mom both kept insisting, urging, and nagging me, and telling me I was being ridiculous. “Nothing will happen!” “Come on, it’s just a few minutes!” “Just stand on his back for a bit!” “Come on! Just help out your dad!” “It has to be you; there’s no one else, and you still weigh a lot less than Mom!”

After much protesting from me and nonstop insistence and urging — from Mom in particular, who’s always been very good at managing to bully me into doing just about anything against my will — I gave in, despite my better judgment. I very shakily stepped up on Dad’s bare back. His skin was sliding around sickeningly on his back under my feet. I nearly fell off right away, despite Mom doing her best to hold me up there, barely managing to stabilize me with her own entire weight. Meanwhile, he was very impatiently urging me to quit hesitating and being a coward, and get on with it already.

When I finally managed to stand on him properly, putting my entire weight on his back, he grunted alarmingly. Very alarmingly. And then he went abruptly very quiet. After maybe a couple of steps on him, Mom helped me get back off. Then, there were some very pointed, meaningful and alarmed looks between the two of them, but they didn’t actually say anything. I took this to mean I could finally escape the living room. Frankly, I just didn’t much care what was going on as long as I was no longer forced to participate.

There was a quiet commotion behind my back and for the rest of the day, I kind of made a point not to ask any questions for fear of being made to take part in some other poorly-thought-out treatment.

Though they’d never included me in important family concerns or given me any details about dad’s health problems, the general state of things became obvious to me in the next couple of days. What they’d made me do was indeed — Surprise! Surprise! — an incredibly terrible idea. Clearly I was too heavy, and it damaged his back even further. It was pretty severe, as far as I could tell, based the fact that he’d been forced to stay home from work for the next full week while spending pretty much all his time lying flat on the floor, except for occasional doctor’s appointments that Mom somehow had to find a way to cart him to.

Despite knowing it was stupid, I still felt guilty about what happened.

They didn’t say anything to me beyond a vague statement that Dad’s back had gotten worse — as if it was actually even possible to pretend that this had no relation with what they’d made me do. But there was never any hint of admitting that they’d done something foolish or that I’d been right. Unsurprisingly, in the following years, it became clear that Dad’s back was significantly damaged forever after this incident.

Lesson to be learned here: once in a while a teenager really does turn out to be smarter and have more basic common sense than both parents put together.

[florida80]

Title Goes He—Pork Chop!

California, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Patients, San Francisco, USA | Healthy | August 6, 2018


Doctor: “Did you bring your MRI?”

Patient: “I drove home to get my MRI, and, yes, I got it; but when I was there I was looking in the refrigerator and I saw pork chops, and I started thinking about pork chops for dinner and how great those are going to be! Well, the pork chops forced the MRI out of my mind, and I forgot all about the MRI and left it on the kitchen table!”

[florida80]

Same Old Tired Story

Bizarre, Hospital, Nurses, Patients, Tennessee, USA |
Healthy | August 6, 2018

(My nurse recounts this story to my father, her coworker, after I wake up from appendix surgery.)

Nurse: “I’m getting her to recovery and expecting her to be out for another few minutes when she suddenly sits up, turns to me, and tells me in the most deadpan voice, ‘Hey, I’m going to throw up now. Sorry,’ and spews. Then she makes a face, lays back down, and falls right back asleep.”

Dad: *snorts* “Funny thing is, sleep-walking and -talking runs in our family. I do it, and my sister does it. It wouldn’t surprise me if my daughter does, too.”

Nurse: “She warned me. Maybe she just woke up for a minute.”

Dad: “She’s a teenager. She hasn’t been awake since she was twelve.”

(And that’s when I ACTUALLY woke up from the surgery and started grumbling about feeling groggy. Either way, I don’t remember puking, or telling the nurse I was going to. And to be fair to my dad, it’s ten years later, and I’m STILL always tired.)

[florida80]

Will Fight You On This Tooth And Nail

Dentist, Extra Stupid, France, Patients | Healthy | August 5, 2018


(I study dentistry at a dental clinic in France. The dental clinic is split into what we call services: surgery, prosthetics, urgent care, etc. That means that a patient who wants the teeth we remove to be replaced by a prosthesis needs to coordinate his appointments with both services. It’s more complicated than just going to a regular dentist, but in France clinics make you pay exactly what healthcare reimburses, making it free for everyone, apart from “better” acts, like implants. The basic stuff is 100% covered, though, and that’s why poor people come here. Every service is clearly labeled. I have this interaction while working in the surgery service, with a patient who has six teeth left, and NO prosthesis.)

Me: “So, according to your file, we have to remove those three teeth.”

Patient: “But you will replace them, right?”

Me: “It says in your file that you have an appointment in prosthesis; they will take care of it.”

Patient: “But I want you to do it now! It’s in two months!”

(It is rather urgent that his teeth be removed, as they have already become infected in the past.)

Me: “Ah, well, then, we can remove the teeth now, and you can go to your planned appointment. In fact, it’s not that bad; we require about two to three months of healing before we can make a fully-functional prosthesis.”

Patient: “What will I do without my teeth, though? I’d rather stay like this and come back in two months!”

(The teeth we’re talking about are premolars. His front teeth, the incisors, are long gone, as are his back teeth, his molars. The premolars serve no purpose if they’re not surrounded or faced by other teeth.)

Me: “Are you sure? They could get infected again and cause you a lot of pain. They’re of no use to you, you can’t eat with them, and we don’t see them when you smile.”

Patient: “I want to keep them! What would I do without them?”

(I don’t know, the exact same thing you’ve been doing for the past ten years with your six remaining rotten teeth? He ended up leaving and refused any care. Bet he’ll b**** and moan when, in two months, they tell him they can’t do a nice prosthesis for two other months…)

[florida80]

Interesting Germinating Little Minds

Funny Kids, Health & Body, home, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | August 4, 2018


When I was little, my mom was trying to teach me to wash my hands after I went to the bathroom. She told me that germs would climb onto my hands from the toilet, and that if I didn’t wash my hands to kill them, they might make me sick.

At that time, I didn’t realize that she meant that there were germs already on the toilet, and thus even flushing the toilet would contaminate my hands. I thought she meant that as I went to the bathroom, the germs would climb up my body, specifically trying to get to my hands so they could make me sick.

This led to a few years of me using the bathroom while holding my hands as far out as I could, so that the germs would have farther to climb. If my arms touched my upper body, for example, the germs could take the shortcut through my elbows and get to my hands sooner. If I took too long, there were germs all over my hands, and I needed to wash them. If I was fast enough, though, the germs hadn’t had a chance to get to my hands, and I didn’t have to wash them.

I am very sure that that was not the lesson my mother meant to teach me, but it’s the lesson my young self learned.

[florida80]

Very Bad Reception, Part 22

Bad Behavior, Essex, Medical Office, Reception, UK | Healthy | August 3, 2018


(The doctors I am with primarily deal with “on the day” appointments, because let’s face it, you can’t schedule when you will be ill. They open at 8:00 am on the dot, and as I’m used to the fact they are busy, I start phoning at 7:59, hitting redial until I get the, “Welcome to…” automated message and not the, “The surgery is closed,” automated message. I’m aiming to be early in the queue of callers trying to get an appointment. Thankfully I get through quickly, having been second in the queue, and ask for an appointment to see a doctor. The receptionist is female, but my doctor is male.)

Receptionist: “Why do you want to see a doctor?”

Me: *politely* “I really would rather not discuss my medical issues with you, and would rather speak to my doctor about it.”

(This is my right here in the UK.)

Receptionist: “But I need to know why you want to see a doctor.”

Me: “I really am uncomfortable discussing it with you.”

Receptionist: “Unless you tell me exactly why you want to see a doctor, you will not today, or at any point, be able to get an appointment!”

Me: *losing my cool* “You are breaching every policy your practice has. I would like to speak to the practice manager, immediately.”

Receptionist: “There will be a short wait.”

(Thirty minutes later I was still on hold, and got another receptionist asking why I was holding for so long. I was put through to the practice manager, who was NOT aware I was waiting. I explained to the practice manager what had happened. I was advised I could come in immediately and see a doctor. I was given time with the doctor to go over my health concerns, which were legitimate concerns, but thankfully came to nothing serious. The first receptionist was made to apologise to me, and when I went back for a follow-up a month later, I was told she was no longer working there. I found out she had been doing this before, but it hadn’t been picked up on as people either caved, or just didn’t complain!)

[florida80]

All Doctors To Procreation Stations!

Doctor/Physician, England, Jerk, Medical Office, Norfolk, UK | Healthy | August 2, 2018


(I’ve been having stabbing pains in my abdomen and eventually go, by myself, to the doctor surgery. I am also a “Miss,” as in, not married.)

Doctor: “I see you have PCOS. This pain could just be that.”

Me: “I know there’s pain related to that, but it’s not in the right places and does not feel the same.”

Doctor: “Okay.”

(He’s reading my notes, which surprises me, as other doctors at this surgery don’t.)

Doctor: “You know, it’s not as bad as you may think. There’s a lot we can do now to make sure you can have children now.” *goes on a really long spiel about getting pregnant and having kids, etc.* “Do you want me to arrange an appointment to discuss it with [Doctor]? Or would you like to discuss it with your partner first?”

Me: *thoroughly bewildered* “Um… No, thanks.”

Doctor: “You should talk to your partner about it. He might want kids whilst you’re both young.”

(He went on about PCOS more and having kids, before going back to the reason I was there in the first place. I get making sure I knew that there were options for kids in the future, but I don’t have a partner, and don’t want kids –which he didn’t check before going on about it — and that wasn’t the reason why I was there.)

[florida80]

You’ll Stress-Knit A Whole Outfit At This Point

Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Massachusetts, Medical Office, Psychiatrist, USA | Healthy | August 1, 2018


(I’m waiting to see my psychiatrist for a medication check-up. This office schedules meds appointments in fifteen-minute blocks; they’re a quick in-and-out to make sure the meds are working before the prescription is refilled. I arrive five minutes before my appointment and am told I’m seeing a new doctor. I’m a little annoyed that they didn’t tell me this when the appointment was being set up — my father works in the mental health field and I’m uncomfortable being seen by his coworkers — but whatever; maybe my regular doctor is out sick. So, I go to the waiting room. And wait. And wait. At twenty minutes past my appointment time — so, five minutes after it is supposed to be over — I hear the receptionists chatting. They say something about the new doctor having computer problems. Okay, stuff happens. Forty minutes past my appointment time, the person who is waiting before me gets into a shouting match with the receptionists about how late things are running. I’m frustrated too, but an extra person yelling won’t change anything, and I have plenty of time, so I keep waiting. Finally, fifty minutes after my scheduled time, a harried-looking man calls my name and introduces himself as the doctor. I’m expecting him to apologize for the delay, or offer an explanation, or anything. Nope. He doesn’t say a word until we get to his office. Now my appointment starts in earnest.)

Doctor: “So, do think you’re depressed?”

Me: *pause* “This appointment is literally to treat my diagnosed depression, so, um, yeah.”

(He doesn’t respond at all to this. He doesn’t even look at me. He has a walking desk, so he’s power-walking in place while he types on his computer. And he keeps typing. For almost ten minutes. I almost stand up and walk out. But I’ve already been here forever, I don’t want to have to do this all again, and I need my meds refilled. So, I take out my knitting and work on that for a bit.)

Doctor: “Do you want to keep taking [Medication #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ] and [Medication #2]?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

(He types for a few more minutes.)

Doctor: “I’ve sent in the prescriptions for those. I’ll see you again in five months.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(I get up to leave.)

Doctor: “Wow! You’re so fast at knitting! What are you making?”

Me: “A sweater. Bye.”

(I was at that office for over an hour, but in the appointment for less than fifteen minutes. He said almost nothing to me, and half of what he did say was about knitting. And when I went to the pharmacy, only one of the prescriptions had actually been sent over!)

[florida80]

No Spoonful Of Sugar Is Helping This Medicine Go Down

Bad Behavior, Florida, Jerk, Patients, Pharmacy, USA |
Healthy | July 31, 2018

(When you come to pick up a prescription, I have to make sure it’s going to the right person or I get written up and, if I get written up enough times, lose my job. This particular pharmacy asks that we verify the address on file, but if they don’t know it, I’ll usually take some other manner of verification if necessary. It’s late, and there’s an hour and a half left to go of a seven-hour day, and all I want to do is go home, so I admit I’m a bit tired. A guy comes up who couldn’t be more than 22, I’d guess, and I smile and go to the register, asking him who he’s picking up for.)

Guy: “My girlfriend.”

Me: “Okay. What’s her name?”

Guy: “[First Name].”

(I need a last name in particular to search, and unfortunately most of the younger crowd usually never give their last name unless prompted. I have no idea why.)

Me: “What’s her last name?”

Guy: “[Last Name].”

(I go over to get it, which doesn’t take long, and return.)

Me: “And what’s her address, please?”

(He gives me this look like I’ve told him that the sky is green or that he’s standing on his head.)

Guy: “I’ve picked up before and they’ve never, ever asked me for her address before.”

(Then he clearly hasn’t picked up for her before at this pharmacy, because we always ask for the address. I say it so often that even when I’m doing things that don’t require it, I sometimes end up saying the words. Sometimes I end up asking them their address before I ask their name, before I can stop myself.)

Me: “Um… We always ask for the address.”

Guy: “No one has ever asked me before!”

Me: “Well, sometimes if you don’t know it, we’ll try another way to verify. Do you know it?”

Guy: “No!”

Me: “Okay, what’s her date of birth?”

(That, he knows. He tells that to me and I’m assured that I have the right person. A new law was passed in July that on certain types and classes of medicines, I now have to ask for a form of ID and enter it into the computer. What he’s picking up falls into that class.)

Me: “I need to see your ID, please.”

Guy: “Why?”

Me: “It’s the law as of the first of July. I have to have an ID.”

Guy: “Does that mean I have to get hers from the car?”

Me: “No, I need yours, since you’re picking it up.”

Guy: “But… does that mean I have to get hers?”

Me: “Um… No. I need yours.”

Guy: “I don’t have mine.”

Me: “Then she has to come in and pick it up.”

Guy: “Why can’t I just go get hers and give it to you?”

(Now I can understand his hesitancy. There’s a big storm that has been going on all day, but neither weather nor annoying teenagers are going to make me break the law.)

Me: “Because it’s her license. Whatever license I have has to be for the person picking up. It’s the law.”

(We go back and forth about this for another minute, to the point that my pharmacist has to come over and back me up, telling him that we have to follow all rules and regulations, and if it’s her license, it has be her. He finally goes out to get her and comes back in. I think this is a wonderful opportunity to do my job right now that she’s here.)

Me: “What’s your address?”

Girl: *throws her ID on the counter* “On file.”

Me: *blink*

(I’ve never had a customer refuse to give their address. Sometimes they’ll pretend to give me a hard time or forget some of the numbers, but I’ve never had someone give me a smart a** remark about it being “on file,” because most have the intelligence to realize that there’s a reason I’m asking for it and it’s most certainly not to hear myself talk. I want to keep my job.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we ask that for verification. If you don’t know yo—”

Girl: *interrupts snottily* “I know my address. It’s [address].”

(She picked up her license from the counter and proceeded to throw it again. I decided I’d had enough of dealing with the twat that was clearly just too lazy to come in and sent her boyfriend in for her, since I could see no legitimate reason for her not to come in besides the rain. And part of me wanted a little bit of revenge for these people half my age giving me a hard time, so I took my time, every bit of it that I could, prolonging the transaction just because they were antsy. As they left, she shot me a glare, snatched up her prescription, and then went to the industrial scale nearby that people use to measure weight and proceeded to jump up and down on it once or twice before leaving.)

[florida80]

Suffering Bad Pet Owners

Bad Behavior, Laurel, Maryland, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | July 30, 2018


(I work the front desk in a highly recommended vet hospital that has both appointments with doctors and a walk-in emergency service. Emergency visits are always a trip. A young man walks in, carrying his dachshund mix. He tells me that his dog is having respiratory distress, so I take her back to see the doctor first before getting his information. It turns out that the dog has been having breathing troubles for two days. The doctor is not impressed with that info and, with client approval, takes some x-rays to see what might be going on internally. It’s cancer, a lot of cancer in all of the places. The dog is not comfortable outside of oxygen, so the vet goes to talk to the owner to explain that euthanasia is the only humane option. By this point, the owner’s father has come to join him and has brought his own dog. He is handling the dog very roughly and occasionally whacks the dog lightly with the end of the leash when he thinks the dog is misbehaving.)

Father: “Vets just want to take your money! Don’t worry, [Dog], they’re not going to see you. This is where dogs come to die.”

(He is making other clients uncomfortable, so I warn the ER doctor as she goes in to speak with them. The client is understandably shocked and upset, but the father is whole other matter.)

Father: “We’re not ready to put her down yet. Can you give us meds to keep her comfortable for another week?”

Vet: “Sir, she isn’t comfortable at all outside of oxygen. It would be against medical advice to take her out of oxygen and take her home.”

Father: “I’ll take her out of oxygen if I want to! It’s not like she’s suffering!”

(The vet was literally so angry she had to leave the room because yes, this dog was suffering! The father continued to be resistant, but the client agreed that it was in her best interest to euthanize her immediately, and handled the rest of the visit like a rational adult.)

[florida80]

After Hours Is After You

Crazy Requests, Medical Office, Patients, Texas, USA |
Healthy | July 29, 2018

(I work for a company that takes hospital calls and after-hours calls for doctor’s offices. The majority of our doctors DO NOT take certain type calls after office hours, and only specific doctors can be called. Some patients refuse to acknowledge that and only make themselves look the bigger fool. It is late on a Friday.)

Me: “Hello! You’ve reached [Service]; how can I help you this evening?”

Caller: “I need [Doctor] paged.”

Me: “All right, ma’am, [Doctor] is not on call; however, the on-call doctor will be taking the page.”

Caller: “No. I don’t want the on-call doctor; I want [Doctor].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I am unable to do that. It’s against policy to page doctors not on call.”

Caller: “I don’t care; I want [Doctor] paged now.”

Me: “All righty, ma’am, I’ll need this information.”

(I list off information needed and the caller interrupts.)

Caller: “Why do you need that information? You’re the doctor’s office; you should be able to look at the computer.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not the doctor’s office. I’m [Service]; I handle after-hours calls at a separate location.”

Caller: *huffily gives half the info needed*

Me: “I also need the reason you need to page the after-hours doctor.”

Caller: “I need my birth-control refilled. I ran out today and I need more.”

Me: *trying not to let the aggravation seep into my tone* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m unable to page the doctor for this reason. Prescription refills are to be handled by the office on Monday when they open.”

Caller: “But this is an emergency!”

Me: “I apologize, but I am unable to send that page.”

Caller: “You’re the doctor’s office! You have to send it to the doctor! What am I supposed to do until then? Not have sex?”

Me: *just over her attitude* “Ma’am, the doctor’s policy is that prescription refills are to be handled by the office on Monday.”

Caller: *rains down a multitude of expletives before threatening to get me fired and hangs up*

(She STILL calls almost every other month with the same issue. Friendly reminder: if you see you have two days for ANY prescription, please, please, please call it in before then and don’t wait until after hours to get a refill!)

[florida80]

Cholesterol-lol

Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, Texas, USA | Healthy | July 28, 2018


(I am a female and a teenager. I’m temporarily on a medication that has a lot of side effects, one of the main ones being high cholesterol. I have no prior history of high cholesterol, though. I’m at the doctor’s office with my mom specifically to check that the side effects of the medication are not getting out of hand.)

Nurse: “Okay, so, looking at your results, your cholesterol is higher than it should be.” *addressing my mom* “Mom, no more serving hamburgers, and no more fast food! All that salt, red meat, and fat is really bad for teenagers, even if that’s all they want to eat.”

Mom: “Actually, we never eat fast food, and we’ve been eating pescatarian for the past few months.”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t think I’ve gone to a fast food restaurant in years.”

(The nurse looks a little flustered at this point.)

Nurse: “Well, I know how teenagers are in the summer, so try to do some walking, at least! No more laying around on the couch all day!”

Me: “I’ve actually been swimming a mile every day, and I am working as a lifeguard.”

(The nurse is starting to look annoyed, like she doesn’t believe us.)

Nurse: “Right… Well, you need to fix this, or we’re going to have to put you on medication, and you’re too young to be on cholesterol medication.”

(My mother is getting annoyed and defensive now.)

Mom: “She’s on [Medication]; that’s the whole reason we’re here! Isn’t high cholesterol one of the side effects of the medicine?”

Nurse: *glaring at my mom* “Well… Sometimes.”

Mom: “Don’t you think that might be the reason she has high cholesterol, then?”

(The nurse just walked out at that point, and we didn’t see her the rest of the visit. We mentioned it to the doctor later, but she just said, “Well, your cholesterol is kind of high.” Luckily, once I got off the medication a few months later, my cholesterol dropped back down. But seriously, at least ask questions before making patronizing assumptions about someone’s diet and exercise.)

[florida80]

A Crazy Lack Of Competence

Bad Behavior, Boston, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Massachusetts, Nurses, USA | Healthy | July 27, 2018


(I’m Bipolar I and not medicated. We’ve tried a few different combinations of drugs for me, but unfortunately I either have side effects or it simply doesn’t help anything. While therapy has been helpful, it’s not perfect; I still need the occasional trip to a psychiatric hospital. For this particular incident, I am sent to a completely different hospital, which I later learn is more adequately equipped to handle patients seeking drug rehab. However, even that seems to be inaccurate, as I learn during my three-and-a-half day visit. On day one, a patient and the head of the wing are talking in a common area:)

Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “When do you think I can go home?”

Doctor #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Sunday. Your insurance lets us hold you another week.”

(For a little context, during a previous group session I had with [Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ], he mentioned he’s been here almost two weeks and the head of the group commented on how much progress he’s made. As my stay continues, it isn’t uncommon to overhear the nurses gossiping about how they can’t believe the doctors still won’t discharge [Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ]. Day two: one of the other patients is a new mother with apparently no thought filter. As a result, she frequently talks about how she has to pump if the subject even remotely drifts towards family or children. One of the other patients finally gets fed up with it and a fight nearly breaks out. Unlike the mother, the other patient is allowed to leave the wing to go have lunch in the cafeteria.)

Doctor #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Okay, [Patient #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) ], you just lost your cafeteria privilege for today.”

Me: “But doesn’t [Patient #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] have to stay up here, too?”

Doctor #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Of course.”

Me: “So, you’re going to lock them in the wing together when most of the staff is down in the cafeteria?”

Patient #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Besides, isn’t [Patient #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) ] getting discharged tomorrow?”

(After enough of us band together, the doctors finally agree the best thing they can do for both patients is to separate them. Also of note, a fourth patient is discharged at the end of day two, with a certain nurse helping her gather her things. On day three, though I’ve only had three or four sessions with her, I bid [Patient #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) ] farewell as she is gathering her things from the storage locker with the same nurse who assisted yesterday’s discharge. Just as I go to leave:)

Patient #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “Where’s my backpack?”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Your what?”

Patient #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “My backpack. I came in with a pink backpack from [Brand]. Where is it?”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “We only had one like that. It was [Patient #4]’s, wasn’t it?”

Patient #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “Wha?!”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “She said that bag was hers. We gave it to her when she left last night.”

Patient #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “YOU GAVE HER MY BACKPACK?!”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Sorry. We’ll call the police and report the theft.”

Patient 3: “WHAT THE F***’S THAT GOING TO DO? SHE’S BEEN GONE A DAY ALREADY! WHY DIDN’T ANY OF YOU NOTICE THE BAG WASN’T LABELLED FOR HER?” *begins crying*

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Calm down! It’s just a backpack!”

Patient #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “THAT BACKPACK HAD MY WALLET IN IT! WITH MY LICENSE AND SOCIAL SECURITY CARD! YOU LET HER STEAL MY IDENTITY!”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “We can replace those things!”

Patient #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “IT HAD THE ONLY PICTURE I HAVE OF ME WITH MY FATHER! YOU CAN’T REPLACE THAT! HE DIED AFTER I WAS BORN!”

Me: “Get the f****** police already, you dips***!”

(I didn’t know what else to do. The police do show up, though I have no idea how this story ends or if anything was done about [Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ]. On day four — my release day — I’m sitting in the common area playing cards, waiting for my girlfriend to show up and drive me home. Needing a fourth for Hearts, one of the nurses agrees to join us.)

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “[My Name], you sure know how to pick ’em. Of all the weeks you could’ve shown up!”

Me: “I’m amazed, too.”

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Yeah, but this ain’t even the worst of it. One patient last year always ran his mouth. ‘I’m in for bestiality!’ ‘I’m a member of the local KKK and they think this’ll cure me!’ and on and on. All cause he didn’t want to admit he tried to kill himself after his girlfriend broke up with him.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Yeah, he just kept making excuses to justify the cuts on his arms.”

Me: “You can’t tell us that! His medical records are still privileged!”

(I’ve never been back. I haven’t looked it up yet, because I’m truly frightened that it might still be open.)

[florida80]

Might Actually Be Worth Getting Whooping Cough, Instead

Dublin, Ireland, Jerk, Medical Office, Reception | Healthy | July 27, 2018


(I’m midway through my pregnancy and have been putting off getting the whooping cough vaccine, so I call my doctor to schedule an appointment.)

Me: “Hi. I was wondering if I could book an appointment for the whooping cough vaccination?”

Receptionist: “What’s your name and date of birth?”

Me: “That’s [My Name] and [date].”

Receptionist: “It says here you’re 22 weeks.”

Me: “Yep.”

Receptionist: “Then, no, you can’t have an appointment.”

Me: “Um, right. Is there any reason why not?”

Receptionist: “The vaccine is only available from 26 weeks.”

Me: “Oh, right. I thought [Doctor] said I could get it from 16 weeks. I must have misheard. It’s okay, though, I can wait another four weeks.”

Receptionist: “Let me check with the doctor. Hold the line.”

(Pause.)

Receptionist: *sarcastically* “Well, I guess the doctor just knows more than me, huh? Clearly I’m just a receptionist, so I wouldn’t know anything. Apparently you can get it from 16 weeks.”

Me: “So, can I book an appointment?”

Receptionist: “At 11 on Monday.”

Me: “That’s perfect. Thank you.”

Receptionist: “The vaccine isn’t free, you know.”

(Most health care is free while pregnant in Ireland, but things like vaccines aren’t.)

Me: “Yep, that’s fine. I have no issue paying.”

Receptionist: “Good, because you have to pay. You’re not getting it free.”

Me: “I know.”

Receptionist: “Because it’s not free. You have to pay.”

Me: *Pause* “Is there anything else you need from me?”

Receptionist: “No, but when you come in for the appointment you have to pay.”

Me: “Okay, bye now.”

[florida80]

Ugh… Mondays

Germany, Ignoring & Inattentive, Patients, Speech Therapy | Healthy | July 27, 2018


(I work as a speech therapist. While I mostly work with children, I have a handful of adult patients with brain damage. As most of them aren’t able to walk, I visit them at home. All of the patients have fixed appointments once or twice a week. After some recent changes, I end up with an awkward schedule — driving from one end of the town to the other, back and forth — that makes me lose about two hours a week due to driving. I plan to coordinate this better and ask all of my patients if they are okay with different times and/or dates. It works well with everyone at first. I talk to one of my patients, a senior citizen, whom I visit every Monday and Wednesday.)

Me: “I plan to change my weekly schedule. Would it be okay if we moved Monday’s sitting from 11:00 to 13:50?”

Patient: “Well, the physical therapist is there until 13:45, so it should be fine.”

(On the next Monday, I arrive at 13:55. The physical therapist is still with her.)

Me: “Oh, am I early? I am sorry. I thought you two would be done by now”

Physical Therapist: “Oh, no, we still have 15 minutes left. We always have until 14:10.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t know that. [Patient], we need to reschedule our Monday’s appointment.”

Patient: “Huh? Why? I thought it would be only once. I figured we could cut the therapy a bit shorter today and go back to normal next week.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, as I already gave that time to another patient. I am so sorry that I didn’t make it clear that the change would be permanent. My schedule is packed, but what about Tuesday, 11 o’clock instead of Monday?”

Patient: “I am at the daycare on Tuesdays and Fridays”

Me: “That isn’t a problem for me. We have lots of patients in day care. I could visit you there, if that’s okay with you?”

Patient: “Yes, let’s do this.”

Me: “Okay, so now, instead of Monday, I will visit on Tuesdays every week.”

(With everything being clear, we start practicing. On Wednesday I visit her as always, reminding her of our new permanent appointment once again. The next Tuesday, I drive to the day care facility to find her completely surprised, but not by the fact that I showed up there today.)

Patient: “Where were you yesterday?”

Me: “We’ve moved the appointment from Monday to Tuesday. That’s why I’m here today.”

Patient: “Yes, we talked about you coming here on Tuesday, but I didn’t know that meant Monday would be cancelled.”

Me: “We have to have therapy twice a week, so instead of Monday and Wednesday, we now do Tuesday and Wednesday.”

Patient: “Ah, I see.”

(We go on normally. Everything works fine for two weeks, until I get stuck in traffic one Tuesday morning and don’t make it to her. I call her to let her know. The next day, I visit as usual.)

Patient: “Where were you on Monday? I thought you’d be here on Monday.”

(I start explaining again why I can’t come in on Mondays and how we moved it to Tuesday.)

Patient: “But I thought that would be only once. I didn’t know you wanted to come to the day care every week. Every time you come, I miss out on the games and quizzes we do there.”

Me: “I am sorry, but that’s why I asked you if it’s okay before I actually changed the plan. I don’t have many options left right now.”

(I feel bad for her, as I obviously didn’t explain it to her properly, so I explain it again and make extra sure she understood what happened. Finally, I offer to sacrifice one of my lunch breaks to make room for her.)

Me: “The only open appointment would be Thursday at 11:30.”

Patient: “No, that’s not possible, either. Can’t we do Monday, 11:00?”

Me: “As I already explained, I am on a huge tour and can’t be back before 13:30, which won’t work because of the physical therapy. Is there something else you do on Thursdays?”

Patient: “No, it’s just so inconvenient. Why can’t we do Monday?”

Me: “Because I asked you if we could change the time and date. If you had said no, I wouldn’t have changed anything. But I did, and your old appointment is no longer available. What would be a more convenient time for you?”

(Surprisingly, Monday at 11 was still the only time she was willing to agree, so I had to re-reschedule about ten patients, and now I’m back to my old awkward plan.)

[florida80]

A Taste For Bad Taste

Doctor/Physician, home, Malaysia, Seremban, Silly | Healthy | July 26, 2018


(My family is friends with another family whose dad is an obstetrician/gynaecologist and also a huge joker. In our part of the world, there are sometimes weird pseudo-scientific food fads, including products containing colostrum which is the special milk that comes out just after a mother mammal gives birth — even though cow colostrum isn’t really going to help you unless you’re a calf. At a party, someone shows up with some of these “health” products:)

Friend: “Look, I brought these colostrum biscuits.”

Obstetrician: *takes one and munches on it* “Hmm, doesn’t taste like colostrum.”

[florida80]

That Explains The White Gloves

Detroit, Hospital, Michigan, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | July 26, 2018


(I am the strange one in this story. I have just woken up after a colonoscopy and my mind is still a bit fuzzy, but I still don’t know what drove me to do this.)

Doctor: “How do you feel?”

Me: “Are you Mickey Mouse?”

Doctor: “No, I’m not.”

Me: “You’re lying. Hi, Mickey!”

(I feel more awake and realize what I just said.)

Me: “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

Doctor: “That’s okay. That’s not the weirdest thing I’ve heard today.”



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[florida80]

The Rest Were Trying In Vein

Australia, Hospital, New South Wales, Patients, Sydney | Healthy | July 25, 2018


(My baby was born with a congenital heart disease and required many cannulas and blood draws in the first four weeks of her life. Nurses would try, and then call upon doctors — neonatologists and consultants — and everyone struggled. They would all talk about how small her veins were and how hard it was when she squirmed and cried as they stuck her over and over. The worst part was, when she had a cannula finally inserted, she’d often rip it out within the next couple of hours. After three open-heart surgeries, her last lots of blood are being taken to give us the all-clear to go home.)

Me: “Just be aware, everyone else who has taken blood has had a lot of trouble.”

Young Phlebotomist: *draws blood efficiently and quickly, first time* “All done.”

Me: “Oh, wow! Everyone else has had such trouble; they keep saying she’s got such small veins.”

Young Phlebotomist: “Of course she has small veins. She’s a baby!”



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[florida80]

As If Having Cancer Isn’t Already Bad Enough

Canada, Copy Shop, Jerk, Ontario | Healthy | July 25, 2018


(We have universal health care in Canada, and the card in Ontario is called an OHIP card, although OHIP does not cover everything. I am booking in a copy order when the customer notices my silicone bracelet which has, “[Friend] beats cancer,” on it.)

Customer: “That’s not a cure for cancer.”

Me: “Um, no, that’s my friend’s nickname. She’s just selling these bracelets to help support her cancer, since she has to take time off work and stuff. It’s her second time with it.”

Customer: “She must not have applied for sick leave, then!”

Me: “Um, of course she did. You don’t get your full pay on sick leave.”

Customer: “Nope, only 50%.”

Me: “Right. Hence the bracelets.”

(I try to go back to booking in her order.)

Customer: “There are lots of things she can apply for, you know. Tell her to look stuff up and do her research! She’s not trying hard enough!”

Me: “Well, I’m not one to tell her what to do about her cancer, but I will support her this way, since that’s what she’s doing. Plus, she might have to get pills this time and pay for those.”

Customer: “No, that should be free.”

Me: “Um, no, she was under the impression these drugs weren’t covered by OHIP. I think it’s just because it’s not as serious as it was the first time she had it, so she is just supposed to be getting them from the pharmacy.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I never said it would be covered by OHIP. Drugs are rarely covered by OHIP unless it’s going to save your life—” *which I beg to differ* “—but her work benefits should cover them!”

Me: “Not all of it.”

Customer: “Well, it should cover most of it!”

Me: *irritated by this point* “It depends on the jobs people have and what kind of coverage it provides.”

Customer: “Well, I know all about it! Tell her to do some research!”

(Ugh, I wanted to smack her! I didn’t, of course!)

[florida80]

Hope You Get Good Reception

Employees, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Reception, UK | Healthy | July 24, 2018


(My GP surgery usually has a two- to three-week wait for non-urgent appointments, but also has a limited number of on-the-day appointments available on a first-come-first-served basis. As these go very quickly, most people phone as soon as the surgery opens, so the phone lines are usually busy. I live close to the surgery, so I walk in just as it opens. One receptionist is on the phone, the other calls me forward.)

Me: “Hi, can I make an appointment today to see a doctor?”

Receptionist: “You have to phone for an on-the-day appointment.”

Me: “I… have to call? I can’t make one right here?”

Receptionist: “No, you have to phone.”

Me: “Why can’t I make one now?”

Receptionist: *glaring* “You have to phone. You can’t just walk in and book it.”

Me: “What’s the difference?”

Receptionist: “You have to phone.”

Me: “Okaaaay…”

(I step literally two steps away from the desk, pull out my mobile, and dial the surgery. Nobody else is waiting, so the receptionist is now free to answer the phones. Glaring at me the entire time, she answers the phone… to me.)

Receptionist: “[Surgery], how can I help?”

Me: “I’d like to make an appointment today, please.”

(The other receptionist had finished her call at this point, and just sat there open-mouthed looking backwards and forwards between us as I made an appointment, over the phone, with the receptionist sitting right in front of me.)

[florida80]

Read The Bloody Chart

Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, New York, USA | Healthy | July 24, 2018


(I start menstruating at 12 years old, but my periods never become regular over time like they are supposed to. Sometimes they last three days, sometimes six or seven. Sometimes I wait three weeks between periods, sometimes five or six weeks. For a while, it doesn’t bother me, but when I am 22, I decide to go to a gynecologist and ask if there is anything to worry about. I should also note that I look very young and am often mistaken for a teenager. At the doctor’s office, I am taken to an exam room where the nurse takes my history and tells me the doctor will be there in a few minutes.)

Doctor: *does not look at my chart* “I hear you’re concerned that your period isn’t regular yet.”

Me: “That’s right; it’s always a surprise. I just want to make sure it’s nothing I should be worried about.”

Doctor: *condescendingly* “Well, it’s not uncommon for periods to be irregular after they start. It can take a few years for your period to become regular.”

Me: *realizing she thinks I’m a teenager* “Ten? Is ten enough years? Because it’s been ten years.”

(The doctor goes white, quickly grabs my chart, and realizes I’m older than she assumed.)

Doctor: “Oh! It definitely should be regular by now; let’s run some blood work.”

[florida80]

Shouldn’t Have Followed The White Rabbit

Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Non-Dialogue, Pet Store, Pets & Animals, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | July 23, 2018


I work for a very small, in-state pet store chain. All of us employees are major animal lovers and have pet experience of some kind or another; it’s pretty much a requirement if you want to get a job there. We offer, among other things, nail clippings. Most of the animals we see come in are obviously loved and well-cared for, especially if their owners are regulars. However, that’s not always the case.

A customer came in with a year-old male rabbit of an unidentified breed for a nail clipping. Rabbits don’t come in too often, but things seem fairly normal. Things started to get weird — in hindsight, anyway — when the customer asked us for any vets in the area that took rabbits. Apparently, the rabbit hadn’t been eating for three months — later corrected to three weeks — and she felt that something was wrong. Oh, boy, she had no idea.

According to my coworker who clipped the rabbit, he yawned during the clipping, revealing some very overgrown incisors. How overgrown, you may ask? So overgrown that the lower teeth were starting to poke into the poor bunny’s nostrils. Worse, he had matted fur on his butt, consistent with sitting in a cage for long periods of time. Even worse than that, the nails themselves turned out to be nearly an inch long. And considering he hadn’t been eating for so long, it was a wonder that he was still alive and not emaciated. The rabbit was also a total sweetheart, further adding to the heartbreak.

To make matters worse, the customer left the store for nearly an hour. We practically ceased all operations looking for her and figuring out what to do with the rabbit, since, as time ticked by, we gave up hope of her ever coming back for it. Thankfully, the customer did come back; it turned out she just stopped by the dollar store nearby. Once we told her the condition of her rabbit, she was genuinely shocked, especially when we showed her his teeth. It turns out that not only was she not getting his teeth trimmed, but she only gave him paper towel tubes to chew on, because, “That’s what Google said,” hence the overgrown lower incisors. And yet she wondered why he wasn’t eating!

We finally managed to give her the address of the nearest 24-hour emergency vet clinic to get the rabbit some fluids and grind down his teeth. We also gave her tips on how to get rid of the mats safely and recommended getting the rabbit out of the cage more often. She thanked us deeply, paid for the clipping, and left with the rabbit in tow, hopefully to the vet. I sincerely hope the owner learned from this experience and will start taking better care of the sweet little thing, but at the same time just thinking about it still pisses me off. No matter how understanding the lady was, I will never get over how much she neglected that poor little rabbit.

Moral of the story? Some people really should not own pets, and those who do should do their research before getting it.

[florida80]

Pet Owners Are Barking Mad

Animal Abuse, Bar, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pets & Animals, UK, Weather | Healthy | July 23, 2018


(The UK has been struggling with a heatwave. We’ve just finished a lunch rush and things are a little quieter. We just cleaning up the bar area while people finish up their food when my coworker and I hear the most awful, rasping panting from a dog entering the door. An older couple enter with their small dog, who is barely able to to walk in a straight line, and sit themselves down at a table. The woman approaches us.)

Woman: “Hi, are you still serving food?

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Would you like some water for your dog before you order? We want to make all of our guests to be comfortable.”

(I ask this because I’m increasingly concerned for the dog’s wellbeing — its panting is sounding significantly worse and it is drooling excessively for a small dog — but I don’t want to sound too nosey.)

Woman: “Oh, no, he’s fine. He’s just tired from our walk up [Popular Tourist Cliff Walk about 2.5 miles long]. We have some water, anyway.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

(I take her order and serve their drinks quickly, watching the dog drink almost half a litre of water rapidly with no change in comfort. Just as I go to check on another table, the dog gets briefly to its feet to vomit violently, only to collapse into the vomit. I quickly try to keep my other customers, including children, calm while the dog’s owners seem oblivious to the severity of its condition, which is now clearly heatstroke.)

Woman: “Oh, dear, someone’s drank too quickly and is tired!” *to my coworker and myself* “Will you be dears and help us clean up?”

(My coworker goes to clean up the vomit while I swiftly go into the kitchen to explain the situation to my boss, who is also the chef.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss], I think we have a dog with heatstroke out there. Is there anything we can do? I’m willing to call [Friend of mine who is a veterinary nurse], if you’d like.”

Boss: “There’s not much we can do, [My Name]; it’s not our dog. Offer to call [Vet a few miles up the road] for them and try to get them to go there; otherwise, you just have to continue as normal. I’m sorry.”

(I go back out and do as I’ve been told to do, offering help as much as I can.)

Woman: “I’m sure he’s fine. We’ll consider it if he doesn’t improve by the time our food comes out.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. No problem.”

(I try to continue with my other tasks while still watching for any change in the dog. A few minutes later, the food is ready and I take it out to them. The dog is still severely panting, and the owners have now taken the water away to stop him from vomiting it up again. I have to bite my tongue and say nothing, cleaning dirty glasses behind the bar so I can listen to them talking and be ready to do something if the dog ends up going into shock or a seizure.)

Woman: *to a concerned customer* “Oh, he didn’t make it to the top of [Cliff Walk], but luckily we had a deck chair with us and we used that as a stretcher to carry him there! It was beautiful up there, you know? The sun and the heat was warming up all of our old bones wonderfully! There weren’t any other dogs, either, so we had most of the cliff to ourselves! It really was fantastic.”

(The couple left with their dog after an agonisingly long time eating their food, with all of us encouraging them to go to the vet again before they left. Several hours later when my shift ended, I went to the vets to pick up some wormers for my own pets only to find out the couple hadn’t come in. It wasn’t until the next morning my friend texted me to let me know they ended up coming in during the night. They had found the dog unresponsive in its own vomit again shortly after coming back to their caravan after visiting friends. The poor little thing died of heatstroke less than an hour later. I can’t help wishing I could have done more, and that the owners had not been so stupid as to take their dog for a walk in that heat.)

[florida80]

Makes You Wish You Could Just Die(late)

Arizona, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Phoenix, Restaurant, Strangers, USA | Healthy | July 22, 2018


(I have just had an eye exam. This time I need mine dilated. The exam is good, and afterward, my grandma and I decided to head to [Restaurant] for breakfast. Note that, per doctor’s orders — and because I’m not stupid — I have my sunglasses on inside the restaurant itself. Any logical person would mind their own d*** business, despite there being a young adult sitting in a room with her back towards the window with sunglasses on. One lady, however, doesn’t get that and comes up to the table.)

Lady: “Why do you have sunglasses on?”

Me: *because it’s loud and I can’t hear well* “I’m sorry?”

Lady: “I said, ‘Why do you have your sunglasses on in here?!’ You’re high, aren’t you? You must be high!”

Me: *trying to keep a polite approach in the hopes that she leaves* “Ma’am, I can assure you, I’ve never even touched marijuana.”

Lady: “That’s what a pothead would say!”

Me: “So, because I have my sunglasses on inside, I’m a pothead, am I?”

Lady: “Yes, you f****** are! That stuff is bad for you!”

Me: “Certainly, because I’m allergic to the smell.”

(This is true. I get incredibly dizzy with the smell of weed.)

Lady: “You’re lying! You just had a blunt, and now you’re having a case of the munchies!”

Me: “Please, leave us alone.”

Lady: “Not until you leave!”

(I’m annoyed and have a headache from the noise, and my eyes are hurting, and I’m hangry. I move my sunglasses so she can see my eyes.)

Me: “THEY’RE BIG, NOT RED!”

(The lady, I guess not expecting a 4’11” girl to snap, stepped back and scurried off to whatever she was doing before. I can get not being a fan of weed — like I said, I have an allergy with the smell of it — but even if I had been smoking it, what good would yelling at me do? Sometimes just keep your opinion to yourself.)

[florida80]

A Very Secure Argument

Bad Behavior, Hospital, Patients, USA | Healthy | July 19, 2018


(I work in a children’s hospital. Like most hospitals, we have a code system for emergencies. In our hospital, Code Pink is missing child — either patient, or sibling or friend visitor. We are responding to a Code Pink involving a teenager girl — here after an attempted suicide — who has gone missing from her room. Part of the response is that everyone needs to stay where they are when the code is issued, while the nurses search every room in their unit and allied health professionals man the doors between units. I’m an allied health professional, so I’m guarding the door between two units. It’s also right before visitors are supposed to leave for the night. Several visitors come to me, trying to leave to go home.)

Me: “We’re searching for a missing child at the moment, so please return to your child’s room until we notify you that our search is completed.”

Most People: “Oh, absolutely. I hope you find them quickly.”

Man: “Well, I’m tired, and I’m going home.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you cannot leave right now.”

Man: “Well, I’m leaving.”

Me: “With all due respect, no, you aren’t. Even if you get past me, no one is coming in or out of the hospital right now.”

Man: *starts to push past me* “I’m leaving.”

Me: “You will be stopped at the main door by security, anyway. We need everyone to stay where they are.”

Man: “I’ll get through security, too.”

Me: “May I remind you that security has pepper spray and tasers? Sir, I’m sure you can imagine that we take a missing child very seriously, and security is not going to play games with you.”

(He dejectedly went back to his room. For those worried, it turns out that the girl’s “friends” were trying to break her out of the hospital. She was 17. They were 18. They made it to the train station outside. They got charged with kidnapping.)

[florida80]

Waiting For Cancer

Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | July 16, 2018


The nearest clinic that takes my insurance is a pretty far drive for me, so I try to book multiple medical appointments for the same day, or at least get more than one thing scheduled each time I go in. On this particular day, I’ve booked two appointments: one consultation that should take about thirty minutes, and a prescription renewal for a psychiatric medication that should only be about fifteen minutes. The receptionist and I agree that it makes sense to put in some buffer time, just in case the consultation takes a little longer than expected, so my psychiatric appointment is scheduled to start fifteen minutes after my consultation should end.

I arrive at the clinic fifteen minutes early, check in for both my appointments, remind the receptionist of my schedule, and settle into the waiting room. It’s not unusual for appointments at this clinic to run a few minutes late, so I’m not surprised when we’re five minutes past my first appointment time and I haven’t been called back; I left the buffer time for a reason. However, by the time we approach the twenty-minute mark, I’m pretty concerned. I go to the desk and ask, and the receptionist promises someone will be with me soon. I remind him that I have the second appointment, and he tells me that the psychiatrist’s schedule isn’t jammed, so if I’m a few minutes late, that’s all right. I’m getting a little annoyed, but I try to let it go and go back to wait.

Another ten minutes pass before a nurse brings me back to take my vitals, at what was supposed to be the end of my appointment time. I ask him about the delays, and he tells me that it will be fine and the doctor will be right with me, and leaves me in the office, alone.

I wait in the office for another twenty minutes, now officially five minutes into my psychiatric appointment time, before I step back into the front office. The receptionist says that the consulting doctor’s schedule is completely backed up, so he sends me back to do my psychiatric appointment while I wait. The psychiatrist is very understanding when I explain the whole confusion, and we’re just starting to talk about my medication when another doctor throws the door open without knocking first. Apparently, this is my consulting doctor.

She’s very angry, and starts laying into the psychiatrist, yelling about how it was absolutely unprofessional for him to take me back before I’d met with her, how it was screwing up her whole schedule, and how my consultation today was already going to be difficult, going into details about why it would be. Finally, she turns to me and tells me that if I want to meet with her at all, I have to do it now, because her schedule is so tight today. The psychiatrist tells me to go ahead, and he’ll talk to the receptionist and make sure I can still see him today.

I really don’t want to deal with this woman, but the consultation is for a cancer screening, for a fast-acting type that runs in my family. I’m high risk for it, and if I have it, even the few weeks it might take to rebook a consultation with a less-PO’d doctor could seriously impact my treatment. She’s professional enough during my appointment, and can tell me that I am, in fact, cancer-free, but I’m still very uncomfortable with her.

Luckily, I am able to rebook the psychiatric consultation after just another twenty-minute wait, although I’m now here over an hour later than I’d planned to be. I’m ready to just run out as quickly as I can, but the psychiatrist asks me if I can stay and speak to a staff member about my experience today.

Turns out, the reason there was a twenty-minute wait was because he filed a report against the other doctor for barging into my appointment with him without even knocking first, and then for yelling at him, including information about my appointment in her rant that he had no reason to know, since it didn’t relate to his treatment of me. I’m not sure if what she did was technically a HIPPA violation, or if it just violated the clinic’s policy, but when I go to book another appointment six months later, and specify that I’d like to be seen by any doctor except her, I’m told that she’s no longer with the clinic.

[florida80]

Hopefully You Have A Good Vinyl Collection

Australia, Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, Sydney | Healthy | July 15, 2018


(I am allergic to both latex and nitrile, but they’re both relatively new allergies for me, so I don’t think to mention them at first. I need blood taken, so the nurse and I are chatting as she gets the vials ready. As she reaches for the gloves, I notice the box.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. I forgot to say, I’m allergic to both latex and nitrile. Do you have different gloves?”

(The nurse looks at the box, as well.)

Nurse: “These are latex free.”

Me: “I know, but they’re usually nitrile, and I’m allergic to that, too. Do you have vinyl?”

(She grabs a box of vinyl gloves for me.)

Nurse: “Do you know how often I need to wear these? Maybe once a year. They’re horrible! They’re too big, and they feel awful on your hands! I hate them so much!”

(She continued to complain about the gloves as she took my blood. I know vinyl gloves are horrible; I have to wear them for work, too. But I’d also rather not spend the next few hours itching because I got latex or nitrile on my skin!)

[florida80]

Has Been Trying In Vein

Bad Behavior, Blood Donation, Employees, Jerk, New York, USA | Healthy | July 14, 2018


(I have been donating blood at least twice a year ever since I was 18 years old. Once the needle gets into a vein, I have no problems filling the bag. The problem is my veins tend to “squirm” under my skin, and if they don’t get pierced straight on, they have a habit of popping. Due to this, I am rather used to them needing multiple attempts to stick me. One time, I go in to make my donation, and after doing all of the paperwork, I am sat on the bench. The phlebotomist — blood drawer — walks up with a young guy.)

Phlebotomist: “Mr. [My Name]? This is [Trainee], and he is a trainee with us. He is almost done with his training. Would you be okay if he did the needle insertion on you today?”

Me: “I mean, it’s fine with me, but he might have a hard time. I’m sometimes hard to stick.”

Phlebotomist: “Okay, [Trainee], I’ll be over there if you need me.”

(The phlebotomist then walks away to go do a draw from another donor across the room.)

Me: “All right, [Trainee], looks like it’s just the two of us. Just to warn you, my veins tend to squirm a bit, and are easy to pop. Just take your time.”

Trainee: “Don’t worry, sir. This should be easy. Just squeeze on this ball, and… Shoot.”

(He slid the needle into my arm, and, like I warned him, my vein moved out of the way. He tries to change the angle of the needle while it is in my arm, causing a good bit of pain, and then scrapes the side of the vein, popping it.)

Trainee: “Darn! Don’t worry; this is fine. There is another vein I can use. Just make sure you sit still, please. Please squeeze. D***!”

(Another squirm and another pop, luckily with no digging inside of my flesh this time.)

Me: “Do you think you should get your trainer to come and look?”

Trainee: “No, sir. I am almost fully trained, and I have done this before. Is it okay if I move over to your other arm and give that one a shot?”

Me: “Sure, but you are going to have the same problem over there.”

(He moves over to my other side, cleans the skin, ties off the band, pokes at my vein with his finger a couple of times, and lines up the needle.)

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want to call your trainer over?”

Trainee: “I’m sure, sir. This will be fine. Just please don’t move while I’m inserting the needle. Squeeze. Fu… Um… Hey, [Phlebotomist], could you come over for a second, please?”

(He has managed to pop the third vein, and when extracting the needle, he ripped my skin a bit, causing me to start bleeding. When the phlebotomist gets over, he says to her:)

Trainee: “I don’t know what this guy is doing, but he keeps moving his veins while I’m working.”

Phlebotomist: “I doubt he is doing it on purpose. Let me try another vein, and I’ll show you how to do it.”

Trainee: “Umm… I already tried both elbows, and the veins all popped under me.”

Phlebotomist: “Why didn’t you call me when you started having trouble?”

Trainee: “It would have been fine if he hadn’t been wiggling his veins. Look, I tried both in his left arm, and one in his right, but his right is bleeding now, so I can’t do the other. Do you think I should go for an artery?”

Phlebotomist & Me: “WHAT?!”

Phlebotomist: “NO! YOU DO NOT TAKE BLOOD FROM AN ARTERY! NOT WITH THE TRAINING YOU HAVE! That donor over there is almost full; go take his needle out when he is done, and point him to the snacks.”

(The trainee walks away, muttering something under his breath that I can only assume is more blaming me for moving my veins. The phlebotomist apologizes profusely, saying that she hasn’t had any trouble with him yet today, he has been good with other donors, etc. As they can’t get blood from popped veins, she tells me to come back in a month after they have healed up. As I’m walking to the front door, I walk past the trainee, who gives me a glare, and says:)

Trainee: “Next time, sir, please hold still while we are inserting the needle.”

(When I went back in, the phlebotomist recognized me, and came up to apologize again, and said that the trainee no longer worked there, at least partially due to the fact that he kept blaming the donors if anything went wrong.)

[florida80]

Did You Write This With Your Feet?

Costa Rica, Doctor/Physician, Language & Words, Medical Office | Healthy | July 13, 2018


(Recently I discovered I have a mass next to my right knee; this, mixed with constant pain on my back, makes me go to a doctor. She recommends I get x-rays for both knees and back, and gives me a paper with all the indications for the professional in charge. Problem is, I can’t understand the handwriting, but she assures me they will.)

Receptionist: *on the phone* “Welcome to [Clinic]. How can I help you?”

Me: “I need two x-rays for my back and knees, as well as an ultrasound of my right knee.”

Receptionist: “What kind?”

Me: *tries to read indications* “Sorry, I can’t read my doc’s note.”

Receptionist: “Send it to us through [number].”

(I do, and wait ten minutes for the receptionist to return to the phone.)

Receptionist: “According to this, you need one x-ray of your knee, one of your feet, and one ultrasound. Be here at 10:20 am.”

Me: *not really paying attention* “Okay, great. I’ll be there.”

(I go in and pay first. Just then, I notice the x-ray for my back is missing. The receptionist asks for my instructions and shows me it doesn’t mention my back, only knees and feet. At first I let it go… but eventually it bothers me, so I call the doctor.)

Me: “Doc, I’m sorry to bother. Why didn’t you send me to get an x-ray of my back? The instructions only say knees and feet.”

Doctor: “Mmm, send over the instructions through a message, please.”

(I do.)

Doctor: “[My Name], it doesn’t say, ‘of feet,’ it says, ‘Take x-ray of back while on her feet.’”

(Penmanship is important, kids!)

[florida80]

Filling In Her Memory

Bad Behavior, Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, USA | Healthy | July 12, 2018


(When I was a teenager I had two fillings put into separate back molars. The dentist didn’t wait until I was properly numb to do it, and both of them ended up coming out within the next few days while I was just watching TV. My family wasn’t exactly the best and didn’t believe me when I told them they came out, so I didn’t go back. Fast-forward to about a year ago. I’m out on a date, and I bite down with one of the teeth and the whole thing shatters into five pieces. I make an emergency appointment with the only dentist in town that can take me on such short notice — the dentist from before — and suffer for a day or two until I go in. When the dentist comes in and asks me why I’m there, I tell her about the tooth being shattered. She visibly rolls her eyes at my expense and takes a look, only to freeze in shock.)

Dentist: “Oh! It’s actually shattered. You know, that happens when you don’t get your cavities filled.”

Me: “I’d had it filled before, but it wasn’t done right and came out the next day. I was under eighteen, and my family wouldn’t bring me back.”

Dentist: “And you didn’t eat anything you weren’t supposed to?”

Me: “No, it wasn’t my first filling, and I followed the instructions.”

Dentist: “Well, whoever did the filling obviously didn’t know what they were doing.”

Me: “Well, you’re not too far off the mark, since you’re the one who did it.”

(She suddenly remembered me and actually looked embarrassed. She never apologized, but she was extra careful with explaining my options and giving me a crown — making sure I was properly numb this time — and when I went to pay, she’d knocked down the price a bit. This isn’t the only horrible story I have about her, but this was the last time I let her work on me. I’m glad we finally got a new practice in town and I can go somewhere else.)

[florida80]

A Good Comeback Helps The Medicine Go Down

Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | July 12, 2018


(I am in high school, and for this semester I need to have a physical done so that I can participate in a mandatory PE class. My mom brings me over to the doctor’s office the school recommends, since our regular GP is currently out of town. At this time in my life, I am very active; I regularly go to karate lessons, hike, swim, and go mountain biking. I also take after my mother’s side of the family, who are built very squarish: short, with broad shoulders and hips. After going through all of the questions and tests, we have this gem of a conversation.)

Nurse: “It looks like everything is in order. Just remember that walking from the fridge to the couch is not ‘exercise.’”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Nurse: “Honey, calling it ‘hiking’ doesn’t make it any better for you.” *she turns to my mother* “Especially with that as an example.”

Mom: “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize that judgemental comments were part of the package. We don’t have to pay extra for them, do we?”

(The nurse looked shocked, but we got the paperwork we needed and headed out. We also let the doctor know about his nurse’s behavior.)

[florida80]

Their Brain Is In Another Box

Airport, Bizarre, Health & Body, Non-Dialogue, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | July 11, 2018


I work at a medical courier company. Basically, I go to different hospitals and pick up and drop off blood and urine samples because different hospitals are equipped to do different kinds of tests. There are some cases where the samples have to be sent on a plane because only a couple hospitals in the country do those certain tests. I go to the airport, where I drop off the box of samples. The box is big and clearly marked, “Biohazard,” and there are some stickers that say, “Biological Substances.”

I’m in line, and a woman comes up to me, looks me straight in the face, and asks, “So, is that like… arms and legs?” I just looked at her for a good 15 seconds before saying, “No

[florida80]

A Lack Of Blood To Their Brain

Blood Donation, France, Ignoring & Inattentive, Reception | Healthy | July 10, 2018


(I am a regular blood donator, something like ten times already in around five years, but I haven’t donated my platelets for almost a year due to a lack of time. I regularly get vocal messages from the Blood Donation Center asking me if I would agree to a new donation. This time, I call them back, around 20 minutes after the original call. I moved to [City #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ], and the Blood Donation Center here does not have the proper equipment to perform platelet donation, so I am required to go back to [City #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] to do it, which I can only do during weekends.)

Me: “Hello, you just called me for a platelet donation. I would like to schedule an appointment, but I can only come to [City #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ] during weekends as I’m living in [City #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ], and I know I can’t do this at the local blood donation center.”

Lady: “Oh, yeah, please let me check.”

(She puts me on hold for around three minutes, which is rather unusual. I’m a bit busy, so it gets on my nerves, but hey, it’s supporting a good cause.)

Lady: “Well, [City #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) ]’s center never had the proper equipment for platelet donation.”

Me: “Yes, I know. That’s why I want an appointment in [City #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) ], on a weekend.”

Lady: “Well, okay. I have something on [date two weeks later] at 10:00 or 10:30; is that okay for you?”

Me: “Yeah, 10:30 would be perfect.”

Lady: “So 10:00.”

Me: “No, 10:30.”

Lady: “Okay. May I have your name?”

Me: “It’s [My Name].”

Lady: “I can’t find you. You’re not in the registry. You never donated your platelets, did you?”

Me: “Well, how could you call me, and leave me a vocal message asking me to come back to donate platelets, if I’m not in your registry?”

Lady: “I can’t find you. You’re not in the registry. If you had ever donated blood or platelets, you would be in the registry.”

Me: “You see, that’s also why I almost never call back.”

(I called back the next day, got another lady on the phone, and surprisingly — not really — got an appointment booked, as she very easily found me in the registry.)

[florida80]

A Lack Of Blood To Their Brain

Blood Donation, France, Ignoring & Inattentive, Reception | Healthy | July 10, 2018


(I am a regular blood donator, something like ten times already in around five years, but I haven’t donated my platelets for almost a year due to a lack of time. I regularly get vocal messages from the Blood Donation Center asking me if I would agree to a new donation. This time, I call them back, around 20 minutes after the original call. I moved to [City #1], and the Blood Donation Center here does not have the proper equipment to perform platelet donation, so I am required to go back to [City #2] to do it, which I can only do during weekends.)

Me: “Hello, you just called me for a platelet donation. I would like to schedule an appointment, but I can only come to [City #2] during weekends as I’m living in [City #1], and I know I can’t do this at the local blood donation center.”

Lady: “Oh, yeah, please let me check.”

(She puts me on hold for around three minutes, which is rather unusual. I’m a bit busy, so it gets on my nerves, but hey, it’s supporting a good cause.)

Lady: “Well, [City #1]’s center never had the proper equipment for platelet donation.”

Me: “Yes, I know. That’s why I want an appointment in [City #2], on a weekend.”

Lady: “Well, okay. I have something on [date two weeks later] at 10:00 or 10:30; is that okay for you?”

Me: “Yeah, 10:30 would be perfect.”

Lady: “So 10:00.”

Me: “No, 10:30.”

Lady: “Okay. May I have your name?”

Me: “It’s [My Name].”

Lady: “I can’t find you. You’re not in the registry. You never donated your platelets, did you?”

Me: “Well, how could you call me, and leave me a vocal message asking me to come back to donate platelets, if I’m not in your registry?”

Lady: “I can’t find you. You’re not in the registry. If you had ever donated blood or platelets, you would be in the registry.”

Me: “You see, that’s also why I almost never call back.”

(I called back the next day, got another lady on the phone, and surprisingly — not really — got an appointment booked, as she very easily found me in the registry.)

[florida80]

Sick Burn, Bro!

Doctor/Physician, Extra Stupid, Germany, Health & Body, home, Siblings | Healthy | July 10, 2018


(The minute my brother graduates from medical school, my family turns him into their private doctor. Every little ailment or problem is run by him, even if it’s something completely normal. Our grandparents especially tend to call him at the oddest times to ask about this thing hurting or this bit feeling weird. One day in my kitchen, I burn myself very badly all over my upper arm. I don’t have time or money to go to the ER or see a doctor, so I just treat it the way I learned in first-aid class. It heals fine, except the area of skin is now a darker shade than the rest, and rougher.)

Brother: *noticing the dark, scarred areas a few weeks later* “[My Name], what’s that? It looks like burn marks.”

Me: “Yep. I burned myself with boiling water, but I treated it this way–” *explains everything I did*

Brother: “Okay, luckily you did do everything properly, but I’m still angry. You’re literally the first one in the family to actually need my medical expertise, and you didn’t ask for it?!”

Me: “I didn’t want to bother you like the grandparents do all the time.”

Brother: “You had second degree burns! Maybe even third! You should’ve seen a doctor, like your own brother.”

(I agree now that I was young, naive, and quite dumb not to call him. I’m planning to cover the scars with tattoos, anyway. My brother has requested at least one tattoo dedicated to him to remind me of my own stupidity.)

[florida80]

OMG-YN

Columbus, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Ohio, Silly, USA | Healthy | July 9, 2018


(After 20 years of seeing only female OB/GYNs, I have moved to a new city and can only get in to see a male gynecologist. I have been reassured by a friend, who is also a doctor, that he is one of the best in his field, but I’m nervous even after chatting with him at his desk. Once I’m by myself and getting “into the position” in an exam room, I notice only one stirrup is up, leaving my foot away from the wall hanging loose.)

Doctor: *knocks politely before entering* “Okay, are you settled in?”

Me: “Well, I couldn’t scoot to the edge of the table because only one stirrup is working. Is it broken?”

Doctor: *smiling and wincing* “No, I just wait until I’m seated to move up that one. Walking into it once was enough to never let that happen again.”

Me: *realizing it would be at groin level for him as well as for me* “Well, that is an occupational hazard I wouldn’t have considered!”

(He’s still my doctor a dozen years later.)

[florida80]

When Patients Need Patience

Bad Behavior, California, Hospital, Jerk, Los Angeles, Nurses, Patients, Time, USA | Healthy | July 8, 2018


(I am in the waiting room of an OBGYN office I’ve never been to before. It is the only one in the area that is in my HMO insurance network. It’s late morning; appointments are not meant to be longer than 20 minutes, so I am planning to attend classes afterwards. When I walk in, I’m told that there is an extremely long wait time, even though we all have timed appointments — and are actually meant to be seen at that time. Though every hospital and office in this entire HMO company has a policy that if a patient checks in more than 15 minutes late they lose their appointment, obviously no equal rules have ever applied to providers being penalized for lateness. I have waited an hour already. Another patient, who is waiting for the same doctor, is sitting next to me with her newborn baby.)

Patient: “Oh, yeah. It’s aaaaalways been this way in this office for as long as I’ve been coming here. They’re aaaaalways extremely behind schedule.”

(This is not reassuring; since she’s got a baby, one can assume she’s been a patient with frequent appointments here for at least nine months.)

Patient: “Yeah, that’s why I’ve always made sure to get the very first appointment super-early in the morning. That’s absolutely the only way to get out of here on time. I just couldn’t manage it today. Oh, but don’t worry; I’ll be super-quick with my appointment, only five minutes. So you all won’t have to wait too much longer!”

(It’s nice of her, but we’re all already extremely late, anyway. I’m pretty appalled that a woman with a newborn is being made to wait around like this for well over an hour; luckily, her baby keeps on sleeping. I also wonder, if this office always runs severely late, why don’t they at least warn patients when we make our appointments? Many patients go up to ask the nurses several times what is going on with the excessive wait time. From overhearing them, it becomes clear that at least half a dozen of them are waiting for the same doctor I am, who appears to be the main cause of waiting-room congestion. The nurses seem extremely practiced at politely fobbing us off while giving non-answers about why this is happening or how much longer it’ll be, as well as pretending to be helpless and confused themselves, while giving off the heavy impression that this is actually all “business as usual.” I’m extremely unhappy; there is no end to the wait in sight, and it’s clear I’ll miss my classes. In other circumstances I’d just leave, but I am there because of suspicion of a uterine tumor and absolutely need to have tests done. Most people resign themselves to waiting, except for one young woman, who checked in 20 minutes after me, and keeps on whining to the nurses over and over. After waiting less than an hour, she starts going towards the exit door in showy slow-motion, while she declares extra loudly to the entire room that she’s leaving since she must get back to her job. I feel extremely skeptical of this, as she is dressed very unprofessionally, even by the standards of the most casual minimum-wage job, and has multiple large, prominent facial piercings.)

Nurse: “Oh, no! No, Ms. [Whiny Patient], don’t leave!”

Whiny Patient: “Oh, I absolutely have to get back to work! There’s no way I can stay here any longer!”

Nurse: “If you wait just a moment, I’ll go right away to ask the doctor if she can accommodate you sooner! Just wait right here!”

(The nurse goes inside the medical office, and comes back within two minutes to call the whiny patient in to be seen by the doctor immediately. I am shocked, as I know this girl was in line behind me, and there’s still at least one other person in front of me, as well. I go up to the nurses again.)

Me: “Excuse me, but I believe that young woman who just went in is seeing the same doctor as me, and several other people here.”

Nurse: “Well, yes, she is in with [Doctor].”

Me: “Did you really just call her in ahead of all of us, including those that were here first?!”

Nurse: “Well, yes. You see, she is in a very great hurry to get back to work. So we just had to see her now. [Doctor] did her a favor and managed to squeeze her in sooner.” *without appearing to realize the actual obvious meaning of that sentence*

Me: “Oh, my God, really?! [Doctor] did her a favor and squeezed her in?! What you’re actually saying is you talked Dr. [Doctor] into seeing her sooner, at all of the rest of our expense, without even consulting us! Neither [Doctor] nor any of you lost anything by doing this! You all just chose to steal several other people’s time for your own convenience of not having to explain the reason behind the patient’s appointment cancellation after she’d already showed up and paid for it! Wow, I wish I’d thought of getting up, whining a lot, and loudly threatening to leave; apparently it would have gotten me seen a lot sooner, too!”

(Even besides me, there were very good odds that some of the other patients also had to get to work — no one was even asked. But we all acted like adults and dealt with it instead of making a loud fuss to skip ahead of others in line. The nurse and doctor just decided that since we didn’t throw up a fuss, it automatically meant our time was worthless compared to [Whiny Patient]’s, and could be taken away from us with no notice. [Whiny Patient]’s appointment was not quick in the least. By the time she left, and then they finished with the other patient ahead of me, I was called in a whopping hour and 42 minutes later than my scheduled appointment time. While [Doctor] seemed likable and competent in person — once I finally got to see her — I couldn’t help questioning both her character and her competency in my head through the entire appointment because of the unprofessional mess with the waiting room. After leaving there, since they’d already ensured I would fully miss all my classes that day, I went straight up a couple of floors in the hospital, to the Member Services department– where they saw me very promptly, even with no appointment — and submitted a complaint face-to-face with a nice, attentive employee who typed up everything I told him. I made sure to tell him every detail, including the 1:40 wait time and the long-time patient who told me that the OBGYN office always operates this way. It’s been several years, and I have never gone back to that office.)

[florida80]

Initially Brilliant

Friends, home, Norway, Patients, Silly | Healthy | July 7, 2018


(A close friend of mine is visiting me for dinner. She has leukemia, but is in remission at this point. It should probably be noted that we share a pretty dark sense of humor, which is how we both cope with her illness.)

Me: “What have you been doing lately?”

Friend: “I had tests at [Only Major Hospital in the area] this week.”

Me: “Oh, that sucks. I was there with mom when she had tests done a few years back, and the wait was horrible. There’s always so many people!”

Friend: “Oh, I got seen pretty quickly.”

Me: “Did you get there early, or was it good timing?”

Friend: “No, I just put [Initials] in the top corner of the admission forms, and they took me right in.”

Me: “What do they mean?”

Friend: “It’s the shorthand code for ‘to be seen immediately.’ My doctors used it all the time. I just put it in myself, now.”

Me: *laughing* “I knew you were wicked! You’re skipping the line in the hospital?”

Friend: *also laughing* “Hey, I have cancer! And also better things to do with my time than wait in line.”

(Unfortunately, her cancer returned, twice, and she lost the battle against it several years ago. But stories like this one still make me laugh when I tell people about her.)

[florida80]

How Dare You Stop To Eat?!

Comeuppance, Illinois, Jerk, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | July 6, 2018


(I go to the pharmacy department of a larger than normal location of a major retailer. It’s about 2:25 pm, and the gates to the pharmacy counter are down with a sign apologizing for being closed for lunch. There are about four people ahead of me in line. Though I am in a hurry, I decide to stay since the sign states that they will reopen in five minutes. Four minutes later, the gates reopen, and the pharmacist is at the counter alone, since her support staff hasn’t returned yet. She greets the first man in line.)

Pharmacist: “Thank you for waiting. How may I help you, sir?”

Man: “I’m here to pick up my prescription, under [Man].”

(The pharmacist verifies personal information with the man.)

Man: *as the pharmacist is ringing up the order* “I had to wait ten minutes for you guys to open! It’s just ridiculous that—”

Pharmacist: *cutting the man off, in a tone that is both mockingly concerned, and professional* “Yes, sir, it is ridiculous that I have to work a ten-hour shift, and am only allowed twenty minutes to sit down and eat in the back of this store. I’m so sorry that you had to wait that short amount of time. Your total is [amount].”

(The man said nothing further, refused to make eye contact with anyone, paid, and left. By then, her staff had returned, and the pharmacist went to the back of the work area, immediately answering the phone. The staff made short work of the rest of the people in line, who all were friendly to the workers. I was out the door before 2:40 pm.)

[florida80]

Got The Baby Blues

Bad Behavior, Emergency Services, Ignoring & Inattentive, UK, Wales | Healthy | July 6, 2018


(A few years ago, my brother worked in a 999 call centre, and he told us about a conversation that went roughly like this.)

Woman: “I was bathing my baby and she turned blue.”

Brother: “Where is your baby now?”

Woman: “Up in the bath.”

Brother: “On her own?”

Woman: “Yes.”

[florida80]

How To Treat Dog-Breath

Canada, Extra Stupid, Ontario, Pharmacy, Strangers, Toronto | Healthy | July 6, 2018


(I am a veterinary technician and sometimes I leave work still wearing scrubs.)

Cashier: “So, you work at the dental office in this plaza, right?”

Me: “Nope, I’m a veterinary technician. I work at the vet clinic over there.” *gesturing*

Other Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “I’m a nurse for animals.”

Other Customer: “Oh. There’s this mouth-wash I’ve been meaning to try. The stuff from [Human Brand]. Can you tell me if it’s any good?”

Me: “Um… I’m a veterinary technician. I nurse animals.”

Other Customer: “It’s all the same. So, can you tell me if the mouthwash is any good?”

[florida80]

Some People Don’t Deserve Dogs

Bad Behavior, Pennsylvania, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | July 5, 2018


(I recently started working as a veterinarian at a clinic. We have one client who has become infamous for not giving his dog the sedative medications we recommended to help keep him comfortable during his visits. His anxiety at the office is so bad, we requested two different medications be used together, though often neither are given. As a result, whenever we have to do anything with the dog, we require the owner to place a muzzle on him, and our technicians have to wrestle with the dog while he is crying out in fear. We expect the client may get some kind of thrill watching these exchanges. The owner and dog are here for their recheck appointment with me, after choosing to try over the counter medications to try to deal with his dog’s problem. It is only me, the owner, and the dog for the exchange.)

Owner: “I think the skin is doing much better! Before, I couldn’t run my hands down his back, but now I can without a problem.”

Me: “That’s great. Is it true he’s still itching?”

Owner: “Yeah, but the scabs have gone away, except for one like this one on his side.”

(He show me one small scab. When I try to touch it, the dog barks and jerks in fear. The owner smirks a bit.)

Me: “Well, that’s good that the scabs have healed, but we’re still left with what to do about the itching. Our options are—”

Owner: *interrupting* “I know, I know, but look how much better it is! Isn’t the belly so much better?” *picks up terrified dog to show me his abdomen, freaking the dog out further*

Me: “It may be, but I can’t touch your dog to see how the skin is really doing.”

(This seems to really annoy the client.)

Owner: “Yeah, you can! I’ll just hold him really tight!”

Me: “But your dog is terrified, and that is not the type of relationship I want with your dog. That is why we want him to be on those medications when he comes in. That way, he can be more comfortable, and I can reward him with treats when he behaves well.”

Owner: “No, really it’s fine!” *hook his arms around the dog to hold him, further scaring the dog* “Here! Doesn’t the belly look so much better?” *lifts the dog again*

Me: “Yes, the belly looks better from what I can see, but I can’t touch him. I’m not going to foster that kind of relationship with your dog. We have two options. Either I can take him in the back with my techs–” *he had previously behaved better away from his owner* “–or you can come back when your dog has had his medications.”

(At this, the owner stormed out of the room, walked past the receptionist, and headed out the door. I zeroed out the re-exam fee, as I didn’t expect to charge him for a visual exam only, and put in a note about our interaction. I just hope he will start giving his dog the medications, rather than trying to force his dog into fearful situations.)

[florida80]

They Need New Glasses As Well As Their Drugs

Dallas, Ignoring & Inattentive, Patients, Pharmacy, Texas, USA | Healthy | July 5, 2018


(I pull into a drive-thru pharmacy to pick up my prescription, and there’s just one car in front of me. It’s ten full minutes before the car in front of me drives off and I can pull up to the window, but I’m not in a hurry, so I don’t really mind.)

Me: “I’m picking up a prescription for [My Last Name].”

Pharmacist: “Okay, let me just pull that up.”

(She’s gone for a few minutes, and I’m starting to think that this is why the line was slow. Obviously, I think, they must have new people there who don’t know what they’re doing. When she comes back:)

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any filled prescriptions listed under your name.”

Me: “But I got an email saying my prescription was ready.”

Pharmacist: “I don’t know what to say. We have you in our system from about two years ago, but there’s nothing recent.”

Me: “Can you check again? I got the email, so I know it’s ready.”

(The pharmacist is gone even longer this time, and I’m starting to feel pretty righteously indignant.)

Pharmacist: “No, we don’t have anything ready for you.”

Me: “Look, that just doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand how I can have an email from Walgreens right here saying that my prescription is ready, but you guys apparently don’t have it.”

Pharmacist: *blank stare* “Ma’am, this is CVS.”

(I felt like such a complete moron that I just drove away in embarrassment. Pharmacist, if you’re out there, I’m really sorry I didn’t apologize!)

[florida80]

Independence Day Roundup

Roundups | Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | July 4, 2018


Happy Birthday to the United States of America! Today we celebrate… with barbeques and picnics and parties and, of course, lots and lots of fireworks.

Here are some of our favorite stories about the Fourth of July. Enjoy! And if you’d like to share your own tale of the Fourth, leave us a comment or submit it here!



Happy Treason Day! — But will they be serving tea?

Viva La Revelation — There’s no independence from annoying customers…

Independent Of The Closing Times — …or the entitled customers…

Independent Of This Holiday — …or the geographically confused customer.

Independent Of Your Day — Some Americans still forget that Canada is not the US.

The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One — Some British still forget that the US is not part of Great Britain.

Murica! The Lullaby — Well, is there one?

Not The Brightest Spark In The Firework Display — Same holiday, different day?

Were You Born On The Third Of July? — Same holiday, different month?

Those Silly Colonies And Their Quaint Rebellion — Same holiday, different holiday?

Leap Days Of Logic — Different country, different calendar?

An Argument For The Separation Of Church And State — And sometimes folks forget that we still have ties to where our country came from

[florida80]

The “Collapse” Of The Drug Trade

Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, Jerk, Nurses, USA | Healthy | July 4, 2018


(I am working at a retail chain one night. While helping pick up empty pallets around the store, I pass out for no discernible reason, completely losing consciousness and only waking up briefly at the store to EMTs loading me into an ambulance. Strangely, I remember the rest of the events pretty clearly.)

Me: “No, no ambulance. I don’t want to go to the hospital; I don’t have money.”

EMT: “You have to go.”

Me: *trying to sit up and move away* “No, I’m fine. I don’t want to go to the hospital.”

(I lose consciousness again after that and wake up in the actual hospital room to a nurse taking my vitals.)

Me: *still groggy* “Um… Where am I? What happened?”

Nurse: “You’re in the hospital. What drugs did you take?”

Me: “Huh? I’m not on any medicine.”

Nurse: “No, what drugs did you take?”

Me: “None?”

Nurse: “Come on. You’re not in trouble; just tell me what drugs you’re on.”

Me: “I’m not on any drugs!”

(The nurse just gave me side-eye and left at that point, only to return with a doctor a few minutes later.)

Nurse: “Okay, you need to tell us what drugs you’re on.”

Me: *having recovered enough now to be (mostly) sensible* “I told you: I’m not on any drugs! I’m fine; I’d like to go now.”

Nurse: “You can’t leave until you tell us what drugs you’re on. Just tell us what you took and you can go.”

Me: “I’m. Not. On. Drugs. I don’t even know what happened!”

Doctor: “If you tell us what drugs you’re on, we can help you.”

Me: *out of patience* “I’m not on drugs! Why are you not listening?”

(Fortunately, my friend from work came in and did her best to assure the staff that, no, I was not on drugs. They finally ran some tests and let me leave, but I don’t think they ever believed I wasn’t on something. Seriously, I get you have to ask, but there has to be a limit. Plus, you HAVE my blood.)

[florida80]

You Can’t Snake Your Way Into Heaven

Bizarre, Patients, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | July 4, 2018


(A very distraught-looking woman rushes into our emergency vet clinic with a garter snake in a shoebox. It would seem that she accidentally ran it over with her car while backing out of the driveway. The snake was horrifically mangled, but is still somehow unfortunately alive. It becomes instantly clear that it’s not going to make it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately I don’t think we can do anything to help this snake. At the very least, we can put him to sleep so at least he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.”

Woman: “I understand.”

(She looks very upset and begins crying.)

Me: “Just think of it this way. He’ll be chasing mice in Snake Heaven.”

Woman: “But snakes don’t go to Heaven! He’ll be partying down in Hell with the Devil!”

(She then walked out of the clinic, still crying, leaving me with the dying snake in the shoebox. I wish I could say that was the weirdest response that I’ve ever received when trying to comfort someone, but it’s not even close.)

[florida80]

Birth Control Out Of Control

Bad Behavior, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | July 4, 2018


(I live in a small town where everybody knows everybody, and we have one family practice with three or four doctors on staff. When I am 12, I have to go on an antibiotic for two weeks. The nurse tells me what to prepare for, since it is a new medicine.)

Nurse: “You may feel sleepy. You may cough more. You may have diarrhea.”

Me: “Eww!”

Nurse: “Part of the deal, I’m afraid. Do you have any questions?”

Me: “Nope.”

Mother: “No, we’re good to go.”

Nurse: “All right.” *walks is to the lobby* “I hope you feel bet– Oh! Use condoms.”

Mother: “What?!”

Nurse: “Antibiotics can negate birth control. She’ll need to use another contraceptive.”

Me: *bright red and ready to cry* “But… I don’t… I’m not…”

Mother: “She is not sexually active.”

Nurse: “She’s not on the pill?”

Mother: “No! She’s 12!”

Nurse: “You can never be too careful. [Classmate Of Mine] is due to have her first baby in a few weeks, and she’s 13. [My Name] should really start birth control after these antibiotics.”

Mother: “[My Name], are you having sex?”

Me: *mortified* “NO!”

Nurse: “Children lie.”

Mother: “And that’s what she is: a child. She hasn’t even had her first period yet.”

(While I’m waiting for the floor to open up and swallow me whole, the nurse and my mother go back and forth about my nonexistent sex life until one of the doctors comes out.)

Doctor: “What is going on out here?!”

Nurse: “[My Name] is going on antibiotics, so I told her to use condoms for a while.”

Doctor: “I… I don’t even know where to begin with that. Please forgive us Mrs. [Our Last Name], [My Name]. If you have any further questions, please call me directly.”

(The doctor handed my mother her card and mother pulled me out of the office. When we returned a few weeks later to report back about the antibiotics, we learned that the insistent nurse no longer worked there. Obviously, some children do what they want, when they want. But given that boys were still pretty gross to me, I couldn’t imagine needing birth control at that age.)

[florida80]

Drink This, Then The Pneumonia Won’t Seem So Bad

Bad Behavior, home, Israel, Parents/Guardians, Patients | Healthy | July 3, 2018


(I am nine years old. I have a pretty weak constitution and frequently fall ill. Every winter, like clockwork, I’ll get pneumonia, among other illnesses. I learn to recognize and become familiar with the sensation of my lungs feeling full of lead, and sharp, stabbing pain overtaking my ribcage on every inhale. I can’t breathe in enough oxygen to get out of bed. My parents choose their own methods of medical treatment for me. I’ve been bed-bound for days with pneumonia; I’ve got a high fever and am struggling to breathe. My parents have been bringing me occasional water and soup, and some seemingly random, unnamed medicines. Mom comes in, sits on the bed, and hands me a cup of medicine.)

Mom: “You need to drink this.”

(I take a sip. It’s horrifically bitter. I gag, cough, and hand it back.)

Me: “I… can’t… It’s… bitter… and gross!”

Mom: “You have to drink it, anyway; it’s medicine! You need to drink your medicine!”

Me: *panting* “I… can’t! There’s… no… way… I can… drink… that! It’s… undrinkable! It… tastes… like… poison!”

Mom: “Well, if you want to whine about it, fine.” *offhandedly* “Just know that since you’re severely ill, this is the only medicine that will save your life! If you won’t drink it, you’re going to die!“

Me: “…” *shock*

Mom: *matter-of-factly* “Yes, you are! You are so horrifically sick that you’ll die if you don’t drink all of this! Probably very quickly! Tonight, in fact! But I guess you don’t want it, so I’m just going to take this away now! I’m leaving with the medicine now, since you’re choosing to die!”

(She pauses.)

Mom: “Now. Are you suuuuuure you don’t want it?!” *wiggles the cup in front of me*

Me: *horrified fear*

(Of course, I reluctantly took the medicine back and choked it down miserably, while gagging and struggling not to throw up or expel my lungs. They continued “treating” me this way for years for every serious illness. Looking back, I think it’s likely it was some “medicinal” Russian tea, or maybe some over-the-counter unflavored children’s fever reducer like acetaminophen or Aspirin, and I really wouldn’t be surprised if they chose an unflavored version to save money. Some of the other “folk remedies” my parents inflicted on me to “treat” pneumonia were much more disturbing and gross. For some reason, they seemed to just treat these illnesses like regular colds. They never once took me to a doctor or hospital, no matter how bad it got or how high my fever, despite living in a country with free social healthcare, and otherwise regularly taking me to a doctor for check-ups and vaccines.)

[florida80]

Walk For A Mile… Away From Them

Amsterdam, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, The Netherlands | Healthy | July 3, 2018


(I am having a conversation with a rheumatologist.)

Rheumatologist: “One thing that you probably don’t want to hear is that it would help with some of your symptoms if you were to lose some weight.”

Me: “Yes, I agree. If you look here–” *I tap the relevant paragraph in the paperwork in front of her* “–I have detailed the years I have been struggling to lose weight and the steps I have taken, and have asked if you have any suggestions on how to try to tackle this issue.”

Rheumatologist: “It’s just that your back pain and foot pain will probably be lessened by weight loss.”

Me: “Yes, that’s one of the reasons I have been trying for so many years to lose weight.”

Rheumatologist: “Well, I would suggest you try going to a certified dietician.”

Me: “Here you can see the three I have visited, one of them a year ago, one three years before that, and one three or four years before that. I followed all of their advice to the letter and I did not lose weight.”

Rheumatologist: “Well, it’s still something you might want to try.”

Me: “Well, it isn’t covered completely by my insurance, and I am very poor, so I don’t think I’ll be able to go a fourth time right now.”

Rheumatologist: “I understand. But it might be worth a try, anyway.”

Me: “Well, I will go a fourth time when I can afford it.”

Rheumatologist: “Oh, you’ve been before?”

Me: “Yes. Three. Times.”

Rheumatologist: “Well, maybe you should try going to one via the doctor so that you know you are going to a properly-certified one.”

Me: “I will do this a fourth time when I have the money.”

Rheumatologist: “Oh, you’ve gone to one the doctor sent you to already?”

Me: “Yes. Three. Times.”

Rheumatologist: “Oh, all right. Well, what else have you tried?”

Me: “As you see here—” *tapping paperwork again* “—I have, over the past ten years, done the following: two years of sticking religiously to less than 1500 calories per day while also walking briskly for two hours each day, three attempts with professional dieticians via the doctor, the keto diet for eight months which I just stopped, three years of fasting for three days every couple of months, an intensified exercise program designed by a physiotherapist, and periodic further attempts such as ten months only drinking slim-fast for breakfast and lunch and then eating a minimal dinner. At the moment, I walk a lot and now that my sprained ankle will, after 11 months, finally allow it, I am starting my home fitness routine again, with a cross-trainer and resistance training as far as my back and other joint ills will allow.”

Rheumatologist: “You know what doesn’t cost money? Exercise!”

Me: “Yes… As I said — and wrote — I walk a lot and am working on starting my routine again. At the moment, I walk a minimum of one hour a day just in the normal way of things and I try to do more. I walk pretty fast.”

Rheumatologist: “I understand, but really, it’s not that hard to get started. Maybe just try with 20 minutes every other day and see how that treats you, then build up from there.”

Me: “I. Already. Walk. More. Than. One. Hour. Every. Day.”

Rheumatologist: “I understand. Well, I know you don’t want to hear this, but it sounds like you need to scrap all the fad diet kicks and just eat fewer calories.”

Me: “Yes, I just stopped the keto diet and I will now again do the calorie-counting, while walking more than an hour a day, but as I said, I have already tried reducing the calories and I haven’t had any luck so far. But yes, obviously I will be doing that; otherwise I would gain weight and I really don’t want to do that!“

Rheumatologist: “Well, I understand why you wouldn’t want to do it; if you eat fewer calories, you will have to suffer feelings of hunger sometimes. I understand that this is difficult, so you might not want to do it, but it really is important that you try.”

Me: “Um… Here–” *tapping paperwork again* “–is where it says that I fasted for three days every couple of months for three years. I am not afraid of feelings of hunger.”

Rheumatologist: “Well, okay… I just think it would be good for you to give it a shot. Maybe start with 20 minutes of light walking every day, and see if you can reduce your calories a bit at a time. Maybe cut out desserts a couple of times a week; start from there. Anyway, obviously it won’t cure your fibromyalgia or anything, but if you could lose some weight it would help with the daily toll on your skeletal system, and with the amount of wear-and-tear you’re dealing with that would only be a good thing. Do you have any questions?”

Me: *giving up* “Nope. I’ll do my best.”

[florida80]

Tells Dad Jokes Religiously

Connecticut, Hospital, Parents/Guardians, Patients, Religion, Silly, USA | Healthy | July 2, 2018


(My dad is chronically unserious, even when he really ought not to be. He and my mother are in the intake of an ER, as he’s managed to injure himself somehow, and a nurse is doing the standard intake questions.)

Nurse: “Religion?”

Dad: “Orthodox Agnostic!”

(The nurse starts to write it down, then pauses and just looks confused.)

Mom: *exasperatedly* “None.”

[florida80]

Needs A Follow-Up Follow-Up Sign

California, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Patients, Sacramento, USA | Healthy | July 2, 2018


(I work in the back office of a large multi-specialty practice. Patients routinely come out of the rooms after their appointments and need to make follow-up appointments, which they are supposed to do with the schedulers at the front desk where they checked in; the doctors tell them so. However, they usually make a beeline for where I sit at the nurses’ station and request that I schedule their follow-up. After a few months of directing patients to the front desk, I made a bold-face, full-page sign that sits upright on the counter between my desk and the patients saying, “Follow-up appointments can be made at the Front Desk,” with a bright orange arrow directing to the front. However, this still happens several times a week:)

Patient: *standing directly in front of the sign and craning their neck around it to see me* “I need a follow-up appointment for six months.”

Me: *mental head-desk* “Let me just show you to the front…”

[florida80]

Monthly Roundup: June 2018

Roundups | Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | July 2, 2018


It’s time for the June roundup! Our editors have decided among themselves which stories in June deserve the extra attention, regardless of the number of thumbs-ups they received. Out of the 807 stories we posted in the month, we’ve singled out fourteen.

If there are any stories from the last month you feel we should have included, please let us know in the comments!

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite stories in the poll below! Note: You can choose up to three. The winner of the previous roundup poll was Sued To Satisfaction, from the Right category!





Has The Authority To Tell You How It Is – I have less than zero authority to give you a discount, which is also the number of f***’s I give.

Dusting Off The Scum – Don’t do the crime if you can’t turn off the cameras.

Their Biggest Handicap Is Themself – Don’t piss off a mama bear!

What The Check Are You Playing At – Checks will bounce, like customers will off of windows.

Not The Kind Of “Fall Into My Arms” Story We’re Used To – Old people come fully armed and ready to serve.

No Red Alerts For This Red Light – Cops are humans too.

It’s Not The Postman Going Postal Today – What happens when you take their “rules” and throw it right back at them.

They’re All Tuned In To Each Other – This is going to get you all rent out of shape.

They Went Back To The Future – Growing old together doesn’t mean growing up!

If You Treat The Cows Like Crap… – The second half of this title needs no explanation.

Sometimes You Just Have To Bear With Them – They were bear-ly aware.

These Finals Are A Piece Of Cake – This dorm is not the norm… sadly.

The Worst Of Times Brings Out The Best In People – Where were YOU when 9/11 happened?

Don’t Know Their Own Monkey-Business – Know your monkeys, or the little monkeys will teach you.

[florida80]

Procedural Power Nap

Hospital, Patients, Salt Lake City, USA, Utah | Healthy | July 2, 2018


I went in for an outpatient procedure to have a uterine ablation. They were getting me ready for the procedure, and had already given me the stuff to make me sleepy. I asked if I could use the bathroom first. I started to get sleepy and asked again to use the bathroom.

“You’re all done. We just finished the surgery.”

It was the weirdest feeling! I literally blinked and it was over!

[florida80]

Will Soon Eat His Words

Extra Stupid, Hospital, Jerk, New Mexico, Non-Dialogue, Patients, USA | Healthy | July 1, 2018


One of our patients has a procedure in the morning for which he needs to not eat or drink anything for twelve hours prior. This isn’t uncommon before many procedures, and while it’s not pleasant, it’s doable for most people.

Not so with this patient. As soon as the twelve hours start, he rings his call light every fifteen minutes demanding we bring him something to eat. The first few times, his nurse goes in and explains to him why he can’t eat and what the dangers are, and tells him that if he really needs to eat, we can postpone or cancel the procedure — which is not an emergency, but not entirely unelective. He is adamant that he does not want to postpone or cancel, but he demands that we bring him something to eat.

Obviously, we can’t ignore call lights, and so I fall hours behind in my work going into his room every fifteen minutes to reiterate what he already knows: he can eat now and postpone the procedure, or not eat and have it in the morning. He refuses to accept this and insists we bring him something to eat and that we perform the procedure as scheduled.

Around 3:00 in the morning, the call lights finally stop, and we are all relieved, assuming that he has finally fallen asleep. However, while I am catching up on the work I am behind on, I turn the corner to find the stack of dinner trays waiting to be picked up by the cafeteria, and this patient eating off of a used dinner tray. Without saying anything to the patient, and with a certain amount of satisfaction, I call the nurse and tell her she should let the doctor know that his scheduled morning procedure will have to be cancelled.

[florida80]

Making A Needling Point

Finland, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nurses, Patients | Healthy | June 30, 2018


(When I was a teenager, I did drugs to cope with mental illness and a bad situation at home. It resulted in me being addicted to intravenous medicines and drugs. Later, I ended up in rehab and got proper care. This happens a few weeks after I get released from rehab.)

Nurse: “We have to take a blood test so we know you don’t take drugs anymore.”

Me: “Don’t you usually do pee tests?”

Nurse: “We think a blood test will be more effective in your case.”

Me: “I would really prefer that you don’t force me to have my blood drawn.”

Nurse: “We really think it would be more effective in your case.”

Me: “You think forcing an ex-addict to be stabbed with needles is going to be effective to said ex-addict’s recovery?”

(I did the pee test.)

[florida80]

The CDC Will Shut This Place Down For The Worst Juvenile Hypochondria It’s Ever Seen

Brooklyn, Doctors, Funny Kids, Medical Office, New York, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 29, 2018


(Overheard between a pediatrician and a seven-year-old patient:)

Pediatrician: “Look, [Child], you learned more about [disease] on your own; that’s a good thing! It’s very smart to learn all about your health. And, you found out online that we always tell the CDC when someone has [disease]. I think it’s very good when people learn about how we keep track of disease. But from now on, calling the CDC is my job, not yours.”

[florida80]

Wisdom Teeth Require The Wise To Remove Them

Alabama, Bad Behavior, Dentist, Enterprise, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | June 28, 2018


I go to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth out. I have had two shots already and the laughing gas on, no big problem.

He starts trying to pull one tooth out that grew in crooked and I tell him that it is hurting. He gives me another shot, which should deaden it right then. He tells me not to be such a baby. Then, instead of being gentle and rocking it back and forth to loosen it before pulling it, he grabs a pair of pliers and snatches the tooth straight out of the gum!

He starts doing that with my other one on the same side. I bite the fire out of him. He has the nerve to tell my mom that I “need to be more prepared for a dental visit.” Not when one almost snatches your gums out of your mouth!

I go straight from that dentist to one that treated me when I was a child. He is super nice, and he helps straighten out what the other one did to me. He takes one look in my mouth and says, “When was the last time you went to a dentist?” I reply, “I just came from one.”

[florida80]

You’re Boxing Me In Here

Australia, Extra Stupid, Hobart, Patients, Pharmacy, Tasmania | Healthy | June 27, 2018


(At my pharmacy, we commonly take orders by phone so that a customer’s medications can be ready to collect when they arrive. This phone order, however, is a little different.)

Me: “Good afternoon. This is [Pharmacy]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to order some medications, please.”

Me: “Sure. What do you need?”

Customer: “I can’t remember what they’re called, sorry.”

Me: “That’s okay. We can figure it out. Do you remember what they’re for?”

Customer: “No, sorry. But they come in a box…”

[florida80]

Not The Kind Of “Fall Into My Arms” Story We’re Used To

Australia, Golden Years, Grocery Store, Health & Body, Kind Strangers, New South Wales | Healthy | June 26, 2018


(I’m standing behind a woman in line at the checkout who has put her groceries on the belt and has picked up her tiny baby out of the seat, as the baby started fussing. The customer in front of her is a sweet, older man who is having trouble getting his card to work. The woman is swaying side to side, something I don’t think much of because I did the same to calm down my kids when they were small. The older man turns to apologise for the wait, and gets a funny look on his face.)

Older Guy: “Are you okay, ma’am?”

(The woman spins around to face me and I see her face is slightly purple and her eyes are completely unfocused and darting around. Before I can react to try to catch her, she shoves the baby in my direction. I drop my items and catch the baby just in time, and the old man tries to catch the woman as she drops and starts twitching. They both end up on the floor, though he does break her fall. The cashier calls for help and there’s a flurry of activity, with managers calling for an ambulance and helping the woman. The old man scrambles back to his feet, and he and I step aside — me still holding the baby — while the ambulance officers show up and diagnose her with a seizure and start loading her into an ambulance. They take the baby with them — she has regained consciousness at this point and screams for her baby, thinking she had dropped them when she fell. In all the activity, the older man stays at the end of the checkout, waiting to finish paying for his groceries and leave. I look down and see he is holding his arm strangely.)

Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

Older Guy: “Ah, landed on my arm a bit funny.”

(Upon closer inspection, his arm is clearly broken quite badly near his wrist.)

Cashier: “Oh, no! Why didn’t you tell the ambulance guys? They would have taken you, too!”

Older Guy: “Oh, no, they were busy with the young lass. I’ve had my time; youngins are the future! I’ll get it looked at later.”

(We did eventually convince him to let me drive him to the hospital, with a promise of dropping his groceries off at home to his wife. She was beside herself and let me drive her back to her husband’s car so they wouldn’t have to worry about it later. Given the amount of stories on here about old people being cranky and mean, I was touched to find one who was willing to sit quietly through immense pain just so someone else would receive medical attention.)

[florida80]

The Whole Nine Family

Family & Kids, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 25, 2018


(I’m 38 and pregnant for the first time. My OB has a bit of a specialty in older pregnancies, so I’m not surprised to see a woman looking older than me in the waiting room.)

Me: “This is my first. We weren’t really planning anything; you know, whatever happens, happens.”

Woman: “Pregnancy six, baby number nine. Christ, what I would give for a girl this time.”

Me: “Nine? All the rest are boys? Wow.”

Woman: “Yep. In my defense, pregnancies three and four were multiples, and pregnancy five was surprise; the vasectomy didn’t take.”

Me: *afraid to ask now* “And this one?”

Woman: “My husband and I put a hit out on the urologist. The boys are pretty evenly split between this kid being the messiah and their dad being Wolverine.”

Me: “Was it a shock for them?”

Woman: “When we Skyped our oldest, he laughed so hard he fell off the chair and concussed himself. We had to explain to his gunny why he was giggling while bleeding profusely from the head.” *she sighs* “I’m too old for this crap.”

(She was called back then. Lady, I wish you all the luck.)

[florida80]

Introducing The Not Always Right Store

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | June 25, 2018




Hey readers!

After our accidental announcement two weeks ago, we’re delighted to announce we are launching the Not Always Right Store today — for real this time!

For the past 10 years, our community has shared stories of humor, frustration, and compassion with each other.

We want to continue our purpose of bringing our community closer together by unveiling our latest creation with you: the Not Always Right Store!

Read more and get 25% off your first purchase

[florida80]

A Totally Crap Present

Canada, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Patients, Revolting, Silly | Healthy | June 24, 2018


I have to give a stool sample. I don’t have to go while I’m at the clinic, so I go home and bring it back later. Literally the only opaque bag I can find in the house is a gift bag… so I put the container in that.

I feel bad, but watching the nurse’s expression turn from delight to horror as she realizes I have not brought her a present is… pretty funny.

[florida80]

From No Breathing To Heavy Breathing

Australia, Hospital, Patients, Rude & Risque, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Healthy | June 23, 2018


(I’ve been having trouble getting solid sleep lately, and my partner informs me that I’ve suddenly stopped breathing in my sleep a few times. My doctor refers me to a local hospital for a sleep study. My partner comes with me, since he’ll be helping me set up the equipment for my at-home study. The technician walks us through the process, and packs everything up for us to take home.)

Tech: “Now make sure you start hooking this all up a half hour before midnight, okay? You don’t have to be asleep when it switches on, but you should be in bed and settling down for the night. It’s all automated and will beep when it comes on, and switches off again at nine-thirty. Any questions?”

Me: “No, I think I’m—”

Partner: “Yes! I have one.”

Tech: “Yep?”

Partner: “We can still have sex once she’s all hooked up, right? I’ve always had a thing for Borgs.”

(One look at his face, and the tech can tell he’s not serious. I’ve been pretty anxious about the not-breathing thing, and he’s been trying to make jokes all day to cheer me up.)

Tech: “Now, I know you’re joking, but please don’t actually do that. You can damage the leads or accidentally switch the recording device off. We’ve had it happen.”

Partner: *surprised* “You’re kidding!”

Tech: “No. We even had one man book an in-hospital test, and his wife showed up with him. She apparently thought it was like a hotel, and that he was just after a night away from the kids.”

Me: “Wow.”

Tech: “She wasn’t thrilled when we told her she had to leave.”

Partner: “Well, would you be? I mean, there goes your romantic evening in these luxurious surroundings…” *he waves around the very basic hospital room we’re sitting in*

[florida80]

From No Breathing To Heavy Breathing

Australia, Hospital, Patients, Rude & Risque, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Healthy | June 23, 2018


(I’ve been having trouble getting solid sleep lately, and my partner informs me that I’ve suddenly stopped breathing in my sleep a few times. My doctor refers me to a local hospital for a sleep study. My partner comes with me, since he’ll be helping me set up the equipment for my at-home study. The technician walks us through the process, and packs everything up for us to take home.)

Tech: “Now make sure you start hooking this all up a half hour before midnight, okay? You don’t have to be asleep when it switches on, but you should be in bed and settling down for the night. It’s all automated and will beep when it comes on, and switches off again at nine-thirty. Any questions?”

Me: “No, I think I’m—”

Partner: “Yes! I have one.”

Tech: “Yep?”

Partner: “We can still have sex once she’s all hooked up, right? I’ve always had a thing for Borgs.”

(One look at his face, and the tech can tell he’s not serious. I’ve been pretty anxious about the not-breathing thing, and he’s been trying to make jokes all day to cheer me up.)

Tech: “Now, I know you’re joking, but please don’t actually do that. You can damage the leads or accidentally switch the recording device off. We’ve had it happen.”

Partner: *surprised* “You’re kidding!”

Tech: “No. We even had one man book an in-hospital test, and his wife showed up with him. She apparently thought it was like a hotel, and that he was just after a night away from the kids.”

Me: “Wow.”

Tech: “She wasn’t thrilled when we told her she had to leave.”

Partner: “Well, would you be? I mean, there goes your romantic evening in these luxurious surroundings…” *he waves around the very basic hospital room we’re sitting in

[florida80]

Use Your Emergency Words

Hospital, Language & Words, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 22, 2018


(I’m putting a splint on a patient who broke his thumb working on heavy machinery. I’m trying to keep him talking to help with the pain.)

Me: “So, how did you get into this kind of work?”

Patient: “F*** if I know… Oh, sorry!”

Me: “I don’t mind; this is a f****** ER.”

Patient: *laughs*

[florida80]

This Rule Is A Lie (Down)

California, Extra Stupid, Hospital, Los Angeles, Security, USA | Healthy | June 22, 2018


(I’ve ended up in the ER waiting room with an excruciating spinal headache, due to a myelogram test I underwent four days earlier. This means I can’t have any part of my spine bent for more than a minute or so without the headache coming on and making me severely sick. I’ve been becoming severely sick the entire four days anytime I’ve so much as gone to the toilet, so I’ve been forced to be bedridden the entire time. The waiting room has nowhere to lie down, not even two chairs near each other without a non-removable armrest between them. I also know that if I stand in place straight up for more than a few minutes my blood pressure will drop and I’ll lose consciousness. For lack of any other solution, I’ve crawled to lie down on the floor in a semi-clean corner, with my head under one of the unused seats, to hide from the bright ceiling lights and be as much out of the way as possible. I’ve been waiting this way for over an hour. I carefully get up to ask the check-in nurse how much longer it’ll be. She can’t tell me; she can only say that I’ll have to wait some more. I go back to my place on the floor. In less than a minute, a security guard comes up.)

Guard: “Miss, you can’t lie on the floor here.”

Me: “What? I need to be lying down. If I don’t, I’ll become badly sick.”

Guard: “Well, but surely you can sit down, miss; there are seats here. You just can’t be lying down.”

Me: *bewildered at having to explain such obvious things in an ER waiting room, and after already having lain there for an hour without being bothered or bothering anyone* “I’m sorry, but I can’t sit anywhere. The reason I’ve come to the ER is that I have a specific condition where I become severely sick when I’m sitting. There’s no way I can physically be in that position right now. I have to be lying down so I don’t become ill.”

Guard: “Oh, well… But miss, there’s a rule that says you aren’t allowed to lie on the floor in this room. So couldn’t you please just go over right there and sit in one of these nice empty seats, anyway? There’s a rule, you see.” *looks at me expectantly like he’s making a perfectly reasonable suggestion.*

Me: “…”

(I checked later: there were no signs anywhere in the room stating such a rule.)

[florida80]

Attempts To Cut The Line Are Painful

Canada, Chiropractor, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Patients | Healthy | June 22, 2018


(I go to a small chiropractic office with no receptionist. As you come in, you ask the others waiting who is last in line, and then you know where your place is in line. The doctor brings the previous person out, and the next person in line goes in. Works excellent, usually. One day, I have been waiting through three or four previous patients and I am the only one left waiting. A guy comes in, looks around and sees me, a middle-aged woman, standing there.)

Guy: “I’m sure you won’t mind if I go ahead of you. I’m in a lot of pain.”

Me: “Actually, I’m in quite a bit of pain, too.”

(The guy gives me a dirty look and sits down. The doctor emerges and the guy jumps up to be next. The doctor swivels sideways to block the guy’s entrance to the office.)

Doctor: “Hello, [My Name], you’ve been waiting so patiently even though you’re in too much pain to sit down. I’m sorry to have been so long.”

(Apparently the guy tried this whenever there was a woman in front of him. Love my chiropractor.)

[florida80]

Because There Is No One Else Sick Today Except You

Bad Behavior, Medical Clinic, Patients, Pennsylvania, USA | Healthy | June 21, 2018


(This takes place in a busy OB/GYN clinic. I’m a provider, one of four who are scheduled to see five or six patients per hour. We run all day to stay on schedule. A notoriously needy patient calls the front desk staff.)

Patient: “I have my appointment card and it says three, but I’m pretty sure my appointment was for one… Can you check?”

Clerk: “Looking in the computer, you’re scheduled for three, so we’ll see you then!”

(The patient over the years has scammed the private phone number for the patient care area, and calls.)

Patient: “I have an appointment for three, but I’m really sure I am supposed to come at one… You can see me, right?”

Nurse: “No, we are booked solid. We’ll see you at three!”

(Of course, the patient arrives at one. The desk clerk tells her we will see her at three. She sits in the waiting room and complains to everyone around her. Since we share a waiting area with a large family practice clinic and a couple of specialties, this gives her lots of opportunities. The poor desk clerk begs us to get her in early; initially we refuse, but after an hour, I have a teeny break in my schedule, so I relent. She smirks as the nurse brings her to the exam room. I do her routine visit. On the way out:)

Patient: “Oh, [My Name], I knew I could count on you; you’re always so nice to me.”

Me: “Well, [Patient], it turned out I had one opening in my schedule. The person scheduled for this time didn’t come, because she lost her baby.”

Patient: “Oh, [My Name!] Why did you tell me that?! Now I feel bad!“

(Can’t have that, can we?)

[florida80]

A Sixth Sense That It’s The Sixth Month

Australia, Extra Stupid, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Melbourne, Reception, Victoria | Healthy | June 21, 2018


(I have a bad cold and need a medical certificate for work. I go to the walk-in clinic in my area, and the receptionist asks for my public health care card. I pass it to her.)

Receptionist: “Do you have a current one?”

Me: “Isn’t that current?”

Receptionist: “It’s expired; I can’t accept it.”

Me: “What? I haven’t gotten a new one yet.”

Receptionist: *she flips it around to show me, and taps on the expiry date*

Me: “Um, that’s not expired.”

Receptionist: *she taps it again*

Me: “That says 07-18.”

Receptionist: “Yep.”

Me: “It’s June.”

Receptionist: “Yep.”

Me: “June is the sixth month.”

Receptionist: “Wait.” *she checks something on her computer* “SO IT IS! Okay, the wait is currently half an hour; take a seat and we will call you when you’re up!”

Me: “Thanks.”

Receptionist: “And keep an eye out in the mail for your new card!”

Me: “I will!”

[florida80]

America: The Land Of The Freely Medicated

Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Nurses, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | June 21, 2018


(I consider myself very lucky that I have always been healthy. I was never sick often as a kid, and have no chronic ailments as an adult. Call me crazy, but I generally assumed that was the case for most people unless they had a serious accident, or developed a condition, etc. That is, until recently, when I check into the hospital for a minor procedure. Nothing is wrong; this is a procedure having to do with fertility. My mom goes with me the morning of my appointment and is sitting by my bed while I fill out the final pre-surgery forms and get set up with the IV, etc. Over the course of the next half-hour, I have only slightly different versions of the same conversation with every nurse and doctor who comes to check on me:)

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : *checks my chart* “I see here your only medication is birth control?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “No allergies? No other medications?”

Me: “Nope.”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Hmm… Okay.” *leaves*

(Mom and I give each other a look, but don’t think anything else of it. Then the next conversations happen:)

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Are you sure you don’t take any other medications?”

Nurse #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “Are you sure you don’t have allergies?”

Doctor #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Wow! No other meds?”

Nurse #4 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=4) : “I can’t believe you’re not taking anything else!”

Doctor #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Birth control is the only thing you take?”

Me: *turning to my mom after the last doctor leaves* “Are they being really, really thorough, or do we just live in a very unhealthy area?”

Mom: “When I had surgery last year only two people asked me about the medicines I take. It seems strange to me, too, and you’re so young! What do they expect you to be taking?”

(The procedure goes fine, and soon I’m waking up from the anesthesia.)

Mom: “Hi, honey.”

Nurse #5 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=5) : “Hi there, [My Name]! You did great!” *checks my chart* “Are you really only taking birth control, and nothing else?”

Me: *slurred and groggy* “Seriously?! How unhealthy did you expect me to be?!”

[florida80]

Surely Those Kinds Of Sports Are More Downstairs?

Cafe, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, UK, Wales | Healthy | June 20, 2018


(A few months ago I had a stupid sport accident resulting in a hurt knee. To fight this, I wear a knee support. It’s a brand professional athletes use; it’s bright blue and covers my leg from mid-calf to mid-thigh. A regular about the same age as my grandfather comes into the café where I work and sees my leg.)

Regular: “What happened to you?”

Me: “Sport trauma.” *it’s the fastest and least descriptive way to say it*

Regular: “Oh, too much upstairs sports, is that right?”

[florida80]

Signing Your Health Away

Bad Behavior, Hospital, Silly, South Carolina, USA | Healthy | June 20, 2018


(My uncle just had surgery and is telling me about it.)

Uncle: “They told me, because the painkillers mess with your head, to wait 24 hours before making any important decisions or signing any legal documents.”

Me: “Sounds reasonable.”

Uncle: “Then they said, ‘Sign here.'”

(I guess THEIR legal documents don’t count.)

[florida80]

An Underreaction To An Overreaction

Bad Behavior, home, Israel, Kiryat Bialik, Non-Dialogue, Parents/Guardians, Patients | Healthy | June 20, 2018


When I was in elementary school, my parents had an obsessive conviction that I must never be allowed to stay home alone during summer vacation, even though they were perfectly fine with letting me stay home alone on a regular basis during the school year.

They always signed me up for every single multi-week summer “camp” available, the ones where kids go or are bused somewhere in the morning and return in the afternoon, like with school.

This happens when I’m about 11. My parents both work, so they’ve signed me up for a camp where kids spend the whole day in a water-park, mostly under the sun non-stop, wearing only swimsuits.

One night before bedtime, Mom plugs some kind of new bug-repelling device she’s just bought into an electric outlet in my bedroom.

When I wake up, I’m covered head to toe in large, swollen, red, and extremely itchy hives. They are absolutely everywhere. I look like a horror movie monster and can’t stop scratching.

Mom examines me, and declares that it must be “just” an allergic response to the bug repellent, and that it is “not a big deal.” I must still go to camp as usual. She doesn’t even try to put any kind of lotion on me or do anything.

I protest having to go anywhere in this condition, as I feel terrible and look frightening.

Mom insists, and derides me for being a baby and whining. She repeats that it’s clearly not a big deal.

It’s clear to me that she just wants to go to work as usual, doesn’t want to be bothered today with taking an ill child to a doctor, and still refuses to let me stay home on my own despite me being too sick to go out. But there’s nothing I can do about it.

Being at the water-park is awful. The chemicals in all the pools and being in the hot sun all irritate and inflame the hives further. As nearly my entire body is exposed in the swimsuit, all the other children look at me with contempt and disgust. Pointing and whispering quickly begins, and I become the target of relentless teasing.

There are very few adults around, and none of them notice or care about anyone being unwell unless they’re clearly dying; most of them are either lifeguards at the pools or people handing out our lunches and snacks, so anything outside that just isn’t their problem.

I spend the entire day absolutely unable to stop scratching everywhere and utterly miserable, while worrying that I have some awful disease — I’ve never had allergic reactions before in my life.

When I finally get home, my mom seems terribly surprised that the hives haven’t gotten any better and that I feel awful.

After some lengthy discussion, it’s decided they’ll actually let me see a doctor. Tomorrow. And Dad will be the one to take off work to take me.

The next day by midday the hives have finally began to partially reduce in size… as I haven’t been sent to a freaking water park today. The doctor I’m taken to says that it is in fact clearly an allergic reaction; most likely to that bug repellent device. And that I clearly should be kept in cool and dry conditions until it goes away: no more sun, chemicals, and dampness. And no more chemical bug repellents in my room.

My parents very begrudgingly allow me to stay home for a day or two after that. I can only remain grateful that this is the only time in my childhood I have had any kind of allergic reaction; otherwise, there’s even odds I’d be dead now.

Thanks so much, Mom, for your entire handling of this situation; your caring and consideration of my health will always stay in my heart.

Please don’t do this to your children.

[florida80]

A Hole Lot Of Guessing

Food & Drink, Health & Body, home, Parents/Guardians, Slovenia | Healthy | June 19, 2018


(I am a type-one diabetic and have been for 18 years. I am using an insulin pump, and to give myself correct amount of insulin, I have to calculate the amount of carbohydrates I have eaten. Note that carbohydrates represent a half of the weight of a piece of bread. This happens when I come home from school with hypoglycaemia when I’m 11.)

Dad: “What have you eaten today? Did you give yourself the right amount of insulin?”

Me: “Well, I ate a piece of bread and gave myself insulin for a third of its weight.”

Dad: “Why?!”

Me: “It had large holes!”

[florida80]

Trying In Vein

Medical Office, Nurses, Patients, Silly, USA, Utah | Healthy | June 19, 2018


(My mom has notoriously small veins, which I have inherited. This happens while I’m getting my blood drawn. My dad is there with me.)

Nurse: *seems to be having trouble finding a vein, tries looking in many different places* “Okay, I think we’re going to end up taking from your hand rather than your arm, because that might be the only place that it will work.”

Dad: “[My Name], do you have really small veins like Mom?”

Nurse: “No, she doesn’t have any veins at all!”

[florida80]

Thanks For Injuring Yourself; Come Back Soon!

Family & Kids, home, Michigan, Patients, Siblings, Silly, USA | Healthy | June 19, 2018


(My family has always been accident-prone, especially my brother and me. When he gets married and they start having a family, I decide to warn my sister-in-law.)

Me: “Are you sure you want to do this? Just so you know, my brother has the Mother’s Curse. ‘May you have children like yourself so you know what it’s like.’”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, it’s worse than that. I have the Mother’s Curse, too. So it’s doubled!

(Fast forward several years and four kids later. At a family gathering, my sister-in-law explains all of the times in the last year that her children have been in Urgent Care from accidental injuries.)

Sister: *referring to my experience after an injury that required repeated medical interventions* “Well, as long as the ER nurses don’t know you by name, I think you’re doing just fine.”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, they don’t know us by name, but they sort of recognize us now.”

(On a later date, my brother is joking with our father:)

Brother: “Last time we took a kid in, I told the intake nurse, ‘[Family Name], party of six. We have a reservation?’”

(And recently, after a particularly eventful month:)

Brother: “We have our own examination room!”

[florida80]

America: The Land Of The Freely Medicated

Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Nurses, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | June 21, 2018


(I consider myself very lucky that I have always been healthy. I was never sick often as a kid, and have no chronic ailments as an adult. Call me crazy, but I generally assumed that was the case for most people unless they had a serious accident, or developed a condition, etc. That is, until recently, when I check into the hospital for a minor procedure. Nothing is wrong; this is a procedure having to do with fertility. My mom goes with me the morning of my appointment and is sitting by my bed while I fill out the final pre-surgery forms and get set up with the IV, etc. Over the course of the next half-hour, I have only slightly different versions of the same conversation with every nurse and doctor who comes to check on me:)

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : *checks my chart* “I see here your only medication is birth control?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “No allergies? No other medications?”

Me: “Nope.”

Nurse #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Hmm… Okay.” *leaves*

(Mom and I give each other a look, but don’t think anything else of it. Then the next conversations happen:)

Nurse #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Are you sure you don’t take any other medications?”

Nurse #3 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) : “Are you sure you don’t have allergies?”

Doctor #1 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) : “Wow! No other meds?”

Nurse #4 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=4) : “I can’t believe you’re not taking anything else!”

Doctor #2 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) : “Birth control is the only thing you take?”

Me: *turning to my mom after the last doctor leaves* “Are they being really, really thorough, or do we just live in a very unhealthy area?”

Mom: “When I had surgery last year only two people asked me about the medicines I take. It seems strange to me, too, and you’re so young! What do they expect you to be taking?”

(The procedure goes fine, and soon I’m waking up from the anesthesia.)

Mom: “Hi, honey.”

Nurse #5 (https://www.vietbf.com/forum/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=5) : “Hi there, [My Name]! You did great!” *checks my chart* “Are you really only taking birth control, and nothing else?”

Me: *slurred and groggy* “Seriously?! How unhealthy did you expect me to be?!”

[florida80]

Signing Your Health Away

Bad Behavior, Hospital, Silly, South Carolina, USA | Healthy | June 20, 2018


(My uncle just had surgery and is telling me about it.)

Uncle: “They told me, because the painkillers mess with your head, to wait 24 hours before making any important decisions or signing any legal documents.”

Me: “Sounds reasonable.”

Uncle: “Then they said, ‘Sign here.'”

(I guess THEIR legal documents don’t count.)

[florida80]

An Underreaction To An Overreaction

Bad Behavior, home, Israel, Kiryat Bialik, Non-Dialogue, Parents/Guardians, Patients | Healthy | June 20, 2018


When I was in elementary school, my parents had an obsessive conviction that I must never be allowed to stay home alone during summer vacation, even though they were perfectly fine with letting me stay home alone on a regular basis during the school year.

They always signed me up for every single multi-week summer “camp” available, the ones where kids go or are bused somewhere in the morning and return in the afternoon, like with school.

This happens when I’m about 11. My parents both work, so they’ve signed me up for a camp where kids spend the whole day in a water-park, mostly under the sun non-stop, wearing only swimsuits.

One night before bedtime, Mom plugs some kind of new bug-repelling device she’s just bought into an electric outlet in my bedroom.

When I wake up, I’m covered head to toe in large, swollen, red, and extremely itchy hives. They are absolutely everywhere. I look like a horror movie monster and can’t stop scratching.

Mom examines me, and declares that it must be “just” an allergic response to the bug repellent, and that it is “not a big deal.” I must still go to camp as usual. She doesn’t even try to put any kind of lotion on me or do anything.

I protest having to go anywhere in this condition, as I feel terrible and look frightening.

Mom insists, and derides me for being a baby and whining. She repeats that it’s clearly not a big deal.

It’s clear to me that she just wants to go to work as usual, doesn’t want to be bothered today with taking an ill child to a doctor, and still refuses to let me stay home on my own despite me being too sick to go out. But there’s nothing I can do about it.

Being at the water-park is awful. The chemicals in all the pools and being in the hot sun all irritate and inflame the hives further. As nearly my entire body is exposed in the swimsuit, all the other children look at me with contempt and disgust. Pointing and whispering quickly begins, and I become the target of relentless teasing.

There are very few adults around, and none of them notice or care about anyone being unwell unless they’re clearly dying; most of them are either lifeguards at the pools or people handing out our lunches and snacks, so anything outside that just isn’t their problem.

I spend the entire day absolutely unable to stop scratching everywhere and utterly miserable, while worrying that I have some awful disease — I’ve never had allergic reactions before in my life.

When I finally get home, my mom seems terribly surprised that the hives haven’t gotten any better and that I feel awful.

After some lengthy discussion, it’s decided they’ll actually let me see a doctor. Tomorrow. And Dad will be the one to take off work to take me.

The next day by midday the hives have finally began to partially reduce in size… as I haven’t been sent to a freaking water park today. The doctor I’m taken to says that it is in fact clearly an allergic reaction; most likely to that bug repellent device. And that I clearly should be kept in cool and dry conditions until it goes away: no more sun, chemicals, and dampness. And no more chemical bug repellents in my room.

My parents very begrudgingly allow me to stay home for a day or two after that. I can only remain grateful that this is the only time in my childhood I have had any kind of allergic reaction; otherwise, there’s even odds I’d be dead now.

Thanks so much, Mom, for your entire handling of this situation; your caring and consideration of my health will always stay in my heart.

Please don’t do this to your children.

[florida80]

A Hole Lot Of Guessing

Food & Drink, Health & Body, home, Parents/Guardians, Slovenia | Healthy | June 19, 2018


(I am a type-one diabetic and have been for 18 years. I am using an insulin pump, and to give myself correct amount of insulin, I have to calculate the amount of carbohydrates I have eaten. Note that carbohydrates represent a half of the weight of a piece of bread. This happens when I come home from school with hypoglycaemia when I’m 11.)

Dad: “What have you eaten today? Did you give yourself the right amount of insulin?”

Me: “Well, I ate a piece of bread and gave myself insulin for a third of its weight.”

Dad: “Why?!”

Me: “It had large holes!”

[florida80]

Trying In Vein

Medical Office, Nurses, Patients, Silly, USA, Utah | Healthy | June 19, 2018


(My mom has notoriously small veins, which I have inherited. This happens while I’m getting my blood drawn. My dad is there with me.)

Nurse: *seems to be having trouble finding a vein, tries looking in many different places* “Okay, I think we’re going to end up taking from your hand rather than your arm, because that might be the only place that it will work.”

Dad: “[My Name], do you have really small veins like Mom?”

Nurse: “No, she doesn’t have any veins at all!”

[florida80]

Thanks For Injuring Yourself; Come Back Soon!

Family & Kids, home, Michigan, Patients, Siblings, Silly, USA | Healthy | June 19, 2018


(My family has always been accident-prone, especially my brother and me. When he gets married and they start having a family, I decide to warn my sister-in-law.)

Me: “Are you sure you want to do this? Just so you know, my brother has the Mother’s Curse. ‘May you have children like yourself so you know what it’s like.’”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, it’s worse than that. I have the Mother’s Curse, too. So it’s doubled!

(Fast forward several years and four kids later. At a family gathering, my sister-in-law explains all of the times in the last year that her children have been in Urgent Care from accidental injuries.)

Sister: *referring to my experience after an injury that required repeated medical interventions* “Well, as long as the ER nurses don’t know you by name, I think you’re doing just fine.”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, they don’t know us by name, but they sort of recognize us now.”

(On a later date, my brother is joking with our father:)

Brother: “Last time we took a kid in, I told the intake nurse, ‘[Family Name], party of six. We have a reservation?’”

(And recently, after a particularly eventful month:)

Brother: “We have our own examination room!”

[florida80]

The Jaws Of Defeat

Canada, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nurses, Ontario | Healthy | June 18, 2018


(I just had jaw surgery, so I am in the hospital for a few days with a swollen face, and my jaw is wired shut. I really can’t speak. I wake up in the middle of the night. My sister is sleeping in the guest chair, but I can feel the pain easing in on my face, so I decide to hail the nurse using a button on the side of the bed. Instead of the nurse coming to see what I need, she proceeds to use the speaker attachment. You can probably see where this is going.)

Nurse: “Hello, honey, what do you need?”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “What do you need?”

Me: *internal screaming*

(They did eventually come.)

[florida80]

This Patient Is Not A Breath Of Fresh Air

Bizarre, California, Medical Office, Patients, Rocklin, USA | Healthy | June 18, 2018


(I work at a large, multi-specialty medical office. Access to the back office is restricted, so patients are guided to their rooms by me or by another nurse after they check in. After their appointment, there are signs showing the patients the way out, but unsurprisingly, many ignore them and get lost. My coworker finds a woman wandering the halls.)

Coworker: “Were you looking for the exit? Let me show you the way.”

Woman: “No, I… I’m here to see the pulmonologist.”

(It turns out the woman had never actually checked in, and had just followed another patient into the back office when they were called back! My coworkers and I wondered if she thought she was just going to stumble upon the pulmonologist waiting for her in one of the rooms!)

[florida80]

Hopefully That’s The Exception And Not The Rule

Extra Stupid, Hospital, Patients, Pennsylvania, Revolting, Rude & Risque, USA | Healthy | June 18, 2018


(I work the night shift in an ER as a doctor.)

Me: “You say you have something stuck up your rectum?”

Patient: “Yep. It’s a flexible rubber ruler.”

Me: “How did it get there?”

Patient: “I intentionally put it there.”

(I’m little surprised, because usually in cases like this they try to make it seem like it happened by accident when it very obviously didn’t.)

Me: “Why did you put it there?”

Patient: “I wanted to see how far it goes. Apparently, it’s deeper than a foot.”

Me: “Okay… Well, we’ll see about having that removed.”

Patient: “Can I have it back when it’s out? My son needs it for school.”

(I feel really bad for that guy’s son.)

[florida80]

Third-Degree Burns, First-Degree Idiot

Extra Stupid, Florida, Health & Body, Hotel, USA | Healthy | June 17, 2018


(I’m working the evening shift at a hotel with the owner one evening when a young couple, who checked in earlier, approaches the desk.)

Young Man: “Would it be possible to get a slice of cheesecake and some matches for a candle? We’re celebrating her birthday today.”

Me: “Sure thing, and happy birthday to you.”

(I prepare the cheesecake and grab some matches, and they then go to their room. About five minutes later, they come back with his arm wrapped in a shirt.)

Young Woman: “We need directions to the nearest hospital. He has burned his arm. There is also a little bit of smoke in the room, currently.”

(The owner gives them directions to the local hospital and sends me up to check on everything. When I get to the floor, I see some smoke in the hallway. Then, I open the door to find the room is barely visible due to there being so much smoke in the room. I go get the owner as the fire alarm starts to go off. Everyone evacuates the building and the fire department shows up as we are trying to clear all the smoke out.)

Me: “All this from one candle? What did they do, drop the cake?”

Owner: “Actually, it turns out the ‘candles’ they were using were actually sparklers. Not a good idea in a small room.”

(We found out later he had to be taken to a burn hospital and treated for third-degree burns.)

[florida80]

Might Have To Come Back Anyway For Stress

Delivery, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, USA | Healthy | June 16, 2018


(I work at the main information desk of a hospital. A fast-food delivery man comes inside with a bag of food.)

Delivery Man: “Is this the front desk?”

Me: “Yes, it is!”

Delivery Man: “Great. I’ve got an order for [Customer]. Their instructions said to meet them at the front desk, and they just got a text saying I’m here. I’m going to wait for them to come down, okay?”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(Several minutes go by. No one comes down. The delivery man begins to get irritated.)

Delivery Man: “You’re sure this is the front desk?”

Me: “Yes, sir. There are other desks in [departments], but this is the main, front information desk.”

Delivery Man: “Well, why isn’t [Customer] here?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know. Do you know if they’re a patient or a visitor?”

(The delivery man is now on his phone and not paying attention to me.)

Delivery Man: “I just don’t understand! My instructions say to meet [Name] at the front desk of [Brand] Inn!”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you say the [Brand] Inn?”

Delivery Man: “Yeah.”

Me: “That’s a hotel.”

Delivery Man: “Yeah.”

Me: “This is a hospital.”

(He looks around, apparently noticing the “TO EMERGENCY ROOM” sign, the pharmacy, and the several rows of wheelchairs around my desk for the very first time.)

Delivery Man: “CRAP!”

(He runs out of the lobby, leaving the drinks from the meal behind. He returns about five minutes later, grabs them, and runs out without saying anything. About two hours later, he returns with another order.)

Delivery Man: *sheepishly* “I’m in the right place this time. I checked.”

Me: “That’s good!”

Delivery Man: “Is [Man] here?”

(I look around. There are no men in the lobby.)

Me: “Sorry, I guess not.”

Delivery Man: “What?! My instructions say [Man] is waiting in the Women and Infants Services lobby! He’s supposed to already be here!”

Me: “Well… The Women and Infants Services lobby is down that hallway to the right, actually. This is the front lobby—”

Delivery Man: “So I’m in the wrong spot again?”

Me: “Well, the wrong department—”

Delivery Man: “G**d*** it! I thought this job would be easy!”

(He stormed out of the lobby and stomped off to the correct department. At least this time he remembered his drinks!)

[florida80]

Don’t Even Start With Me

(I work in IT for a medical laboratory, and part of my job is to troubleshoot connections between medical devices and our software. The medical devices themselves are not ours to manage, however. I get this call one morning:)

Lab Tech: “Hi, my machine is not working. Could you help me, please?”

Me: “Sure! What device, and what seems to be wrong?”

Lab Tech: “It’s [Device], and I don’t know; it’s just doing nothing.”

Me: “Okay, let me check.”

(I see nothing wrong with my monitoring. However, our connectors have a tendency to need regular reboots, as they’re quite old and tend to give us trouble, so I’m expecting it to be something wrong with our equipment.)

Me: “Can you please reboot the connector? The one behind your machine.”

Lab Tech: “Sure, give me a sec.”

(My monitoring starts showing its usual shutdown and boot-up messages.)

Me: “Okay, looks good. Can you try the device again?”

Lab Tech: “Nope, still nothing.”

(I try every trick in the book to get the device to work, including having her reboot the medical device itself, which is kind of a last solution, since they’re not ours to troubleshoot. Nothing ever seems wrong on my end, but the lab tech still says it’s not working. This goes on for FIVE HOURS! I’m way past desperation point, when I ask her to walk me through every step of her process to see where exactly it hangs.)

Lab Tech: “Well, I put my samples in the tray…” *pause*

Me: “Yes, and then?”

Lab Tech: “Well, that’s supposed to be it…” *pause* “Oh, wait… I didn’t press the start button.” *pause, then my monitoring starts flooding with orders* “Now it’s working.”

Me: *screaming internally but somehow managing to keep my cool* “Well, there you go. Have a nice day.” *hangs up

[florida80]

Weak In The Knees

Australia, Doctors, Medical Office, Patients, Perth, Western Australia | Healthy | June 14, 2018


(I have gone to my general practitioner to get a referral to a specialist for endometriosis. My regular GP is a middle-aged, Singaporean man, but I don’t mind having male doctors for female issues.)

Me: “I’m seeing [Specialist] for endometriosis, and I need a referral.”

GP: “You realise that you’ll have to have surgery to know for sure?”

Me: “Yes, I have a family history.”

GP: “Okay, I just have to make sure that you have a reason to go. Do you have painful periods?”

Me: “Yes, definitely.”

GP: “So, it hurts in your abdomen region? Is it cramping, or other pain?”

Me: “Actually, my knees hurt.”

GP: “Come again?”

Me: “I get pain from my knees up during my period. But it’s worst in my knees.”

GP: “Really?” *chuckles* “All right, just give me a minute to write that referral.”

(I honestly hadn’t realised how weird it was, before that. I did end up having endometriosis — it turned out the knee pain was nerve damage from that.)

[florida80]

In-Law Practices Out-Law Medicine

Australia, Bad Behavior, home, In-Laws, New South Wales, Sydney | Healthy | June 13, 2018


(My sister is a recent medicine graduate, and is now a doctor. My mother-in-law finds out that she’s practicing.)

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, your sister is practicing now? So ,that means she writes prescriptions?”

Me: “Well, yeah, I would think she does?”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, you have to get her to write me a prescription for this ADHD medication that makes you lose weight like crazy!”

Me: “Well, you’re welcome to go and see her and ask for it, but I don’t think she’ll give it to you. Why would you want it, anyway?”

Mother-In-Law: “I want to lose a few kilos before summer this year.”

Me: “Well… No. I think that medication is for people whose weight is putting their health in danger.”

Mother-In-Law: “Can’t you just get her to write me one? I don’t want to go and see her.”

Me: “Um… No, I think that’s illegal.”

Mother-In-Law: “Well, then, can you get me a prescription for Xanax? I’m super stressed.”

Me: “No.”

[florida80]

An Ambulatory Emergency

Emergency Room, Jerk, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 12, 2018


(I’m working at the window as a tech in the ER. It’s three am, but pretty busy, and the wait times are very long because we only staff half a dozen nurses and only one doctor at this time. A very impatient woman with a headache comes up to the window several times demanding to know how much longer it will be. Being an ER and not an urgent clinic, we see patients based on how likely they are to die in the waiting room, and we have seen her twice in the last week for her headache, so she has to get in line behind ambulances with broken bones and heart attacks.)

Patient: “How much longer is it going to be?!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Unfortunately, we’ve been getting many ambulances with critical patients in tonight, so it’s going to be a while before you can be seen. We cannot give out exact wait times, as we never know what kind of emergencies we will receive in the interim.”

Patient: “Well, if I go outside and call an ambulance, will it get me seen sooner?”

Me: “Well, no… the charge nurse would have you sent right back here to the triage area. Then we would be calling the police. Calling an ambulance from outside an ER for a medical emergency is against the law and they could arrest you.”

(She walked away from the window in a huff and waited another hour to be seen for the headache she should have seen a primary doctor for after her first visit a week ago. Our doctor gave her no more pain medicine, just a referral identical to two others she had gotten in our ER.)

[florida80]

Taking A Knee To The Wallet

Billing, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, New York, USA | Healthy | June 11, 2018


(I work for a Spanish company in Madrid. The company’s CFO and I fly to New York for ten days for several business meetings. After arriving in New York, I trip and injure my knee. As we have the first business meeting that afternoon, I just bite through the pain, and go to the meeting. After the meeting, in conversation with my CFO:)

CFO: “[My Name], is your knee still hurting? You were awfully quiet the entire meeting.”

Me: “Yep, still hurts. I’ll put some ice on it when we get to the hotel after dinner to see if it helps.”

(The next morning my knee still hurts, and now it’s swollen. My CFO insists that I go to the hospital, and takes me to the emergency room. I am seen in less than half an hour by a doctor.)

Doctor: “So, what’s wrong?”

Me: “I tripped yesterday and hurt my knee. I had ice on it the entire evening, but it didn’t get better. It’s slightly swollen.”

Doctor: “All right, and does it hurt?”

Me: “Yes, it does.”

Doctor: “Okay. Let’s take an x-ray, and I’ll give you some medicine for the pain.”

(The x-ray is taken. I receive my medicine and wait for the doctor to come see me again.)

Doctor: “All right, it seems you did fall pretty bad. You did some serious damage to your knee, and will definitely need surgery, sooner rather than later. We can do it here if you’d like.”

(As my CFO is there with me, I quickly speak to him.)

Me: “[CFO], I have no idea how much this is going to cost. I can pay this x-ray; however, I’m not sure about the surgery and hospital stay.”

CFO: “[My Name], don’t worry. It happened on a business trip; the company will pay for everything.”

Me: “Thank you! [Doctor], I’d like to do the surgery, then.”

Doctor: “Okay, perfect. I cannot do it today, but wait in the waiting room and I’ll send someone to tell you when we will be available within the next few days.”

(We both go and sit in the waiting room and wait for almost one hour, before someone in a suit shows up.)

Billing Guy: “Hello, my name is [Billing Guy], and I am from the billing department. Since you are a foreign citizen and have no insurance, we need to go over the costs first. First of all, I expedited the billing of your ER visit, and the x-ray and medicine you had costs [amount slightly under $1,300], which you have to pay before we can even think about scheduling the surgery. The surgery itself will require you to stay in the hospital for a while, and will be significantly more expensive. We cannot tell you how much it will be, as it varies; however, if you want to play it on the safe side you can expect something between $25,000 and $30,000.”

CFO: *suddenly awake* “Okay, the $1,300 I can pay right now. The surgery should not be a problem, as well; however, I need to call HQ to let them know.”

Billing Guy: “Should? All right, I will have to speak to my boss. Leave me your contact details, go back to your hotel, and I will call you the latest tomorrow morning so we can work out the details.”

(Two days pass, with no word whatsoever. Suddenly, in the middle of our next meeting my CFO gets a call and excuses himself from the meeting. He’s gone for almost half an hour. When he comes back:)

CFO: “[My Name], they refused to do the surgery, as they couldn’t be sure we would pay. I told them we already paid the ER visit with no problems whatsoever, but it wasn’t enough for them. They said our company’s finance department could afterwards simply refuse to pay. I told him I was the CFO and would guarantee payment, but that wasn’t enough for them.”

Me: “Okay, I can work this way for another week, and I’ll just go to the hospital back in Madrid.”

CFO: “No, you can’t. I already called the airline; they changed both our flights. We fly back this evening, and [CEO] is on the phone with a doctor friend of his who works at [Public Hospital] to make sure they’re ready for you as soon as you arrive.”

Me: “And the meetings?”

CFO: “We’ll reschedule; don’t worry.”

(The next day we flew back home, and my wife met me at the airport and drove me to the hospital where they were waiting for me. They immediately took an x-ray, confirmed I indeed needed immediate surgery, and simply did it. Including fuel money, surgery, medicine, and hospital stay, it didn’t cost more than a lunch for two. I now appreciate our Public Health Care system; even though it sometimes is slow, it is either free or inexpensive. Kudos to you Americans for being able to live with that health care system of yours without insurance. I am not sure I would be able to do it.)

[florida80]

Looking For An Opening

Atlanta, Crazy Requests, Georgia, Jerk, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 10, 2018


(I work for a doctor’s office that will work some Saturdays. However, on the Saturdays that we are open, only one doctor, the dermatologist, is there. The phones go straight to the answering service because we do not have the majority of the front office working. I am working phones this day. A patient calls in on February 4th.)

Patient: “Was [Doctor] working on January 23rd?”

Me: *after checking schedule* “Yes, ma’am, he was here that Saturday.”

Patient: “I tried to call and didn’t get an answer.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, our phones are never open on Saturdays.”

Patient: “Why didn’t someone call to tell me he was open?!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Patient: “There was a threat of snow!” *which didn’t happen* “No one called me and we—” *her and her two daughters* “—missed our appointments!”

Me: “We have a system in place where we call the patients if the office is closing due to inclement weather, but we remained open.”

Patient: “HALF OF ATLANTA WAS CLOSED; WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL?!”

Me: “Because we remained open, ma’am. Would you like to reschedule your appointments?”

Patient: “What are you going to do about this?”

Me: “I can reschedule your appointments, but there is not much else I can do.”

Patient: “You aren’t going to tell the doctor? Don’t you think he would want to know?”

(This eventually had to be transferred to my manager, who informed her the doctor was quite aware he remained open and even though “HALF OF ATLANTA” was apparently closed, the other half was not.)